Well I think that these kind of comments come from people who know very little of you and are simply a spur of the moment reaction to a specific incident (ie the refusal to buy a lady drink in a bar, or the fact that you eat in your favourite 20 baht restaurant instead of at the Charoensi Grand Royal Hotel.
Yes - they cannot possily know my spending habits however I consider it an insult to be called khee niaow simply because I refused to waste money on this occasion (for whatever reason)
To liken this to the OP - when the author is agreeing to send money monthly, does he send what she can earn in an average job here (and would be content with) - around 4, 5 or 6 thousand per month, or does he not want to be called khee niaow and offer something he knows is over the top and possibly cannot afford but wants to 'save face' ?? After all, in the initial stages of a relationship, its all about impressing the other person isn't it?
Everyone knows that to be charged 90 baht for a 'lady drink' in a bar (which often is simply coke) is blatent robbery (especially the bar owner) but what man who is out with his new girlfriend is going to openly complain in front of the G/F (no matter what may be going on inside his head ) ???
Why not ??? we simply dont want to be labelled cheap charlies
How much to send to Isan GF per month?
well what is the money for ???
Did the girl give up her job (if so - why) and you are substituting her salary?
Did she stop working in a bar on moralistic grounds and again - you are substituting her salary??
or are you simply sending her money to 'take care' so that she doesn't need (or want) to work and find that financial independence? (or even supplement your monthly donations)
Lets turn the tables and suppose you met up with a very rich Thai girl and she offered to give you, say.... 30,000 baht per month to stay with her (whether or not she was in the same country for all or some of the time)
Who the hell would say no?
Heck you might even say you love her once or twice a week just to keep the cash flowing
For 30,000 baht a month that I didn't have to work for - man, I would say whatever she wanted me to say (twice in fact LOL )
Did the girl give up her job (if so - why) and you are substituting her salary?
Did she stop working in a bar on moralistic grounds and again - you are substituting her salary??
or are you simply sending her money to 'take care' so that she doesn't need (or want) to work and find that financial independence? (or even supplement your monthly donations)
Lets turn the tables and suppose you met up with a very rich Thai girl and she offered to give you, say.... 30,000 baht per month to stay with her (whether or not she was in the same country for all or some of the time)
Who the hell would say no?
Heck you might even say you love her once or twice a week just to keep the cash flowing
For 30,000 baht a month that I didn't have to work for - man, I would say whatever she wanted me to say (twice in fact LOL )
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Artfullmover
- udonmap.com
- Posts: 75
- Joined: November 19, 2005, 7:57 pm
You are given a ATM card to access "Free Money". You are of the opion taking out 10,000 bht a month is around the amount you can take out without consiquence but on advice of others you realise you can get more than this by just asking nicely.
What would YOU do???. Most people would test the water dont you think it dont matter where they come from or what sex they are.
It is a good thing get other peoples opinions on advice about Thai / Falang relationships but you should always remember they are only other peoples opinions from people who dont know you or your girl.
My advice is to send her what ever you feel comfortable with. When you think the amount has become excessive discuss this with her in an assertive manner. If the relationship turns a bit dark at this point think about moving on as this is likely going to be the outcome on many other issues you guys will have . (Remember if you are serious about this girl this is only one of many issues you guys are going to go thru).
What would YOU do???. Most people would test the water dont you think it dont matter where they come from or what sex they are.
It is a good thing get other peoples opinions on advice about Thai / Falang relationships but you should always remember they are only other peoples opinions from people who dont know you or your girl.
My advice is to send her what ever you feel comfortable with. When you think the amount has become excessive discuss this with her in an assertive manner. If the relationship turns a bit dark at this point think about moving on as this is likely going to be the outcome on many other issues you guys will have . (Remember if you are serious about this girl this is only one of many issues you guys are going to go thru).
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Roadman
- udonmap.com
- Posts: 208
- Joined: November 27, 2005, 1:33 pm
- Location: Tauranga, New Zealand and Udon
"It is a good thing get other peoples opinions on advice about Thai / Falang relationships but you should always remember they are only other peoples opinions from people who dont know you or your girl."
Agree totally Artfullmover.
I think at times on this forum (as with some of the opinions on this thread) there is the assumption from some who have been there, done that, that there is only one way.
There are a few golden rules - take your time and get to know the country and the people, think with the top brain, why do what you would not do at home (especially when it is with a bargirl) - but at times I think some can come a bit over bearing with their opinions.
Agree totally Artfullmover.
I think at times on this forum (as with some of the opinions on this thread) there is the assumption from some who have been there, done that, that there is only one way.
There are a few golden rules - take your time and get to know the country and the people, think with the top brain, why do what you would not do at home (especially when it is with a bargirl) - but at times I think some can come a bit over bearing with their opinions.
"And if you listen very hard
The tune will come to you at last
When all are one and one is all
To be a rock and not to roll"
LZ (Page/Plant)
The tune will come to you at last
When all are one and one is all
To be a rock and not to roll"
LZ (Page/Plant)
My fiance straightened out quickly after I told here that I would have no problems providing her with extra cash but that I would need the translated receipts for my taxes. As she was unfamiliar with the US tax system, that one threw her. The additional requests stopped suddenly.
We have been married now for three years, she is back in school but will graduate soon. We still operate on the receipt system and she watches me plug all the numbers into Quicken. We work out what is deductable and what is not and it keeps her honest. With my limited experience in these matters, I also believe you are being tested. Set limits. Remember, in the eyes of some folks here, all farang are rich.
As was also pointed out, you may not be the only puppy in the litter. My wife's friends (who do not know that I speak Thai as my wife does not know) talk frequently of working multiple farang. One even uses the Outlook calendar on her iPAQ so she can keep the visitation dates and amounts recieved in order.
Be careful.
We have been married now for three years, she is back in school but will graduate soon. We still operate on the receipt system and she watches me plug all the numbers into Quicken. We work out what is deductable and what is not and it keeps her honest. With my limited experience in these matters, I also believe you are being tested. Set limits. Remember, in the eyes of some folks here, all farang are rich.
As was also pointed out, you may not be the only puppy in the litter. My wife's friends (who do not know that I speak Thai as my wife does not know) talk frequently of working multiple farang. One even uses the Outlook calendar on her iPAQ so she can keep the visitation dates and amounts recieved in order.
Be careful.
Went to Berlitz during my lunch hours while we lived in the US. I am not expert, but I can follow movies and conversations. I can understand her girlfriends and their conversations quite well. I never speak beyond the basic food ordering and thank you, excuse me. Play dumb, you learn more. I see a lot of farang try to impress local women with how well they speak Thai. They are digging their own graves.
As I was a military translator for three other languages, I was taught to NEVER let locals know how well you speak the language, if at all. You gather far more intel that way. My Russian GF (before this wife) caught me singing along with some Russian pop song one day and from then on warned her friends when they started talking smack that the Amerikanski spoke Russian. Ended my reality check quickly.
This is my fourth marriage. Like Reagan said, "Trust, but verify". So far, this wife has been honest with me.
As I was a military translator for three other languages, I was taught to NEVER let locals know how well you speak the language, if at all. You gather far more intel that way. My Russian GF (before this wife) caught me singing along with some Russian pop song one day and from then on warned her friends when they started talking smack that the Amerikanski spoke Russian. Ended my reality check quickly.
This is my fourth marriage. Like Reagan said, "Trust, but verify". So far, this wife has been honest with me.
Sugarfree
These things are never black and white and it all boils down to how committed to this girl are you. My GF is in a similar postion to yours. Our original agreement was for 10,000 per month, but there have been other issues. One, the family debt, they all have them and my GF does not have a farm to fall back on, so do you help or not, your call! My GF has a very sick old father. Before me he would have just died, now he has had two lots of surgery and is well, do you help or not, your call! I also pay for taxis for her to come and meet me, all expenses when we are together, I buy her clothes that I like, its all expense and it is a lot more than the 10,000 we originally agreed, BUT and its a big but, she gives back to me unconditional love and affection, she is sweet, caring, kind, gentle, unbeliveably sexy and available to me at any time, any place and for any length of time. I can afford to pay her and I think that it is a reasonable arrangment for us both. The day when I think she is taking advantage, which she has tried on a few isolated occasions, it may all stop for me. You have the upper hand here because you have the money, but this is not like an arrangment with a western woman, when you support her you support the whole family. That's fine if you are okay with it, as I am, but if it upsets or disturbs you then don't get into the arrangement in the first place. better not to start than to start and then stop. On the plus side, I have had the very best times of my adult life with my GF and its been worth every last penny!!
These things are never black and white and it all boils down to how committed to this girl are you. My GF is in a similar postion to yours. Our original agreement was for 10,000 per month, but there have been other issues. One, the family debt, they all have them and my GF does not have a farm to fall back on, so do you help or not, your call! My GF has a very sick old father. Before me he would have just died, now he has had two lots of surgery and is well, do you help or not, your call! I also pay for taxis for her to come and meet me, all expenses when we are together, I buy her clothes that I like, its all expense and it is a lot more than the 10,000 we originally agreed, BUT and its a big but, she gives back to me unconditional love and affection, she is sweet, caring, kind, gentle, unbeliveably sexy and available to me at any time, any place and for any length of time. I can afford to pay her and I think that it is a reasonable arrangment for us both. The day when I think she is taking advantage, which she has tried on a few isolated occasions, it may all stop for me. You have the upper hand here because you have the money, but this is not like an arrangment with a western woman, when you support her you support the whole family. That's fine if you are okay with it, as I am, but if it upsets or disturbs you then don't get into the arrangement in the first place. better not to start than to start and then stop. On the plus side, I have had the very best times of my adult life with my GF and its been worth every last penny!!
A lot of good words of advice. I probably won't be able to add anything new but I would like to say, money is rarely used for the purpose it was given (ex: to help the family).
They say, "I must support my family" but most of the time the money goes to themselves. They have gold on their fingers, wrists, and neck, and a nice new telephone (that they change every 3 months). Some haven't learned how to be good with their money because they live for the here and now. It's the unfortunate side-effect of the beautiful "mai pen rai" culture. I also know some farang who are bad with their money. But they don't have a 900 year old culture to blame it on. LOL
Unfortunately, we farang tend to attract the greedy Thais first. You just need to be patient and say "Mai dai." and eventually the right one will make an appearance.
Also, as far as speaking Thai, I agree with Lee. 100%! Do NOT play stupid. Playing stupid (or "playing" anything) is just going to attract people who are interested in games and a stupid man. If they prefer someone who can't speak Thai then they're obviously up to no good and you can't trust them. AND if you can speak Thai, but play stupid, then you both deserve each others lies and games. BUT if you can speak Thai then let them know it and I guarantee you the people you'll attract will be far more trustworthy. ....The same goes for paying money to your GF. You'll find the right one once money and lies are no longer in the picture.
It took me a few years to find someone I could trust, but I'm with a great woman now. She's amazing.
They say, "I must support my family" but most of the time the money goes to themselves. They have gold on their fingers, wrists, and neck, and a nice new telephone (that they change every 3 months). Some haven't learned how to be good with their money because they live for the here and now. It's the unfortunate side-effect of the beautiful "mai pen rai" culture. I also know some farang who are bad with their money. But they don't have a 900 year old culture to blame it on. LOL
Unfortunately, we farang tend to attract the greedy Thais first. You just need to be patient and say "Mai dai." and eventually the right one will make an appearance.
Also, as far as speaking Thai, I agree with Lee. 100%! Do NOT play stupid. Playing stupid (or "playing" anything) is just going to attract people who are interested in games and a stupid man. If they prefer someone who can't speak Thai then they're obviously up to no good and you can't trust them. AND if you can speak Thai, but play stupid, then you both deserve each others lies and games. BUT if you can speak Thai then let them know it and I guarantee you the people you'll attract will be far more trustworthy. ....The same goes for paying money to your GF. You'll find the right one once money and lies are no longer in the picture.
It took me a few years to find someone I could trust, but I'm with a great woman now. She's amazing.
Help Thailand. Make the switch and make a difference.
I only hope that there are a few folks that will listen to you Isara. You have said politely what I think but put in words like no monthly salary. Mia Dia!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What a wonderful concept.
Find the right woman. Excellent advice. Only thing with that is most don't have the time while on vacation. Don't know how to tackle that one, but it is great advice. I have used the term Slowwwwww.
All in all, I applaud you for great advice. =D>
Find the right woman. Excellent advice. Only thing with that is most don't have the time while on vacation. Don't know how to tackle that one, but it is great advice. I have used the term Slowwwwww.
All in all, I applaud you for great advice. =D>
give her your ATM card with the pin number and find your self a new girl friend because all she want is your money so give it to her and stop complaining your suppose to be adult don't you know when you are being scammed I have to laugh at all of you writing about female problems there is no problem just a change the bloomers
It's easy ....
Simply count by yourself: Since Jan 01, 2007 the minimum wage for Udon Thani province is set at 150 TBT per day. Not many are paying more, many more are paying even less. Forget about any extras.
This amount is enough to feed and accommodate a average Thai person in Udon Thani.
While being away and grant your friend monthly 3500 to 4000 TBT, that's a good extra income.
If you are offering your friend something within the range mentioned above – and considering there is an option of alternative earnings, i.e. work, your friend your do nicely. If you are earning an outcry you should maybe rethink the whole project …
This amount is enough to feed and accommodate a average Thai person in Udon Thani.
While being away and grant your friend monthly 3500 to 4000 TBT, that's a good extra income.
If you are offering your friend something within the range mentioned above – and considering there is an option of alternative earnings, i.e. work, your friend your do nicely. If you are earning an outcry you should maybe rethink the whole project …
There is an old saying, "take the bull by the horns". I can add perhaps the farang should heed this advice.... before the g/f puts the ring in his nose and leads him around as she sees fit.
This seems to happen a lot. Maybe it is because of the farangs who have been taken advantage of, find a need to tell their "story", and we all listened when we arrived here.
There are also many, very good girls here, who would appreciate a loving husband, whether he is Farang or Thai. They can give us a lifetime of happiness.
But, to freely give money to a g/f because they will not get a job, is something, I guess, I cannot grasp. Of course, there are some who spend more on beer than I spend for total living expense. I been there....done that and don't care to do it again.
To answer the original topic, I think we should do what we feel is right for our girlfriends, but, always remember, whatever happens, "education can be expensive".
This seems to happen a lot. Maybe it is because of the farangs who have been taken advantage of, find a need to tell their "story", and we all listened when we arrived here.
There are also many, very good girls here, who would appreciate a loving husband, whether he is Farang or Thai. They can give us a lifetime of happiness.
But, to freely give money to a g/f because they will not get a job, is something, I guess, I cannot grasp. Of course, there are some who spend more on beer than I spend for total living expense. I been there....done that and don't care to do it again.
To answer the original topic, I think we should do what we feel is right for our girlfriends, but, always remember, whatever happens, "education can be expensive".
To simplify things:
It is a hell of a lot easier to give someone (anyone, anywhere) more money than it is to cut back on what you give them. To put that in perspective, think of it as you being told by your boss that you have to take a cut in your salary or hourly wage... It don't sit very well.
It is also a hell of a lot easier to tell a girl to get a job whilst you are out of the country than it is to tell her to get a job after you are in the country full time. If she doesn't want to get a job - then you are going to have a bored girl friend waiting for you. Boredom creates a wonderful workshop for the devil.
And yes - been there and done it. But, no need to tell another sad story.
It is a hell of a lot easier to give someone (anyone, anywhere) more money than it is to cut back on what you give them. To put that in perspective, think of it as you being told by your boss that you have to take a cut in your salary or hourly wage... It don't sit very well.
It is also a hell of a lot easier to tell a girl to get a job whilst you are out of the country than it is to tell her to get a job after you are in the country full time. If she doesn't want to get a job - then you are going to have a bored girl friend waiting for you. Boredom creates a wonderful workshop for the devil.
And yes - been there and done it. But, no need to tell another sad story.
Ain't Easy Being Me