The other day I was in my favorite falang hangout ,in Nong Khai,when an American comes in and says ''hello''.Distinguished looking gent seemingly about my age that spoke''American'',so of course he got my attention!Very interesting guy,relatively new to Thailand(8 months),talking with the ''honeymoon''slant to everything(nice,positive)!Loves the people in ''Asia'',loves the temples,living in Chang Mai(it' fantastic!),just got back from Cambodia(fantastic place with great temples and wonderful people!) etc. etc.
Then as I am talking,I notice that I keep losing his attention as it is focused on my 14 1/2 yr.old daughter and occasionlly,my wife.
The look!Leering,eyes glassed,lust seem to eek out of his pores,he has trouble looking back to me.It is as if he can't help himself and that I don't exist!
We get home ,my wife asked me''Did you like that man?''
""NO''!''I didn't like him'' she says''I did not like the way he look at Goy and me!''
I have seen that ''look'' a lot in Thailand.It is ''way past'' appreciation of beauty!I never noticed in so much in farangland.Reading about the Jon Benet murder suspect brought this topic to my mind!
''The look''!!
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arjay
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I guess it might be that when one is new to Thailand nearly every female looks stunning. Well maybe 90%. Though after a few years it drops to about 40 or 50%.
Nevertheless no excuse for "gawping"!
That does remind me of when I was first in Udon, at a local bar/restaurant. My GF was sitting at one of the tables and I had moved over to the bar to chat to some long standing farang ex-pats. I was talking to one of them about where my GF was from and he replied in a long slow drawn out sentence and a far off look in his eye....."Yes, they are sweet, aren't they." (the word sweet was very drawn out). And all the time he was gazing over my shoulder at my GF.
When we got home she remarked to me that he had spent most of the time looking at her!
Nevertheless no excuse for "gawping"!
That does remind me of when I was first in Udon, at a local bar/restaurant. My GF was sitting at one of the tables and I had moved over to the bar to chat to some long standing farang ex-pats. I was talking to one of them about where my GF was from and he replied in a long slow drawn out sentence and a far off look in his eye....."Yes, they are sweet, aren't they." (the word sweet was very drawn out). And all the time he was gazing over my shoulder at my GF.
When we got home she remarked to me that he had spent most of the time looking at her!
Arjay is right when I first came here I think my head was on a 360 degree rotation. I had just never seen so many pretty girls on a constant basis. As time has went along, it takes a real stunner to get my attention.
As to the leering look, good point the guy's still on tourist mind set, all of Thailand and it's women are up for grabs. The truth is many come here for access to young girls, not women, that is sad and something as a father I would be very worried about.
I have now made it habit if a pretty girl catches my eye and she returns the look to politley ackowledge her and turn my eyes another direction. If she is with a guy I always acknowledge him first. I'm not in the market, but he doesn't know that, it's a matter of respect for the couple.
Comments like aren't they sweet from that area. or my favorite the most beautiful girls are from Chaing Mia. No they are not sweet they are not candy, they are people. Yes there are pretty girls in Chaing Mia, but that applies to the rest of the country as well.
I wonder how long it takes for the light to go on and realize that these ladies are pretty much the same as ladies the world over. Meaning they have all the good chracteristics and the bad ones as well. Pretty much just like us.
I think you have to get out of that bar mentality to realize that not every girl is for the taking, just a matter of how much. When you see the real everyday people here, you begin to realize that there is something much different here, then just bars.
My first trip here like most was to Pattaya, and I had fun no doubt about it, but I hung out with one girl that I liked the majority of the trip. I remember thinking this is wonderful, but I wonder what the real Thailand is. Next trip Udon (three months) and I began to get a feel for it. I liked it.
The next trip has lasted four years so far. my activities and tastes have really changed in that four years. I have met some remarkable Thia people, buy only one lady that I would spend the balance of my life with.
Why? simply because she and I seem to have the same goals and asirations n life, the majority of the time we enjoy each other. We also at times argue and get angry with one another. Mentally I have packed my bags a 100 times easily. I have never viewed her as a sex object, she is a good lady, that I trust. She doesn't fufill all my wants in life but I doubt that any one person could.
But it takes time and getting out of the tourist mode, to begin to understand what real life is here.
The truth some will never see that, they seem to think in the same manner as they did going through puberty. You know you can excercie that here, just got to pay the money, but that is not what my wife or children are for. Now a far as I'm concerned you have to be a total idiot not to see that, tourist or not.
As to the leering look, good point the guy's still on tourist mind set, all of Thailand and it's women are up for grabs. The truth is many come here for access to young girls, not women, that is sad and something as a father I would be very worried about.
I have now made it habit if a pretty girl catches my eye and she returns the look to politley ackowledge her and turn my eyes another direction. If she is with a guy I always acknowledge him first. I'm not in the market, but he doesn't know that, it's a matter of respect for the couple.
Comments like aren't they sweet from that area. or my favorite the most beautiful girls are from Chaing Mia. No they are not sweet they are not candy, they are people. Yes there are pretty girls in Chaing Mia, but that applies to the rest of the country as well.
I wonder how long it takes for the light to go on and realize that these ladies are pretty much the same as ladies the world over. Meaning they have all the good chracteristics and the bad ones as well. Pretty much just like us.
I think you have to get out of that bar mentality to realize that not every girl is for the taking, just a matter of how much. When you see the real everyday people here, you begin to realize that there is something much different here, then just bars.
My first trip here like most was to Pattaya, and I had fun no doubt about it, but I hung out with one girl that I liked the majority of the trip. I remember thinking this is wonderful, but I wonder what the real Thailand is. Next trip Udon (three months) and I began to get a feel for it. I liked it.
The next trip has lasted four years so far. my activities and tastes have really changed in that four years. I have met some remarkable Thia people, buy only one lady that I would spend the balance of my life with.
Why? simply because she and I seem to have the same goals and asirations n life, the majority of the time we enjoy each other. We also at times argue and get angry with one another. Mentally I have packed my bags a 100 times easily. I have never viewed her as a sex object, she is a good lady, that I trust. She doesn't fufill all my wants in life but I doubt that any one person could.
But it takes time and getting out of the tourist mode, to begin to understand what real life is here.
The truth some will never see that, they seem to think in the same manner as they did going through puberty. You know you can excercie that here, just got to pay the money, but that is not what my wife or children are for. Now a far as I'm concerned you have to be a total idiot not to see that, tourist or not.
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valentine
I had a friend that used to leer, my wife said its like being undressed by his eyes. Normal looking, even staring, smiling or winking at her, I take as a compliment to her and we both find it quite funny. The same as when a girl chats me up and then realises the girl behind is my wife.At my age it is possibly the biggest compliment I could get. 
Hey,I see a gal every once in awhile that really catches my eye and for a moment ,she might have my full attention!But,if everytime I looked at her,I lost my awareness of people I was talking with,I would check in to a shrink.Especially if it was someones daughter!(Although,he might not have related to her being my daughter,as she is obviously my step daughter).Still,obvious 14 years olds should not be the object of lust!
Any woman (and this includes young adolescents) will tell you that there is a difference between a man who looks with appreciation and a man who leers. It is completely an intuitive feeling that is difficult to express but no less real. Few women resent appreciation. Almost no woman wants to deal with leers -- it sends a weird, creepy feeling up the spine and (frankly) can be frightening in the wrong circumstances.
I find this quite a difficult one. I don't doubt Shara's point that women have a very strong sense of whether a man is leering or casting an appreciative gaze, but are they ever wrong? And how far does the perception depend on how the recipient evaluates the person who is looking in their direction? We all like to think we can 'read' those around us, and probably wouldn't want to own up if we can't, but I just feel that most of us have mixed success. If somebody could really infer inner mental states from outward appearances 100% of the time, they'd make a fortune. I still accept, though, that the man in the Nong Khai bar was probably leering.
If it made the daughter uncomfortable then it was wrong. A person should be able to pick up reactions of people sufficiently to know that they are making them uncomfortable. If they are in a thinking mode and not a leering mode. Lets face it guys if a lady is in the slightest interested they will let you know without words. Children shouldn't be expected to be that sofisticated, but the adult certainly would be expected to be able to this.
Remember in this instance we are talking about a teenage girl here, not a hooker in Pattaya, big difference.
Remember in this instance we are talking about a teenage girl here, not a hooker in Pattaya, big difference.