what would you do?

Post by **Dakoda** » November 11, 2005, 7:59 pm

Just wondering what you would do in this situation

You learn that a foreign neighbor is living with a Thai women who also has a Thai husband!

Post by **Garnet** » November 11, 2005, 8:18 pm

I'd need to learn more, such as is the girl separated from the husband. And if I had any sort of relationship with the neighbour, I suppose that I'd also attempt to winkle out whether he is himself already aware of her status. As well, she may just be a sexual convenience to the guy, and he doesn't give a fig about whether she's available for any future legal commitment like marriage.

Post by **BobHelm** » November 11, 2005, 8:53 pm

Bit like Garnet, I think. It would also depend a great deal on how well I knew the couple..I have found in life that there is 'nowt so queer as folk' and what I would find totally unacceptable others are fine with (and visa versa, I guess

) so tend to keep my self to myself...

Post by **Bump** » November 11, 2005, 9:15 pm

BobHelm wrote:Bit like Garnet, I think. It would also depend a great deal on how well I knew the couple..I have found in life that there is 'nowt so queer as folk' and what I would find totally unacceptable others are fine with (and visa versa, I guess ) so tend to keep my self to myself...

Mind my own business, it a no win when you step into these kind of things. We are all big people and know what goes on here. Guys probably not going to believe you anyway and your going to tick of a neighbor.

As someone else pointed out maybe the guy is happy with the situation, you never know. Maybe he is getting his semester in Water Buffalo University and if he is lucky the tuition will not be to much.

Post by **Dakoda** » November 11, 2005, 9:40 pm

I guess I could do a little back ground on this, but so far interesting. By the way I went with #1 - also I have never seen this person or know anything about him!

When I moved here to this house and maybe a week after my water tank was installed. A Thai couple approched us and asked if they could look at the way the water system was hooked up, we said ok and showed it to them. So about a week later we were invited to their new home party. While there I was told of the foreigner who lived next door, and you already know what that was about. Today we (TW and I) were talking about things in the neighborhood, (dogs next door mainly), but then she tells me that the foreigner, is away working and that her Thai (I guess) husband is staying there. She see him leave every morn on his motorbike.

So having nothing better to do and just was wondering, I thought it a good idea to run a poll.

Post by **polehawk** » November 11, 2005, 11:01 pm

I gotta agree with Ray on this one. Unless the farang neighbor is a close, personal friend of yours then the best policy is MYOB. He will learn, sooner or later, that all is not what it seems when his teelak disappears for more than a few days at a time along with your best brands of whiskey.

Post by **wansman** » November 12, 2005, 12:42 am

Also agree with everyone. If you tell him the next step will be that you will find yourself with a new "best friend" that will want you to hear all about his problems and requesting offers of advice. Then she will probably do the same wanting you to help her explain that even though she has boyfriend/husband that he is still #1 for her. I think that if I found myself in this situation (his not yours) I wouldn't want anyone to tell me. Well that is how I feel now in that I feel secure with my relationship with my TW but at the moment I think that I would want at least the illusion to continue. Better ignorant and happy than informed and unhappy? Another thought for you, how would you feel about yourself if you told him and then he jumped off a 6th story hotel balcony somewhere? Just one to think about.

Post by **BangkokButcher** » November 12, 2005, 1:45 am

Leave it for him to find out, after all he may already know...

valentine · Post by **valentine** » November 12, 2005, 6:48 am

You mean to say, you haven't met your wifes brother yet?!!!!

Post by **Bump** » November 12, 2005, 7:27 am

valentine wrote:You mean to say, you haven't met your wifes brother yet?!!!!

Boy thats a good one, you know the same thing happened here farrang moved in across the street. Bought a house for his sweety, returned to his home country. Wife owned a massage place downtown, not only did the boyfriend move in but other farrangs from time to time. I tried to welcome the guy weh he got here. He didn't want to be bothered. I intedn to fully respect those wishes. She lucky lady have farrang brother to.

Post by **BangkokButcher** » November 12, 2005, 7:42 am

Post by **businessman** » November 12, 2005, 12:19 pm

Got a couple of local farang in such a situation here.They speak no Thai and have no clue what is going on.Both have businesses and the wives mess around with the hired help.If i knew them better i would say but as i do not i voted to say nothing.Could get very messy.

valentine · Post by **valentine** » November 12, 2005, 8:33 pm

The original 3 wise monkeys thats the guys on this column!!!
Thinking of it logically, the husband doesn't know, so he's happy, the wife ain't going to say, so she's happy. The boyfriend, for sure he's happy. The neighbours are sure as hell happy to have something to talk about, so why ruin everyones happiness. just sit back and enjoy the fun, then you'll be happy.

Post by **Prenders88** » November 12, 2005, 9:05 pm

Don't get involved, unless it's your own family.

Post by **Bump** » November 13, 2005, 10:26 am

valentine wrote:The original 3 wise monkeys thats the guys on this column!!!
Thinking of it logically, the husband doesn't know, so he's happy, the wife ain't going to say, so she's happy. The boyfriend, for sure he's happy. The neighbours are sure as hell happy to have something to talk about, so why ruin everyones happiness. just sit back and enjoy the fun, then you'll be happy.

Your very right Valentine, but never forget what happens when you step into family matters. As a retired cop I can tell you for sure family matters can turn against you very quickly. Can't tell you how many times we were called to family disputes, where hubby was beating the wifey. We make the arrest only to be attacked by wifey

If someone offers a desire for help that is one thing.

How many guys have you met here that did nothing but complain about thier wives only to stay married to them and continue to complain. There are easy answers here, finding women in Thailand is the easiest thing to do. But men opt to stay with women they are not happy with. For what reason I don't know, I only know why I stay with the one I have.

These guys really don't want answers they just want to complain, so all you can do is be a sounding board and let them get it out of thier systems. Personally I have been in relationship that were not tolerable here, I showed the ladies the door and went shopping. Till I found the lady I could share my life with. She is not perfect and niether am I.

I know one guy who has caught his wife messing around with uncles, now three times, moved and came back two times and has now left for the third would not be surprised to see right back in the same situtation by the end of the day.

No one can say they didn't know here, man we all talk about this stuff all the time. We all took risks just in moving here much less getting involved in realtionships. We all took that risk voluntarily and made our decesion to proceed knowing the negatives.

There is huge probablity that this guy may get his heart broken, but as far as I can tell no one knows the guy, so we could be very wrong. He may be in for a semester in Water Buffalo University. I sure had mine. If someone knows the guy and is willing to take the risk of losing a friend then by all means step in. You owe that to friends, but if you know him then you should know if he is willing to listen, If you don't know him then you are walking on very shakey ground.

In this case I would be inclined as you said to be one of the three monkey's, for the reasons stated above.

This is a huge adventure here with major risks involved, you learn with time to lessen the mistakes, but it is a part of learning to live here. I think it best to let each of us learn the best we can, and help where we are asked.

It feels good to put on the white hat and come to the rescue, but you really need to know if the victim wants to be rescued. Sometimes the wisest thing to do is just to wait until you hear a cry for help.

So I would still say that no I wouldn't get involved

By the way I enjoy your posts Valetine, just agree to disagree from time to time

valentine · Post by **valentine** » November 13, 2005, 11:30 am

Thanks Ray for the comments.Disagreements between intelligent people are what makes the world progress, between fools it leads to wars.
I too, have been " Piggy in the middle"in matrimonial disputes. I spent my spare time as a Samaritan and foolishly volunteered to become a marriage guidance counselor. My office at times resembled a war zone, with me , the primary target area. Although I was normally left shattered, and at one time, physically bruised, it was nice to see the combatants going out the door, hand in hand.I guess a policemans lot, is very similar?

Post by **polehawk** » November 14, 2005, 12:01 am

It was great to read the last couple of replies. Courtesy and respect for each other. Those are just two of the things that make this forum so much fun to visit. Also, I enjoy the wit, humor and intelligence of the majority of the members in here.

what would you do?

So what would you do?

what would you do?

Impasse