A Little Humor by Pop-Pop's Net & Games

[Pakawala]

This morning my wife asked, "What are you going to do today?"

I said, "Nothing."

She said, "You did that yesterday."

I said, "I haven't finished yet."

[Pakawala]

A man goes to his doctor for his physical and gets sent to the Urologist as a precaution. When he gets there, he discovers the urologist is a very pretty female doctor.

The female doctor says, 'I'm going to check your prostate today, but this new procedure is a little different from what you are probably used to. I want you to lie on your right side, bend your knees, then while I check your prostate, take a deep breath and say, '99'.

The guy obeys and says, '99'! The doctor says, 'Great. Now turn over on your left side and again, w hile I repeat the check, take a deep breath and say, '99.'

Again, the guy says, '99.'

The doctor said, 'Very good. Now then, I want you to lie on your back with your knees raised slightly. I'm going to check your prostate with this hand, and with the other hand I'm going to hold on to your penis to keep it out of the way.

Now take a deep breath and say, '99.'

The guy begins, 'One .. Two ... Three'.

[UdonExpat]

Apparently, SNL did a "Bailout" skit, which has created some problems for NBC.
They have pulled the video and apparently gone after anyone who put the video out there,
because the video has all but disappeared off the Internet but there is still one copy out there:

http://msunderestimated.com/SNLBailoutSkit.wmv

[UdonExpat]

A man in Conroe , TX . calls his son in San Diego the day before Thanksgiving and says, 'I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; Forty-five years of misery is enough.

'Pop, what are you talking about?' the son screams.

We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,' the father says. We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Denver and tell her.'

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. 'Like heck they're getting divorced,' she shouts, 'I'll take care of this.'

She calls Conroe immediately, and screams at her father, 'You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?' and hangs up.'

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. 'Okay,' he says,’ they’re coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own way.'

[Pakawala]

Here's one for all you Rednecks out there...

it's gotten down to this...enjoy!
Redneck Play Station
Get 'em while you can! CLICK HERE: <http://majman.net/fly_loader.html> (or cut and paste)

[beer monkey]

Here's one for all you Rednecks out there...

it's gotten down to this...enjoy!
Redneck Play Station
Get 'em while you can!

CLICK HERE: http://majman.net/fly_loader.html

lol. good one got 'Sucky' on first go.

[mortiboy]

Here's one for all you Rednecks out there...
Good one I enjoyed that!

[Ter]

My Aunty Marge has been in hospital for two months.... carn't believe she's not better.....

[mortiboy]

Taken from NOT THE NATION

HONG KONG - Only days after divorcing his wife Potjaman, former prime minister Thaksin Shinawatra will return to the Kingdom in an attempt to claim a new seat of power, a coveted bar stool at the entrance of Nana Entertainment Plaza.



The seat has reportedly been occupied and defended by fellow divorcee James Brisdale of Newcastle, England for the last 6 weeks.



Providing sightlines both up and down the soi and also into the Entertainment Plaza itself, the stool is considered the single best place for divorcees to scope hookers while contemplating their failed love lives.



Newcastle’s Brisdale said he would consider giving the former prime minister of Thailand his stool if Thaksin would pick up his tab occasionally, an offer Thaksin wants to negotiate.



Thaksin’s lawyer says that if the deal does go through Thaksin would occupy the bar stool for the foreseeable future, looking glum and watching life pass by on the soi.




“Khun Thaksin is hoping for a simple life now,” said his close friend Chalerm Yoobamrung who shared dinner with him in Hong Kong. “Like many middle-aged men, he is looking forward to a break. It’s been a tough couple years. He lost his job, his wife, but he is going to the right place. I am sure the girls at Nana Plaza will take pity on him and f... some life back into him,” said Chalerm.

[los]

BAR GIRL FOR SALE
.

No key money - Just take over payments - Great exterior condition - Attitude may need slight adjustment - Cook if hungry -Will clean for jewelery - Expert in hand phone operation - Sofa management and Budget Mishandling - Genuine reason for sale - Owner Going Bankrupt! - This offer won't last - Call now - Any Number in Thailand that Belongs to a Falang

[Pakawala]

Tommy Cooper Jokes

Two Aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married

The ceremony was rubbish but the Reception was Brilliant.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Man goes to the docs, with a strawberry growing out of his head.

Doc says, 'I'll give you some cream to put on it.'

--------------------------------------------------------------------

'Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home.'

'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.'

'Is it common?'

'It's not unusual.'

-------------------------------------------------------------------

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet.

'My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?'

'Well,' says the vet, 'let's have a look at him'

So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.

Finally, he says, 'I'm going to have to put him down.'

'What? Because he's cross-eyed? '

'No, because he's really heavy'

--------------------------------------------------------------------

'Doctor, I can't pronounce my F's, T's and H's.'

'Well you can't say fairer than that then'

------------------------------------------------------------------

Two elephants walk off a cliff...... boom boom!

---------------------------------------------------------------------
So I went to the dentist.

He said 'Say Aaah.'

I said 'Why?'

He said 'My dog's died.'
---------------------------------------------------------------------

So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said
'Who's speaking please?'

And a voice said 'You are.'
-------------------------------------------------------------------

So I rang up my local swimming baths.
I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?'

He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'
---------------------------------------------------------------------
So I rang up a local building firm,
I said 'I want a skip outside my house.'

He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
---------------------------------------------------------------------

Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5
people in my family, so it must be one of them.

It's either my mum or my dad.
Or my older brother Colin.
Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu.

But I think it's Colin.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and he
said 'You've been promoted.'

And I swerved.

And then he rang up a second tim e and said 'You've been promoted again.'

And I swerved again.

He rang up a third tim e and said 'You're managing director.'

And I went into a tree.

And a policeman came up and said

'What happened to you?'
And I said 'I careered off the road.'

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Now, most dentists' chairs go up and down, don't they?
The one I was in went back and forwards.

I thought 'This is unusual'.
And the dentist said to me
'Mr. Cooper, get out of the filing cabinet.'

--------------------------------------------------------------------
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me 'Can you give
me a lift?'

I said 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'
---------------------------------------------------------------------

Two cannibals eating a clown. One says to the other

'Does this taste funny to you?'

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and
the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one and let the other one off.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.
They left a little note on the windscreen; it said 'Parking Fine.'

So that was nice.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

A man walked into the doctors,
The doctor said 'I haven't seen you in a long time'

The man replied, 'I know I've been ill'

---------------------------------------------------------------------

A man walked into the doctors,
he said 'I've hurt my arm in several places'

The doctor said, 'well don't go to those places'

---------------------------------------------------------------------

I had a ploughman's lunch the other day.
He wasn't very happy.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I
couldn't find any.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

I bought some HP sauce the other day.
It's costing me 6p a month for the next 2 years.
---------------------------------------------------------------------

Two blondes walk into a building..........you'd think at least one
of them would have seen it.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Phone answering machine message -

'...If you want to buy marijuana.............press the hash key...'

-------------------------------------------------------------------

I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he
couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.

He said, 'No, the steaks are too high.'

---------------------------------------------------------------------

My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli.

A strong currant pulled him in.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

A man came round in hospital after a serious accident.

He shouted, 'Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!'

The doctor replied, 'I know you can't, I've cut your arms off'.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly.

They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all
that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

---------------------------------------------------------------------
Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered
with hundreds and thousands.

Police say that he topped himself.
---------------------------------------------------------------------

Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other 'Your round.'

The other one says 'So are you, you fat slob!'

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Ireland 's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small
two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery.

Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and
expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night

[WBU ALUM]

Those are good, Pakawala.

Still laughing ...

[Pakawala]

The Gynecologist's Assistant

A young man goes into the Job Center in Jacksonville, Florida and sees a card advertising for a Gynecologist's Assistant.

Interested, he goes to learn more -'Can you give me some more details?' he asks the clerk.

The clerk pulls up the file and says, 'The job entails getting the ladies ready for the gynecologist. You have to help them out of their underwear, lay them down and carefully wash their private regions, then apply shaving foam and gently shave off the hair, then rub in soothing oils so that they're ready for the gynecologist's examination.

There's an annual salary of $45,000, but you're going to have to go to Oxford, Mississippi. That's about 620 miles from here.'

'Oh, is that where the job is?'

'No sir - that's where the end of the line is at this time.'

[los]

The story of the Little Paper Bag

A little paper bag was feeling unwell, so he took himself off to the
doctors.
"Doctor, I don't feel too good," said the little paper bag.
"Hmm, you look OK to me" said the Doctor, "but I'll do a blood test and
see
what that shows, come back and see me in a couple of days".
The little paper bag felt no better when he got back for the results.
"What's wrong with me?" asked the little paper bag.
"I'm afraid you are HIV positive!" said the doctor.
"No, I can't be - I'm just a little paper bag!" said the little paper
bag.

"Have you been having unprotected s£x?" asked the doctor.
"NO, I can't do things like that - I'm just a little paper bag!"
"Well have you been sharing needles with other intravenous drug
users?" asked the doctor.
"NO, I can't do things like that - I'm just a little paper bag!"
"Perhaps you've been abroad recently and required a jab or a blood
transfusion?" queried the doctor.
"NO, I don't have a passport - I'm just a little paper bag!"
"Well", said the doctor, "are you in a hom0s£xual relationship?"
"NO! I told you I can't do things like that, I'm just a little paper
bag!"

"Then there can be only one explanation." said the doctor



wait for it...










"Your mother must have been a carrier"

[stattointhailand]

A genuine advert

ATT1.jpg (64.89 KiB) Viewed 1712 times

[Pakawala]

Why Americans Should Never Be Allowed To Travel
The following are actual stories provided by travel agents:


I had someone ask for an aisle seats so that his or her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.

A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?"

I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information when she interrupted me with "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts. "Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Capecod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa." Her response ... click.

A man called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me. I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state."

I got a call from a man who asked, "Is it possible to see England from Canada?" I said, "No." He said "But they look so close on the map."

Another man called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had a 1-hour lay over in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, "I heard Dallas was a big airport, and I need a car to drive between the gates to save time."

A nice lady just called. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:20am and got into Chicago at 8:33am. I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of llinois, but she could not understand the concept of time zones. Finally I told her the plane went very fast, and she bought that!

A woman called and asked, "Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know who's luggage belongs to who?" I said, "No, why do you ask?" She replied, "Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said FAT, and I'm overweight, is there any connection?" After putting her on hold for a minute while I "looked into it" (I was actually laughing) I came back and explained the city code for Fresno is FAT, and that the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.

I just got off the phone with a man who asked, "How do I know which plane to get on?" I asked him what exactly he meant, which he replied, "I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these darn planes have numbers on them."

A woman called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-cola on one of those computer planes." I asked if she meant to fly to Pensacola on a commuter plane. She said, "Yeah, whatever."

A businessman called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa. "Oh no I don't, I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those." I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, "Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express."

A woman called to make reservations, "I want to go from Chicago to Hippopotamus, New York" The agent was at a loss for words. Finally, the agent: "Are you sure that's the name of the town?" "Yes, what flights do you have?" replied the customer. After some searching, the agent came back with, "I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Hippopotamus anywhere." The customer retorted, "Oh don't be silly. Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!" The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, "You don't mean Buffalo, do you?" "That's it! I knew it was a big animal!"

[donthani]

India says first moon landing was not a Great success :-" :-" :-" :-"

[BKKSTAN]

Lets give ''a heads up''to India for their successful mission!

[UdonExpat]

There were two nuns..

One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM),
and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).

It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.
SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.

SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most! What can we do?
SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.

SM: It's not working.
SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.

SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.
SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.

So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.

Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical.

Then Sister Logical arrives.

SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here!
Tell me what happened!

SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me

SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?
SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run
as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.

SM: And?

SL : The only logical thing happened. He reached me.
SM : Oh, dear! What did you do?

SL : The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.
SM : Oh, Sister! What did the man do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.

SM: Oh, no! What happened then?



SL: Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than a man with his pants down.

[los]

When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.

Then Mrs Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.

Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.

Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum.



When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drank all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor.

He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.


The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'



And so began the tradition of the little angel stuck on top of the Christmas tree . . . .