A Little Humor by Pop-Pop's Net & Games

[Pakawala]

LOS... I keep watching your avatar waiting for one of 'em to pop out!!

[stattointhailand]

i've just recieved my Scouse Advent calendar .........Typical, all the windows are boarded up, and some B*stards nicked all the chocolates.

[los]

Bruce Willis Reportedly In Suvarnbhumi Vent System
‘Die Hard’ star was passing through terminal on connecting flight when it was taken over


BANGKOK – Police say they are ready to reclaim the Bangkok International Airport with the help of Hollywood actor Bruce Willis, who is currently crawling inside Terminal 2’s air conditioning system.



Police say the ‘Die Hard’ star immediately ducked into a maintenance room and then climbed through a vent when he saw that the airport was being taken over on Wednesday.



He is now in communication with Bangkok police via a walkie talkie he lifted from a PAD guard whom he strangled to death.



Willis will likely draw specifically upon Die Hard 2: Die Harder for inspiration in overcoming the PAD and returning normalcy to Thailand. In that film, his character John McClane thwarted terrorists who had taken over Washingtong-Dulles International Airport. Sources say Willis has asked permission from police to use similar tactics, including igniting a fuel trail to blow up a plane with all the PAD leaders in it.



“Bruce really can’t believe he is in this situation again but he is eager to help,” said police spokesman lieutenant Sombat Sreephathep. “We will see if he can infiltrate the PAD from inside the airport. On behalf of the entire Royal Bangkok Police force, I would like to say, ‘Yippee-ki-yay, Bruce.’”



After hearing that Willis was hiding inside Suvarnbhumi’s air ducts, a cocky Sonthi Limthongkul said it would be impossible for one man to single-handedly wreck his plans. But as a precautionary measure, he has reportedly tied used tampons to the grates of all vents inside Terminal 2.



“I see dead people,” he warned Willis.

=D> =D> =D> =D> =D> http://www.notthenation.com/pages/news/ ... php?id=654

[beer monkey]

Ahh i like 'Brut Willits' in the Die Hard films, i know things will be ok with him in control...

[los]

Parliament To Meet Underwater Off Samui



BANGKOK - After being shut out of their scheduled session this morning by thousands of PAD protestors blocking access to the Parliament building, the government announced that their new meeting venue would be the shallow waters off the coast off of Lamai beach in Koh Samui, about 250 meters from the shore and about 5 meters below the water’s surface. It did not explain how the house members planned to speak to each other, although it is believed that the technology is commercially available. The PAD responded to the announcement by vowing to block all access to the ocean in Thailand.

http://www.notthenation.com/pages/news/ ... php?id=649 :-" :-" :-" :-" :-" :-" :-"

[WBU ALUM]

The International Council of Man Laws

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Jessica Alba starts unbuttoning her Blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) When she is using her teeth.

3: Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However, complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.

8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach, if it's free and it's delivered by a topless model.

12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick or punch another guy in the nuts.

13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both. That's just greedy.

19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c) Another set, and we can hit the showers!

22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

24: The morning after you and a girl, who was formerly "just a friend", have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.

25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

26: Thou shall not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.

28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.

[WBU ALUM]

We've all heard about people having guts or balls, but do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:

"GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"

"BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, "You're next!"

I hope this clears up any confusion.

[UdonExpat]

A Blonde is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster says, "Two Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident."

The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing "That's horrible!!! So many men dying that way!"

Confused, he says, "Yes dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving, and there is always that risk involved."

After a few minutes, the blonde, still sobbing, says, "...How many is a Brazilian?"

[los]

A blonde went into a world wide message centre to send a message to her
mother overseas.

When the man told her it would cost $300, she exclaimed: 'I don't have
any money.' But I'd do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother.'

The man arched an eyebrow (as we would expect).

'Anything?' he asked.

'Yes, yes, anything' the blonde promised.

Well, then, 'Just follow me' said the man as he walked towards the next
room.



The blonde did as she was told and followed the man.



' Come in and close the door' the man said.

She did.

He then said 'Now get on your knees.'

She did.

'Now take down my zipper.'

She did.

'Now go ahead ... take it out.....' He said.

She reached in and grabbed it with both hands ..

Then paused.

The man closed his eyes and whispered ....

'Well .... go ahead.'

The blonde slowly brought her mouth closer to it and while holding it
close to her lips, .... .tentatively said .... 'Hello. Mum, can you
hear me?'

[Irish Alan]

Anyone remember that one as the Tony Blackburn joke?

[dt]

THE PERFECT WOMAN

[UdonExpat]

Two businessmen in Florida were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store. As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up.

One said to the other, 'I bet any minute now some senior is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling.'

No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious senior walked to the window, had a peek, and in a soft voice asked 'What are you selling here?' One of the men replied sarcastically, 'We're selling ass-holes.'

Without skipping a beat, the old timer said, 'You're doing well. Only two left.'

[aznyron]

Two businessmen in Florida were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store. As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up.

One said to the other, 'I bet any minute now some senior is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling.'

No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious senior walked to the window, had a peek, and in a soft voice asked 'What are you selling here?' One of the men replied sarcastically, 'We're selling ass-holes.'

Without skipping a beat, the old timer said, 'You're doing well. Only two left.'

=D> =D> =D> =D> =D> =D> =D> =D>

[UdonExpat]

Glad you like that one Ron. Though I'm afraid they're going to have trouble selling those last two.

[donthani]

Just had my Christmas delivery of beer arrive

[Farang1]

Redneck Play Station


http://majman.net/fly_loader.html


You have to use your mouse to remove the
swatter, then chase the flies

This should keep someone busy for a while.

[UdonExpat]

Being the gentleman I am I asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an attractive woman I spotted dining alone.

The waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, 'This is from the gentleman seated over there,' pointing at me..

She regarded the wine coolly for a second, not looking at me, and decided to send a reply note to me. The waiter, who was lingering for a response, took the note from her and brought it to me.

The note read.....'For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank, and 7 inches in your pants.'

After reading the note, I decided to compose one of my own in return. I folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to return this to the woman.

It read..... 'For your information, I have a Ferrari Maranello, a BMW Z8, a Mercedes CL600 and a Porsche Turbo in my garage. There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account. But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you, would I cut three inches off. Just send the bottle back.'

[donthani]

This amazing new phone , for those of you who tend to drink a little much , But not me of Course the bad news is It also works for the ladies I'm sad to say ,

[bigwavedave]

Paddy has broken his leg and his mate Mick goes round to see him.

Mick says 'how you doin?'

Paddy says 'do us a favour, nip upstairs and get my slippers, my feet are freezing.'

Mick goes upstairs and sees Paddy's two gorgeous 19-year-old twin daughters sitting on the bed.

He says 'your dads sent me up here to shag the both of you ' ..

They say 'get away with ya.. prove it.'

Mick shouts downstairs 'Paddy, both of em?'

Paddy shouts back 'of course both of em, what's the point of f#ckin one?'

[Pakawala]

A Short Story

One day, long, long ago...

There lived a woman who didn't whine, nag or bitch.




But that was a long time ago...

and only just that one day.

The End