ColinLHR, glad to hear you are in good spirits and are being pro-active instead of sitting around feeling sorry for yourself and waiting for something to happen as many would. Get on with your life and begin to build a new solid foundation that will give you a sense of home and emotional stability, and if in the months ahead you are able to resolve your family issues and return to your wife and kids, then more power to you. If not then you've got good momentum going for your new life, and hope will return soon and you will be settled in all your ways.
I've been through this three time already, and the most important thing I've learned it that you have to get a vision and begin to paint a new picture of your future, then you have to add a new brush stroke to it each and every day until it begins to take form. So, hang in there mate. We're all rooting for you!
It's all over, but where do I start again?
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semperfiguy
- udonmap.com
- Posts: 2473
- Joined: July 16, 2010, 12:49 pm
- Location: Udon Thani, Thailand
It's all over, but where do I start again?
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Colossians 2:8-10...See to it that no one takes you captive through philosophy and empty deception, which are based on human tradition and the spiritual forces of the world rather than on Christ. For in HIM dwells all the fullness of the GODHEAD bodily; and you are complete in HIM, who is the head of all principality and power.
It's all over, but where do I start again?
yes I understand Col about wanting a lawyer in BBK..thats ok Matey..
I just happen to have past dealings with Isaanlawyers, and Sebastian, and found him to be right up with things, and a man who spoke openly and honestly.. I know Siamlegal as well as other law firms in SE Asia, but as yet I havent been able to fault Sebastian...
what I am trying to get you to do, is to gather in as much legal advice as possible from different quarters, until your mind is settled, and you have found the way forward.
I could say yes, or no that 6000 baht is good enough, but there may be other legal /side issues pertaining to your own situation, that the first lawyer has forgotten to consider in that price...so always best to get a second opinion when dealing with lawyers..indeed, ask them what experience they have in that field before you hire them..no good getting a guy that has no experience in custody or divorce or what have you...
I just happen to have past dealings with Isaanlawyers, and Sebastian, and found him to be right up with things, and a man who spoke openly and honestly.. I know Siamlegal as well as other law firms in SE Asia, but as yet I havent been able to fault Sebastian...
what I am trying to get you to do, is to gather in as much legal advice as possible from different quarters, until your mind is settled, and you have found the way forward.
I could say yes, or no that 6000 baht is good enough, but there may be other legal /side issues pertaining to your own situation, that the first lawyer has forgotten to consider in that price...so always best to get a second opinion when dealing with lawyers..indeed, ask them what experience they have in that field before you hire them..no good getting a guy that has no experience in custody or divorce or what have you...
It's all over, but where do I start again?
Well i drove down to Bangkok yesterday afternoon , got myself a hotel in sukhumvit area for the time being..
I checked my email and there was an email from my wife with her list of demands and here goes she wants:
-50,000 per month for kids
-25,000 as her own person allowance
-10,000 per month to be put in saving accounts for kids
-2,500 per month for maintenance and up keep of house in kids names
-6,000 per month for kids education
=93,500 per month
Ill have a smoke of what she is smoking, to think i married that, man i lost my freeking mind!!!!!
Oh and the email followed by the usual that she will speak to ''guvument thailand and stop my passport so can never get in again'' Thats par for the course it is?
So was out to 2nd Lawyer and he does specialise in Family Law, he was a bit full of himself to be honest and he had a good chuckle when i told him the story and he replied saying he is a rich man because he has made some much money from falang divorcing issan girls, and advised me to look for girl in central Thailand as north girls bad and south girls.
Apart from that he seemed very knowledgable and the advice was pretty much the same as before and that it would be quite easy as assets are already sorted out, its just a question of custody and an amount to pay each month for kids, and he also mentioned that receipts can be asked for and must be provided.The only thing he said was''you must hide your money and bank accounts in UK!!! i obviously told him i was broke apart from a small monthly salary but that put the frighteners up me.
Surely a soon to be ex thai wife cant get her hands on my money in UK that she doesnt know i have!!! any ideas???
Any suggestions from you guys on what a reasonable amount for 2 kids per month would be? not including school
Also if this goes to court what would happen if the people in power are anti falang and grant my wife a ridiculous amount per month ie 30,000...
So the plan now is to relax the rest of the day and go to check 3 condos in the next few days , but strictly just staying in at night as cant face the , wewcome,whey you come fom,you want lady,!!!!
I checked my email and there was an email from my wife with her list of demands and here goes she wants:
-50,000 per month for kids
-25,000 as her own person allowance
-10,000 per month to be put in saving accounts for kids
-2,500 per month for maintenance and up keep of house in kids names
-6,000 per month for kids education
=93,500 per month
Ill have a smoke of what she is smoking, to think i married that, man i lost my freeking mind!!!!!
Oh and the email followed by the usual that she will speak to ''guvument thailand and stop my passport so can never get in again'' Thats par for the course it is?
So was out to 2nd Lawyer and he does specialise in Family Law, he was a bit full of himself to be honest and he had a good chuckle when i told him the story and he replied saying he is a rich man because he has made some much money from falang divorcing issan girls, and advised me to look for girl in central Thailand as north girls bad and south girls.
Apart from that he seemed very knowledgable and the advice was pretty much the same as before and that it would be quite easy as assets are already sorted out, its just a question of custody and an amount to pay each month for kids, and he also mentioned that receipts can be asked for and must be provided.The only thing he said was''you must hide your money and bank accounts in UK!!! i obviously told him i was broke apart from a small monthly salary but that put the frighteners up me.
Surely a soon to be ex thai wife cant get her hands on my money in UK that she doesnt know i have!!! any ideas???
Any suggestions from you guys on what a reasonable amount for 2 kids per month would be? not including school
Also if this goes to court what would happen if the people in power are anti falang and grant my wife a ridiculous amount per month ie 30,000...
So the plan now is to relax the rest of the day and go to check 3 condos in the next few days , but strictly just staying in at night as cant face the , wewcome,whey you come fom,you want lady,!!!!
It's all over, but where do I start again?
If they were my blood children I would first get custody, I would decide where I was to live and get a house or condo, I would then hire a live in nanny come maid to help with the kids, cooking and cleaning. Raise the children properly taking care of schooling etc directly myself. Change the locks on the Udon residence, get an agent to rent it out, go to the police to show them who legally owns the property.
Financially all the above would be a lot cheaper for you plus you would have the benefit of knowing your children were cared for properly, and you get to move on a bit easier. The ex however ends up back home with family, no job and no money and a severe loss of face.
Financially all the above would be a lot cheaper for you plus you would have the benefit of knowing your children were cared for properly, and you get to move on a bit easier. The ex however ends up back home with family, no job and no money and a severe loss of face.
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semperfiguy
- udonmap.com
- Posts: 2473
- Joined: July 16, 2010, 12:49 pm
- Location: Udon Thani, Thailand
It's all over, but where do I start again?
ColinLHR, below is the link on the web to The Thai Civil and Commercial Code pertaining to Family Law (in English). I would peruse all of it to see what pertains to you, but pay particular attention to Section 1514 where it addresses divorce.
http://thailaws.com/law/t_laws/TCCC-book5.pdf
It appears that you have more than sufficient grounds to sue your wife for divorce and gain the upper hand. Also, I have a Frenchman friend who sued his wife for divorce after she mortgaged the house to pay gambling debts, and the court awarded him custody of his biological son with her as well as her own son from another relationship. If you want the lawyer's name, my friend is willing to provide it. He says the guy was very good...and not expensive. Just PM me if you like!
http://thailaws.com/law/t_laws/TCCC-book5.pdf
It appears that you have more than sufficient grounds to sue your wife for divorce and gain the upper hand. Also, I have a Frenchman friend who sued his wife for divorce after she mortgaged the house to pay gambling debts, and the court awarded him custody of his biological son with her as well as her own son from another relationship. If you want the lawyer's name, my friend is willing to provide it. He says the guy was very good...and not expensive. Just PM me if you like!
Colossians 2:8-10...See to it that no one takes you captive through philosophy and empty deception, which are based on human tradition and the spiritual forces of the world rather than on Christ. For in HIM dwells all the fullness of the GODHEAD bodily; and you are complete in HIM, who is the head of all principality and power.
It's all over, but where do I start again?
Thanks Semperfiguy
A lot of good reading and made things a lot clearer, About custody i have to really think about it becauase it has to be something im 110% that im doing it for the correct reasons and not just doing something to spite my wife.
What i mean is I love them dearly , but its my confidence in my own abilities and the ability to cope with being a single parent....
If i was awarded custody i think the best thing to say is i will stay in Thailand but if im awarded custody then just get the first flight out of Thailand incase anything happens to me if you know what i mean!!!!!!!!!
A lot of good reading and made things a lot clearer, About custody i have to really think about it becauase it has to be something im 110% that im doing it for the correct reasons and not just doing something to spite my wife.
What i mean is I love them dearly , but its my confidence in my own abilities and the ability to cope with being a single parent....
If i was awarded custody i think the best thing to say is i will stay in Thailand but if im awarded custody then just get the first flight out of Thailand incase anything happens to me if you know what i mean!!!!!!!!!
It's all over, but where do I start again?
Regarding an allowance for children pending the legal process
1st lawyer recommends for Thais 3000 per child for foreigner 7,500 per child=15,000 would be enough
2nd lawyer recommends 10,000 per child so 20,000 would be enough
It might be me thats tighter than two coats of paint , but that seems simlilar to a UK amount of an allowance or maybe im wrong.
Does 15,000 and 20,000 seem a little high not that im gruding the kids that i just dont want her living off it too.
Col
1st lawyer recommends for Thais 3000 per child for foreigner 7,500 per child=15,000 would be enough
2nd lawyer recommends 10,000 per child so 20,000 would be enough
It might be me thats tighter than two coats of paint , but that seems simlilar to a UK amount of an allowance or maybe im wrong.
Does 15,000 and 20,000 seem a little high not that im gruding the kids that i just dont want her living off it too.
Col
It's all over, but where do I start again?
Bht 5000 is a Months Wages for an Adult in Issan. That for each would surely be enough, especially if you are taking care of everything else ie: Education and Medical etc. If you have to haggle, start low like you would if byeing a T shirt. Remember, your not being stingy cause you will always make up the difference for what ever your Children want but do it on your terms !!
It's all over, but where do I start again?
Im sorry to hear your trouble and wish you the best of luck in getting your kids back
It's all over, but where do I start again?
Hi Doug,douglas wrote:Hi,
Redwolf. I wonder if you live in LOS. I got a plane to Khon Kaen and landed at the airport there. Or was i just dreaming. Go onto the K.K. ring road and you will see a sign pointing the way to K.K. airport. You can not miss it.
I just say this in case anyone wants to fly there. THERE IS A AIRPORT AT K.K.. Also the bus only takes less than one and a half hours, if you get the express. Just 120K from Udon. If the poster is happy there, that is all that is required.
To the poster that started this topic i wish you good luck, and that all turns out O.K. whichever way you go.
Cheers Doug. and all the best.
Thanks for that.
Yeah, I had an argument with my Thai wife over it before, -lived here since 2008. Showed her the air strip on a map. Told her we'd use that air field to transport her in if her kidneys acted up, and use Kon Kaen Ram. She insisted that would be impossible. I should have pushed it more.
Got saw your post just now [a year later after my debate with her] and went looking for tickets/pricing just for future reference. My statement "an airfield is an airfield, I don't care what company is or isn't there we can land there for the right price". wasn't needed.
Is it one of Airasia's small 'hubs' like Sakon Nakhon?
-Did you fly in on a large jet or smaller jet? Is it bigger than Udon airport/smaller?
AUT VIAM INVENIAM AUT FACIAM | ARCANA IMPERII | ALIS AQUILAE
It's all over, but where do I start again?
@Semperfisemperfiguy wrote:ColinLHR, below is the link on the web to The Thai Civil and Commercial Code pertaining to Family Law (in English). I would peruse all of it to see what pertains to you, but pay particular attention to Section 1514 where it addresses divorce.
http://thailaws.com/law/t_laws/TCCC-book5.pdf
It appears that you have more than sufficient grounds to sue your wife for divorce and gain the upper hand. Also, I have a Frenchman friend who sued his wife for divorce after she mortgaged the house to pay gambling debts, and the court awarded him custody of his biological son with her as well as her own son from another relationship. If you want the lawyer's name, my friend is willing to provide it. He says the guy was very good...and not expensive. Just PM me if you like!
Thoughout this whole thread you showed some great experience and compassion, -I just have to say, nice one sir. Even though my own situation is stable, the info was useful for anyone married here. =D>
AUT VIAM INVENIAM AUT FACIAM | ARCANA IMPERII | ALIS AQUILAE
It's all over, but where do I start again?
I thought i would give an update of the last few months.....
Divorce has been settled and finalised was up in Udon with lawyer for signing of papers etc.
The house is in trust for kids until eldest is 18 yrs, she got the car, i got the pick up and custody of the kids but 1.5million lump sum payment to now ex wife (agreed by ourselves prioir to hearing but all legally binding)
So im in Bangkok with the kids my mother is over from UK helping out , the company i work for have been great and now in a 9-5 job in city, will need to look to hire nanny soon as my mother has to go back soon.
Another condition i had was my ex wife is not allowed to come with in 500metres of my Condo and if she wants to meet kids she has to come to BKK to neutral area to pick them up, as i dont want her near me.
Funny thing was all the begging to come back from friends fell silent when 1.5 million was agreed and its all quiet now i guess until the moneys gone thats why i got the 500metre rule set up.
Im just living the quiet life now sober for 2 months not been with any woman and just trying to be the best Dad as i can, but its tough
Cheers
Col
Divorce has been settled and finalised was up in Udon with lawyer for signing of papers etc.
The house is in trust for kids until eldest is 18 yrs, she got the car, i got the pick up and custody of the kids but 1.5million lump sum payment to now ex wife (agreed by ourselves prioir to hearing but all legally binding)
So im in Bangkok with the kids my mother is over from UK helping out , the company i work for have been great and now in a 9-5 job in city, will need to look to hire nanny soon as my mother has to go back soon.
Another condition i had was my ex wife is not allowed to come with in 500metres of my Condo and if she wants to meet kids she has to come to BKK to neutral area to pick them up, as i dont want her near me.
Funny thing was all the begging to come back from friends fell silent when 1.5 million was agreed and its all quiet now i guess until the moneys gone thats why i got the 500metre rule set up.
Im just living the quiet life now sober for 2 months not been with any woman and just trying to be the best Dad as i can, but its tough
Cheers
Col
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smellyellie
- udonmap.com
- Posts: 38
- Joined: June 9, 2012, 1:40 pm
It's all over, but where do I start again?
hats off to you Col.It's hard now but will get easier when you set up a regular routine.
good luck mate
good luck mate
It's all over, but where do I start again?
go one Col..Glad things are sorted and you are your own man again..
in the beginning it is hard, and like Smelly said, routine is your best friend now
enjoy your kids and your life
there will come a time when you will look back, and be proud as a father for being there for your kids.
there are so many wounded men in this world walking around with a hole in thier hearts, because they could not even get custody of thier kids..you are one of the lucky ones Mate..There is nothing like having family around you
all the best
in the beginning it is hard, and like Smelly said, routine is your best friend now
enjoy your kids and your life
there will come a time when you will look back, and be proud as a father for being there for your kids.
there are so many wounded men in this world walking around with a hole in thier hearts, because they could not even get custody of thier kids..you are one of the lucky ones Mate..There is nothing like having family around you
all the best
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semperfiguy
- udonmap.com
- Posts: 2473
- Joined: July 16, 2010, 12:49 pm
- Location: Udon Thani, Thailand
It's all over, but where do I start again?
Good for you Col! No one likes to part with 1.5 million baht, but it's a small price to pay for being able to control the future of your children. I think we all know where they would be headed if in the mother's sole care. For all you know you could be raising a Nobel Peace Prize winner, so pour your life into those kids and therein lies a profound purpose for your life. Thanks for bringing us up to date, and please keep us posted on your progress. Here's wishing you all the best!
Colossians 2:8-10...See to it that no one takes you captive through philosophy and empty deception, which are based on human tradition and the spiritual forces of the world rather than on Christ. For in HIM dwells all the fullness of the GODHEAD bodily; and you are complete in HIM, who is the head of all principality and power.
It's all over, but where do I start again?
Good luck and best wishes, sounds like you made the best of a bad situation (especially getting custody of the children).
1.5million would be intersesting on how long that lasts, I'd say 6 months!! I'm naturally a cynical person, so just figured I'd ask/cover a few future posibilities (after the money runs out):
- ex-wife visits the kids and then they disappear, what legal options do you have. Yes, you have legal custody..how to protect yourself/kids from being used by the ex during visits.
- House book, who has custody of it. What prevents the ex-wife/her family from selling the house? Understand if they do you can sue then, but by that time they'll have no money and the house will still be sold.
- Car only in ex-wife's name and truck only in your name??
- Ability to take the children out of Thailand at anytime without checking with the ex-wife??
- Do the Children have dual citizenship??
- Should something happen to you, who gets custody of the children (family in UK)?? Life insurance in children's name?
(sorry about asking this, but I can see a target on your back as I can see the wife seeing dollar signs on the children's
back).
- Does the ex-wife have your address in BKK (address on any legal documentation that the ex has a copy of)?? Does the apartment/condo have decent security??
1.5million would be intersesting on how long that lasts, I'd say 6 months!! I'm naturally a cynical person, so just figured I'd ask/cover a few future posibilities (after the money runs out):
- ex-wife visits the kids and then they disappear, what legal options do you have. Yes, you have legal custody..how to protect yourself/kids from being used by the ex during visits.
- House book, who has custody of it. What prevents the ex-wife/her family from selling the house? Understand if they do you can sue then, but by that time they'll have no money and the house will still be sold.
- Car only in ex-wife's name and truck only in your name??
- Ability to take the children out of Thailand at anytime without checking with the ex-wife??
- Do the Children have dual citizenship??
- Should something happen to you, who gets custody of the children (family in UK)?? Life insurance in children's name?
(sorry about asking this, but I can see a target on your back as I can see the wife seeing dollar signs on the children's
back).
- Does the ex-wife have your address in BKK (address on any legal documentation that the ex has a copy of)?? Does the apartment/condo have decent security??
It's all over, but where do I start again?
Ran outta room.
Again, sorry for being such a negative person...........only want to see things work out for you and the children!
Again, sorry for being such a negative person...........only want to see things work out for you and the children!
It's all over, but where do I start again?
Nice one col great news, getting custody of the children is a great result,i have a daughter with a ex and she uses her as a source of income , all the best col
It's all over, but where do I start again?
Thanks for all the support and kind words it means alot!!!
In response to''mosquito'' hopefully ive got all bases covered.
The papers for house are located in bank safety deposit box with key for me and her but we must be there together to get it opened.
Pick up was in my name from day one anyway.
The kids ared dual citizens ie UK and Thai passport.
Ive changed my will,insurances to kids names
Security at condo have been told and gave them a photo aswell she doesnt have address but like you pointed out it will be on papers she signed but hope she doesnt have the sense to think that.
So 90% of bases are covered the only one i cant control is if she visits the kids in BKK and they go, the onle thing i could think of is slip an iphone in to the kids bag when there with the ex and use an app of itunes that sends the phones GPS signal back to my phone or computer.
About leaving Thailand with kids for holiday etc i would give her the courtesy call after ive checked in and we are waiting to board flight.
Feel free to tell me if you can think of better ways to solve these things
Im just enjoying the peace and quiet while she is going through that money i agree with you 6 months tops and. The familys plan will be spend 1.5million as quick as you can then try to get new falang.
So again lads thanks a lot for the kind words.
Col
In response to''mosquito'' hopefully ive got all bases covered.
The papers for house are located in bank safety deposit box with key for me and her but we must be there together to get it opened.
Pick up was in my name from day one anyway.
The kids ared dual citizens ie UK and Thai passport.
Ive changed my will,insurances to kids names
Security at condo have been told and gave them a photo aswell she doesnt have address but like you pointed out it will be on papers she signed but hope she doesnt have the sense to think that.
So 90% of bases are covered the only one i cant control is if she visits the kids in BKK and they go, the onle thing i could think of is slip an iphone in to the kids bag when there with the ex and use an app of itunes that sends the phones GPS signal back to my phone or computer.
About leaving Thailand with kids for holiday etc i would give her the courtesy call after ive checked in and we are waiting to board flight.
Feel free to tell me if you can think of better ways to solve these things
Im just enjoying the peace and quiet while she is going through that money i agree with you 6 months tops and. The familys plan will be spend 1.5million as quick as you can then try to get new falang.
So again lads thanks a lot for the kind words.
Col