Consolidated Joke Thread

[747man]

Don't believe that one ....... any mention of 93 would have her running for the hills

Have You Been Taking Yer Medicine Lately ??

[ajarnudon]

[quote=vidmaster post_id=628762 time=1633644200 use
[/quote] I thought the quote should be "many tricks"

[747man]

[thewatchman]

[AlexO]

265625308_116006604249885_5240063862112776896_n.jpg

r
Really sad mate, seriously really sad. Take it you wanted Labour to be in charge. Steptoe and Abbot??

[thewatchman]

i don,t get involved with politics they are all liars,just thought the pic was funny,calm down sweet cheeks,it is a joke thread?,,,no?

[stattointhailand]

I don't approve of political jokes...I've seen too many of them get elected.

[stattointhailand]

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at 10 Downing Street. One is from up North another is from Poland, and the third is a Tory Party Donor. All three go with a Tory Party official to examine the fence.

The contractor from up north takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about £9000. £4000 for materials, £4000 for my crew, and £1000 profit for me."

The Polish contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for £7000. £3000 for materials, £3000 for my crew, and £1000 profit for me."

The Tory party donor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the Tory Party official and whispers, "£27,000."

The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"

The Tory Donor whispers back, "£10,000 for me, £10,000 for you, and we hire the guy from Poland to fix the fence."

"Done!" replies the Tory party official.

[Mjkt]

[pipadoo]

Sorted

[pipadoo]

Definitely

[747man]

I have been arrested today for shoplifting in Tesco's
The charging Police Officer said, "You are being charged with stealing 2 packs of Mince Pies!"
I said, "You can't charge me for stealing 2 packs!!!”
The officer then asked, "Why not?"
"It was buy one get one free!" I replied...

[stattointhailand]

Mrs Statts will be so happy this xmas .......
Shes been leaving jewelry mags all over the house for weeks

So I got her a new magazine rack to put them in

[stattointhailand]

125 years ago: the Glasgow Subway opened. Keeping it simple since 1896

[stattointhailand]

[Mjkt]

[stattointhailand]

Where do the Irish keep their Christmas Tree?




Between their Christmas Two and their Christmas Four

[pipadoo]

Definitely

[pipadoo]

Follow up 1st aid

[stattointhailand]

Women are like a deck of cards....

You need a HEART to fall in love with them
You need a DIAMOND to marry them
You need a CLUB to shut them up
and You need a SPADE to bury them