Consolidated Joke Thread

[jackspratt]

A truck loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus crashed on the 407 yesterday, scattering its entire load. Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied, confused, shocked, rattled, paralyzed, dazed, bewildered, disoriented, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, nonplussed, flabbergasted, astounded, amazed, confounded, astonished, overwhelmed, horrified, numbed, speechless, and perplexed.

A good joke should stand on its own 2 feet, and not require an explanation. But as DM is an avid reader of this thread, perhaps in this case ........

[Whistler]

[pipadoo]

Well done!

[Whistler]

At my age, I am careful about my diet. I have been a great believer that vitamins and supplements are ok, but if absorbed as part of your diet it is more effective than as a tablet supplement.

Citrus better than vitamin C tabs.
Grains, better than vitamins or Marmite (yuk)
Sunlight better than vitamin D and
Fish based Omega is better than vitamin E capsules

How ever I have researched and deduced (I am a slow learner) that for sex enhancements, vitamins benefits from plastic.

Vitamin ATM.

[jackspratt]

Alan, Alan .... where are you?

[pal52]

[pipadoo]

Yep

[trekkertony]

A Harley Biker is riding by the zoo in Washington, DC when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the collar of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents. The biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch. Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings the girl to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly. A reporter has watched the whole event.

The reporter addressing the Harley rider says, “Sir, this was the most gallant and bravest thing I've seen a man do in my whole life.”

The Harley rider replies, “Why, it was nothing, really. The lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger, and acted as I felt right.”

The reporter says, “Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist, you know, and tomorrow's paper will have this story on the front page. So, what do you do for a living, and what political affiliation do you have?”

The biker replies "I'm a U.S. Marine, a Republican and I’m voting for Trump."

The journalist leaves.

The following morning the biker buys the paper to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on the front page:
“U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT & STEALS HIS LUNCH”
And THAT pretty much sums up the media's approach to the news these days!

[Whistler]

This thread as about jokes not pathetic political pot-shots.

[noosard]

This thread as about jokes not pathetic political pot-shots.

Now that is funny for the joke section

[Whistler]

This thread as about jokes not pathetic political pot-shots.

Now that is funny for the joke section

Comments from.the cheap seats.

[tamada]

This thread as about jokes not pathetic political pot-shots.

Now that is funny for the joke section

Comments from.the cheap seats.

Who pished in your cornflakes then?

[Whistler]

Up to you noo and Tam. There are plenty of threads where people can express their political.or social views. If you thought TT's post was funny fair enough, I don't.

[tamada]

[tamada]

[tamada]

[747man]

pope.jpeg

555 !! Very Funny Coming from a Glaswegian....

[tamada]

[Doodoo]

MEL BROOKS there is only ONE

Moses Ten Commandments - Mel Brooks
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w556vrpsy4w