marriage withhold freedom ,true or false?

[Bangsean_girl]

Hi everyone. Here I'm again whenever I'd like to ask for all of your opinion then I'm here anyway,I think most of you here are married men, and I'd like to know if married life effects your freedome or not?Imao, I think marriage withholds freedom.Eventhoug most people think they can still have their own life and freedom while married,could you imagine how hard for you to take care of yourself sometime? everyday you wake up , find things to eat, go to work,come home from work late, being tired, have to find things to eat again, and do all of the activities in daily life.Some people find it hard to even time just for themselves.I'm sure once you married it means you have to do double work from what you have to do before, and if you have children then all the works go up three or four times depends on how many children you have.However It's not that I anti marriage life, but I 'd like to know from the real life of married people if they find it's hard to do whatever they like before or not.Since I'm gonna have a debate about being single is the best so I try to use this rational to fight with the other team hehe.If you think that marriage life withholds freedom like me then it would help alot, if not then it will even help me more coz I'd know what I can fight the other team back.
thank you in advance for taking your time to reply

[BKKSTAN]

Of course marriage means giving up some freedoms!It depends on your thinking and what freedoms you value that are more important than the benefits you get from a marriage!
If you think experimentation and self gratification are freedoms you value more than sharing,partnership,close friendship and companionship,family values etc.,then single is the best place for you!

If two people really love each other,they are not really sacrificing any freedoms that are more important than their feelings for each other.

So the question is do you really sacrifice real love for the superficial things and experiences that will never match or last like ''real love for another person?

It would be interesting to hear what freedoms you think are so valuable that makes you think antimarriage!

[Viking68]

Hi, ewerybody im new here on this forum

I am married to a girl from Nongkhai, have been for six years now. I would agree
that you loose some of your freedom after marriage, espesially when you marriage
with a Thai ....I have no regrets, im wery happy, but there are a lot of culture differenses in a falang/Thai marriage

Hope you understand my english

[lynxlynx]

Hmm, you state workload as your argument. Don't you think that marriage allows you to split it up and share it with your partner (whereas as a single you have to deal with every issue alone)?

PS: BTW, I am single (and in the single advocate camp) but workload wouldn't be on my list of arguments.

[Roadman]

Most of the things you describe (the normal house duties) are the same same and not different whether you are single or married.

Stan has it aligned correctly with the self gratification of single life and sharing of married life.

Have been through both the process twice like most I suspect - single until 20's, married into the late 30's, single through the 40's, and now married again.
The single in the 40's was the most self indulgent period of my life and I suspect that had more to do with the amount of surplus money I had to "waste" on myself. Something I didn't have for the first single life which was also indulgent but more so from gaining 1st experiences.

From all those experiences I could debate that there is more freedom in married life than single life. It is dependent on what you describe at freedom. lyxnlyxn started off on the right track with sharing of household chores. That can be expanded like the freedom my partner and I both now have from the 2 shared incomes we earn ensuring we have no sleepless nights worrying about house mortgages, bussiness and investment cash shortfalls etc.
From a personnel point of view having a partner means having the freedom from bar trolling for someone to share the night with, freedom from one night or short term partners who don't understand you and the freedom from things like the risk of aids.
The lists for either side of the debate are endless. Its the same same as the glass half fill/half empty but difference in that you can make either option comfortably fit you depending on whether you are single or married.

[Maligator]

Roadman...
You have hit it on the head.
My sentiments exactly.

[BKKSTAN]

Another point to the discusssion.I don't advocate marriage for young people.I think that one should experience single life until the mid twenties.This gives them a chance to grow up and complete formal education also!

Maturity is helpful for growing a healthy and fruitful relationship!

This is probably not the case in expat/Thai relationships because of the cultural and financial differences!

[lynxlynx]

I think that one should experience single life until the mid twenties.

Well, the trend in the Western societies is early 30s now ...

On that note Bangsean_girl, how old are you? I am 37 and I am sure my views regarding marriage will greatly differ in 10 years time.

[Maligator]

I am 37 and I am sure my views regarding marriage will greatly differ in 10 years time.

No, not really.
As a matter of fact, they might just get worse!

[rickfarang]

Welcome, Viking68!

As for the OP: If one is lucky, life offers a series of choices, and among these are the trade-offs. Most men opt to trade their lives of being single and "free" for the the benefits of marriage much as many men choose to become employees of a company rather than run a business of their own. In both cases, one realizes the benefits of working as part of a larger whole rather than striking out as an individual, but in order to realize this, one must give up some freedom and flexibility. If we didn't think it worth while, there would be fewer married men.

[laphanphon]

Very scary, agree with lynx lynx, and of course stan and roadman.

Not sure if marriage itself would limit ones freedoms, presumably to do and enjoy things done when single, that usually are not on a married persons agenda. What I think is more important to the issue, is the compatibility of the couple, and their acceptance of a monogamous relationship. If both are ready for a monogamous relationship, then half the battle is over, the other half would be trust, again, marriage has nothing to do with that, a vow is simply that, trust is a bit more, and would solve most of the freedom issues. Speaking for myself, I have the freedom to do pretty much anything I please, and extend that to my partner. If I want to do a walk around and cruise a couple bars with the boys, she trust me to do so, and visa versa. Actually, I prefer she come with me, as her company is missed when by myself. She is also the same, if out with sis or something and I

[aznyron]

baloney do what you want this is thailand just don't get caught LOL
freedom is what you make of it if you have a heavy wallet then you got fredom if your wallet is bare sorry no freedom LOL you stuck home with crying babies well you made them now you must live with them & love them & nurture them. I paid my dues my 3 kids are all over 40 and they are married with childrten of there own I got married to help my wife sadly I was thinking she would get my pension when she was 60 yrs old I found out she must live in the USA for 5 years well that is not a option right now Gov. always dreaming up ways to screw you

[Aardvark]

Good post La and agree totally. I'm also lucky enough to have a trusting wife and trust in return, withuot this there would be nothing but arguments. I have known couples who do not share trust and there lives are miserable during these times. I must also admit that finding the right girl was good luck rather than skill on my part. Some people think you can choose from lifes experiences, but I believe a lot of luck is needed also. Too many variables.

[polehawk]

Funny stuff, LA. We're all waiting for those pics.

B_girl, you're gonna break a lot of hearts in here if you now announce you're getting married.

[Thai_1_On]

Bangsean_girl would like to hear your definition of freedom? I'm 46 and married to a Udon girl for the last 9 years and I still feel as free as the day before I meet her. The same could not be said for my ex-American wife because she though I would have a mi-noy first chance I had and only to find out she had a lover herself on the side. As LA said trust is the most important thing in a marriage and I feel the same. I go out a few times a week to maybe a local bar or a round of golf or what ever catches my eye. I always ask if my wife would like to go or not, and when she goes out she asks the same.

Here is a perfect definition of freedom.
the power to exercise choice and make decisions without constraint from within or without; autonomy; self-determination.

And now here is an old proverb I try to live by.

If you love something or someone
set them free.
If they return then there yours,
if they don't then they never where.

So in closing I think that if two people truly love and trust each other that would be the ultimate form of freedom as one could go out and sing, stretch there wings, and fly and be welcomed home with loving arms because of the trust and love two people have for each other. There is no greater freedom.

[Bangsean_girl]

Thank you for all helpful replies, my debate went well since my team won However, I wish I could fight for the opposite team! I think it is most girls's dream to be wearing a beautiful white dress on wedding day!! However I think if two people love each other , the marriage ceremony or the married paper is not that matter you know.Both are jsut something to show the social that you both are officially being wife and husband,but it all will be useless if the couple are not truely in love.I see many people live together without marriage and they are very happy couple,I find that is cool as well.But I dont think thai social would look at it as a good way since we think that women should married men before they stay together.(you know it all about face again) hehe. Anyway somebody has asked my age and well I'd say that I'm not too young and not too old

[Bangsean_girl]

Thank you for all helpful replies, my debate went well since my team won However, I wish I could fight for the opposite team! I think it is most girls's dream to be wearing a beautiful white dress on wedding day!! However I think if two people love each other , the marriage ceremony or the married paper are not that matter you know.Both are just something to show the social that you both are officially being wife and husband, but it all will be useless if the couple are not truely in love.I see many people live together without marriage and they are very happy couple, I find that is cool as well.But I dont think thai social would look at it as a good way since we think that women should married men before they stay together.(you know it all about face again) hehe. Anyway somebody has asked my age and well I'd say that I'm not too young and not too old

[lynxlynx]

Anyway somebody has asked my age and well I'd say that I'm not too young and not too old

... Coward

[Prenders88]

I'm glad your debate went well.

Looked at your avatar, have you got a new car? =D>

[Aardvark]

Cant figure how your team won Bangsean_girl, just went back through the posts and most people agreed that marriage did not necessarilly diminish ones freedom. I think your side lost