The Why of Men
1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
(Because they are plugged into a genius)
2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?
(They don't have enough time)
3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
(They don't stop to ask directions)
4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
(Because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock)
(You're laughing, aren't you?)
5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
(So they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties)
6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
(You need a rough draft before you make a final copy)
7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?
(Don't know...it never happened)
(C'mon guys, we laugh at your blonde jokes!)
8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
(Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)
A Little Humor by Pop-Pop's Net & Games
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thethailife
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thethailife
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Broken Promise...
Of course I won't laugh," the doctor said. "I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient."
"Okay then," Fred said, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest penis the doctor had ever seen. It couldn't have been size of a peanut. Unable to control himself, the doctor started giggling, then fell laughing to the floor. Ten minutes later he was able to struggle to his feet and regain his composure.
"I'm so sorry, "Said the doctor. "I really am... I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a doctor and a gentleman, I promise it won't happen again. Now, what seems to be the problem?"
"It's swollen," Fred replied.
Of course I won't laugh," the doctor said. "I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient."
"Okay then," Fred said, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest penis the doctor had ever seen. It couldn't have been size of a peanut. Unable to control himself, the doctor started giggling, then fell laughing to the floor. Ten minutes later he was able to struggle to his feet and regain his composure.
"I'm so sorry, "Said the doctor. "I really am... I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a doctor and a gentleman, I promise it won't happen again. Now, what seems to be the problem?"
"It's swollen," Fred replied.
"A good imagination is more important than intelligence" Albert Einstein. Dave
nice one lol =D>thethailife wrote:http://www.barry.fireflyinternet.co.uk/ ... /pilot.htm
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businessman
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One day, a farmer was tending to his livestock when he noticed that one of his cows was completely cross-eyed. He called up a veterinarian friend of his who told him to bring in his cow. The vet took one look at the cow, stuck a tube up the cow's butt, and blew into the tube until the cow's eyes straightened out. The vet charged the farmer a hundred bucks, and the farmer went home happy. About a week later, the cow's eyes were cross-eyed again, but this time the farmer figured he could probably take care of it himself. So he called his hired hand over, and together they put a tube up the cow's butt. The farmer put his lips to the tube and started to blow. Strangely, nothing happened, so he asked his hired hand to give it a try. The hired hand removed the tube, turned it around, put it in the cow's butt and started to blow.
"What are you doing?" asked the farmer, horrified.
"Well, I wasn't gonna use the side that YOU had put your lips on."
"What are you doing?" asked the farmer, horrified.
"Well, I wasn't gonna use the side that YOU had put your lips on."
A woman who had been married for several years was growing more and more frustrated at her husband?s lack of interest in sex. She wondered about ways to add some pizzazz to their sexual relationship, and finally decided to purchase some crotchless underwear she had seen in a novelty shop.
One evening when she was feeling particularly desirous and he was, as usual, watching television, she took a shower, freshened up, and donned her Crotchless undies and a slinky negligee. She then strolled between her husband and the television and suggestively tossed one leg up on his chair arm. ?Want some of this?? she purred??
?Are you kidding?? he replied, ?Look what it did to your underwear!?
One evening when she was feeling particularly desirous and he was, as usual, watching television, she took a shower, freshened up, and donned her Crotchless undies and a slinky negligee. She then strolled between her husband and the television and suggestively tossed one leg up on his chair arm. ?Want some of this?? she purred??
?Are you kidding?? he replied, ?Look what it did to your underwear!?
A sexy woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub...She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately. Seductively signalled that he should bring his face closer to hers.
As he did, she gently caressed his full beard. "Are you the manager?"
She asked, softly stroking his face with both hands. "Actually, no," he replied.
"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him?
" She said, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.
"I'm afraid I can't," breathed the bartender. Is there anything I can do?"
"Yes. I need for you to give him a message," she continued, running her forefinger across the bartender's lips and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.
"What should I tell him?" the bartender managed to say.
"Tell him," she whispered, " there's no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room
As he did, she gently caressed his full beard. "Are you the manager?"
She asked, softly stroking his face with both hands. "Actually, no," he replied.
"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him?
" She said, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.
"I'm afraid I can't," breathed the bartender. Is there anything I can do?"
"Yes. I need for you to give him a message," she continued, running her forefinger across the bartender's lips and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.
"What should I tell him?" the bartender managed to say.
"Tell him," she whispered, " there's no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room
Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out. Both were very faithful and loving wives, however they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers.
Incredibly drunk and walking home, they needed to pee. So they decided to stop in a nearby cemetery. Having nothing to wipe with, one of them thought she would take off her panties and use them.
Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them, but was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that. After the girls did their business they proceeded to go home.
The next day one of the women's husbands was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said "These damn girl's nights out have got to stop. I'm starting to suspect the worst. My wife came home with no panties!"
"That's nothing" said the other husband, "Mine came back with a card stuck between the crack of her butt that said "From all of us at the Fire Station. We'll never forget you."
Incredibly drunk and walking home, they needed to pee. So they decided to stop in a nearby cemetery. Having nothing to wipe with, one of them thought she would take off her panties and use them.
Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them, but was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that. After the girls did their business they proceeded to go home.
The next day one of the women's husbands was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said "These damn girl's nights out have got to stop. I'm starting to suspect the worst. My wife came home with no panties!"
"That's nothing" said the other husband, "Mine came back with a card stuck between the crack of her butt that said "From all of us at the Fire Station. We'll never forget you."
A little boy walks into his parents room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom see's her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dress's quickly and goes to find him. The son see's his mom and asks' "What were you and dad doing?"
The mother replies "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it."
"You're wasting your time." says the boy.
"Why is that?" asked him mom, puzzled.
"Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up."
The mother replies "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it."
"You're wasting your time." says the boy.
"Why is that?" asked him mom, puzzled.
"Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up."
"Equal Opportunities"
A young boy asks his father, "Dad, is it ok for us guys to notice all the different kind of boobs?"
Surprised, the father answers, "Well, sure son, we wouldn't be normal if we didn't.... there are all kinds of breasts...depending on a woman's age-- In her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions."
"Onions, Dad?"
"Yeah, you see them and they make you cry...."
Not to be outdone, his sister asks her mother, "Mom, how many kind of penises are there?"
The mother, delighted to have equal time, answers, "Well, daughter, a man goes through three phases. In a man's twenties, a man's penis is like an oak, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree."
"A Christmas tree?"
"Yep, dried up and the balls are only there for decoration..."
Guess who was bored tonight LOL
A young boy asks his father, "Dad, is it ok for us guys to notice all the different kind of boobs?"
Surprised, the father answers, "Well, sure son, we wouldn't be normal if we didn't.... there are all kinds of breasts...depending on a woman's age-- In her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions."
"Onions, Dad?"
"Yeah, you see them and they make you cry...."
Not to be outdone, his sister asks her mother, "Mom, how many kind of penises are there?"
The mother, delighted to have equal time, answers, "Well, daughter, a man goes through three phases. In a man's twenties, a man's penis is like an oak, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree."
"A Christmas tree?"
"Yep, dried up and the balls are only there for decoration..."
Guess who was bored tonight LOL
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PopsIcafe
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A man, his wife, and mother-in-law went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the mother-in-law passed away. The undertaker told them, "You can have her shipped home for $5000, or you can bury her here in the Holy Land for $150."
The man thought about it and finally told the undertaker he would just have to get her shipped home.
The undertaker asked, "Why would you want to spend $5000 to ship your mother-in-law home, when it would be wonderful to have her be buried here and you would only spend $150?"
The man replied, "A long time ago, a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance."
The man thought about it and finally told the undertaker he would just have to get her shipped home.
The undertaker asked, "Why would you want to spend $5000 to ship your mother-in-law home, when it would be wonderful to have her be buried here and you would only spend $150?"
The man replied, "A long time ago, a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance."
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BangkokButcher
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BangkokButcher
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BangkokButcher
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Wifes Night Out
Wifes Night Out
Your wife decides to go out with her friends drinking and dancing.... You're okay with it, because you get to watch the footy all night....
You hear her stumble into bed around 4 and laugh knowing she's going to have a monster hangover.... You wake up next morning and go outside tothe family Volvo, which she used last night.... You sigh in relief because it's all in one piece.... You circle the car looking for dents and find none....
But .... Wait a minute....
Your wife decides to go out with her friends drinking and dancing.... You're okay with it, because you get to watch the footy all night....
You hear her stumble into bed around 4 and laugh knowing she's going to have a monster hangover.... You wake up next morning and go outside tothe family Volvo, which she used last night.... You sigh in relief because it's all in one piece.... You circle the car looking for dents and find none....
But .... Wait a minute....
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businessman
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laphanphon
wish i could take credit for this, but Garnet sent it out to me
Bush finally arrives in new orleans
http://community.webshots.com/photo/365 ... 2237lMcwlV
i need to re-educate myself on how to post images.
Bush finally arrives in new orleans
http://community.webshots.com/photo/365 ... 2237lMcwlV
i need to re-educate myself on how to post images.
Just received this e-mail from a friend (Brit & a woman, obviously)
Between 18 and 20 a women is like Africa, half discovered, half wild, naturally beautiful with fertile deltas.
Between 21 and 30 a woman is like Italy, well developed and open to trade especially for someone with cash.
Between 31 and 35 she is like India, very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.
Between 36 and 40 a woman is like France. Gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.
Between 41 and 50 she is like Yugoslavia, lost the war - haunted by past mistakes. Massive reconstruction is now necessary.
Between 51 and 61 she is like Russia, very wide and borders are unpatrolled. The frigid climate keeps people away.
Between 61 and 70 a woman is like Mongolia, with a glorious and all conquering past, but alas, no future.
After 70 they become Afghanistan. Almost everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there.
The Geography of a Man.
Between 15 and 70 a man is like America - ruled by a dick.
Between 18 and 20 a women is like Africa, half discovered, half wild, naturally beautiful with fertile deltas.
Between 21 and 30 a woman is like Italy, well developed and open to trade especially for someone with cash.
Between 31 and 35 she is like India, very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.
Between 36 and 40 a woman is like France. Gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.
Between 41 and 50 she is like Yugoslavia, lost the war - haunted by past mistakes. Massive reconstruction is now necessary.
Between 51 and 61 she is like Russia, very wide and borders are unpatrolled. The frigid climate keeps people away.
Between 61 and 70 a woman is like Mongolia, with a glorious and all conquering past, but alas, no future.
After 70 they become Afghanistan. Almost everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there.
The Geography of a Man.
Between 15 and 70 a man is like America - ruled by a dick.