Is it Better to lied than to hurt someone you love or not?

Post by **Frankie 1** » June 13, 2007, 5:34 am

[quote]
Usually lying is some part of kindness. I don

Post by **Aardvark** » June 13, 2007, 6:24 pm

Cant wait to meet you Frankie, can I assume you are a man of the cloth.

m You certainly have varied ideas depending on the subject

or are you just a stirrer. In Aussie that means B...---- artist or do you say the first thing that comes to mind

Post by **Frankie 1** » June 13, 2007, 6:43 pm

You certainly have varied ideas depending on the subject

Varied ideas about what?

Where does lying as a kindness stop, and cheating or swindling begin?

It doesn't mean I aprove of lying as a kindness, I only ask the other person, where for him/her would be the limit to what sort of lying is kind for them, and where they would call it cheating or swindleing.

I can also reverse the original question:
Are you a person that people would have to lie to to save face?
Are you a person people would have to lie to as a kindness?

I am a person you can say anything to. Because my confidence is not dependent on what an other person tells me, and I am not afraid to learn something.

Post by **Frankie 1** » June 13, 2007, 6:54 pm

I think that most people lie because after they made a mistake they are afraid of the consequences of their own mistake.
So I think they lie because they are embarrast, and their reasons are only about themself.
If they say they lie because they don't want to hurt the other person, I think that is b**sh*t.

Post by **BKKSTAN** » June 13, 2007, 7:19 pm

I think you are right Frankie1,but people in denial rationalize that they don't want to hurt the other persons feelings.Being ''brutally'' honest about little things between acquaintances and new people can be rude and not polite!But in an important relationship,honesty and trust are the core!

Post by **jackspratt** » June 13, 2007, 8:05 pm

BKKSTAN wrote:Being ''brutally'' honest about little things between acquaintances and new people can be rude and not polite!But in an important relationship,honesty and trust are the core!

Brutal honesty is rarely required in a relationship. And if it is, I would suggest the relationship has a very limited shelf life.

Post by **BKKSTAN** » June 13, 2007, 8:35 pm

I think we are in agreement jackspratt!

Post by **Frankie 1** » June 14, 2007, 6:33 am

Being ''brutally'' honest about little things between acquaintances and new people can be rude and not polite!

Would like to hear MuayThaiGuy's opinion about that

but I don't want to be called a stirrer, ha ha

valentine · Post by **valentine** » June 14, 2007, 7:25 am

There are as many types of lie as there are people to tell them so its not a black and white answer.For example I would lie on a job application if I thought it enhanced by prospects of getting it, and I was confident of my ability to carry it through. However to needlessly lie just to impress others can never be justified and actually displays an insecurity in the person doing so. No in my experience most lies are told in reply to a direct question, and in this case I would say , tell the truth. If the person asking can,t cope with the answer they shouldn,t have asked. So your truthful reply is not the cause of their unhappiness, its their own doubts or insecurities that are hurting them.In most of these cases they have already prejudged your answer so are unlikely to believe you anyway.Let me give an example:A father of a teenage daughter suspects she is being sexually active, so he asks her. Should she lie? No. Will the answer hurt Dad? Of course it will. However its not the lie, but the action thats causing his distress, so try and live a life that you shouldn,t be ashamed of. After all thats what lying is about, isn,t it?And don,t ask any questions that you couldn,t cope with a truthful answer.

Post by **BKKSTAN** » June 14, 2007, 8:01 am

Well said ,Val =D>

Post by **UdonExpat** » June 14, 2007, 9:51 am

Yes, Val, very well said. =D>

If we are dong things that need to be lied about, what does it say about ourselves?
Our actions may be different than another person would want, but if we are comfortable with the rightness of our actions, then the other will just have to deal with it if they become aware of it.

If I do something that I don't want someone to know about, I probably just won't tell them. If they ask, they'll get the truth. If the truth is likely to cause them distress, I'll put it in the most compassionate way that I can. The truth used as a hammer is best not said.

Post by **Frankie 1** » June 14, 2007, 4:28 pm

I think that some people choose to live with lies, and are not interested in hearing the truth, because the truth doesn't fit into their own little world.

I think it would be best to leave them in their own world, because they don't want to hear the truth anyway. The truth may even make them angry.

So I think, maybe sometimes it would be best to say nothing.

Post by **BKKSTAN** » June 14, 2007, 4:39 pm

I find that many Thai people that I have a regular relationship,choose to ''be quiet'' when they don't want to tell the truth about something rather than lie or make a comment that might be construed as ''not polite''!