Consolidated Joke Thread

[AlexO]

A British Navy Destroyer stops four Muslims in a row boat, rowing towards Brighton .
The captain gets on the loud hailer and shouts, "Ahoy, small craft, where are you heading?"
One of the Muslims stands up and shouts, "We are invading England !"
The crew of the Destroyer all start laughing and when the captain finally stops laughing, he gets back on the loud hailer and says, "Just the four of you?"
The Muslim stands up again and shouts, "No, we're the last four. The other 6 million are already there!"

[tinpeeba]

"Mum, I'm going out."

"No you're not, not until you change out of that miniskirt."

"Why should I, what's wrong with it?"

"Because I can see your balls Richard."

[747man]

..a young woman orders an uber. Uber driver says "there's no destination. Where to? "
"Gatwick " the woman says.
Driver says "you're the 2nd pregnant woman I've taken to the airport "
Woman :"but I'm not pregnant"
Uber driver :"we're not there yet "

[747man]

[AlexO]

A man got on the bus with both of his front trouser pockets full of golf balls
and sat down next to a beautiful blonde.
The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.
Finally, after many glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls."
The blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, thinking deeply
about what he had said.
Finally, unable to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked,
"Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"

[747man]

[747man]

[747man]

A Touch of the Remoaners !!!

[stattointhailand]

I take it that the bookies failed to mention that the winner was the only horse with 4 legs then

[747man]

[747man]

[747man]

[747man]

Oh Dear !!!!!!!!!!

[747man]

[747man]

[AlexO]

In the wreckage from the flames the firefighters could only salvage a small case. Inside they found two sandwiches, a bag of crisps and a carton of juice....
It was the lunchpack of Notre -Dame!!..

[747man]

[AlexO]

A couple, both age 78, went to an NHS sex therapist's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"
The man said, "Will you watch us have sex?"
The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed.
When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have sex," and charged them £50.
This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have sex with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave.
Finally, the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"
"We're not trying to find out anything," the husband replied.
"She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges £90. The Hilton charges £108. We do it here for £50...and I get £43 back from Bupa.

[747man]

BREAKING: Man shot with starting pistol in senseless attack.
Police believe it’s race related.

[747man]