Consolidated Joke Thread

[stattointhailand]

I miss our little chats in the "boyzown" massage parlour you ran next door to CC in the "old days"

[Drunk Monkey]

I miss our little chats in the "boyzown" massage parlour you ran next door to CC in the "old days"

Arrrr the good old days statts ... you were a great asset to the business

DM

[vidmaster]

Sorted

[vidmaster]

https://sehen.site/th/f-n2?f=

[stattointhailand]

And Moses led the children of Israel through the desert for 40 years, then Mrs Moses said "can we just stop and ask someone directions"

And as he stared at the burning bush Moses said "I think you've overdone that Bikini wax again love"

And the Lord had but 5 loaves and Two fishes which he held up and said "this is why you shouldn't leave the shopping at Big C till late on Saturday"

And Noah said If this flood lasts much longer we are gonna have to eat the Unicorns

[vidmaster]

That’s ok then

[stattointhailand]

If someone shoves Trump into a Vat of quick drying cement, would that be setting a bad precedent?

[Drunk Monkey]

If someone shoves Trump into a Vat of quick drying cement, would that be setting a bad precedent?

Morning Statts .. please can you confirm if this gem is the last from your Christmas archive list .. you must of pulled all 12 deluxe crackers by now ????

DM

[Mjkt]

[Whistler]

Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar

You can't tell me that's just a coincidence .

[TAXIfor7/11]

[TAXIfor7/11]

[Mjkt]

Son: “I was awarded the ‘Leslie Nielsen badge’ at school today”
Dad: “What's that?”
Son: “It's a big building full of pupils and teachers, but that's not important right now.”

[Mjkt]

[vidmaster]

[Mjkt]

[AlexO]

The Bacon Tree
Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States , wandering aimlessly and starving.
They are about to just lie down and wait for death, when all of a sudden Luis says:
"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I theenk."
"Is, Luis, eet sure smell like bacon."
With renewed hope, they struggle up the next sand dune, & there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.
There's raw bacon, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon, every imaginable kind of cured pork.
"Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved! Ees a bacon tree!"
"Luis, maybe ees a meerage?
We ees in the desert don't forget."
"Pepe, since when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like bacon?
Ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree!"
With that, Luis staggers towards the tree.
He gets to within 5 yards, Pepe crawling close behind, when suddenly a machine gun opens up, and Luis drops like a wet sock.
Mortally wounded, he warns Pepe with his dying breath:
"Pepe, go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree!"
"Luis, Luis miamigo, what ees it?"
"Pepe ees not a bacon tree. Ees...
Ees...
Ees...
Ees...
Ees...
Ees...
Ees... a ham bush."

[AlexO]

A man from the east was heading west with his family, fearing for their lives across a particularly dangerous portion of the trip, he decided to hire an Indian guide.
As they trekked along on their horses, suddenly the guide held up his hand, gesturing the man and his family to stop.
He got off his horse and put his head to the ground and promptly stood up and proclaimed "BUFFALO COME"! The man was amazed! He asked the Indian "Can you really tell that buffalo are heading this way just by putting your ear to the ground"?
No the Indian replied. As he cleared to substance from his ear, he repeated "Buffalo come"!

[AlexO]

There once was a Red Indian who had only one testicle, and whose given name was 'Onestone'.
He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone.
After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said,'
If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!'
The word got around and nobody called him that any more.
Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said, 'Good morning, Onestone.'
He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night.
He made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion.
The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do.
Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away.
Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone.
She hugged him and said, 'Good to see you, Onestone.'
Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, made love to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all the next day,
Made love to her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn't die!
Why ???
OH, come on... Take a guess !!!
Think about it !!!
You're going to love this !!!
Everyone knows..
You can't kill Two Birds
With
OneStone !!

[747man]

BREAKING: A lady from Thailand, who lives in Somerset was rescued today by emergency services when the flood water came up to her bollocks.....