A Little Humor by Pop-Pop's Net & Games
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beer monkey
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- Joined: January 1, 2006, 8:08 am
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don't drink the water
Wine or Water?
In wine there is wisdom.
In beer there is freedom.
In water there is bacteria.
In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. coli) -- bacteria found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop.
However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.
Remember:
Water = Poop,
beer = freedom.
Wine = Health
Therefore, it's better to drink wine or beer and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of sh#t .
There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I'm doing it as a Udon Thani public service
In wine there is wisdom.
In beer there is freedom.
In water there is bacteria.
In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. coli) -- bacteria found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop.
However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.
Remember:
Water = Poop,
beer = freedom.
Wine = Health
Therefore, it's better to drink wine or beer and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of sh#t .
There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I'm doing it as a Udon Thani public service
FUNNY ENGLISH NOTICES AROUND THE WORLD!
---------------------------------------
Here are some signs and notices written in English that were
discovered throughout the world. You have to give the writers an
'E' for Effort. We hope you enjoy them.
In a Tokyo Hotel:
Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a
person to do such thing is please not to read notis.
In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we
regret that you will be unbearable.
In a Leipzig elevator:
Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.
In a Belgrade hotel elevator:
To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin
should enter more persons, each one should press a number of
wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by
national order.
In a Paris hotel elevator:
Please leave your values at the front desk.
In a hotel in Athens:
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the
hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.
In a Yugoslavian hotel:
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the
chambermaid.
In a Japanese hotel:
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////http://www.danielsen.com/jokes/signs.txt I like the last one 
Here are some signs and notices written in English that were
discovered throughout the world. You have to give the writers an
'E' for Effort. We hope you enjoy them.
In a Tokyo Hotel:
Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a
person to do such thing is please not to read notis.
In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we
regret that you will be unbearable.
In a Leipzig elevator:
Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.
In a Belgrade hotel elevator:
To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin
should enter more persons, each one should press a number of
wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by
national order.
In a Paris hotel elevator:
Please leave your values at the front desk.
In a hotel in Athens:
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the
hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.
In a Yugoslavian hotel:
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the
chambermaid.
In a Japanese hotel:
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////http://www.danielsen.com/jokes/signs.txt
I like the last one 
......................................... Is this why they changed the name from (Thai: à¸à¸£à¸¸à¸‡à¹€à¸—พมหานคร à¸à¸¡à¸£à¸£à¸±à¸•à¸™à¹‚à¸à¸ªà¸´à¸™à¸—ร์ มหินทรายุธยามหาดิลà¸à¸ พ นพรัตน์ราชธานี บุรีรมย์à¸à¸¸à¸”มราชนิเวศน์มหาสถาน à¸à¸¡à¸£à¸žà¸´à¸¡à¸²à¸™à¸à¸§à¸•à¸²à¸£à¸ªà¸–ิต สัà¸à¸à¸°à¸—ัตติยะวิษณุà¸à¸£à¸£à¸¡à¸›à¸£à¸°à¸ªà¸´à¸—ธิ์,)............. ..........................................................................or as we now it Bangkok ............ info from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bangkok#Full_nameLearn Thai in 5 minutes...
(You MUST read them aloud)
1) That's not right ......................... Sum Ting Wong
2) Are you harboring a fugitive?............. Hu Yu Hai Ding
3) See me ASAP................................ Kum Hia Nao& gt;
4) Stupid Man ................................ Dum Fuk
5) Small Horse ............................... Tai Ni Po Ni
6) Did you go to the beach? .................. WaiYu So Tan
7) I bumped into a coffee table .............. Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
8.) I think you need a face lift .............. Chin Tu Fat
9) It's very dark in here .................... Wao So Dim
10) I thought you were on a diet ............. Wai Yu Mun Ching
11) This is a tow away zone .................. No Pah individual
12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week ... Wai Yu Kum Nao
13) Staying out of sight ..................... Lei Ying Lo
14) He's cleaning his automobile ............. Wa Shing Ka
15) Your body odour is offensive .............. Yu Stin Ki Pu
16) Great .................................... Fa Kin Su Pah
(You MUST read them aloud)
1) That's not right ......................... Sum Ting Wong
2) Are you harboring a fugitive?............. Hu Yu Hai Ding
3) See me ASAP................................ Kum Hia Nao& gt;
4) Stupid Man ................................ Dum Fuk
5) Small Horse ............................... Tai Ni Po Ni
6) Did you go to the beach? .................. WaiYu So Tan
7) I bumped into a coffee table .............. Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
8.) I think you need a face lift .............. Chin Tu Fat
9) It's very dark in here .................... Wao So Dim
10) I thought you were on a diet ............. Wai Yu Mun Ching
11) This is a tow away zone .................. No Pah individual
12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week ... Wai Yu Kum Nao
13) Staying out of sight ..................... Lei Ying Lo
14) He's cleaning his automobile ............. Wa Shing Ka
15) Your body odour is offensive .............. Yu Stin Ki Pu
16) Great .................................... Fa Kin Su Pah
The English Language
Have you ever wondered why foreigners have trouble with the English Language?
Let's face it
English is a stupid language.
There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England
French fries were not invented in France.
We sometimes take English for granted
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
If writers write, how come fingers don't fing.
If the plural of tooth is teeth
Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth
If the teacher taught,
Why didn't the preacher praught.
If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What the heck does a humanitarian eat!?
Why do people recite at a play
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
Of a language where a house can burn up as
It burns down
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes!
English was invented by people, not computers
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn't a race at all)
That is why
When the stars are out they are visible
But when the lights are out they are invisible
And why it is that when I wind up my watch
It starts
But when I wind up this observation,
It ends.
Have you ever wondered why foreigners have trouble with the English Language?
Let's face it
English is a stupid language.
There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England
French fries were not invented in France.
We sometimes take English for granted
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
If writers write, how come fingers don't fing.
If the plural of tooth is teeth
Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth
If the teacher taught,
Why didn't the preacher praught.
If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What the heck does a humanitarian eat!?
Why do people recite at a play
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
Of a language where a house can burn up as
It burns down
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes!
English was invented by people, not computers
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn't a race at all)
That is why
When the stars are out they are visible
But when the lights are out they are invisible
And why it is that when I wind up my watch
It starts
But when I wind up this observation,
It ends.
Tiger Woods
On a golf tour of Thailand, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in Udon Thani the pump attendant who obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Thailand manner completely unaware of who the golf pro is. sawaddi crap'' says the attendant. Tiger nods a quick hello'' and bends forward to give him the money . As he does so, two golf tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the car seat . What are those for ? ", asks the attendant. 'They're called tees'' replies Tiger. what are they for.'' inquires the The pump attendant 'They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving off", says Tiger. o' my budda says the pump attendant, ''BMW thinks of everything don't they' 
A man went in for a Brain transplant operation and was offered a choice of two brains by the surgeon. He could choose either the Architect's brain which would cost him £10,000 or the Politician's which was £100,000.
"Does that mean that the politician's brain is much better than the Architect's?" exclaimed the clearly puzzled man.
"not exactly" replied the surgeon, "the politician's has never been used."
"Does that mean that the politician's brain is much better than the Architect's?" exclaimed the clearly puzzled man.
"not exactly" replied the surgeon, "the politician's has never been used."
Little Johnny came home from school one day and went by his mom's room. The door was open, so he looked in and saw his mom lying on the bed naked moaning and touching herself saying, "Ooh, I need a man! I need a man!"
The next day, Little Johnny got home from school and saw his mom lying on the bed naked with a naked guy on top of her. So Little Johnny ran to his room, stripped down naked, and started to touch himself, while moaning, "Ooh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"
The next day, Little Johnny got home from school and saw his mom lying on the bed naked with a naked guy on top of her. So Little Johnny ran to his room, stripped down naked, and started to touch himself, while moaning, "Ooh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"
The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
Conclusion: Eat and drink what you like. It's speaking English that kills you.
On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
Conclusion: Eat and drink what you like. It's speaking English that kills you.
"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up" said the sarcastic teacher.
After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.
"Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the teacher with a sneer.
"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."
After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.
"Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the teacher with a sneer.
"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."
Vacationing in Hawaii, two priests decide to wear casual clothes so they won't be identified as clergy. They buy Hawaiian shirts and sandals, and soon head for the beach.
They notice a gorgeous blond in a tiny bikini. "Good afternoon, Fathers" she says as she strolls by.
The men are stunned. How does she know they are clergy? Later that day, they buy even wilder attire consisting of surfer shorts, tie dyed T-shirts, and dark glasses.
The next day, they return to the beach. The same fabulous blond, now wearing a string bikini, passes by, nods politely at them and says, "Good morning Fathers."
"Just a minute young lady.", says one of the priests. "We are priests and proud of it, but how in the world did you know?"
The blonde replies, "Don't you recognize me? I'm sister Katherine from the convent."
They notice a gorgeous blond in a tiny bikini. "Good afternoon, Fathers" she says as she strolls by.
The men are stunned. How does she know they are clergy? Later that day, they buy even wilder attire consisting of surfer shorts, tie dyed T-shirts, and dark glasses.
The next day, they return to the beach. The same fabulous blond, now wearing a string bikini, passes by, nods politely at them and says, "Good morning Fathers."
"Just a minute young lady.", says one of the priests. "We are priests and proud of it, but how in the world did you know?"
The blonde replies, "Don't you recognize me? I'm sister Katherine from the convent."
Two old ladies were outside their nursing home, having a smoke when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette and continued smoking.
Lady 1: What's that?
Lady 2: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Lady 1: Where did you get it?
Lady 2: You can get them at any drugstore.
The next day ... Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The guy looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age), but politely asks what brand she prefers.
Lady 1: It doesn't matter as long as it fits a Camel.
Lady 1: What's that?
Lady 2: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Lady 1: Where did you get it?
Lady 2: You can get them at any drugstore.
The next day ... Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The guy looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age), but politely asks what brand she prefers.
Lady 1: It doesn't matter as long as it fits a Camel.
I thought that my wife was bad at sports,
but after seeing this 25 seconds clip of Mariah Carey throwing a ball in Japan,
I think I have to revise my opinion.
Have to admit that I like her "special sport shoes" and "safety goggles"....
http://www.garagetv.be/video-galerij/my ... etje_.aspx
By the way, how much do you think the Japs will pay her for this????
but after seeing this 25 seconds clip of Mariah Carey throwing a ball in Japan,
I think I have to revise my opinion.
Have to admit that I like her "special sport shoes" and "safety goggles"....
http://www.garagetv.be/video-galerij/my ... etje_.aspx
By the way, how much do you think the Japs will pay her for this????
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beer monkey
- udonmap.com
- Posts: 14553
- Joined: January 1, 2006, 8:08 am
- Contact:
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The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends.
Life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A death. What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards.
You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, spend your last nine months floating . . . then finish off as an orgasm
Life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A death. What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards.
You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, spend your last nine months floating . . . then finish off as an orgasm