You really cant tell can you? (Wife leaves me)

[nkstan]

talking about it,especially to experienced expats has probably been beneficial,especially regards to advice given by Aussies familiar with the legal system there and possibly some needed support from others!

Diversion is also therapeutic for resting the mind and getting refocused!Although,I doubt he enjoyed the Arsenal game as I did!!

[BenZona]

Just an observation without aligning myself on either side .For a father who has had his son abducted he is spending a lot of his time on here, plus after just four days of losing him he was apparently watching Arsenal play on television.
Not the actions normally associated with a distressed parent , I would have thought. :-"

Thats exactly right, and for a very good reason. If i WAS to lose it, and if i WAS to do all the things most men would do, i would play right into their hands.

THe best thing i can do is to sit here, take advice, do things legally and keep my cool. I am not pretending it is easy, because it is not, but what is the other option? At the moment i have done nothing wrong, at the moment my wife, who has only had a visa for 7 weeks, has took off. SHE is now withholding contact from ME, SHE has made fake accusations only a day after i filed (the right thing to do) court papers. She is doing everything, and i have done nothing. I have not even let immigration know... its up to HER to play the moves, and will respond accordingly

I would be an ass and a half if i did anything else, and ill tell you this Truebrit, i have gone further. I have PURPOSELY cut off her mobile phone under my name. Now i cant contact her,at all, for anything and therefore I cant be accused of doing anything by contacting her.

She HAS to contact me, and the longer she does not, the better my overall position is

Do you really think i want to sit here doing nothing??? of course bloody not, i want to go get my son, but i am doing what is necessary to secure this in the long run, not flipping out and getting myself arrested.

if i vent online.. is defo better than venting in real life ATM

and of course, football is football

[grozza]

i dont know benzona from a bar of soap but my gut feeling is there is more to this,we have only heard one side of the story,i find it hard to believe that someone will get up in the middle of the night and take there child away if the husband is a nice guy,in my experience with thai people it takes a lot for them to yell and scream in the street,
benzona you said you brought your wifes parents out was that for a holiday or permanent,if permanent where are they now.
i know age means nothing but could you tell us the age difference between you and your wife,because i think you said you were her parents age.

[BenZona]

i dont know benzona from a bar of soap but my gut feeling is there is more to this,we have only heard one side of the story,i find it hard to believe that someone will get up in the middle of the night and take there child away if the husband is a nice guy,in my experience with thai people it takes a lot for them to yell and scream in the street,

yes, judge everything by your own experiences. The sheer logic of the situation means you will never hear the other side of the story, you know why?!?!?! Because she has done a runner to get a visa and is now sponging off the state whilst hiding my son.. funny, but that sort of negates me ringing her up and asking her to post her point of view hey.. and as for your "it will take a lot" comment, you are right... but a visa and $650 a week for 6 years might seem like a good enough reason to a scamming Thai bitch yes? (especially when you have no concept about how much it costs to live here)

Do i sound like a love struck fool pining for a woman he loves? No.. im GLAD shes gone, all i want is my son, she can rot on the streets for all i care, not the usual attitude of someone who has done things to someone to make them leave hey?

benzona you said you brought your wifes parents out was that for a holiday or permanent,if permanent where are they now.

no i didnt

i know age means nothing but could you tell us the age difference between you and your wife,because i think you said you were her parents age.

20 yrs.. not huge

[hangsaboot]

Well my lovely thai partner of two and a quarter years, my wife of one year,

This has all come as a shock,

this is not a wind up

if she has threatened you and your daughter ,
then why the fkc have you not kicked her arse, out of the hut.

the jury is still out on this one.???

[BenZona]

if she has threatened you and your daughter , hen why the fkc have you not kicked her arse, out of the hut.

cos i am an idiot

[pompui]

Benzona,I think your thread has become a case of people now trying to stir up the situation and trying to get you to react angrily,best ignore them as I think you have explained more than enough,respond to any posters that could still give any good advice not already thought of. Just my opinion

If watching Arsenal games helps to keep you sane at this difficult stage then carry on

[BenZona]

Benzona,I think your thread has become a case of people now trying to stir up the situation and trying to get you to react angrily,best ignore them as I think you have explained more than enough,respond to any posters that could still give any good advice not already thought of. Just my opinion

If watching Arsenal games helps to keep you sane at this difficult stage then carry on

thanks again mate, i know i didn't get to know u very well but i appreciate what ure saying. Im just reading through mine and petes old skype stuff for some evidence,it made me realize how much he helped us, and what ive done for the ungrateful bitch

I know there are at least a few out there who knows whats gone down for real, and you are right about the wind up merchants, but you know what.. anything that passes the time till i get Daniel back is fine by me ATM

[Frankie 1]

...ungrateful bitch

I think that not only she, but you as well have to look at your responsibilities, mainly for the sake of your child. If you talk like that about a woman you have loved, lived with and who is the mother of your child, then what does that say about you? If you talk like that then how are you any better than she is. If she behaves a certain way, it doesn't mean that you have to do the same. This doesn't help your situation.

[BenZona]

...ungrateful bitch

I think that not only she, but you as well have to look at your responsibilities, mainly for the sake of your child. If you talk like that about a woman you have loved, lived with and who is the mother of your child, then what does that say about you? If you talk like that then how are you any better than she is. If she behaves a certain way, it doesn't mean that you have to do the same. This doesn't help your situation.

Erm, no, sorry mate, cliches don't work on me.. she is an ungrateful bitch who has legged it with my son after me putting up with her violence and unpredictable everything, and now i could not care if she ends up living on the streets

A few feelgood cliches aint gonna change that.Im going to take her down (legally) then rid myself of her for good. let her go back to living in a tin shed.

[Frankie 1]

...ungrateful bitch

I think that not only she, but you as well have to look at your responsibilities, mainly for the sake of your child. If you talk like that about a woman you have loved, lived with and who is the mother of your child, then what does that say about you? If you talk like that then how are you any better than she is. If she behaves a certain way, it doesn't mean that you have to do the same. This doesn't help your situation.

Erm, no, sorry mate, cliches don't work on me.. she is an ungrateful bitch who has legged it with my son after me putting up with her violence and unpredictable everything, and now i could not care if she ends up living on the streets

A few feelgood cliches aint gonna change that.Im going to take her down (legally) then rid myself of her for good. let her go back to living in a tin shed.

This is not a cliche.
It is you who married her in the first place, you accepted her behaviour untill she left you. I don't know if you always fall for the bad girls, but you have a part in it as well. And responsibility for what you did, didn't do, or accepted form her.

Second, your child is or will be in the middle of this and is still very young. If you keep talking like this, and your child will be in the middle of this, this kind of talk will become abusive towards your child's emotions. Yes legally you can take her down, emotionally you will also take your child down in the process of bad mouthing her, if you keep this up.

And remember, postings on open forums will stay on the internet for many years.

[Philrjones]

Well I hope it all gets sorted and you get your son. It must be a rough time.

Now I don't know this guy or the situation from the other side - yes there are always 2 sides. But regarding marrying her and staying with her etc. Please, haven't we all made mistakes? I've made some doozies in my time as has everyone. I was probably an idiot too, but at the time, in the thick of things, you tend to stay together unless things get really serious.

From personal experience I can tell you that when a wife/gf is planning something major behind your back, you really will be the last to know about it until the crap hits the fan.

Good luck with getting it all sorted.

Cheers,
Phil

[Frankie 1]

...there are always 2 sides. But regarding marrying her and staying with her etc. Please, haven't we all made mistakes? I've made some doozies in my time as has everyone.

Yes and every time you get an opportunity to learn from your mistakes by looking at what your own part in it was. Otherwise five or ten years later you will find yourself in exactly the same situation all over again.

[BarnicaleBob]

I feel for you man and I hope you at least are able to get some sort of custody (full or part-time) for your son. So far I think you are on the right track by having a lawyer working on this for you.
Now as for your wife's reason for doing this I do not know but I do have a friend in Chiang Mai that had the same thing happen to him over six years ago. He is an Assie who got married and had a child then moved back to Australia with his new family. Thing seemed to be going well but then one day he returns home from work and finds she has left him and took their child with her. In time he found she had been taken to a shelter by a woman from their local church who thought it was terrible that such a young women would be married to an old fart.
The end result was the wife was given all sorts of welfare from the government including a home and as long as she remained a displaced spouse with a child she was able to live like a queen compared to anything she would have in Thailand. So here it is more than six years later and the woman is still refusing to agree to a divorce (because it would reduce her benefits) and she will not leave Australia because of fear of loosing all the high standard of living the government gives her.
Now her poor husband who has been living back in Thailand found a new woman he has been living with for five years and has a four year old kid with her but he can not get married to her without getting a divorce from the first wife who never will give in to that.
So go for a divorce now before she figures this out.

[jackspratt]

........... So here it is more than six years later and the woman is still refusing to agree to a divorce (because it would reduce her benefits) and she will not leave Australia because of fear of loosing all the high standard of living the government gives her.
Now her poor husband who has been living back in Thailand found a new woman he has been living with for five years and has a four year old kid with her but he can not get married to her without getting a divorce from the first wife who never will give in to that.
So go for a divorce now before she figures this out.

Australian family law does not require the consent of your spouse to get a divorce.

[BenZona]

. In time he found she had been taken to a shelter by a woman from their local church who thought it was terrible that such a young women would be married to an old fart.
The end result was the wife was given all sorts of welfare from the government including a home and as long as she remained a displaced spouse with a child she was able to live like a queen compared to anything she would have in Thailand..

Thats EXACTLY what has happened here. She is on a benefit grab, i know this because, she has claimed crisis payments and al kinds of other stuff but, forgot to change her address so i got all the mail confirming it, Out of interest.. did he go to court, and if he did, what happened?


On another point, Jack is right. You do not need consent for a divorce in Australia, all you have to do is to file the application after you have lived apart for more than one year, serve the papers on her, and attend court.

If you cant serve papers on her you can still go to court and explain that her whereabouts are unknown, The judge either allows the divorce, or issues her a summons to appear and then grants the divorce

[grozza]

bring her mum and dad over here, and whilst all this is going on claim nearly %700 a week in state benefits to fund her action plan. I believe this because that has what has happened.

sorry mabe i misunderstood,i dont think she will be bringing her parents out when she is on benefits,unless she finds another guy.

(especially when you have no concept about how much it costs to live here)

i do i live here as well,in sydney to be exact,so i know the cost of living and 650 dollars dont get you much these days,dont know what you earn but from memory its around 30% of your gross wage for the first child,my advice is dont get too stressed because a lot of men go mad when they go through seperations,hope it all works out for you and her

[BenZona]

sorry mate i misunderstood,i dont think she will be bringing her parents out when she is on benefits,unless she finds another guy.

I bet ya, within 7 weeks, she is seeing someone else ... and before she lives with him she will claim some special clause to get her mum out here on a family visa without paying the fees because of some clause related to being single and desterate

i do i live here as well,in sydney to be exact,so i know the cost of living and 650 dollars dont get you much these days,dont know what you earn but from memory its around 30% of your gross wage for the first child,my advice is dont get too stressed because a lot of men go mad when they go through seperations,hope it all works out for you and her

I meant she didnt understand

[Lao-miner]

Australian family law does not require the consent of your spouse to get a divorce.

Thats True Jack spratt , but should benzona wish to marry again in Thailand or Laos or the philippines or a number of other countries he will need a certificate of no impediment to show the Thais etc that he is currently not married , This can only be issued issued in Australia , And if she refuses to divorce him this could end up costing the poor bastard much angst AGAIN,
Sorry to here about your plight Benzona hope you have a good result

[jackspratt]

Under Australian law, a person cannot "refuse" to divorce their spouse.

If one wants a divorce, and has fulfilled the necessary conditions, it will be granted with or without the spouse's agreement. The withholding of consent can complicate things (time and cost), but will not prevent the divorce.

Once granted, a person will have the necessary document (decree absolute) to allow them to marry again.