supporting thai wife

Post by **beer monkey** » September 28, 2009, 8:54 pm

Well the delicacy of the betel nut is slowly dying out i suspect, as the old oldies die off......

What sort of place is it Dee..?

Post by **dee** » September 28, 2009, 9:01 pm

its just like what you described.a sh.thole!!!!!! i mean heaven!!!!!!

Post by **aznyron** » September 29, 2009, 11:10 am

Simon if I was making 300+ baht a month in BKK my wife would be with me as for how much give her allowance for her to spend as she pleases that is very good income. my wife with me or should I say I am with my wife LOL in the village 4 days a week I am there now what a sh/it hole it is but that was my error
for not looking first & trusting her judgement which is some thing I would never do again. so now the house which is very nice is a gift to her and there will be no more expensive gifts the truck is hers that will be paid off Aug/2010 then it decision time in what I want to do with what ever time I have left of course she will be with me until I die that her promise to me

Post by **parrot** » September 29, 2009, 2:03 pm

"betel nut"

It's the betel nut! That's what's driving the cost of keeping a girl in the village happy! And all along I thought it was the cost of playing dominoes or 2-digit lottery.

Off topic but on betel nut:
Does anybody remember the days of villagers occupying the main floor of the Bangkok Bank with their spit cans or plastic spitbag by their side while a family member conducted business with the bank? Just 13 short years ago!

Post by **dee** » October 27, 2009, 10:41 pm

its still the same in nong khai on a monday and friday mornings ,at the bangkok bank.

well ive decided to give her a pay rise to bt15,000.she was struggling on bt10,000 a month.

Post by **homer** » October 29, 2009, 2:30 am

dee wrote:its still the same in nong khai on a monday and friday mornings ,at the bangkok bank.

well ive decided to give her a pay rise to bt15,000.she was struggling on bt10,000 a month.

If all her expenses are being met Dee, I fail to see how she could be struggling on bt10,000 a month. At the risk of sounding like a "Cheap Charlie", bt10,000 goes a long way in Udon, especially if you don't have farang habits like western food, smoking, and a few pints with the boys. $\:D/$ As for the bt45,000 a month allowance someone else mentioned, I only have two words for that. HOLY SH&T! That's more than what I spend in a month in Udon including my room at the Ruysuk, transportation,(tuk tuk) and the above mentioned farang goodies. Thank God I have a woman who's more than self-sufficient and budget conscious.

Post by **jafip** » January 4, 2010, 3:45 pm

First post on an interesting and much-discussed topic. My long-term gal works for a company, and lives with me in BKK (she's from udon originally tho). I usually supplement her to the tune of 15k per month, and leave her to manage "family issues". Why? Because although I know she can survive on her salary, and many do, she's shown herself good at managing the money and I want her to have an improved lifestyle without asking me everytime she needs the cash to do it. And also, because of my generally short fuse for family interactions (with hers AND mine), and strong belief we are a mixed culture relationship so special concessions on both sides are necessary, I prefer she take care of the family issues rather than me directly. It's my failing, but I'm just not an extended-family type of guy.

If she decided to quit her job on the basis she has the means to live a life of ease, I'd rethink the whole strategy

Plus of course I pay all the bills - rent etc. That's where it gets interesting tho - I know one guy who says he gives "only 10k", but then I see him buying cars, a house for the family etc etc, and when you amortize that over the year it adds up to a whole lot more. Some dupes basically hand over their whole pay packet, but out out of shame or embarrassment or whatever, try to put up a "manly" front to their buddies of how little they give as if it is some measure of how much they are loved. To be honest if a guy wants to hand over everything, that's his business not mine, but what I find amusing is all the cover stories almost as if he is trying to fool himself (which he probably is).

Post by **chanthima13** » May 8, 2011, 6:16 am

10,000 bath is good enough if she work too she can save that too ,,,

J

Post by **dirtydiggs** » May 26, 2011, 6:07 pm

If you are married then why don't you move her to live with you in the West?, just a thought.

Post by **Laan Yaa Mo** » May 26, 2011, 7:33 pm

The Thai/Lao men and women I know working and living as meat/vegetable packers in and around Toronto (Newmarket, Keswick, Bradford, Orillia, and futher afield in Leamington) send $500-1,000 Cdn. (15,000-30,000+ baht) home every month to support their parents/ children. They earn between $1600-2400/month.

Post by **Aardvark** » May 27, 2011, 3:20 pm

Laan Yaa Mo wrote:The Thai/Lao men and women I know working and living as meat/vegetable packers in and around Toronto (Newmarket, Keswick, Bradford, Orillia, and futher afield in Leamington) send $500-1,000 Cdn. (15,000-30,000+ baht) home every month to support their parents/ children. They earn between $1600-2400/month.

What's that got to do with the price of fish Uncle. Family may send a huge proportion of their Money Home, "because" their Family. How ever, a Falang Spouse should never be expected to make the same sacrifice imo !!

Post by **wayne747** » November 2, 2011, 2:59 pm

Aardvark wrote:I've just re-read this post and can't believe what some people would consider a fare amount per month. The previous quote of 45.000 a month is ridiculous in the extreme. This equals $A 1515.00 per month or approximately 40% of my take home pay after tax. When you consider that I pay Mortgage, Car payments,Insurance on two Cars, Rego on two Cars, House Insurance, Annual land tax and water tax plus bills for every litre used, and all this before living expenses or savings its no wonder these people think we're crazy. If my Wife were still at her village, she Owns her farm, Owns her House (that Aardvark built) own's two motorbikes and has a house full of modern gadgets. So for Bt10.000 a month she would have to pay Bt20 for rubbish collection, Bt60 for Water and Bt700 for Electricity. That would leave her more than Bt9.000 per month for food and incidentals. If she couldn't live on that she would have to get a job cause I certainly wouldn't be giving her any extra. By the way, she used to work in an Udon Hotel as a cleaner, and a factory before that for Bt5.000 per month and supported her parents three children and a lazy husband and all survived long before I came along Anyone sending more than 10K a month is a Sucker in the highest order, or a Poser trying to look good !!

Words of wisdom above repeated 2 years later.
Perhaps there is a cultural difference in that most thai men will hand over their pay check to their wife, who then takes care of household budget, including giving hb lunch money etc. Guess it is a fine system, so hb doesn't squander it on beer etc.
But for us farang going into relationship I certainly wouldn't want to let go like that, or we risk suddenly a new truck is bought because all friends have new cars.
It is fair that when both parties have income (e.g. pension for the farang and a job for the younger thai wife) then both contribute in proportion to living expenses - or am I really naive here

That seems to be the case for my thai acquaintances who both work (these are normal income people, not a rich BKK banker with a trophy wife).

Post by **KHONDAHM** » November 3, 2011, 6:44 am

I dunno about all that...seems to be another one of those "up to you" things. For example, my wife did not finish school while I have a lot of initials after my name. At best, she could get a job earning in a month working 6 days per week, 10 hours per day, and being away from me and the kids what I would earn in less than a day. Why on earth would I tell her to get a job? Taking care of me and the kids is work enough, IMO.

Early on in our relationship, I asked her to quit working so we could spend more time together. She was reluctant and took up my offer only when it was clear her Mom (now deceased) was not going to make a comeback and she wanted to be with her Mom who was also looking after her 2 year old daughter. So, for me to say "here's 'just enough to get by'" was IMO an utterly ridiculous notion; and I took full responsibility for all support to enable the woman I intended to marry to enjoy the same standard of living I enjoyed myself. Not more and not less. That was almost 8 years ago now and she hasn't worked since.

There have been times she threatened (hahaha) to go back to work - to which I would say "go right ahead", but that would usually be resolved by her proving her point by showing me the house books she meticulously keeps. FYI, she gets house money each month and her money twice per year. What she does with her money, I do not care (mostly saves it, I think), and that is never a cause for conflict. We only ever have passionate discussions over the house money.

So, saying it is "fair" for both parties to contribute to monetary support is subjective. I'd much rather my wife spend her time with me and the kids than slaving away for a few thousand baht somewhere.

Not arguing against your post in any way. Just presenting another point of view.

Post by **BenZona** » November 3, 2011, 7:09 am

Aardvark wrote:I've just re-read this post and can't believe what some people would consider a fare amount per month. The previous quote of 45.000 a month is ridiculous in the extreme. This equals $A 1515.00 per month or approximately 40% of my take home pay after tax. When you consider that I pay Mortgage, Car payments,Insurance on two Cars, Rego on two Cars, House Insurance, Annual land tax and water tax plus bills for every litre used, and all this before living expenses or savings its no wonder these people think we're crazy. If my Wife were still at her village, she Owns her farm, Owns her House (that Aardvark built) own's two motorbikes and has a house full of modern gadgets. So for Bt10.000 a month she would have to pay Bt20 for rubbish collection, Bt60 for Water and Bt700 for Electricity. That would leave her more than Bt9.000 per month for food and incidentals. If she couldn't live on that she would have to get a job cause I certainly wouldn't be giving her any extra. By the way, she used to work in an Udon Hotel as a cleaner, and a factory before that for Bt5.000 per month and supported her parents three children and a lazy husband and all survived long before I came along Anyone sending more than 10K a month is a Sucker in the highest order, or a Poser trying to look good !!

Well said

Post by **Henrie** » November 3, 2011, 9:25 am

I started some relations here in Udon with most warm feelings and trust. They broke in most cases about moneyquestions. Because you have not only your lady, but in most cases also the family, friends, interverence from the whole village and sometimes bad matchmakers who are all moneyinvolved.
This time I want to turn around. I start with a business agrement. If the lady likes to live with me and to take care me and my home I will give her 15000 thb a month. She can do with the money what she wants and pay her costs.I pay everything else what to need for daily live and extra things such as vacations and more.. We can speak about specials and disasters.
So I am 65 years now and do not want the most of my pension take to Buddha if I close my eyes for ever. If things are going well and from our history trust is available, the relation between us can change in "We belong together".
After that, money is less important, more the understatments " Support and Care"
I will hope this concept will work if I find a new love, and can make a longterm happy future together. Maybe I let you know sometimes.

Post by **BenZona** » November 3, 2011, 9:33 am

Henrie wrote:I started some relations here in Udon with most warm feelings and trust. They broke in most cases about moneyquestions. Because you have not only your lady, but in most cases also the family, friends, interverence from the whole village and sometimes bad matchmakers who are all moneyinvolved.
This time I want to turn around. I start with a business agrement. If the lady likes to live with me and to take care me and my home I will give her 15000 thb a month. She can do with the money what she wants and pay her costs.I pay everything else what to need for daily live and extra things such as vacations and more.. We can speak about specials and disasters.
So I am 65 years now and do not want the most of my pension take to Buddha if I close my eyes for ever. If things are going well and from our history trust is available, the relation between us can change in "We belong together".
After that, money is less important, more the understatments " Support and Care"
I will hope this concept will work if I find a new love, and can make a longterm happy future together. Maybe I let you know sometimes.

Thats not a relationship, thats hiring a nanny/housemaid. Anyone who thinks that they can hire someone to make a "long term happy future" is deluded.. REAL relationships dont work like that, have some dignity

Post by **Sateev** » November 3, 2011, 12:05 pm

BenZona wrote:
Henrie wrote:I started some relations here in Udon with most warm feelings and trust. They broke in most cases about moneyquestions. Because you have not only your lady, but in most cases also the family, friends, interverence from the whole village and sometimes bad matchmakers who are all moneyinvolved.
This time I want to turn around. I start with a business agrement. If the lady likes to live with me and to take care me and my home I will give her 15000 thb a month. She can do with the money what she wants and pay her costs.I pay everything else what to need for daily live and extra things such as vacations and more.. We can speak about specials and disasters.
So I am 65 years now and do not want the most of my pension take to Buddha if I close my eyes for ever. If things are going well and from our history trust is available, the relation between us can change in "We belong together".
After that, money is less important, more the understatments " Support and Care"
I will hope this concept will work if I find a new love, and can make a longterm happy future together. Maybe I let you know sometimes.
Thats not a relationship, thats hiring a nanny/housemaid. Anyone who thinks that they can hire someone to make a "long term happy future" is deluded.. REAL relationships dont work like that, have some dignity

Actually, I think it's entirely appropriate, having been around the block with a Thai woman or two in the past 30 years. If anything, 15000 is a bit much, but no one's business but Henrie's.

As for REAL relationships, REALity here in Thailand is no where near that in Western countries. And Thai women have a unique ability to compartmentalize their hearts. She may love you madly, but the 'family' compartment will always have a stronger influence than your compartment, and the family compartment is mightily influenced by money and status.

Variations exist along a continuum, with the more mercenary at one end, and the more sentimental at the other, but, as said in another thread, "You really can't tell..."

Not so long ago, and in many places still, arranged marriages were/are the norm. Really not much different than the above deal, except that in Henrie's case, he will be proposing the arrangement to his intended, instead of the families plotting the futures of the feckless couple.

Good for him. Honesty goes a long way toward a REAL relationship, IMHO.

Post by **wayne747** » November 3, 2011, 2:20 pm

Thx guys for feedback
Khondahm, I see what you mean.
I refer to a different scenario; let's say I get 20.000 baht in pension and she gets 5.000 baht in salary (just arbitrary numbers).
Then I would expect she contributes her part. Like maybe I handle mortgage and insurance (the expensive part), while she pays for groceries or something (not so expensive, in this example at least).
For many it is good to have a job, while others are quite satisfied to work as housewife. I offer no judgement. I think specifically for my significant other she would for her own sake like to have a job, enjoy the social interaction with colleagues, make her own money etc.
My perspective is that if this is the case, then we should share costs proportionally. Not unfairly. I just don't see why one party should put all in savings for herself, or let it go to immediate and extended family, while I might have a difficult time paying all expenses out of a pension.

Henrie and Sateev, I tend to agree on the semi-business oriented approach.
If our lady has the capability to compartmentalize love for us, love for family and status, and the last compartment may even have priority, then we must react. I am not saying it is so in my case, I just mean generally.

Guess it is a case of "up to you" and much dependant on your set of circumstances.

Post by **Banjo** » November 3, 2011, 6:47 pm

Ben Zona

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.p ... ben%20zona

A Hebrew curse word used in Israel which means "son of a bitch" or "son of a *****". You can also say "zona" which obviously means "bitch or "*****".

I am now starting to comprehend one's issue of supporting a Thai wife

He is most certainly a Ben Zona

Post by **Sateev** » November 3, 2011, 6:50 pm

Good find! I've just increased my useful vocabulary!