Your thoughts on this stuation

[WBU ALUM]

My advice would be to treat this "relationship" as you would with any other.

Time reveals quite a lot. Sometimes the red flags appear in 24 to 48 hours. Sometimes they don't appear for weeks or months. It's very easy for people to be who they really are -- if genuine. It's very difficult -- over time -- for people to hide their sinister intentions.

Enjoy your relationship and don't ignore the red flags.

[Galee]

My advice to you Ash is ............Get rid of Adebayor.

Nah, seriously I hope everything works out OK for you. It wont be easy, but you realise that already.

Regarding work. Jobs are available but probably not that well paid and she will require some help from you. My wife's cousin has just started at AEK Udon Hospital, pay under 5K to start with. Jon at Chern Chim was asking for staff, but I suspect that post has gone?
Basic accommodation will probably cost about 1K a month.

[goonersh]

My advice to you Ash is ............Get rid of Adebayor.

Nah, seriously I hope everything works out OK for you. It wont be easy, but you realise that already.

Regarding work. Jobs are available but probably not that well paid and she will require some help from you. My wife's cousin has just started at AEK Udon Hospital, pay under 5K to start with. Jon at Chern Chim was asking for staff, but I suspect that post has gone?
Basic accommodation will probably cost about 1K a month.

Oh no... not a Chealski supporter.... i guess to you money buys everything hey .. oh.... except the title and the champions league... (HAHAHA)

as for the Job thing.. i suppose its more to ahow a stable income for maybe getting here more than giving Kloi a life long career in Udon... Id be happy to top up her salary with a bit of pocket money when i could... i will chat to her tonight and see if shereally wants to go back to Bangkok.. i just dont think the singing job pays into her bank acct if you know what i mean

TIs very hard from Sydney..... i sortof wish i was back over there now.....

[cali4995]

You think Farangs are bad, some Thai men can be much, much worse. Nothing wrong with singing
but indeed, she will be hassled incessantly by customers. Maybe you could encourage her to get a
more traditional job without all the negative influence about. Especially if family leaning on her.
Good luck with it.

[steveorch]

WoW! What a Story,Hard work carrying a laptop around or a gooseberry,just to have a chat

[saint]

well young ash , from what ive read so far , it looks like youve used your head , and covered pretty much all the bases . i can fully understand the fact that she has respect for you , as you say you played it cool and didnt leap on the poor girl within minutes . i used to do that as a teenager , keep your hands to yourself the first few dates , build up thier trust , then hit on them like a jackhammer , never failed . . no seriously , ive got a sneaky feeling you and this girlie are gonna be O K , i hope so anyways , im just a sucker for a happy ending !!!! dispite all the hard luck stories you read on here , there are many , many very happy men in udon not only married to thai ladies , but idolised by them , and visa versa . seeking others opinions is a good idea , but the bottom line is , its your decision , only you know whats gonna be right for you . you obviously think a lot of this girl , and if she feels the same , and i have no doubt she does , then although the road ahead may be long and hard , the end result will certainly be worth the struggle . the job at chern chim is still available by the way , but i think she will need decent english skills . if the offer for a bevey still applies when you get here , im more than happy to join you . just P M me at the time . if your not too busy with other things of course .

[goonersh]

WoW! What a Story,Hard work carrying a laptop around or a gooseberry,just to have a chat

Sometimes hard work is WELL worth it... if i wanted easy id go pull some slapper at the pub tonight and talk about hollywood with her..... and i had the laptop with me anyway... google translate allowed us to say whole reams of things to eachother that we possibly would not have been able too AND, it sort of helped us pick up a bit of each others lingo.... It was actually quite sweet to see her writing whole paragraphs to describe her feelings and life... and f course i still have it all here on the PC for when i learn proper thai (estimate of June 2031)

we of course did communicate the old fashioned way... and quite well too... trial and error, trial and error....


Saint... busy... what could you possibly mean??? .... I really dont think ive covered all my bases... but ive tried to do as much as i can as ive gone along.... and YES... i REALLY like her.. not as a young sex toy.. but as person... shes back from the fields in an hour...her first day in them for 3 years!!!! im gonna skype her and talk work n stuff.... thank god for unlimited calls to thailand hey???

P.S i hope im ok crappin on in this thread...

[steveorch]

hey not knocking you mate,Good luck to you! just be carefull.double carefull if you can't understand the language.

[goonersh]

hey not knocking you mate,Good luck to you! just be carefull.double carefull if you can't understand the language.

I will be, thanks.. and so must she... ill marry her here, have the pre nup written in english and build in a "sex and housekeeping on demand" clause or all financials come to me should we split... hahahaha
(im joking)

[MALC]

good luck ash. if u come udon and want picking up at airport. pm me. its on the house.

[goonersh]

good luck ash. if u come udon and want picking up at airport. pm me. its on the house.

Than you so much for the offer Malc.. it would actually be great to meet some english speaking people when im back.... papaya salad only goes so far at brekkie.... and im not game enough for the breakfast beetles and ants yet.....

what DO those silver green beetles taste like team??? for i could nor believe my eyes..

[Roy]

One bug tastes pretty much like another IMHO and I have tried most of them!

[Philrjones]

Hi Goonersh,

Your story sounds a bit like mine with all the history. I'm from the UK originally but was raised in Aussie, back to UK, worked in Europe, back to Aus. Now I live here in Udon married to a local girl. Yes there are some gret girls here. I can say the more time you spend here, the easier it is to spot the bad ones. Time spent with your partner is like gold - you will find out if everything's good or not. It took me about 5 years of coming here for hols, going back to Aus for work etc, to find a good one. Don't worry about the age difference. I'm 45 and the wife is 25 and we have a little girl now of 10 months old. She doesn't care about the money - we don't have a lot at the moment! - but we laugh alot, enjoy being with each other, and it's 100% better than being with my ex-farang wife (from the UK).

I love living here, love the wife and everything that goes with it. Yes you can find a good one - just take your time.

As for money when you're here - I'm in the same boat as I can't access pension/super for a long time yet. So what I did when I was in Aus was learn about trading shares, cfd's, forex. All you need is a computer, internet access, and (hopefully) start earning money. I have a home office set up here and work in the week trading. In Thailand the times zone is ideal. In Thai time, the Aussie markets open at 7am (not too early), the European and UK mkts open at 14:00 and the US opens at 20:30. It's about the only way I could think of to earn decent money besides setting up a business here. But I work when I want at home, take a break when needed and it's going ok. Just learn as much as possible before you come, and you can never have too much money. Just leave it in Australian bank account and you can withdraw from any ATM here.

Ah well, good luck with your Lady. You can find a good one, you can come and live here - I've done it in the last year or so. And anyway, it's only a flight away from Aus if you need to go back fo work/visit etc.

Cheers
Phil

[goonersh]

Thanks Phil, your words give me great hope, how much start up did you have for the share trading????

I had a good conversation with Kloi last night and even raised the prospect of Sin Sod if we ever got married ... Once again her answer were just what i wanted to hear

When i spoke about love for money She told me that if she wanted Money, she had it on a plate in Samui.. but did not want money... she wanted me... (so cute!)

The SIn Sod thing was a bit of a different story..,.according to Kloi if we got married her parents would expect Sin Sod, and one of an amount i could never ever afford 400,000 bht....they want this as she has not been with a man for three years... and has only ever been with one other..... but.. when i asked her is no sin sod meant no wedding... she catagorically said "no" and once again said she would be with me whatever money i had or could afford to pay... She said her parents would not be happy with no sin sod, but that she loved me for me and thats all that was important to her...I could hear the hurt in her voice when i said i had no 400k for her parents... but it was not one of hurt for her losing money.. it was one of "i care for my family and want them to be ok"

She went on to say she understoood i had no money, but she also admitted she had no real concept of marrige without Sin Sod, she even thought it happened in western countries....

I told her i was happy to honour traditions, but i was not happy to leave us totally broke for the future to honour that tradition..... she seemed to understand that 100%

I think the Sin Sod line of thinking was not so much a money grab... more a "well i do not know any other way" statement from her... and that sort of makes sense to me...

She also asked me if we were married would we provide for her family... When i told her we would provide for her family, out family and MY current daughter through hard work and cooperation... she 100% agreed that this was ok....

once again, she said all the right things..... and it left me happy

I think ive decided to try to get her a tourist visa to come here for a few weeks in September... that means we would have spent two months solid with eachother in both countries... and will give us both insight into what we both expect and want...

thanks

[DeNuit]

400K Baht ???...

Is that a Sin Sod for a "ATM man" mixt with the "knight in shining armor"... well, let's have a look at the modern version of this knight ATM man... hum... "SuperATMman" ?... yes that must be him... looks like this guy no ? -->



Just a joke really... the "SuperATMman"... the "400K" too no ?...

[Laan Yaa Mo]

Has your girlfriend been married previously? I remember that in one of your earlier posts, she told you that she had been single for three years or something like that.

If she has been married before and/or has a child too, then sin soht is not always provided. Usually, the lady has to have some redeeming quality such as a high education, a well-paying job or a good business to get sin soht the second time around. Not always, but generally. Thai men do sometimes give sin soht to a woman who has been divorced and with children, and with few prospects and assets.

Another feature of sin soht I am sure she told you is that the family give the money back the next day. This is because the sin soht is basically to show that you can take care of her financially, and not give her a life of poverty. Once this has been demonstrated before the family and friends, the sin soht is returned to you. There are exceptions of course.

200,000 baht might be the average, but as she can work as a singer perhaps...maybe...400,000 is okay. It does seem steep. Maybe there is a conspiracy afoot!

Sohk dee der (good luck)

[Galee]

She also asked me if we were married would we provide for her family...

Hmmm, I'd be a bit careful on that one Ash.

Regarding Sin Sod. A lot of it is saving face. Maybe an arrangement could be made where some of the money could be returned to you after the ceremony. Personally the money on show at my wedding was returned to me and I don't support the family. Maybe I'm lucky, but I don't buy into the, "everything has to be done the Thai way" approach. Some Western principles should be adhered to and a compromise reached.

[BobHelm]

I am surprised that a figure of 400K was discussed.
If your girlfriend was marrying a Thai from a neighbouring village the figure would be in the 30,000 to 50,000 baht region....

[Galee]

A few weeks back I went to a wedding. There was a lot of money on show. I'd think at least 400k plus gold. My wife said that a car had been sold and money borrowed.

In effect he had taken out a loan on his wife and their future.

Mind you, she was a stunner. I'd have paid more.

[goonersh]

She also asked me if we were married would we provide for her family...

Hmmm, I'd be a bit careful on that one Ash.

Regarding Sin Sod. A lot of it is saving face. Maybe an arrangement could be made where some of the money could be returned to you after the ceremony. Personally the money on show at my wedding was returned to me and I don't support the family. Maybe I'm lucky, but I don't buy into the, "everything has to be done the Thai way" approach. Some Western principles should be adhered to and a compromise reached.

I think the "provide" statement was just part of her worrying about her family after we left for Australia... she did say they only wanted to run a little food shop in the village and that she would want to help them... from what she tells me she has provided for them for at least six years... by singing and boxing, she told me the singing and boxing built their "house" which was little more than a barn.... I can understand her concern, and she was not talking washing machines, cars or material things....

To be honest id feel the same about my family if i left them to live in another country.... Remember, she KNOWS i cant support them 100%, and has indicated whatever we do we do together
thanks