chanchop wrote:He knows I have the software installed, and I told him about it when I got him the iphone as a birthday present...
A gift of a 13,000 baht phone with the caveat that I can track you anytime. Put yourself in his shoes (someone from a poor background) and think about how you would feel about that. Personally, I'd be offended by the tracking device, but I wouldn't turn down a 13,000 baht phone.
chanchop wrote:He has this strange habit, and his friends as well, to get a cheap hotel room and drink there, and this I know only coz I have been to several of such "parties"... But every time we are apart I get very insecure and wonder what he is up to, and he is patient enough with me to let me check, though he does get angry and switches off te phone sometimes...
That doesn't sound patient to me. Sounds like he puts up with it for a while then tells you how he really feels.
Thais are not direct and slow to anger.
chanchop wrote:However, the latest quarrel was the worst coz I called his parents... I couldn't understand why he kept going out at 3 or 4am! Anyways,
A really bad idea. If you really thought that it was OK to call a 30 year old mans parents to discuss his actions, then well, I don't know what to tell you.
chanchop wrote:I contributed to the car, paid the deposit of 50k baht but he is paying the installments and the "extra enhancements" himself. Ever since the car, the trips to Udon has been amazing, we have been to pattaya, roi et, Khon kaen, Nong balumphu, korat, just to name a few places. He also installed a hot water heater and a shower so I could sleep at his place, together with a sit down toilet after he found I really have a problem with the squatting toilets.
I think you said before he lives with his parents and sister? If so, remember Thais like modern conveniences too. Don't fool yourself into thinking these things were bought solely for you. However your visits probably prompted them to buy these things that they will use on a daily basis.
chanchop wrote:These days, he is paying for me when I am in Thailand, or we would share sometimes when the bill is larger. Things has improved, but we are still learning about each other and getting used to the dramatically different culture. Singapore has very British roots that is extremely entrenched in our society, and we are a lot more meritocratic than Thailand with very western, outspoken views. I hate it when he lies, and this is something I don't do, not yet at least. If he persists in telling his white lies that he feels are harmless, I will have to learn to tell them to, coz if you can't beat them, join them...
The white lie is a very Thai thing. He doesn't see it as bad the way we might. He sees it as saving you from any bad feelings. He probably assumes you do the same. Stick to your principles of being truthful and encourage him to do likewise. Just realize that that's against his way of dealing with things.
chanchop wrote:Well, will just see what happens and I am not going to ask him about the hotel again coz I don't have conclusive evidence that he was really there, coz I saw it in the afternoon when he switched his phone back on, but he could be anywhere else before that and also, the red dot appeared again right after, which could mean his phone picked up the free wifi there or the 3G signal for Dtac is stronger there.
This kind of thinking will only make you feel more insecure. Forget about it. Be secure by believing in yourself and that he's lucky to have you. When your not here, let him lead his life as he sees fit. When your here (or he's in your country) then its a different story.
chanchop wrote:I am insecure because I am unable to converse fully in Thai, though most common words are familiar now, but philosophical discussions still need the dictionary's help
If your having philosophical discussions with him then I envy you. I don't personally know any Thais that care to think to deeply about things.
chanchop wrote:and there is still very little sex like once a month or even less. He is affectionate like holds hands, kisses my forehead or lips and cooks for me when he visits in singapore, but this is really something I am not used to, this abstinence.
Have you talked to him about it? If he's not meeting your needs maybe you should start a casual relationship in Singapore. After all, your not married to him
chanchop wrote:He is also deeply religious and I am not allowed to touch his right hand now, coz he implanted some beads under his arm. It is a very different culture since I am Christian, and he also doesn't quite like me to touch his head.
Is he Buddhist? I've never heard of the beads in the arm thing. Do you know what the religious significance of this is?
If you don't know anything about Buddhism, pick up a book on basic Buddhist beliefs. It will give you some insight into Thai culture and the way they think. A good one is "What the Buddha taught".
chanchop wrote:One day I would probably write a novel about our story, but que sera sera for now, I love his company, I am happy with him and I guess we would see what else develops later.
That's actually a very good idea. Plenty of books out there written by men about Thai women. A women's view of Thai men would be something new.
Let me say these are just my opinions. I don't know you or your boyfriend, this is just based on what you've posted.
I do believe that people often beat themselves up worrying what the other person is doing in a long distance relationship and if you want to keep your sanity, you need to develop a different view of what the relationship should be. You have no control over what he does when he is not with you so don't worry about it. Concern yourself with how he is when your together.
I'm sure I get some flack for this comment but what I see with some Thais is they believe that what I don't see/hear/know about doesn't affect me. And it's often true, if you chose to live you life like that.
Update:
chanchop wrote:Yes he does, as a singer in singapore, and he makes pretty good $ too... About 10k - 12k sgd a month. However, I have asked him to stop working, as I am really uncomfortable with so many women growing money at him to go out with them etc. so he agreed a few months ago, and is now preparing to open a shop in udon town since rental is only 5-7k baht a month. Clothing prices range from 80-280 baht and that seems like a pretty good venture with low risk, so I would be sharing the cost of setting up this biz. He is still doing some research on buying pattern, but likely we will do a online store with a real store at udtown where people can pick up their clothes / buy as a walk in.
Wait a minute, 10k - 12k sgd a month? That's average 272,000 baht a month or 3,264,000 baht per year if he works all year, and you talked him into giving that up to sell cloths at the market?? Well if this post isn't total BS then
my advice to HIM is to drop you like a bad habit!
