dougness,i think Ralph's comment was on the money!You are giving your trust and resources to a person you hardly know!You say that you love her very much,but do you believe she loves you?You started off by offering and giving to much,possibly clouding the issue,now you are having some doubts!You don't know whether she is with you for the money or because she wants to be with you!Quetion is,how are you going to figure it out?
I wouldn't consider her not wanting to come to Canada a negative,but before I set her up in business or even continued with this outlandish support,I would insist that she come to Canada to live with you as a wife and really get to know each other!If she refuses for any reason,I would take that as the answer of your importance to her!
If you don't get control of the situation ,you will never know the truth.If she is more interested in the money than you,she will milk''your love'' until you give up,which could be years and a heck of alot more pain than confronting your fears now!
If she wasn't with you,how would she manage financially for herself and her family?You have the responsibility for setting up this situation by giving way to much initially and you need to get the thing sraightened out now or accept the possible and probable consequences!
Nobody has the facts to prove it,but I think most experienced falangs in Thailand would agree that 90-95% of relationships like yours are a sham!Mainly because she has control and it is a long distance relationship developed in such a short amount of time!
I definitely wish you the best and in no way am I condemning her as I don't know her personally.I am saying you have made some initial bad moves in a hurry up relationship and you can't blame her for liking the situation as it is!
You are lucky that you are still well employed and solvent!You can afford to go through this situation and find your answers!Those of us on fixed incomes, life savings and not elgible to earn anymore,do not have the luxury to take such a big chance!
DOWRY
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arjay
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Dougness, Without wishing to appear to be lining up to pick you off here, I have to concur whole-heartedly with Stan and Ralph.
Firstly, 50K is far too much, without any extras.
What sticks in my mind also is that you aren't even living with her! As mentioned it's a long distance relationship! What fruits are you bearing from the relationship?
She is receiving one hell of a lot, and apparently giving little or nothing in return. AND it would appear is now asking for more (starting a business will no doubt involve a capital outlay on your part).
Without giving away too much of my personal details, I, like Stan and many others, live in Thailand on very modest fixed incomes. I usually give my GF's around 5K baht pm to send home or do what they will with. Then I support them by us living together in Los. That doesn't cost me too much.
Try testing her by telling her you have lost your job and so are coming to Thailand to live, with her, and that you hope you can both live together and manage on your modest/meagre pension of say 30K a month, - and see what happens!!
Here is a good test. This happened with a GF of mine - When she kept asking for more than I wanted or felt it appropriate to give, I suggested sadly that she look for a new partner, as I was not able to give her all the things she was asking/looking for. After a few minutes quiet deliberation, she told me not to worry about all the things she had asked for - She loved me very much and was just happy to be with me. That for me proved a valuable point.
Good Luck.
Firstly, 50K is far too much, without any extras.
What sticks in my mind also is that you aren't even living with her! As mentioned it's a long distance relationship! What fruits are you bearing from the relationship?
She is receiving one hell of a lot, and apparently giving little or nothing in return. AND it would appear is now asking for more (starting a business will no doubt involve a capital outlay on your part).
Without giving away too much of my personal details, I, like Stan and many others, live in Thailand on very modest fixed incomes. I usually give my GF's around 5K baht pm to send home or do what they will with. Then I support them by us living together in Los. That doesn't cost me too much.
Try testing her by telling her you have lost your job and so are coming to Thailand to live, with her, and that you hope you can both live together and manage on your modest/meagre pension of say 30K a month, - and see what happens!!
Here is a good test. This happened with a GF of mine - When she kept asking for more than I wanted or felt it appropriate to give, I suggested sadly that she look for a new partner, as I was not able to give her all the things she was asking/looking for. After a few minutes quiet deliberation, she told me not to worry about all the things she had asked for - She loved me very much and was just happy to be with me. That for me proved a valuable point.
Good Luck.
Thanks for your frankness Bkkstan.My friends have raised the same questions and issues.She would have lost some assets,been forced to marry someone her mother choose and lived a more modest lifestyle.I wanted children,quickly.Its true,I allow her too much control.Perhaps she is playing me like a violin.But its like I read somewhere "Don't shatter my illusion and I won't shatter yours".I believe its genuine and I know I could I live for far less myself.And that thier have been countless more intelligent men than myself who have been decieved.It will be Som nam na,if Iam wrong.
Best of Luck to you both!dougness wrote:Thanks for your frankness Bkkstan.My friends have raised the same questions and issues.She would have lost some assets,been forced to marry someone her mother choose and lived a more modest lifestyle.I wanted children,quickly.Its true,I allow her too much control.Perhaps she is playing me like a violin.But its like I read somewhere "Don't shatter my illusion and I won't shatter yours".I believe its genuine and I know I could I live for far less myself.And that thier have been countless more intelligent men than myself who have been decieved.It will be Som nam na,if Iam wrong.
Seems to me that it is not only Thai custom:
http://www.marryourdaughter.com/
(not sure if this is a real website or a joke...)
http://www.marryourdaughter.com/
(not sure if this is a real website or a joke...)
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RALPHCUSENS
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beer monkey
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