Bar girl advice for stupid farang...

[StupidFarang]

You see...the fact is jimjay...if i knew she was 100% genuine, i'd do it in a heartbeat! The 40 000 scared me off....this is now reduced to "whatever you can help me with, as long as you come back down here to me". I have no control of what she is doing down there...other than she is living with her family and son, this I know for a fact...so thats the wildcard here...but I know she knows that I can come see her whenever I want, as I have the time and means to do so. So I think she really wants me there. If I did not know any better, i'd say she of course do not love me in the sense we westeners define love...but like me anyways. And of course the security aspect of it, which I have no problem with, as long as there is something more than that. I dunno...maybe I'll will wait a while to see how this turns out. Maybe sometimes you have to take a chance in life. 99% i will get burnt, but I can tell you that I have been burnt here at home too...and I think that has cost me a hell of a lot more money and grief than this ever would!

And no, I have no plans on spending 4 mill on a house anytime soon

And thanks for the advice on behaving in the village, if I ever decide to give it a shot

[mickojak]

Definitely read "Thailand fever"
Worth its weight in gold.
Mick

[StupidFarang]

Will check out, if needed Thanks.

[mickojak]

Mate.
Trust me. You need that book.
It explains everything that is going on in her head and family life.
Also get her to read it too. Is in thai and english.
She will learn a lot about you even though the book is a bit out dated.
Mick

[StupidFarang]

Ok. I'll get a copy regardless, could be really useful info! Thanks mickojak!

[mickojak]

Not could be.
Essential reading.
It will make sense of a lot of crazy stuff that thais do.
You will see the place in a new light.
Mick

[StupidFarang]

I'll definitely read it. Ordered already!

[Laan Yaa Mo]

Do not place too much faith in 'Thailand Fever'. It might put thoughts in your head that do not apply to your situation. This is not to say it does not have useful information, just do not treat it as the absolute truth.

[StupidFarang]

Got you!

[mickojak]

Do not place too much faith in 'Thailand Fever'. It might put thoughts in your head that do not apply to your situation. This is not to say it does not have useful information, just do not treat it as the absolute truth.

Laan, I agree, but the section about Thai family culture is still correct and has been for centuries.
Mick

[Laan Yaa Mo]

Again just be careful as regional variations (north, northeast, central, south) and individual differences may exist that do not fit the 'Thailand Fever' model.

[mickojak]

Yes, Fair enough advice
Mick

[Galee]

Most of us have had to deal with 'First Contact'. First Contact is like meeting an Alien life form. ( I'm watching Star Trek at the moment).
My First Contact involved a request for a 30,000 baht cash birthday present for her Mum. When I said 'no', all hell let loose, which resulting in me getting the police involved to get my belongings back.
First Contact is a steep learning curve. If you are not put off by First Contact life here can be very rewarding.

[jimjay]

Any bets on how much more back & forth this will go? I'm betting at least a few more days.

[glalt]

If you are able to find an older lady, she may be very independent and have a mind of her own. As far as I know, my wife's parents didn't even know that we were getting married. No sin sot and no wedding party. I talked about sinsod but my wife said "No sin sot".

[jimjay]

And a note about the age thing, normally the youngest female is saddled with a lot of family duties, like taking care of parents, as the older children have the benefit of having moved on with established lives and families of their own.

It's not a rule written anywhere that I know of. But it is quite common. So if you are dealing with a previously unwed woman, who has also never had a child, and is the youngest, expect to give her a bit of leeway and personal support in terms of being responsible for her Mom & Dad and especially any grandparents about. Often it's not just about money, but taking them out to doctor's appointments, weddings, funerals. Just like back home.

[mickojak]

Any bets on how much more back & forth this will go? I'm betting at least a few more days.

I'll bet a few days if you keep adding to it! He He.
Mick

[jimjay]

Any bets on how much more back & forth this will go? I'm betting at least a few more days.

I'll bet a few days if you keep adding to it! He He.
Mick

Well said Mickojack -riddle is now solved on my end.

[tammakhun]

Well, gave me an easier way out though, and a lesson learned. I'll be fine eventually only a bit disappointed and heartbroken

If you spend enough time in the same place, and actually are a likeably guy you'll meet and feel in love with many beautiful women. This country is awesome because here women chase men. The clubs in Udon are loaded with women who work real jobs: bank, hotel, nurses etc. If you're just there at random have limited chance - you'll end up with one who is bar style (girls with regular jobs who on an almost nightly basis, go out after working finding someone to finance their night out *this can be fun too though*). But if you go to the same places, make friends, etc. and aren't all being clung on to by bar chicks it is not really hard to meet regular women who are on their occasional night out.

Really however approach it I think taking it slow is most often best. Like just be friends, see next trip etc. Because falling in love with someone you've known for days or weeks is likely a recipe for heartbreak anywhere not just Thailand and not just bars. If on the other hand you frequent the same places often and have many friends there you can ask others about what girl you're interested in and have time to see them while out with your friends. You might find you like having friends and casual girlfriends much better and not be so interested in falling in love. But if you do fall in love, doing this way is much more natural.

About girls with regular jobs out at clubs. It is really not that much different. Women want guys with money. The difference is the lack of urgency. They have jobs. Many have a car and house already, but at minimum an apartment and motorbike. They don't need to find first guy who supports them. They are more selective and also you can go much slower. These girls aren't looking for a guy to send money so they can all live on a farm. With them it's go spend that same 20,000 on a holiday together having fun. Much different. A little more work. But far safer IMO

[StupidFarang]

Thanks Boo! Slow is the key...I'll see how it goes.