Families

[petemcc]

OK, there seems to be a fair few decent guys on this forum, and a few who reckon they know what is best.

Right, put your brains into action...ready?

How the hell can you get a Thai mother and brother to wise up and stop being stuck in the dark ages and let their 38 year old daughter/older sister, do what she wants?

Is there a magic trick? How about money, gold, mind altering drugs?

Help.

[Eazy-Going]

Marry the girl and pay a whopping sin-sod, then refurb the Moms house and subsidise the brothers, gambling, drinking and whoring habits...tongue it cheek but may be the answer.

[jackspratt]

It would be nice to know more of the details - but at 38 it would not be unknown that she is part of the problem, not the solution.

[petemcc]

I didn't want to make everyone go to sleep with details, but here goes.
My GF is a nurse and a Major in the Thai army. She earns very little, 20500 B/month. I am a nurse in Australia and earn that in 1 week.
She has a 20 month old son from her previous marriage, father was a gambler and left her with debts and a bad credit rating. I have sorted most of this out with money and solicitors.
She lives with her mum and 'uncle' in a house which her mum owns 70% of, and she has a loan for the other 30%, meaning she owns 30%
Her father, a soldier, was killed 29 years ago fighting communists in Laos.
She has 2 brothers, one an engineer in Bangkok, one a petrol station attendant in UT.
Her mother (58, and fit) has a business, 12 rooms they let out, though they are never all occupied.

I want her and her son to live with me in Australia, where, once her English improves, she can be a nurse. Her very smart little boy can also have a great education. She wants to live in Aus, at least for a little while, and I formulated a deal, live in Aus for 5 years, get my house paid off, I do a course in eg accupuncrure, sell up, go and live in Thailand before mum gets too old. Everyone benefits.

Mum says NO. Her are brother in BKK want her to stay in Thailand, because she has a government job (which pays nothing), and to look after mum's business when she gets too old. Like I said, we would be back before then, but mum's business involves collecting money every month.

Everyone all round recognises that everyone would benefit from her living with me in Aus, both personally and financially, but NO, for some unknown pig-headed reason he family won't let her.

OK?

[old-timer]

Get a new one. There's loads of WFB's about without all that baggage.

OT....

[petemcc]

Thanks for your valuable input, time for the meds old timer.

[arjay]

Pete, I thought you were a "restauranteur" about to set up a new business in Udon, not a nurse about to take a course in acupuncture.

Anyway, in the scenario you outline, I'd tend to agree with her family. 20k Baht a month is good money for Thai people, and she has a good career, with prospects. Why jack it all in to go off to another country to live with a foreigner, (from a different culture) and find after 6 months or a year it all goes "pear shaped" and she comes back home with nothing and has to start all over again?

Or if you want an additional cynical slant, better she stays here with her good job, and you stay there with yours (and you send her money to top up her funds as and when). She can continue to live her life here, "Thai style", be with her family and help her family as required.

Sorry, but you did ask?

[petemcc]

Thanks, about as useful as a chocolate fireguard.

[petemcc]

If she were to come here it would be as my wife, and incase you didn't realise, pearshaped=she gets half of all I have.
Also, I have found wanking while viewing a webcam is over rated.

[arjay]

If she were to come here it would be as my wife, and incase you didn't realise, pearshaped=she gets half of all I have.
Also, I have found wanking while viewing a webcam is over rated.

Pete, well you did ask.

I always try and see things from both perspectives. I.e. I was trying to see it how her family might see it.

With regards to your last sentence, - I've never tried it, so I don't know.

[petemcc]

The first perspective is a bag of *****. I wasn't asking for empathy for the family's lack of rational thought, I was asking for solutions. How about seeing it from my perspective and using your knowledge to help rather than take the piss. Oh and btw, I have been a few things in my life and have many skills.

[arjay]

Well then, is her position in the Army on a permanent on-going basis, or a for a limited period? If she was due to finish a contracted period say next year, then that might be something to work towards. In a civilian job, one maybe able to take 6 months out on a "sabbatical" or similar, -- thus allowing her to go and test the water. I don't suppose Thai army officers could do that?

Could you perhaps tempt her with the thought of working as a nurse in OZ, from some later date?

As someone else mentioned, are the family the true obstacle? What does she think?

Good luck.

[petemcc]

I thought I already covered that in my post above:
"I want her and her son to live with me in Australia, where, once her English improves, she can be a nurse."
She would therefore earn more here in 4 years than 16 in LOS. That is the basis of my submission that her family's POV is wnak.

She wants to come, but it's her mum. We all know that in reality her mum should respect her no mtter what she decides but she doesn't want to risk losing her-remember she really lost her dad!

[old-timer]

I have found wanking while viewing a webcam is over rated.

OT won't be eating in your restaurant.

ever.

OT..........

[petemcc]

But I may end up sticking needles in your body

[jackspratt]

If she were to come here it would be as my wife, and incase you didn't realise, pearshaped=she gets half of all I have.

Well no - actually she doesn't (wouldn't), but you should get you own legal advice on that issue.

pete, once you have sorted the wheat from the chaff, advice here is given honestly, based on many years of combined experience, and generally trying to give a heads up to farangs who may not be aware of the potential pitfalls that await them here (in some cases at least).

It may, or may not apply in your circumstances. But please be gracious enough to take it in the spirit in which it is offered.

Your alternative is to muddle through it yourself.

[Khun Paul]

Ok Pete you seem to have sarcastic answer for most of what was offered to you, there is NO quick fix solution and you may be unaware that any Government employee almost ensures the family also has free medical cover for their lives as well, also her pension would be paid after she retires ( which as it is the Thai Army I do not know ).

For her to leave Thailand now and as she is 38 years old, her pension date might be sooner rather than later hence reluctance to leave.

I agree the youngster would have a better chance in Australia, but as he is only 20 months old and you intend to return to Thailand in about 5 years, he wont get a lot of schooling in Australia will he.

Lets be reasonable, the boy is 20 months, she will retire in the not too distant future and then she can become an agency nurse in the private sector here, you are intending to return, what the hell is the problem, you are moaning about how much she could earn in Australia, but you forget her pension and continued free healthcare she will receive and her son for the rest of her life. Cost to you if you had to pay it a lot , to her if she stays NOTHING

Look at the big picture, you have already stated you have sorted out the finances, it appears you now want your lady with you as payment, well it obviously isn't going to happen so you should sort out with her a compromise and get on with it, OR change G/F and put the whole incident in the lessons I have learnt file. In other owrds make a bloody decision and get on with living not moaning.

[petemcc]

If she were to come here it would be as my wife, and incase you didn't realise, pearshaped=she gets half of all I have.

Well no - actually she doesn't (wouldn't), but you should get you own legal advice on that issue.

pete, once you have sorted the wheat from the chaff, advice here is given honestly, based on many years of combined experience, and generally trying to give a heads up to farangs who may not be aware of the potential pitfalls that await them here (in some cases at least).

It may, or may not apply in your circumstances. But please be gracious enough to take it in the spirit in which it is offered.

Your alternative is to muddle through it yourself.

Really? I have just been through a divorce, I had legal advice, and she accepted half rather than taking more. I am fairly in tune with laws in Australia, where even a not legally married couple are treated as married for the purposes of the Family Law Act. I was incidentally a police officer and a prison officer in Oz, and a police officer in England, so I have dealt with all sorts of ---- which aren't even police matters but involving civil law.

So far, I have not actually received any advice I couldn't have found in a pub in Belfast (where I was born and bred). I accept piss takes, and accept genuine advice, but facetious and troll posts are taken in the spirit they are given.

[jackspratt]

Good luck pete.

[petemcc]

Ok Pete you seem to have sarcastic answer for most of what was offered to you, there is NO quick fix solution and you may be unaware that any Government employee almost ensures the family also has free medical cover for their lives as well, also her pension would be paid after she retires ( which as it is the Thai Army I do not know ).

For her to leave Thailand now and as she is 38 years old, her pension date might be sooner rather than later hence reluctance to leave.

I agree the youngster would have a better chance in Australia, but as he is only 20 months old and you intend to return to Thailand in about 5 years, he wont get a lot of schooling in Australia will he.

Lets be reasonable, the boy is 20 months, she will retire in the not too distant future and then she can become an agency nurse in the private sector here, you are intending to return, what the hell is the problem, you are moaning about how much she could earn in Australia, but you forget her pension and continued free healthcare she will receive and her son for the rest of her life. Cost to you if you had to pay it a lot , to her if she stays NOTHING

Look at the big picture, you have already stated you have sorted out the finances, it appears you now want your lady with you as payment, well it obviously isn't going to happen so you should sort out with her a compromise and get on with it, OR change G/F and put the whole incident in the lessons I have learnt file. In other owrds make a bloody decision and get on with living not moaning.

Paul, sarcasm gets answered with sarcasm, is that unreasonable?
Free health care bollocks. What planet are you from? Yes, sit in a public hospital for 20 hours and and possibly it is free. If you want anything done quickly you pay. She does, and she's a nurse.

Army pension. Have you any idea what it is? I asked her, I can't remember the answer, but it was minuscule, and even if it were to be 4 times her monthly wage it would still be less that a working wage here.

She is not reluctant to leave Thailand, JFC, why does nobody read what I wrote, it's her mother who is reluctant. My GF realises the advantages of Australia, including BTW free health care and it doesn't take a quantum leap of logic to realise that once an Australian citizen, even if you live in Thailand, you can come back for free treatment.

I have bigger plans for the youngster, and I am not saying that 5years won't turn into 10, or more once her mother realises that bread butter side up is better than ---- side down.

I have read many of your posts Paul, and you seem to have a clue about somethings in Thailand, but with all due respect, you are forgetting the realities of the situation. I have done the maths, renting my house out, selling it and moving across-and in both cases teaching, working here for 3 months and living there for 9, and all the sums=a poor existence.

I am asking for solutions, not for conformation of a ---- situation. Telling me that she can get a pension isn't going to help me convince her mother to let her move here, so I ask again, solutions, not rhetoric.
Thanks