0 % attraction,100 % security.

Post by **wickder** » August 17, 2006, 12:17 pm

Having spent the day yesterday in Udon town,i have come away with a mind full of thoughts of what my wife sees in me.Why because every Thai/farang couple was a beautiful young girl and an old lumbering totally unattractive man.Maybe i have been in denial all these years but something suddenly clicked and i went into the Tesco toilet and looked in the mirror.An old man looked back.
Theres no physical attraction towards us from our wives and girlfriends,its all about security.How do others react,in denial or just not bothered that the person you spend your life with is not attracted to you physically.

Post by **arjay** » August 17, 2006, 12:49 pm

wickder said:

Having spent the day yesterday in Udon town,i have come away with a mind full of thoughts of what my wife sees in me.Why because every Thai/farang couple was a beautiful young girl and an old lumbering totally unattractive man.Maybe i have been in denial all these years but something suddenly clicked and i went into the Tesco toilet and looked in the mirror.An old man looked back.
Theres no physical attraction towards us from our wives and girlfriends,its all about security.How do others react,in denial or just not bothered that the person you spend your life with is not attracted to you physically.

Hmm, very philosophical!

When you looked in the mirror, are you sure you were at 90 degrees to it and not 45 degrees? Perhaps you were looking at another farang?!

I have had this conversation before, with a number of Thai ladies. They have insisted that they look at us in terms of whether we are a good person (jai dee) and whether we are polite/well bahaved, clean and tidy etc, (lib loi). Though from my observations, they often seem to get the last one wrong, or find it difficult to assess that aspect early on!

Though I do agree with you, that the more financial commitments that they have, and thus the greater their need for security, the more their focus defaults back to simply the financial security that we are able to provide. (I.e. are we jai dee [with money]).

Post by aj » August 17, 2006, 12:58 pm

so you just had a dismal day or what ? Nothing worse than what we see in the mirror.? Ok a few observations . I would not claim to know every farring in Udon but I know and have seen a few that most certainly do not consist of beautifull woman and old man . In fact when you consider all the very beautifull women there are about then I see lots of farring men with women shall we say not the greatest beauties in the world at all ... Which to be honest again makes me think that quite a few men in Udon are not all about beauty but probably very much in love with there wifes and vica a versa. Love let us remember comes in many forms and what is at the hot end of physical often does not last any type of course. And the question surely is just the same as maybe any INTELLIGENT beautifiull women asks , does he love ME or JUST MY BODY.

I have been in five long term relationships and sex has played a pretty important part in each of them and that is not just to me but to my partners as well . And the sex has come from the hot teenage lust to mutual respect and love and desire both to please and be pleased .
Maybe your line of no attraction and all security is based on what you feel but I dont think its true for everyone at all . I also have a feeling that quite a few guys on this forum have shall we say done there fair bit
with the female populace from time to time and are well able to tell the difference between fake and real . Lust can come again from many different triggers . And usually once you find it with a person it will happen again . So its all a question of finding the trigger . and believe me very often the trigger has nothing to do with how someone looks. Instant attraction is just one way. When you come down to the world of kinks ,weird sex etc then the triggers that attract can be very surprising . And I guess the odd thing is that I often find myself looking at couples in Thailand and yes wondering what got them together but oddly enough I very rarely dismiss the idea of passion or sex. Its a strange old world and nothing much surprises me .

I think from my own poiint of view ,what makes sex so good is the love behind it . And love is something that grows and grows and grows. Apart from the scenario of sudden lust ,first time sex is often not all that good for lots of people , that does not mean desire and love will not grow hand IN HAND as the years pass.

Post by **arjay** » August 17, 2006, 1:30 pm

wickder, I think what aj says is very valid.

1. Many farangs TW's and GF's are not the most beautiful. Though beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

2. Sex and sexual chemistry are very important. As are things like compatibility, communication etc.

3. The most beautiful women don't usually provide the best sex. (in fact in my past life I tended to find, the more beautiful the lady the less good the sex)

4. Love has an important part to play and love grows.

5. Also what we see in the mirrow isn't the same that women see!!

They may see maturity, a caring personality etc!

laphanphon · Post by **laphanphon** » August 17, 2006, 1:39 pm

sorry to hear that.

i, on the other hand, am one handsome mother f***er. the new love seems to apprecitate everything and asks or implys for anything. yes, i count my blessings everyday. hopefully the mirror will have a better response next time.

Post by **wickder** » August 17, 2006, 2:44 pm

My post was for the old codgers like me on the forum not the young and good looking like LA.
What started the thought process was the fact i like to sit in KFC and watch the world walk by.Now two old guys came through with young ladies on separate occasions and neither had the strength to open the swinging door that leads from KFC to the car park.Extreme examples i grant you but makes one think if one is a pensioner and the wife young.
If in the UK i would say yesterday must be pension day as i saw no farang under fifty,saw fifteen or so in total.

Post by **BKKSTAN** » August 17, 2006, 3:34 pm

Not being an opininated guy

I 'll try this one.Thai women in general are not thinking of sex as the major contributor to choosing to us!Even if part of their thinking is to reproduce,sex is not the primary motivator.Sex/lust is our primary motive.......

Very young and very pretty Thai girls,do not make good GF/wives.They are to conceited,to selfcentered and aware they are attracting most males around them.

Thai women sincerely interested in a longterm relationship are looking for a man that will provide security,treat them with respect and love.Sex is important as an act of love and a confirmation that they are attractive to you.

Trust,not lust,is the main criteria in having a successful marriage/relationship!

Post by aj » August 17, 2006, 3:37 pm

One quick point . very often the Thai ladies are quite a bit older than we might think them to be.

Post by **Stevo** » August 17, 2006, 4:05 pm

wickder wrote: Theres no physical attraction towards us from our wives and girlfriends,its all about security.

Don't beat us all with your ugly stick wickder!

Post by **jingjai** » August 17, 2006, 6:06 pm

Stevo wrote:
wickder wrote: Theres no physical attraction towards us from our wives and girlfriends,its all about security.
Don't beat us all with your ugly stick wickder!

Right on Stevo!
Wickder, I believe it's all in how one looks at oneself and how one thinks about themselves. If you don't like it change it, change how you look and change how you think.
For example, I'll be turning sixty in four months. I've been exercising 4-6 times per week for the past 23 years. I watch what I eat and drink, but I indulge myself whenever I damn well please, which is usually on a daily basis. I keep my thinning hair cropped short and I think I dress in a mature/youthful style. The main thing is I feel and think like a "handsome man". However, I work at keeping that mindset.
But Wickder, I understand all about having feelings of low self-esteem, questioning peoples motives, etc. Anytime you want, come on down to the Ban Chiang Fitness Center as my guest, that goes for everyone. I'll get you started on a fitness program and introduce you to other's my age and older who have the same mindset.
Now as far as this question you posed Wickder: "How do others react,in denial or just not bothered that the person you spend your life with is not attracted to you physically". I think in their own (different than ours) Thai way, our girls do care for us and are physically attracted to us in their own Thai way. Remember, these are not Western women, Thai's see and think things differently. Don't get me wrong now, I not under the delusion that my wife see's me the same way she see's Tom Cruise, for example. However, I think (and those are the key words: I think) that she cares for me and is attracted to me. But, even if she doesn't, this isn't high school. Enjoy yourself, it's later than you think.
Maybe it is all about security. Well, that's why I worked for 39 years, financial security! I retired 7 years ago to have fun.
I keep seeing these threads on the forum in regard to: love or money, etc.
Once again, why worry what it's about. As long as we're careful with our emotions and money...and are happy.
Remember most of our wifes and girlfriends are like children, you have to set perimeters, you have to learn to tell them no. If you get tired of telling them no, tell them to go. Real simple, that's how I like to keep things.
I'm not being cavalier about this either. Back home I couldn't get a twenty something year old girl to piss on me if I was on fire. I'm very thankful and count my blessings every day I'm here.
Well it's 6pm, I think I'll go squeeze my wife's firm a*s, pour myself a double scotch, and grab a couple o' handfull's of potato chips and watch the sunset

Post by **BKKSTAN** » August 17, 2006, 6:26 pm

Go for it Jingjai

Post by **arjay** » August 17, 2006, 7:38 pm

Jingjai said:

Remember most of our wifes and girlfriends are like children, you have to set perimeters, you have to learn to tell them no.

Do you have an electric boundary fence then, to keep them in??

Apologies but I couldn't resist the joke.

Post by **Galee** » August 17, 2006, 8:25 pm

OK, I have a question to ask.

Would any of you consider having Plastic Surgery if you thought it would make your partner happier.

Personally, I would. If I had a beautiful young partner that I was proud of, I would want to her be proud of me, not embarrassed of me. I think it would also improve ones own self esteem. Maybe I'm just being a little shallow.

I can see one downside though. If you told your partner you were having some work done, you can guarantee she will want a boob job also.

Gary

Post by **Coot** » August 17, 2006, 9:10 pm

Top marks to jingjai for a very candid post,telling it how it is rather than the usual "of coarse she is attracted to me,she loves me etc etc"

valentine · Post by **valentine** » August 18, 2006, 7:00 am

Plastic surgery or any other form of enhancement? Never.don't think I need it, but then again, I'm a pompous ass.

valentine · Post by **valentine** » August 18, 2006, 12:28 pm

Concieted too.

Post by **wansman** » August 18, 2006, 1:50 pm

Doew my wife love me OR does she love my money? I guess that is what this thread is all about. Well all I have to say about it is that I don't care. As long as she at least pretends to love me as much as she does now then when I die I will be a very happy man and she will get all that she deserves for putting up with me for so long.

I am a bit confused by the comment concerning the good looking ones being conceited. The first time I ever saw my wife I was totally smitten. To me she is the best looking woman I have ever seen. Then the way she talked, walked even when I got the chance to get a whiff of her smell. Everything about her attracted me to her.

Her sister teases her about "look like monkey".

When we discuss this she tells me that until I came along no one had ever sincerely told her that she was beautiful and she genuienly seems surprised that I find her that attractive

WM.

Post by **Coot** » August 18, 2006, 2:59 pm

I am surprised at the responses that say "i dont care if there is no attraction as long as she pretends to like me"
Maybe this attitude comes with age as i am in my thirties and it does not strike a cord with me.Seems strange and even a little sad.As i approach sixty will i be resigned to just passing the time with anyone who will have me regardless of true emotions.It would be interesting to hear the views of any other younger forum members.

Post by **jingjai** » August 18, 2006, 3:07 pm

Galee wrote:OK, I have a question to ask.

Would any of you consider having Plastic Surgery if you thought it would make your partner happier.

Personally, I would. If I had a beautiful young partner that I was proud of, I would want to her be proud of me, not embarrassed of me. I think it would also improve ones own self esteem. Maybe I'm just being a little shallow.

I can see one downside though. If you told your partner you were having some work done, you can guarantee she will want a boob job also.

Gary

If I was to get cosmetic surgery, it would be first to please me, it would have to be something I really wanted to do. I considered a few things in the past, fat injections in the facial creases for example. However there are risks in all procedures. Luckily for me I inherited some of my father's traits, one of them is vanity, so I've been regularly taking care of my skin and body for a long time.
Galee, if you think it will enhance your looks and make you happy, go fo it.
The only advice I have, this isn't anything to pinch pennies on, there are many places in Thailand that offer cosmetic surgery, only a handful are staffed with truly qualified doctors. Do your research. Whatever you do, don't tell your wife/girlfriend. I remember my second holiday in TH., I needed to get a haircut, so I went to a place in MBK in Bkk. The next thing I know, the girl I was with was getting her hair shapooed/conditioned. I asked her why, she had just shampooed that morning. Her answer was she got bored waiting for me. I learned the same lesson with my wife when I had to replace a mobile phone. I took her with me and she ended up walking out with a new one also.
Arjay, I couldn't afford to do the whole fence, but I did manage to find a cattle prod for a few thousand baht.
Val, I was truly amazed and impressed when I learned your true age, you carry yourself very well. In fact, I think your Udon's answer to Sean Connery, minus a few centimeters but with more hair.

laphanphon · Post by **laphanphon** » August 18, 2006, 3:16 pm

stan, well said.

hey galee, not enough plastic surgery in the world can help you, lol. sorry, had too. i thought you were almost as handsome as me.

I'm a pompous ass.

i thought that was me.

luckily i still have the matrix self image thing going, although get a reality check every morning. don't put a full length mirror in the bedroom. and keep the camcorder off when in the bathroom. although great motivation to take jingjai's offer of work out schedule.

ok, back to work, too many distactions here, nice thread though.

0 % attraction,100 % security.

0 % attraction,100 % security.

Re: 0 % attraction,100 % security.

Re: 0 % attraction,100 % security.