Bar girl advice for stupid farang...

[StupidFarang]

Hi! New member on this forum, looking for some advice. Feel free to laugh at me, as I probably would if it wasn't for the good old expression "love makes blind..."

I am quite certain i am about to join the "sick buffalo club", but wanted to have your take on the situation before i end things. This was my first trip to Thailand, so I would like to hear it from someone who has more experience from Thailand than me.

Ok, here it goes. I am a bloke from scandinavia, not bad looking, dress well, good income, kind and with good manners. I treat women with respect, as long as I get respect back. Not much of a drinker, maybe some beers a couple of times a month. 44 yrs old.

Just home from my first trip in Thailand (Koh Samui), and as you guessed, I met a girl at a bar. I knew it was a bar girl, so no confusion there. I saw her at the last bar we went before heading home, and even though I did not have any intention of bringing a girl home that night, I just had to go and talk to her. She was gorgeous looking (to me anyways), and had the most beautyful smile I have ever seen! Sat down and had a chat, first thing she says to me is she can tell I am a good man. Ok, nice to hear of course, cause it is true, I am. Then she tells me, for whatever reason, she has a 4 year old kid. No matter to me, as I like kids. She is 23...yeah i know. She could barely speak English, but we laughed and communicated anyway. From Isaan of course, with parents living on a farm with her 4 year old. Had been in the bar for six months, sent by parents. She came home with me after paying the bar fine, had a couple of beers, laughing and talking. And had sex.

Ends up spending a whole week with her, the best week of my life! Coming from a dead relationship with no love, you can imagine how I felt. She was so pretty ,and very attentive and affectionate. She genuinely seemed to like me, and we did lots of things together, even together with her friends (bar friends). We had the best time exploring the island, and I fell of course in love with her. Stupid, i know, breaking rule #1. Even speak to her family on Skype (or whatever they use in Thailand), and cousin in northern europe. Several times.

Fast forward to the day before heading home to scandinavia. She was very sad to see me leave, and claimed she had fell in love with me. I said I had to get back to work, and she understood this. Then she says if I promise to come back, she would wait with her family in Surin for me, but needed to support the family. I gave it a little thought, and decided that I could not bear to see her work in that bar, so I agreed. We did not talk any numbers at this stage. So Mr Knight in Shining Armour brings her to Bangkok, and sends her on the bus home to Surin, with a promise to come back to her.

Getting messages constantly on messenger, love you, miss you, hearts etc etc. Then, the matter of money comes up. I understand that you cannot live on love alone, so I ask her what she needed to make a decent living in Surin while she waits for me. She came back with 40 000 Bath! Now i may be soft hearted, but not a complete idiot, so I just said I was disappointed with her, and that she had insulted me, so I said goodbye. Then she makes a big deal of saying she is sorry, and that her father was pressuring her to get me to pay for construction on their house. She says she do not want to lose me, because she had met the love of her life (!), and money was not the issue. She would wait regardless. Then I proceed to ask how much I can help her with. Now this thing is already dead for me after the 40 000 Bath claim of course, but i played along anyway. She then suggests 20 000 Bath, and claims she is not interested in the money, but loves me. Yeah right.

She was no typical bar girl...no tattoos, very bad english skills...seemed like a nice girl at the wrong place. I really really liked her a lot.

So here is my question...is it even a remote possibility for this to end in a good way? All the things she says makes sense...i know she is in Surin waiting...she sends me pictures all the time...and she says all the right things.

Deep down I know i should not walk, but run from this...what do you think? Cant understand how anyone can be so cruel hearted really...

[Udon Map]

So here is my question...is it even a remote possibility for this to end in a good way?

Yes, very, very remote.

All the things she says makes sense...i know she is in Surin waiting...she sends me pictures all the time...and she says all the right things.

Really? The right things are coming out of her mouth so she must be telling the truth? And if it's on the internet it must be true, right? Also, when were those pictures taken? Are you sure?

Yes, you should run from this, not walk. While the odds of this working out the way you want are not quite zero, they're very, very close.

[mickojak]

Do a few checks before you leave her.
I don't doubt that she might be genuine, because supporting your family is the biggest honour a kid can have in Thailand.
They are all bred to do that.
That's why she went to the bar.

My wife earns 10,00bht a month and that easily supported her and her family before I met her and she could shop for clothes, pay off phone and scooter.

Is she really in Surin???
Make sure you talk on Skype or Line so it is live and get her to walk around the house, village etc each time you talk.

I spent the first 6 months of talking to my wife asking her the same questions, but in different ways. Always got the same response immediately. No one can lie that good.

Keep your head screwed on for a while and see how it goes.
She should be grateful for whatever you give her.
time will tell, but don't be stupid.
Mick

[Philrjones]

Hi,

First, no one should laugh. Who amongst us hasn't done something similar when first coming here?

I'm not saying that it's all roses and chocolates. But what's interesting is that's she's gone back to Surin which is what a genuine girl would do, otherwise she'd be on the first bus back to the $ down south.

Yes 40,000 seems a lot (I give the misses lots more than that, but we've got 3 kids), but at least she's been honest and said it's to help construct a house instead of Mama is sick etc.

As the young woman's fella, and a farang, you'll be expected to help her family out. Some don't mind, some do. You could place a limit on what you give or help out with. I prefer to pay some bills that I can see, then I know exactly where the money is going.

Interesting she doesn't speak very good English - a sign she hasn't been long in the game (if she is).

Some, if not many of the girls from Issan who have a child and work down south, would like nothing more than to meet and have a good person look after them. Thai blokes generally don't go near them if they have a kid already, and the bar scene is easy money for a good looking lass.

If she's a bad one, you'll be able to tell from the never ending saga of money requests for anything you can think of, plus some you can't. The longer you're here or involved with Thai girls, the easier they are to spot.

Hope it works for you - don't be too down if it doesn't. Take things easy, slowly. In the end we have to trust someone - if that turns out bad then we move on. I got my wife (of 9 years now) out of working bar - not selling anything else but beer mind you! I know her history - also working to take care of a child and single Mum. But she also had another job in Govt.

I put my trust in her and it paid off. There was just something about how she acted that was different from the girls who sold everything and not just beer. You'll recognise it eventually.

Good luck!!

[Philrjones]

Good advice Mick!

[Liam Dale]

Isn't this just a more polished version of a previous yabber. My favourite well balanced line is.

"I knew IT was a bar girl".. Equality from the word go.. ;-0

I think it's prob fair to use the current vernacular here.. tis 'fake news'.

[Philrjones]

Ah well Liam, if it is, it is. Mind you I wouldn't waste half an hour concocting a story!

[Liam Dale]

Ah well Liam, if it is, it is. Mind you I wouldn't waste half an hour concocting a story!

Cut n paste mate.. cut n paste..n a bit of re-write. For sure.. the poster aint a Scandi.. not their style of English

I'm reasonably sure the "not bad looking" is a quote people took the michael about previously.

As to time waste.. you is sensible. I'm not .. just spent 30 secs looking and answering you. Making ME dumb. )

Out of thread..

[Jello]

Now this thing is already dead for me after the 40 000 Bath claim of course, but i played along anyway. She then suggests 20 000 Bath, and claims she is not interested in the money, but loves me. Yeah right.

You've answered your own question here.

So here is my question...is it even a remote possibility for this to end in a good way?

Depends on what your idea of a good way is. You've got two choices.
Support her and her family, have a long-distance relationship and trust that she's not doing the same thing with multiple boyfriends, or forget it.

If you cant afford it, or are just uncomfortable with sending her money, then don't do it.

Cant understand how anyone can be so cruel hearted really...

She'll get over it and find someone willing to pay if that's her goal (plenty of guys out there that seem to be willing do that) and you will have the money to come back and have another "greatest week of your life".

I could not bear to see her work in that bar,

Not trying to say anything bad about her or her line of work, but it is possible to find other forms of employment here. Perhaps if she got a different job you'd feel more comfortable supplementing her income.

[Udon Map]

Some research into the OP's IP address tells me that he is legit; it appears that he is from Scandinavia. While it is, of course, possible that he could be using some type of virtual IP or IP masking system, I believe him.

[Udon Map]

Not trying to say anything bad about her or her line of work, but it is possible to find other forms of employment here.

Where someone with her background can earn that kind of money?

[Jello]

Read the whole statment boss.

Not trying to say anything bad about her or her line of work, but it is possible to find other forms of employment here. Perhaps if she got a different job you'd feel more comfortable supplementing her income.

[trubrit]

Well lets first say I haven't met a single farang here that hasn't been stupid to some degree or another with a lovely Thai lady, so your not alone. The only difference is the degree of stupidity and if that's measured in monetry terms I right up near the top.I first came here about the same age as you, now I'm in my eighties with two Thai wives and countless live ins behind me, so is that enough experience for you?.I long ago learnt that people asking for advise don't really want to know what I think but simply seeking confirmation of their thoughts.So on that basis I won't give you any , just a few questions you should be asking yourself.Here we go.
Is a week of bliss enough to judge the suitability of someone to become your partner for life?
Do you want, and can you afford to live here? Remember money doesn't grow on trees, even In Thailand.
Alternatively would she be happy going back home with you, bearing in mind the weather , food and language difficulties.? Remember your still of working age, would she be happy staying alone whilst your out every day earning a crust?What about the child, where's the father, would he permit it to leave the country? Its not unknown for an errant Dad to see it as a money making opportunity before he gives his permission as required by Thai law.So many things to think about before you develope the relationship further .
Now lets look at the present.You said you had the best week of your life, great for you, sounds as though you have already paid for it and she must have been quite happy with what you gave her, so why oh why do you want to keep paying when your thousands of miles away .If you were a big bike fan and had hired a nice bike here you wouldn't expect to keep paying the rental after you had gone home , would you? Next time you come rent it again or find another good one, as with the women there's plenty available.It seems as though you see yourself as a Knight in shining armour wanting to save this lass from all the dragons around her, well if that makes you feel good and you can afford it, go for it. Its your money and you spend it how you like but if your like most of us, it doesn't come easy, in fact some times it's bloody hard work.
Now if your thinking of making this a long term relationship you will want to make a commitment now but so should she if she is serious about you .I would think financial help, certainly not more than 10,000bht a month in exchange for giving up the bar lifestyle is enough .Then when you see her again, providing she has honoured her side of the deal you can increase this , if she hasn't , well you haven't lost too much.Slowly slowly is the motto, get to know her and her feelings for you before getting in too deep.Sometimes the pain in the heart can be worse than that of loosing the money.Good Luck.

[skinner]

Would you get involved with a prostitute in your home country ?
She IS a prostitute, she sleeps with men and tells them what they want to hear for money.
WAKE UP !!!
There are thousands of beautiful decent women here , so why get involved with a prostitute ?

[glalt]

As an experienced old timer, I'll post my opinion. First thing to consider is that long distance relationships seldom work out. The next thing is that Thai ladies are very good actresses. That means that you should live with her maybe six months. The warts will come out within that trial and you will know what you really have. Finally, taking her to your home country is a dangerous move. She will easily become westernized and that would most likely be bad.

[glalt]

An added point. Don't pay any attention to those supposedly super moral guys who criticize bar girls. I have three close friends who married bar girls and all three have been happily married for more than fifteen years.

The worst experience I ever had with a Thai woman was one who had never been in a bar in her life and who refused to go in a bar with me. I moved her in with me and for about three months she was perfect. Then the warts came out. She turned out to be the most mercenary woman I have ever known.

[newtovillagelife]

Most older falangs will not admit to marrying or dating bar girls. But in realtity lets face it, in their home countries why would a younger woman want an older man, MONEY. Thais could care less about wisdom and experience. SHOW ME THE MONEY.

[newtovillagelife]

But given what I said, If you want her, and she makes you happy. Go for it, I did the same thing, and things have worked out.

[skinner]

Just to make something clear, I do not see myself as a "super moral guy" nor am I criticizing women who choose to sell themselves , I have had many a happy night with a dirty girl, but I would not want to get involved with one. They are there to provide a service, not to marry in MY OPINION.
After 15 years here I have known many who have married them and sometimes they have been happy and sometimes not. I have also seen many of these women carrying on with their old lifestyle as soon as the man is away or out of the country.
MY advice to the opening poster would be to find a normal Thai woman , its not hard to do.

[timmy]

you dont pay a " bar girl " or " lady of the night " for SEX you pay her to " get GONE " in the morning ....and not come back ...