Any Ideas?

Post by **Lien** » April 22, 2007, 8:46 am

Hi

I have met a cute girl, seemingly she is working as a cahier in a bar to help fund her education at Udon university. She has promised me that she is not a 'bar girl' and is now telling everybody she has a boyfriend.

Well I hate asking this question but has anybody got any ideas how i can check this out as I am thousands of miles away?

Simply my heart sayes I should't doubt her but my brain sayes be weary. I have been to Thailand many times and heard too many of tales of woe.

Any ideas would be greatly appreciated.

Cheers

Post by **banpaeng** » April 22, 2007, 9:53 am

A bit harsh but you have two options:

1. Run like hell
2. The more sane option. Believe her. Turn this thing around, you are thousands of miles away. Are you a person that hangs out in bars or someone that will beat his wife, or just a plain player. I have said it before and again. So she was or was or has been a bar girl. There are an awful lot of older women who when they finsih their work in the bars who have moved on and done quite well.

If you have not skeletons in your closet, use option 1. If you are human, use option 2.

Post by **BKKSTAN** » April 22, 2007, 10:22 am

Welcome aboard!

I think the amount of time you plan on spending here with her should be a major factor in what actions you take!
If you are only coming on vacations or holidays to be with her,I think it is unrealistic to be worried about your relationship status because it is to distant!
I would take her at her word and enjoy the time you have together!
If you are thinking about a future with her,and you are not planning to move here in the near future,then you need to ,first :communicate to her effectively your expectations,which should include ''no deception'',second:that you two start the process of being together either here or there and third: she stays out of the bars completely!
If there is agreement,I personally would have her investigated for awhile to see if she lives up to those expectations,not investigated about her past.You can not expect the girl to reveal her ''darker'' secrets to you at this time,nor are they your business at this time for sure!
Of course to give her the ''out of the bar opportunity'',you would have to help her financially,which is another good reason to ''investigate her ability to live up to and her attitude towards your agreements!
I don't personally know anyone that does ''investigations'',but I am sure there are those that do!

Post by **tawan3** » April 22, 2007, 10:38 am

Students are too young to have a serious relationship wait until she graduates. The world is a very small place now with the internet and webcams you both have plenty of time.

Post by **Ricohoc** » April 22, 2007, 10:55 am

Listen to banpaeng and Stan. They have the maps and know the ropes.

valentine · Post by **valentine** » April 22, 2007, 11:18 am

Send me the bar details and enough cash to cover a few beers and possibly a bar fine, I,m doing nothing for a few days.

Post by **Paul** » April 22, 2007, 12:08 pm

tawan3 wrote:Students are too young to have a serious relationship wait until she graduates.

I disagree - I know many students at Uni who are in their mid to late twenties and even a few in their thirties and forties doing part time courses.

In addition - I have met so many girls who are 'cashiers' in bars - I sometimes wonder if there is any other job available in a bar ????

seriously though:
What would you do if a girl in your home country told you her occupation - disbelieve her the same ???
Follow your heart and enjoy the ride (if you will pardon the expression)

oldfield · Post by **oldfield** » April 22, 2007, 12:26 pm

tawan3 wrote:Students are too young to have a serious relationship wait until she graduates.

I disagree also. Women are more mature than men too - especially over here.

It's going to be difficult for you to have a long distance relationship too.

If you want to know if she is a bar girl, did she sleep with you on the first (or second) night?

If she isn't a bar girl, and a 'good' uni student, she almost certainly wouldn't have slept with you so soon.

Reputation means a lot to Thai people - more so than in the west. back home you can 'pull' a girl and sleep with her on the first night. At most she is loose, but she ain't necessarily a bar girl. Here it's a bit more cut and dried.

Other indicators are..

she smokes
she drinks
she can play pool
she has tattoos

THey are not hard and fast rules of course, but a bar girl will often exhibit the above characteristics.

Remember, if she works in a bar, then she is exposed to Falangs like yourself - so she has been exposed to offers etc. before.

And of course, she's not going to tell you she's a bar girl is she?

After all is said and done, there is a good chance that she is a bar girl imo, however, that doesn't mean that you and her cannot have a future together. It doesn't mean that things won't work out for you both. As many people before you have experienced, it CAN work.

Just be careful, DONT send her any money, and just keep in touch and you never know.

Expect the worst and hope for the best.

WTF, if you really like her, send Val a couple of thousand baht and let him find out for you - I would, It would make things a lot easier.

Post by **tawan3** » April 22, 2007, 12:42 pm

Send me the bar details and enough cash to cover a few beers and possibly a bar fine, I,m

Is that a real job in Udon? How nice
Lien May I ask are you Asian or Asian/American/Western?

Post by **jetdoc** » April 22, 2007, 12:46 pm

Lien, With all due respect, you seem to place a rather high value on her "not being a bar girl" and if that works for you so be it. I hope you're aware of the playground rules and pitfalls. If not there are threads on this and other forums to guide you.
What I relate here is what works for me, but not necessarily anyone else. Just so you know where my head is at, I think a girl who likes sex and has had many partners (no matter the circumstances) is a sport not a slut. If one hopes to have a meaningful relationship with anyone there has to be an element of trust. If one feels the need to have someone checked out it is hardly a showing of trust. I tell the ladies I would like to help them and their family but I can only send nitnoi. In my mind this money is going to Good Will, or the crap table but it is GIVEN with no expectations. I never mention quit bar up 2 them. This in effect sets me up as a good guy (read good heart) even if it is only in my own mind;o) If the project goes south no harm done (except for possible broken heart) and I can still feel good about myself because I helped someone. One if one is overly concerned about what other's think, such as being considered a fool, then this will not work for you.

Post by **BKKSTAN** » April 22, 2007, 12:52 pm

Jetdoc puts a very nice a different perspective on it,well worth considering!Your frame of mind and personality have a lot to do with what ideas to go with or reject!

Post by **tawan3** » April 22, 2007, 1:03 pm

A bar is a place to have fun school is a place to study. Who has time to check on people anyway should spend thst time comparing girl friends and when you are mature enough pick one.

Post by **tawan3** » April 22, 2007, 3:08 pm

And, is it not a Bar girl is classified as an occupation. Are you marrying the job? Or are you marrying the person? What does the job have to do with it anyway if you are attactive to and compatiable with the person the occupation should not be important. If it fails it is the fault of both persons.

Bar Girl in Thailand is an occupation and therefore is performed by a real human being. I would not classify Bar Girl in America as an occupation it is a crack cocaine habit no way can compare the two.

Post by **Lien** » April 22, 2007, 5:39 pm

Thanks everybody for your advice, it's appreciated. It's great to receive the various opinions.

Post by **banpaeng** » April 22, 2007, 5:50 pm

tawan3 wrote:And, is it not a Bar girl is classified as an occupation. Are you marrying the job? Or are you marrying the person? What does the job have to do with it anyway if you are attactive to and compatiable with the person the occupation should not be important. If it fails it is the fault of both persons.

Bar Girl in Thailand is an occupation and therefore is performed by a real human being. I would not classify Bar Girl in America as an occupation it is a crack cocaine habit no way can compare the two.

All I can add is PERFECT.

ONe thing you did leave out is that a lot of these guys are barmen in there own right. It is kinda like the pot calling the kettle black.

Post by **tawan3** » April 22, 2007, 6:00 pm

I did not know Udon had barmen bars. I know Bangkok does.

Post by **Mainer** » April 22, 2007, 6:11 pm

As we do not know the circumstances of Lien's meeting and romance, then we are all just guessing what he is talking about. Should he say he only goes to a bar to drink and play pool, then he has a concern. If his need to go to a bar is ultimately to pay a bar fine, then he has no right to question her further.

Remember the ole sayings, "what's good for the goose is good for the gander" and

Post by **banpaeng** » April 22, 2007, 6:15 pm

tawan3 wrote:I did not know Udon had barmen bars. I know Bangkok does.

You missed it Tawan. Read Mainer and see if you get it.

Post by **Bump** » April 22, 2007, 9:53 pm

I'm missing something here yuo say you met her, do you mean you met on the internet or do you mean yuo have been to Udon and met her. If you were here in Udon and met her surely you noticed what job she was doing in the bar?

If it's intrenet have fun don't send money