England to retain the Ashes - JUST

[wazza]

Well it seems , another tassie will / might take over the reins of the Australian Captain.

Boonie was VC, Punter Captain and now Paine ??

http://www.themercury.com.au/article/20 ... ories.html

Feels proud back in the early 80's to be on the fund raisers to get Tassie into the Shield then, and to see the rewards now.

http://www.themercury.com.au/article/20 ... ories.html

Plus the Tassie DNA pumped out a set of twins for the Danish Royals last night also.

[jackspratt]

I wouldn't take too much notice of what is said in a parochial local rag, wazz.

The News Ltd version in Perth is the Sunday Times (known locally as the Sundry Slimes). I remember a few years ago reading a column written by Keith Slater (played a couple of tests for Oz, but was a chucker, and plenty of games for WA).

He made a case for having 6 players from Midland-Guildford (a local club in the WA 1st grade comp) in the upcoming Test team.

Guess which club he had played his grade cricket for?

[BobHelm]

Tom Fordyce blogs on sport for the BBC & has been in Australia covering the Tests.
Here are his marks for all the players in both squads for the series, along with some words justifying them.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/tomfordyce/2 ... tings.html

I don't agree with some of the England marks...
I feel that he was overgenerous with giving Strauss 9. I admit he was the winning captain, but that is back to Ponting being a 'brilliant' captain at one time. When you have players performing well being captain is an easy job. If the team are playing well maybe some of that is down to the captain. If the team are playing poorly then how good the captain is shows in what he does about it. In Strauss's case he must be judged on his individual performance & that, apart from the final game did not warrant a 6.
Pietersen had one match in which he warranted a 9. For the rest of the tour I would not have scored him higher than 5. He puts pressure on his team mates by playing for himself & I find that totally unacceptable in a team game. 1 great knock & 5 failures is not a good result. Take the 1 knock away & he has an average of 26. If Clarke only warrants a score of 3 for getting a slightly less average when he was batting under pressure every innings, then Pietersen cannot be given more than a 5 maximum.
To give Collingwood a 5 is a total injustice. 1 great catch & 1 lucky wicket cannot disguise the fact he had an awful tour. Even the man himself realised it & has given up on Test cricket. I know he was on the winning side, but he was a passenger as a batsman who only succeed in putting extra pressure on Bell coming in below him. That Bell over came the pressure does not excuse Collingwood for applying it in the first place.
Prior is also over pointed at 8. He also had 1 great knock, but that was by the time that Australia had given up on the series & were a shambles. Apart from that his average was 26 as well.
I also think a 7 for both Broad & Swann is too much. I think it devalues the bowling task that the others contributed.

The Aussie scores I will leave to others to comment on... In general I think they are a little harsh. I think Australia ran into Cook on exception (& rather unexpected) form after his summer & Anderson showing that he has learnt a hell of a lot about how to bowl in the last couple of years.

[Banjo]

Well it seems , another tassie will / might take over the reins of the Australian Captain.

Boonie was VC, Punter Captain and now Paine ??


Plus the Tassie DNA pumped out a set of twins for the Danish Royals last night also.

Could well be Timmy Paine is being groomed and touted as a future Australian Cricket Team Captain ... and he is a Taswegian He will lead the Prime Minister's XI against Ashes champions England in Canberra this week. I hope Ranga Joolya has picked a decent team ... I 'm not so sure she knows much about cricket amongst other things .

The fine brews of Cascade and Boags in Tasmania does it I clearly remember, many years ago, drinking some Boags before copulating with the end result being the proud father of twins There is certainly something special in that Tasmanian water!

[Banjo]

Pietersen had one match in which he warranted a 9. For the rest of the tour I would not have scored him higher than 5. He puts pressure on his team mates by playing for himself & I find that totally unacceptable in a team game. 1 great knock & 5 failures is not a good result. Take the 1 knock away & he has an average of 26.

Agreed Bob. Maybe that's why he gets called 'The Walking Ego'

[BobHelm]

Very true Banjo & certainly contributed to him making a hash of the Captain's job....
I can just imagine him as one of those 'do as I say, not as I do' sort of leaders that I have always despised in my working life!!

[wazza]

Anderson is very fast becoming the Poms version of McGrath, good line and length and making the batmens play every ball.

Cook was definately the batsman of the series, u dont get runs like that, just on pure luck or being dropped a few times in the slips etc.

Collingwood couldnt score in the cow shed in Udon.

Agree on Straus, his score should be consistent with the other batsmen, not as a winning Captain.

I wont comment on the Oz score card, as we lost well n truly, cant bat, cant bowl, and we went out with Collingwood every night !

KP even tried to take the credit for the series win , saying it was his conflict with Moore , that spilled over, and allowed Flower to take over and get them into a winning team, KP said he sacrificed his game Captaincy for the team . ! ummm

[wazza]

Banjo

Will be back in the land of Best Pemium largers soon, 2 Heads and Jimmy !

Boags on the Esk river in Lonnie is a wonderful sight ! and JB premium is the NO 1 in Oz, and won international gold medals .

I bet Boonie would have scored more than 73 not out, if they had Boags on board !the QF flight

[Banjo]

I bet Boonie would have scored more than 73 not out, if they had Boags on board !the QF flight

Yep ... and he may also have got a root and produced sensational twin openers for Oz ... or a Bradman with 2 heads

[wazza]

Boonie married his child hood sweet heart from Oakburn College , Pip It was the only root he found in Lonnie.

What goes on tour stays on tour Banjo, u know that ! till Waugh and a few others made some diarys and published them, well the edited version.

His son Jack ( after Flat Jack ) is playing for tassie, and also a good aussie rules player. Cant see his father selecting him fro Oz though.

[BobHelm]

Bit 'more of the same' in the England v Prime Ministers' 11.
PM 11 won the toss & decided to bat...in a rain effected match they managed to get to 254-9 off 44 overs.
Rather a changed England side from the Tests saw Yardy as the star bowler with 3 for 33 off 9. The opening pair of Woakes & Shahzad were rather expensive (in the low 60s) but managed to take 2 & 3 wickets respectively.
Christian coming in at number 5 just top scored on 53, with opener Paine also chipping in with 50. Going along quite respectably at nearly 6 an over for the 43 bowled.
Rather a repeat for the Australian bowlers though. Set to score a Duckworth-Lewis revised score of 223 England eased there off only 33 & a half overs. After coming in for the Tests far down the order Bell was given a chance to shine as an opener. He took it with both hands & was unbeaten at the end for 124. Davies assisted at the start with a stand of 82 (although he only scored 24 of them) & then Trott continued his tour successes by coming in at number 3 & getting 48 in a stand of 98. Pietersen again flattered to deceive & got out for 13 (lbw to a certain Brett Lee) but it was all too late by then. Morgan actually managed to get to the crease for once, but couldn't get on the score card before Bell ended the show.
Difficult to know what the England camp learned for picking the shorter version of the game side.....except that on the batting side they can be grateful that Bell & Trott appear to be willing to carry on as before despite Cook leaving the shores. Not sure that any of the bowlers showed too much except Yardy, who can blow exceedingly hot & cold with the ball & can be 20 an over or out with the bat.
Not sure that the match told the Australian selectors too much either - except there does not exactly appear to be a bowler (old or new) waiting on the sidelines to frighten the English batsmen to death...

[Zidane]

Think you are being a bit harsh on Matt Prior,Bob !
He had two excellent knocks with the bat and was top notch behind the stumps,throughout the series,which would have contributed to his high rating of 8.
Thats why Collingwood got 5.....probably only worth a 3 for his batting but his fielding was superb and a useful back up bowler.
Yeah,Pietersen claiming the success was down to him sacrificing the captaincy in his row with Moores .Sadly he appears to be even more of an automatic choice with Collingwood now retiring but lets hope some young batsmen can come through the ranks and condemn him to county cricket then early retirement.
Strauss probably worth a 7 for his batting but his handling of a winning team gave him a high score.

[BobHelm]

I will concede that I did not take enough account of Prior behind the stumps Zid... & yes I am probably slightly too critical of the 8. He certainly didn't give much away behind the stumps, but he was helped by a fairly consistent bowling display.
I will not concede the point on Collingwood though, he was in the side for his batting (he only bowled 31 overs in 6 innings) & he had a worse batting average than any of the Australian batters....If they deserve 3s & 4s then so does Mr. C.....especially as England were on top in batting in nearly every game...

[wazza]

Agree with u here Bob, if his batting scores are the same as the oz batsmen, then so to , should his tour score be the same as the ozzie failures .

Mind you, anything with Collingwood in it deserves to fail !

[BobHelm]

Mind you, anything with Collingwood in it deserves to fail !

I feel you are slipping off topic & swapping codes here wazza....

[wazza]

hmmm subtle warning LOL

I dont like the Pjamas game, hit n giggle and predict within 5 years, that 20/20 will take over forever.

and thats going to further deplete the standards of tests, as young players will chase the money, not the baggy green !

[Zidane]

Maybe Tom Fordyce was being a little kind to Collingwood as he is retiring after being a stalwart in the side for quite a few years.....one year too long,probably.
But he is being equally kind to Katich,also with 5,only two tests and averaging just 24 ?
However,the biggest anomaly,in my opinion,is giving Stuart Broad 7 the same score as Graeme Swann !
Broad...2 tests,2 wickets,0 runs......Swann 15 wickets,useful no.9.....OK,not his best series but surely worth a higher ranking than Broad who I would have given either a 4 or 5 maximum.

[wazza]

I emptied my spam box today and found these, just to prove i do accept defeat and have a sense of humour. Looking back they are 90% the same joke, just change the touring side and players name, but worth a chuckle !

Q: What do you call an Aussie who knows how to handle a bat?

A: A vet

Q :Why isn’t there anybody drinking bottles of wine in Oz right now ?
A :Because they don’t have any openers

Q what do you get if you cross the Australian cricket team with an Oxo cube?
A A laughing stock!

Q. What is the height of optimism?
A. An Australian batsman putting on sunscreen.

Q. What would Jimmy Anderson be if he was Australian?
A. An all rounder.

Q. What is the main function of the Australian coach?
A. To transport the team from the hotel to the ground.

Q. Why don ' t Australian fielders need pre tour travel injections?
A. Because they never catch anything.

Q. What do you call an Australian with 100 runs against his name?
A. A bowler.

Q. What ' s the most proficient form of footwork displayed by Ponting?
A. The walk back to the pavilion.

Q. Who has the easiest job in the Australian squad?
A. The guy who removes the red ball marks from the bats.

Q. What do Australian batsmen and drug addicts have in common?
A. Both spend most of their time wondering where their next score will come from.

Q. Why are Australian cricketers cleverer than Houdini?
A. Because they can get out without even trying.

Q. What does Ryan Harris put in his hands to make sure the next ball almost always takes a wicket?
A. A bat

Q. What do you call a world-class Australian cricketer?

A. Retired.

Q. What do you call an Aussie with a bottle of Champagne ?

A. A waiter.

Q. What do you call an Australian who can hold a catch?

A. A fisherman

Q. What is the difference between Cinderella and the Aussies?

A. Cinderella knew when to leave the ball."


Q. What ' s the Australian version of LBW?

A. Lost, Beaten and Walloped."


Q."Not all is lost. Australia still has world class spinners.

A. There ' s the redback, the funnel web..."

Anyone know when the return match between Scunthorpe and Everton is ??

[arjay]

I just received these by email. Sorry there's an overlap with Wazza's.
I guess they had to come!

Australian bobsleigh team have asked the Aussie cricket team for a meeting.
They want to ask their advice about going downhill so fast!

Q. What's the difference between Ricky Ponting and a funeral director?
A. A funeral director doesn't keep losing the ashes.

Did you hear what the stump microphones picked up when The Ashes skippers tossed the coin on Boxing Day?
Andrew Strauss called correctly and, quick as a flash, said to Ricky
Ponting: "You lads can bat.''
Just as quick, Ponting replied: "No, we can't. We really can't."


Q. What do you call an Australian with a champagne bottle in his hand?
A. A waiter.

Q. Of everyone in the Aussie team, who spends the most time at the crease?
A.The woman who irons their cricket whites.


Q. What's the height of optimism?
A. An Aussie batsman putting on sunscreen.


Q. Why did the Aussie break his leg throwing a ball?
A. He forgot it was chained to his foot.

Q. What is the main function of the Australia coach?
A. To transport the team from the hotel to the ground.

On his way out into the middle to bat, Ricky Ponting gets a call from his wife and teammate Michael Hussey tells her he's heading out to the middle.
His wife replies: "I'll hold, he won't be long!"

Q. What's the difference between an Aussie batsman and a Formula 1 car?
A. Nothing! If you blink you'll miss them both.

Q. Who has the easiest job in the Australian squad?
A. The guy who removes the red ball marks from the bats.

Q. What do Aussie batsmen and drug addicts have in common?
A. Both spend most of their time wondering where their next score will come from.

Q. What did the spectator miss when he went to the toilet?
A. The entire Australian innings.

Q. What's the Australian version of LBW?
A. Lost, Beaten, Walloped.

Q. Why is Ricky Ponting cleverer than Houdini?
A. Because he can get out without even trying.

Q. What does Ricky Ponting put in his hands to make sure the next ball is almost certainly going to be a wicket?
A. A bat.

Q. What do you call a cricket field full of Australians ?
A. A vacant lot.

Q. What does an Australian batsman who is playing in The Ashes have in common with Michael Jackson?
A. They both wore gloves for no apparent reason.

Heard the one about the Englishman who was stopped by Australian immigration officers at Sydney airport?
They asked him if he had a criminal record. He replied: "I didn't know it was still necessary."

Q. What's the difference between Ricky Ponting and a phoenix?
A. At the end of the ashes, the phoenix still has a future.

Q. What do you call an Aussie who can hold a catch?
A. A fisherman

Q. Why can no one drink wine in Australia at the moment?
A. They don't have any openers

Q. What's the difference between Cinderella and the Aussies?
A. Cinderella knew when to leave the ball

Q. What do you call a world class Australian cricketer?........
A. Retired

[jackspratt]

Where does the English cricket team call home?

A: Johannesburg (Strauss), Cape Town (Trott), Pietermaritzburg (Pieterson), Johannesburg (Prior), etc etc etc.