I hope this is in the right place as it concerns relationships between farang and the Thai community.I will say it here as i don't want to post any more on the appeal thread.
A local farang,a lovely Texan far more altruistic than i,used to take his grandchildren to school of a morning.He saw,each day,that the majority of the children had dirty,torn uniforms and being a kind soul he decided help.
He bought new uniforms for all the children which they then wore home.
His granchildren were subsequently asked to leave the school and all concerned are upset,the Texan,the children,the parents and the school.It's a beautiful gesture but caused a loss of face to many of the parents.Here in Thailand loss of face has huge significance and it's often best to try and make it seem that the parents are involved.In the Texan's case he could have donated some material and got the mothers to make the uniforms.
Giving is great but here you must look at all angles to see if the gift could make the parents lose face.Just a thought.
Marcus
Potential pitfalls from helping others
-
businessman
- udonmap.com
- Posts: 1305
- Joined: July 15, 2005, 10:58 am
- Location: Udon
It seems ideal in "relationships" Marcus, I trust that "relationships" is not limited to the significant other.
When giving a gift, have you noticed that is is not usually unwrapped or opened except later in private. I am told this this to avoid embarrasment to either party if it is wrong, too generous, not generous enough or whatever, I dunno.
The "face" thing is a tricky subject, that I do not profess to fully understand. The only bit I do understand is that anything that could imply a loss of social standing in others is a tricky path to be following.....
John
When giving a gift, have you noticed that is is not usually unwrapped or opened except later in private. I am told this this to avoid embarrasment to either party if it is wrong, too generous, not generous enough or whatever, I dunno.
The "face" thing is a tricky subject, that I do not profess to fully understand. The only bit I do understand is that anything that could imply a loss of social standing in others is a tricky path to be following.....
John
-
valentine
Obviously a rather etreme outcome to a well intentioned gesture. I personally am wondering how the headmaster of Pauls achool is going to react to the , well intentioned, but possibly viewed, interference in his sphere of responsibilty as head.Has he been consulted or involved in the decisions as to what is needed? If not there is potentially, considerable loss of face here. 
Agreed Val, it does seem a bit extreme; I am sure Paul has dealt with this aspect, indeed in the other thread he implies he has.
As a more general point the "face" thing is something I would like to understand better. I have in the past done some very small things for a village junior school at which a brother in law (another one!) is a teacher, but I've made sure I give the stuff to him, and he gets it to the school, it just appears. I am certain the real source is known, but this way, hopefully, nobody loses face.
John
As a more general point the "face" thing is something I would like to understand better. I have in the past done some very small things for a village junior school at which a brother in law (another one!) is a teacher, but I've made sure I give the stuff to him, and he gets it to the school, it just appears. I am certain the real source is known, but this way, hopefully, nobody loses face.
John
Just a thought guys, TLC's been doing exactly the same thing Paul is doing for years around here and I have never heard of anyone getting upset. I'm sure everything will be just fine.
No way is going to be perfect which is probably why most don't take on a project like Paul did. I knew from past experienc that there would be good from the project and there would be negative aspects that Paul would have to deal with. My sugggestion is that we support his efforts in whatever way we can within our own limitations and our own acceptaqble guidelines.
Remember we all can do what Paul did if we choose to, I never took on a project like this by myself and I won't critique how he handles it, his brain child, I will let him run with it and wish him well.
No way is going to be perfect which is probably why most don't take on a project like Paul did. I knew from past experienc that there would be good from the project and there would be negative aspects that Paul would have to deal with. My sugggestion is that we support his efforts in whatever way we can within our own limitations and our own acceptaqble guidelines.
Remember we all can do what Paul did if we choose to, I never took on a project like this by myself and I won't critique how he handles it, his brain child, I will let him run with it and wish him well.
Just a thought guys, TLC's been doing exactly the same thing Paul is doing for years around here and I have never heard of anyone getting upset. I'm sure everything will be just fine.
No way is going to be perfect which is probably why most don't take on a project like Paul did. I knew from past experienc that there would be good from the project and there would be negative aspects that Paul would have to deal with. My sugggestion is that we support his efforts in whatever way we can within our own limitations and our own acceptable guidelines.
Remember we all can do what Paul did if we choose to, I never took on a project like this by myself and I won't critique how he handles it, his brain child, I will let him run with it and wish him well.
No way is going to be perfect which is probably why most don't take on a project like Paul did. I knew from past experienc that there would be good from the project and there would be negative aspects that Paul would have to deal with. My sugggestion is that we support his efforts in whatever way we can within our own limitations and our own acceptable guidelines.
Remember we all can do what Paul did if we choose to, I never took on a project like this by myself and I won't critique how he handles it, his brain child, I will let him run with it and wish him well.
-
businessman
- udonmap.com
- Posts: 1305
- Joined: July 15, 2005, 10:58 am
- Location: Udon
Maybe the uniforms were too personal a gift and desks and chairs are much more suitable.That is to say a ripped uniform could reflect poorly on the parents whereas a bad desk reflects poorly on the school.Been here eight years and still not sure.I give gifts now to the poor but not to children in the village just in case.
Gerry is gone now,bless him.This was a guy who built four large houses for his family here first and then finally built a tiny shoebox for himself.
Gerry is gone now,bless him.This was a guy who built four large houses for his family here first and then finally built a tiny shoebox for himself.
Without moving my appeal topic to here, just a quick reply.
It started by trying to repair their computers and as i had run out of spares asked for any spare parts lying around to be donated. This is not something the average village school parent can undertake - so no problem here (I hope)
When the money started coming in - I was able to expand my horizons and took a long hard look at what would benefit the kids and also what they were 'making do' with.
Because of their very small annual budget (900 baht per student per year) there was no way that the headmaster would buy new desks at almost 600 baht each - I did : so the kids daily life is instantly improved.
I will try to get local people in to help with repairs (if I buy materials)- so shouldn't be a problem there too.
The toys and games and bicycles are a little something to put a smile on their faces and they deserve a little treat, when they have so little.
I am trying to please everyone - not easy but, have done it the best way I can.
Back to the appeals topic now under general headings - this off topic habit is contageous LOL
Regards
Paul
It started by trying to repair their computers and as i had run out of spares asked for any spare parts lying around to be donated. This is not something the average village school parent can undertake - so no problem here (I hope)
When the money started coming in - I was able to expand my horizons and took a long hard look at what would benefit the kids and also what they were 'making do' with.
Because of their very small annual budget (900 baht per student per year) there was no way that the headmaster would buy new desks at almost 600 baht each - I did : so the kids daily life is instantly improved.
I will try to get local people in to help with repairs (if I buy materials)- so shouldn't be a problem there too.
The toys and games and bicycles are a little something to put a smile on their faces and they deserve a little treat, when they have so little.
I am trying to please everyone - not easy but, have done it the best way I can.
Back to the appeals topic now under general headings - this off topic habit is contageous LOL
Regards
Paul