Is it better to take your bride to your home?

[bumper]

Sorry not really a question for me, but I would like to see others thoughts and experiences. I have done both brought a bride from the P.I. to my home country. Now I have married and live here. That marriage lasted 14 years, longest I have ever had. Don't know if this one will last longer got nine years to go before I will know that.

How many times have you seen don't take them back to your country, they will just become like all the western women. I'm not so sure that is true. Women from our westen cultures can be a bad deal or a good deal, really depends on the woman. I just happen to be attracted to Asian women's appearance, nothing more. In the end they are just people with good apects and bad no matter what country they come form. Boy we haer all the time they live to serve their men. Sorry not true.

So we come here and marry don't they get weternized anyway simply by being around us. Then you have the false precepts to what being married to us means. You see it all the time girls with mutiple gold chains around her neck. What she is really saying look at me I'm succesful. I made the right decesion marrying a farang. How much pressurre is put on her in the community to prove that was the right decesion everyday?

Think about it you come here, you supply all, and you have to adapt to a foriegn culture in everyway and aspect, with a very small support group to do it. You adapt to a new marriage and her to some extent that is for sure. But she has the same support group that she has always had. That support group filled with misinformation, that you spend a long time overcoming and teaching the reality to your new life partner. Tough road Chai Mai?

There are truly many things that makes that all worthwhile. But I guarantee you if your going to have a succesful marriage change will have to come from both sides.

So lets look at the other side of the coin, teaching doesn't change. But the amount of open mindness does. You no longer have the girl trying to prove to the village that she made the right decesion. Just a lot of people around you trying to their best to get through life. Having done both my opinnion lots easier for you doing it in your home land. Where you know the rules. They see you working not sitting around the house all day playing on a computer. All of sudden darn, he does just like Thai's works, that money wasn't a gift. Hmmm!!!!!!!! he is not rich, just average.

Those things are all news to someone who has not seen it. I don't have a housekeeper I'm then one who keeps it clean. Or hey I have to have a job and help as well. Hmm!!!!! that wasn't how it was advertised by all my friends.

Will they become westernized you bet. But, that is not always a bad thing. Think about it for a minute, does yuor wife actually do everything the same as she did before you came into her life? I seriously doubt it. Unless your a guy who lays on the front porch waiting for rice time again.

I can tell you it's a lot easier when you are the one with the support group.

Will you still support the family yes, in someway. You are taking a bride from an Asian culture goes with the territory

So what is best don't know, I do know there is more pressure to face the real world in a foriegn country. at least there was for the ex wife and now for me.

For those with stories of she will dump you for a younger model. My repsonse to that argumnt is she is going to that here as well if she is that kind of peson. So I see no difference.

Ok guys up to you. To fill in any blanks you care to. Just meant to be a little thought provoking. I don't know the right or wrong answer, nor do I beleive I know if there really is one

[Aardvark]

I brought my over for a six month visit before we were married so she could see for herself who I was, what I had and of course a look around Falangland to see if she liked it. After the first two months she had met a network of other Thais which gave her an insite and comparison of how they lived compared to us. She went home with no illusions and still married me

[Galee]

Not if your 65 and she is 17.

[BKKSTAN]

I would have taken my family to America if I could have gotten the daughter there too!As it was it was to difficult until,I felt it was late for her to go!

I think if the Isaan children are still very young,it is an advantage for them to be raised in the West and I think my wife would have been OK there as she does not have a ''need' to be around the family as many do!
It really makes a difference in the personality and upbringing of the Thai lady.My wife would have done fine there as she has a very strong work ethic and challenges herself to learn!

I definitel agree that those that worry about being traded in for a younger or richer model,would actually be better off if it happened because being with someone of that kilt would make for a miserable life anyway!

My hopes now are that my stepdaughter will eventually migrate to the USA for her education,therefore finding more economic opportunity and possibly a better choice of future husbands ,if that is her wish!

[tamada]

Not if your 65 and she is 17.

If you are in a council flat on a pension and your only social life is Saturday bingo night at the Con club, then not recommended. However, if you have retired, own some real nice digs, don't worry about ***** neighbours or arsehole relatives gossip or scowls and you have your [insert erectile dysfunction medication of choice here], then why not?

[laphanphon]

if having kids, great for their education, if just a wife, you got to be nuts, why ruin a good thing. usually not a chauvinist, but barefoot and pregnant works, now if i could find one that naive

[saint]

if having kids, great for their education, if just a wife, you got to be nuts, why ruin a good thing. usually not a chauvinist, but barefoot and pregnant works, now if i could find one that naive

i like your style L A , if you are successful in your quest , let me know if she has a sister !!!!!

[bumper]

LA your a man among men, but it's also B.S. last time I saw your girlfriend she niether pregnant nor bare foot =D>

But a nice goal

[izzix]

we dont know the age gap and what she is really like , they can change quite dramatically when you go back home ,which may be cold and bleak or hot and sunny .
can they change over to western food ?
i have heard so many horror stories about them doing a runner or crazy problems ,especially after getting clued up from other thais they meet up with that i wouldn't recommend it at all.
and these are not ex Bgs either .
the sweet little gal turns into a money crazy Jeckyl and Hyde monster with a knife at your throat .

in LOS their limitations are well known but they soon get clued up and may upgrade after you paid all the bills to get them out . one gent i know had a dire experience with a Udon female ,and you should hear what he had to put up with , Petch was a lovely gal in LOS , but a total loony in north wales .
she went when she got her UK passport .

[laphanphon]

but it's also B.S.

don't, you'll expose me as a hypocrite. yes, i have to tolerate an intelligent person until i find one that naive. still looking

[Khun Paul]

A good discussion on as to whether it is the right thing to do.
The answer is, no-one knows,both answers have a logical reasons and both have bad pints, taking them home can be advantageous, as they can learn and understand the way we think and our environement at home is completely different to here, but a t the same time they will see percieved wealth everywhere. By that I mean we in the West spend an inordinate amount of time having a nice house car, material items unknown to the majority of Thais, availability of goods ,( food and white goods ) is beyond comparison. that is the down side .
Not taking themto your home country, means you have to battle the culture here in order for your wife/g/f to understand you more and to teach-train-educate her in the ways you like living in, this can be very difficult, also the family interfere more here and that can be destructive to any relationship itself.
But it has been stated that if you have young children and have the option to live here or in your home country, the latter would be better for the children and that is a fact, educationally and health wise.

To be honsest there is no hard and fast rules , or no hard and fast answers, but I hope I have raised a few pointers as to the pros and cons of both scenarios.

[saint]

i dont have children here , but i do have eyes and ears . whilst i agree that any child would get a better education in the west , it think you would be doing them a disservice to expose them to western youth. i cant speak for other countries , but the youth in england are in part greedy selfish yobs , with no respect for anyone . vandalism, foul language , graffiti , willfull damage , recreational drugs , alchohol abuse , being pretty much the norm in the inner cities . i certainly would not want to expose my child to this culture. and would seek the best possibly education right here in thailand.

[bumper]

but it's also B.S.

don't, you'll expose me as a hypocrite. yes, i have to tolerate an intelligent person until i find one that naive. still looking

No No No never just a dreamer =D>

[Mr Natural]

Well Git, no one has answered here that has first hand experience except for yourself. Your marriage lasted 14 years and I congratulate you for that since the median duration of marriages that end in divorce in the US is about 7 years. My question to you is do you feel you were treated fairly in the divorce?

My opinion is there is no way I would bring a wife to the USA. No matter how secure I felt in the relationship, people can change. She will be schooled by others about how easy it is for a wife to leave her husband, take half his assets, go on public assistance (which the husband will pay) and get child support if children are involved (even if the children are not yours).

Every marriage has it's up's and down's. The U.S. laws make it very attractive for the women to give up on the marriage if things are not going her way. I would not risk being put into financial ruin at this point in my life.

[bumper]

The answer is yes I was treated farily. But that does not mean that I didn't pay child support and lose some money. I had paid heavy up front, but I was able to protect my retirment that she really had a right to 50% of it. By the way the Thai courts can not touch an out of country retirement. They simply don't have the juristiction to do it. Really the divorce law here is not much different then in California

50% of the marital assests, so if you have money in the bank here 50% is hers, Money in another country can't be touched. Everyone is really worried about not having your name on the house. Doesn't really matter unless you intend to stay in it. If the intention is to sale you have a right to 50% of that money.

If you want to stay in it, then you have to use the methods available to do that. Somethign you really need to thnk about befoe building nexr door to your inlaws.

Preneps are recognized and that is how you really protect yourself if you can think clearly when you emotions are over coming your common since. Personally I can't.

So I would have to say that at least in the case of California, I see no real advantage other then protecting your retirement.

Even having the experience I would not venture to say what is best, I think that really depends on the people involved. As to them becomiogn weternized my belief id they do under n both sircumtanv ces. One way it is eaier for yuo tou understand the playing field. Some of us gte lucky and have wives who are honest with us. So no particualr advantange/ Bu if you haev game player she will be game player here a well in the new country, But when yuo know the rules simply easier to recognize that.

As to them messing around I will say this it's very easy for us to that here, it is also very easy for our wives is they choose to do so. So I think that aspect is a wash, if your going to do it you will find a way no matter where you are. That same avenue is open to them.

Remember I don't which is best just opened for discussion. For me better for me to be here simply becasue I can really be reitred. Something I would not be able to do in California. But if it were down to a long distance marriage then I would take them to be with me.

You know most of the things that guys talk about in my case I really didn't see. We grew a part simple as that.

[arjay]

A lot of interesting points of view.

I took my wife/GF back to the UK for a month, earlier this year, but it was only for a visit, - there was no intention to stay on, so maybe that isn't quite the context that the OP had in mind. However I'll relate my story.

My objective was that I felt it would broaden her horizons and perspective on things, as well as help her understand me and my farang culture better. Also, I felt that by meeting my family (children) she would more readily be accepted by them and our relationship better understood, as opposed to them having the common built-in prejudices that they acquire from TV and news media in the UK, - e.g. that he (their dad) is shacked up with a Go-Go dancer whose bleeding him dry of money, type of thing!

Also, I just wanted to be sure whether we might want to live together in the UK in the future and thus whether I would want to buy another property there again. I very much doubted we would, but wanted to check it out or eliminate it for sure.

From her perspective she wanted to see a farang country, preferably England where I came from, and some of the sights of England that she had heard of - particularly Big Ben and Stonehenge. I'm sure she had no other hidden agendas.

It went very well indeed. She thoroughly enjoyed seeing London and the sights, though she seemed to love the flowers and the gardens more than anything. She said everything looked very clean and tidy and well organised. We also visited Bristol, Bath, Exeter, Poole and Bournemouth. We visited and stayed with family and friends, as well as a few hotels here and there.

She adapted and coped well, despite her English being far from fluent. We shopped for food at the local Tesco Express and cooked it together, and cooked some meals for my elderly father, when we stayed with him.

She met my family. My children I think realised that she was a normal human being, as well as polite and appreciative, rather than the scare stories they had heard and read about.

Despite me being twice her age (though of course I don't look it!! ) we (to my surprise) got stared at quite infrequently. The one occasion that springs to mind was when we went with my daughter and her husband (who are both not much younger than my wife/GF) to a local pub, as we left I noticed some of the local lads were watching us out of the window. I think that was more them looking at her as an Asian female, rather than me being with her.

My very elderly and infirm father (88) told me I could go back to Thailand on my own and she could stay, - he felt she was adorable, as do I!!

We went shopping together and seemed to be readily accepted where ever we went, We even bought the odd ring and piece of jewellery and chatted to the sales people about the Asian and western perceptions of gold and it's colour.

I do think, as mentioned previously that everyone is different. It will depend on the behaviour and motives of your partner. My wife/GF is not in it for the money, - well I really don't believe it's her top priority!! She has found someone she loves and who loves her, and Ok that person can provide her with financial security, - that's a big bonus. She isn't using me as a stepping stone to other or better things. She isn't jealous of who else has what. In the main she keeps her own counsel and takes input from very few and very rarely.

Bearing in mind that our trip was only ever intended to be a visit and not a permanent stay, - at the end of the day, we were both happy to return to live here in Thailand. I don't think I could afford to live back in the Uk again, nor would want to for many reasons (e.g. cost, weather, temperature, indifference of people, lack of native Brits now living there, yobbish behaviour, violence etc etc). I don't think my wife/GF (nor many) would be happy in the medium term with the colder temperatures, nor the different foods and lack of spicy foods.

We have now returned to Thailand and set up home in Issan, which is keeping us both quite busy.

[BobHelm]

Nice positive post RJ, I am glad it all went so well for both of you (Feb. wouldn't have been such a nice month to take her though!!! )

[arjay]

I took her for the month of May, Bob. We arrived in London during a very cold wet spell. Then within a couple of days had a 23-24 degrees heatwave, before dropping back to more normal May weather, - mixed, sun, cloud and some rain.

[banpaeng]

I mostly agree with all post. I took my bride to the US back in 1975. Still with her. It was really not a question of where to stay for if I wanted to stay in Thailand I needed to learn to farm Issan style real quick. I am glad we went to the US as I feel it offered my kids a better education, better work opportunities for me for work and as it turned out better opportunities for the wife to work. We have returned to Thailand basically every year to visit relatives.

The OP has asked a slightly different question as he wanted to know now. I to can not answer that question but I must say that if you marry a woman with young children or if you have kids, IMHO you will be able to educate them in your home country better than in Thailand. Maybe they have some international schools in BKK but if true international standard I would think they would be very expensive. About school in BKK is a guess only as I really do not know but companies that hire expats in BKK and furnish them educations send then somewhere, maybe out of the country I do not know.

Now if one worries about weather their wives will become like falang woman, IMHO just a bunch of bunk or insecure relationships. Why do I say that. Seems like the woman are doing fine if you read this forum and using their ATM's quite well. This does not apply to all just some.

[westerby]

better work opportunities for me for work and as it turned out better opportunities for the wife to work. We have returned to Thailand basically every year to visit relatives.

Agree with the above and we also go back every year to visit the Outlaws. My wife has become more westernised as the years have gone on but that's not a bad thing.