Affection from your woman

[mortiboy]

While out and about in town, notice sometimes ? A farang strolling along with his dolly bird,she all over him! hugging,and giving the impression,she thinks the sun shines out of his bottom!
When we go out,the missus lags behind me.I know they walk slow.But if I slow down,we finally come to stop!Is she ashamed she is seen with a farang 25 years older than her?I see many farangs with their wife walk hand in hand.That's nice.She never does!I take her hand sometimes but I feel she is not comfortable somehow.
Now together 18 months,not once has she said those "three little words" voluntary.I have to ask."RUK POM MAI?"
answer...."RUK KOON" maybe she's saying' F...k YOU" LOL!
In the bed. When I go to bed, I like a posterior in my lap( a womans of course! Always get this.But I would like a "cuddle" too.But its always the bun in my lap position.Always facing her back!Is she trying to tell me something?
But thats the way it is.We have a very good relationship, but a show of affection is nice to have.

[beer monkey]

Mmmm good one mort, My Mrs likes the cuddle in bed she says mainly to keep warm, i am not that keen at night as i just want to get me head down unless very horny.... but prefer the morning cuddle,I don't like walking down the road holding hands, didn't mind when first courting but years down the line Nahhhh not for me but the little one is with us most of the time so i am pushing the stroller so I get out of that one..lol, she will cuddle up to me in the night but i am out of it so don't respond...

We have our 'Love you' ....Love you too' times but not as many as years back,its shown in other ways and not really said, we walk along together and not her dragging behind,but sometimes its not always possible to walk 2 abreast on Udons pavements and we do get comments(isolated) from Thais whilst in Udon (jealousy ??), they say things as we walk past i don't give a sh!te but it gets to her sometimes and she has even given the finger a few times.. i am a big geezer and shes a petite size 6, this probably has more to do with it rather than an age differance which is only 11 years.
We also get looks sometimes whilst we are out and about in Uk, but i think they are more your..'Look he's got one of those mail order Thai brides that do everything you tell them to do, with non stop sex day and night' .. kinda stuff (Probably more jealousy i think)

I think we do allsorts of stuff we don't normally do when first getting together all part of the courtship i suppose, but things change , its still in there deep down though and would come to the surface when its needed.
I Do enjoy buying flowers and gifts still.

Better affection is shown when our boy is staying round Nanny and Grandads for the day/night and we are out for the night, time to our self like days gone by.

[Pakawala]

My past Thai girlfriends used to like to hold hands but my wife is different... she would rather put her arm thru and under my arm and above my forearm and allow me to just put my associated hand on my belt or on my mobile phone. She seems to like to walk this way with our arms entwined and her walking immediately beside me. This is particularly prevalent when we walk into Tesco or Big C or such. Sometimes she'll just reach out and grab my hand but I feel a bit embarrassed by this - just my own feelings of walking hand-in-hand as a 67 year old is a bit too much.

Also, she NEVER fails to 'thank' me for any or everything I do - whether it's picking up something she's dropped or carrying my dirty dishes out to the kitchen (something she really doesn't like me to do). All-in-all, it's sometimes embarrassing but I hate to make an issue of it for fear it might 'change'. When home, she's constantly asking me if there's anything I want - food, drink or what ever - and I NEVER complain. I sometimes am thinking, 'just leave me alone for a while', but of course I NEVER let her know I'm thinking such thoughts.

We kiss 'good morning' and 'good night' and give each other long passionate hugs and, all-in-all, things are GREAT. Her affection is shown CONSTANTLY. =D>

[arjay]

Mortiboy, you touched on several points there - there's lots of meat on this bone, and I've had to rush my dinner to get back to finish this post:-

My thoughts:-

1. It isn't Thai culture to display affection in public and thus to be all over you and certainly not kissing and hugging in public. Good girls don't do that! I wouldn't therefore expect my girl to do that, and she doesn't Though as you say, one does see it. I can only think those girls have either become too westernised, lack finesse, or have a job to do!

Some people are naturally more or less more affectionate than others and you need to look at all the other many signs that there are to be read in terms of how she treats you, talks to you, behaves with you etc.


2. Re holding hands and walking together, - not sure on that one, - she could be shy to be walking with you, or just not particularly affectionate. Maybe a good test would be to take her hand when crossing the road and then see how quickly she extricates her hand when you get to the other side!!

My GF and I sometimes hold hands in public, but nothing more than that.

3. As to walking slowly and dragging behind, - yes agreed that is common, that many do walk so slowly for us. I too find that frustrating, though my current GF has long legs and walks quick. With a previous GF I would harrass her to speed up, or on occasions just leave her behind, though that was mischievious.

4. As to them telling you they love you. I don't feel one should have to ask, it should be volunteered. I usually find if I tell them I love them that they respond similarly, though I think the real test is how they treat you and behave with you.

5. In bed, - (my GF have I have both discussed this), - we, and many people do tend to turn away just before we/they sleep, we think because the air is cooler to breathe, but we do our cuddling and talking etc first - facing each other, then when we are about to sleep we turn away. I wouldn't read anything too serious into that, unless of course your GF turns her back on you the second she gets into bed and avoids cuddling or talking etc.

[beer monkey]

Maybe a good test would be to take her hand when crossing the road and then see how quickly she extricates her hand when you get to the other side!!

Whoops that sounds like me at times, but i would be the one extricating the hand.

we, and many people do tend to turn away just before we/they sleep, we think because the air is cooler to breathe

agreed, as i always start the sleep process like this.

[saint]

morti , i can see where you coming from with this thread , but you cannot judge your relationship with anyone elses , all relationships are differant just as the people in those relationships are differant . the way we individualy deal with, and what we expect from our relationships , in my view goes back to the relationship we had with our parents . some had lots of hugs and kisses ect, some didnt , this does not mean we were not loved by our parents , but our parents learnt from their parents , i personaly did not have a childhood that involved hugs and kisses all the time , but i knew i was loved by them , therefore i am not a very tactile person myself , im lucky because jan is similar to me , we dont walk round holding hands ect, but there is a very deep love on both sides , and i dont need to be told that im loved to feel love . i agree with arjay that most thais do not show affection in public . the question i think you need to ask yourself is do you feel loved by your girlfriend or not , if you do , accept her for the person she is and enjoy what you both have, if you dont , them im affraid you need to ask yourself some serious questions . nobody on this forum can give you the answers , only you can decide if you have what you want or need .im sorry if this comes across as being a little blunt , but you know me , a spade is a spade is a spade .

[BobHelm]

Agree that, in general, Thais do not go in for much in the way of public displays of affection.
TG & myself usually try & walk side by side, as BM said this often is disrupted on the streets of Udon. Whenever that happens I stop & left her go first (I do try and act the gentleman ). When we first started going out together she would then immediately stop as well, sort of defeating the object . After much explaining & many episodes of this, she will now expects me to stop & let her go first. I am sure she probably thinks "Crazy Farang" but it works.
As for holding hands, sometimes we will, sometimes we won't. I guess it depends on what sort of day we are having or some other electrical current in the brain. Either of us will initiate this hand holding, except for one situation - crossing the road. She will always then reach out & hold my hand. I am 100% sure this is not for her protection, but for mine. She knows that having lived in England for 90% of my life I must have no conception of how to cross the road unaided.
As others have said Morti, if the rest of your relationship is good, then I think this is just something you are going to have to learn to live with as it is probably a deep cultural issue rather than anything else...

[arjay]

I'd like to add an aside observation to this topic, about a point of Thai etiquette, prompted by something Bob said above.

When I was a teacher in Phuket and was walking within the school with a knowledgeable female student, I opened a door and held it for her to go through first, but she wouldn't go through first. She explained to me that I, as the more senior person (the teacher) must go through first and she must follow me. That seemed to apply in several similar situations such as walking down the stairs together.

I wonder if at times that point is consciously or subconsciously in the mind of our GF's when we both hesitate to go first in some situations.

Another one I came across was about a person of higher standing should not be below one of a lesser standing. I remember a particularly "traditional" Thai person from my past, who if I knelt down next to her would immediately try and pull me up and/or get down to my level or lower, and would get quite flustered about it.

[BKKSTAN]

IMO,all excellent repies!My wife seems to walk behind alot!I have to stop and have her come to my side as we have discussed my thoughts about equality and equalness.I think it is ingrained cultural upbringing for her that men come first.
I remember when she was very uncomfortable showing affection in public ,even in holding hands and I respected it!We lived in Bangkok for 5 years and the older guys holding hands with their young ''GFs''was uncomfortable to watch,especially on the skytrain as you noticed the displeasure of the Thais observing!

Just being with an older falang lowers the girls class in the eyes of most Thais,especially Thai men.Except for the prostitutes,most other girls are very aware of their lowered status in this class system.It one thing for them to know and deal with it on a regular basis without exascerbating the situation by violating cultural norms amongst the Thais publicly!

My 17 yr.old stepdaughter has not been raised with those cultural norms and she likes to hold my hand or even hug me,sometimes in public!She is oblivious to the reactions of Thais that don't know us as many probably see me as a ****!

Taliking about ''love'' and displays of affection were never the norm in my wifes upbringing after the toddler stage!

Since security is the initial motivation for most of the mixed relationships,the girls are usually only being dutiful and appreciative for various periods of time through the initial period of the relationship,sometimes for a couple of years until the natural fondness and caring feelings develop for the older falang partner!

I have always slept with my back to my partners as it is my preferred sleep position!Cuddling and sleeping embraced just doesn't work for sleep,for me.My wife and I have always talked about all aspects of our personal life and we have a seemingly almost complete understanding of each others desires!The communication is so important because it relieves all insecurities around different issues.Honesty and trust are the keys!

[Goldcoaster au]

l been with my tw now 2.5 years mortiboy ...........she has changed alot........l think u just need to give them all the time they need.
They will change in there own time when more relaxed.
I found thai people look after family and forget others around them who might need help.
In Australia we help others around us, as well as our family.My tw couldnt understand this,
l feel shes changed her thinking on this now,after being in aussie.
Money always was high on her list............l think ive showed her money is not even close to the top of the list,theres alot of other things higher.
When first meet l couldnt cuddle in public...........now after time , seeing other in aussie , we cuddle, peck in public if we feel like it.
What iam saying thai cultural is different..........and it sometimes takes years to show them a diffferent side to things.
l dont make my wife change anything.........she is changing in her own time.
Somethimes l pray the changing comes faster .laugh its not a easy road to travel at times.
l did have alot of your feelings mortiboy but over time , things should change as you grow closer together.
I am still growing closer to my tw , it can be up and down at times but bottom line is tg or tw are very wonderful and interesting people.Who can really care and show there love in different ways.

p.s there 18 years difference between us but l act and feel as young as her.

see ya mark

[mortiboy]

My G/F has a daughter from previous marriage.Later, when she changes school. she will come and live with us.I cant wait.She is so cute.When I see her, I want hug her.I want hold her hand.All that kind of stuff.I want same BKK Stan has.Yes.I noticed! (NM) I envy you Mister!If I have that love you have from my S/daughter...Well Phew!
I want give her a good start in life.I hope she can give me a hug now and then.hold hands and call me DAD.But at the moment she is shy with me.I hope time will tell.

The sleeping position with G/F,I thought after, (the bum in the lap?) Maybe she is scare of my wind affliction! I mean nobody like a fart in the lap! or in the face for that matter.

[Roy]

Wow, I can't believe we all missed that opportunity to bring Morti's wind into the equation

[mortiboy]

THERE YOU GO...... SAID IT FOR YOU! (QUOTE FROM ROY) "Wow, I can't believe we all missed that opportunity to bring Morti's wind into the equation"

[Goldcoaster au]

Its a funny thing everytime l ve been in thailand never any wind......if l feel wind in udon l always think of mortiboy

[Goldcoaster au]

roy hope you dont do the wind dance like mortiboy

[Roy]

Strangely enough same as you, if I eat Thai food I never have wind but if I eat falang food then I do get the odd bottom burp and I have noticed the missus is the same.

[arjay]

Well this started off a very sensible and useful topic, but now seems to be going downhill very rapidly, as well as needless to say - off-topic!!

Shame on you.

If you want to post about wind blowing, then I believe there is such a topic already in existence!!

[Goldcoaster au]

sorry l was just bonding with mortiboy and roy.......sorry we went off track

[Roy]

The OP took it in that direction Ajay so if its ok with him its ok with me

[beer monkey]

just going back to the etiquette...

The Mrs still bends down (Stoops) whilst walking past the TV and when my parents are around and they are sitting, also when we visit them.

And the walking bit...

I let her walk ahead if doing clothes/items shopping at market/complex for 2 reasons she can stop and look when she wants and the big bucks farang is in the back ground so she obtains Thai price.. tit.
But always be at my side as much as poss.


And if i may(sorry arjay)but still with etiquette i guess....the wind blowing was non existent for a few years, but i reckon that changes when they are more comfortable.