Girlfriend drinks to much beer and became violent

[Henrie]

I met here with Thai love links, and cam in april here in Udon for the first time, for 20 days. We stayed in Jan condotel and had a wonderfull time. She worked in restaurant 39 at Non Parjak park in the food service. Nice family and a nice girl. I felt in love, and we shoud marry in feb next year. I came back July had a lot of efforts to bring my dog a little English stafford here in Thailand, I was lucky with the man on the airport in Bkk.
We started at Tannita ressort for 14 days and found than a house not furnisched in Ban Chang. I had noticed that she drunk already in april to much beer, but I thought the lady has vacation, a new boyfriend perhaps a little nervous etc. When we lived together now, and she not worked anymore , I send here for 3 courses Englisch at Aua here in town, she drunk every day and in the weekends to much. She became violent and devestations in the home she made. Every weekend more worse and I forbid here to drink in the home. If she not drunk she was perfect, good houskeeping and nice to me. The last two weekends I found knives where they not belong te be, and one under the pillow in bed. She made a lot of devestations it became worse and worse and hit me at last in the face.
After five weekends of trubble I kick here out of home , now she is back home at mom, they gave here penalty for the things she did. I tried to be good for here, gave here enough money, 4000 thb a week, only to buy some food in the house, I paid here motorcycle, english lessons, gave here money 5000 a month for saving for clothes and party for marriage etc etc. What is happenend in here live I do not know, but she was addicted on beer and drunk in the bar five small bottles in an hour and became than crazy and violent. She wants to come back , but I refuse like to live here in the good way, quiet and easy. If I take here back, I can realize she became again drunk after some time. Was a big disapointment for me, because I liked here verry much. (I am dutch gay, so english might be a little wrong, sorry for that, but the message came over I hope)

[mortiboy]

(I am dutch gay) I guess you mean GUY!
FEEL SO SAD FOR YOU !I have had a bad experience like you.But She didn't need drink to get violent.I suggest you keep well away from That!I have been hit AND knifed! She will never change!
My friend also had a problem just same as you.she just loved to drink.But got violent.He used to take her to Mr Tongs where she would get merry and flaunt herself in front of everybody.In the end he banned her drink.One day, he relented and allowed her to drink one glass.But falangs bought her drinks and then got angry with her boyfriend.
When they got home she smacked him giving him a black eye.Then she pulled out a knife and threatened him with that!
He done a runner stayed at a hotel the night.When he returned she had gone in the taxi he actually paid for her to go in.She stole loads of his possessions.
He actually had her back again sometime after, but she continued to act the same.He finally kicked her out.But she is still on the phone saying" I miss you so much"
The point is, this man lived with her 2 years! What a waste
These people will never change.Go find a decent woman Mister.Otherwise, you will have one big headache.Plenty nice women here.The option is all yours.

[monkeyman]

Henrie

It would seem that your girlfriend could be an alcoholic; the only person that can help her is herself. She is nice to you when sober but can change into a nightmare after the first drink.

A violent unpredictable alcoholic is not very nice to be around and usually loses all their friends and family without realizing until it is too late. You have to make up your mind, ask her to totally give up the drink and see how it goes, leave her and start out again (easiest option) or go through hell for the rest of the length of the relationship which by the sounds of it could end up in your own death?

Thai's that drink heavy or take drugs do not seem to be able to handle it as well as westerners, have disillusions and do some very unpredictable things.

I sympathize with your situation and wish you a fast solution.

[Aardvark]

Dump her, don't torture yourself ! There are hundreds of thousands of lovely Women in Thailand, and that means there's one for you ! I've seen this scenario a dozen times and if you don't let go you will be the one to suffer !

[BKKSTAN]

Think about how easy it was for you to fall in love last time!It will be just as easy this time ,but with your experience,you will be able to decide more!I agree,dump her and find another.Just don't do it in the same area or you will have the last one around again and compound your problems!

Of course she will come back to you and promise most anything because you are her ''big'' source of income!They don't give up easily.Completely ignore her with no replies and responses or you will just keep the maddening cycle in motion!

[Aardvark]

Thanks Stan, I forgot about responding to their repeated requests for reconciliation, its a trap !

[Henrie]

I dumpt here already, but she did many attemps to come back. Especially in the middle of the nigth if she drunk again. I still live in the same house and she and here family are not far from here, but I cannot move at te moment, because I like the home. There are already other girls in picture, and she knows that to, Thai ladies are of course jalouse. It is a pity for here, but I do not know what happenend in here live, that she drinks so much and become so violent. So I work hard know on a new future with a new girl and hopefully a better ending.

[BKKSTAN]

I dumpt here already, but she did many attemps to come back. Especially in the middle of the nigth if she drunk again. I still live in the same house and she and here family are not far from here, but I cannot move at te moment, because I like the home. There are already other girls in picture, and she knows that to, Thai ladies are of course jalouse. It is a pity for here, but I do not know what happenend in here live, that she drinks so much and become so violent. So I work hard know on a new future with a new girl and hopefully a better ending.

I think you are being foolish staying in the same place whether you like it or not.You will be very very lucky if you don't have many future problems.Mixing the ladies in the same environment,especially when violent aggressive behavior has been displayed,is a great way to invite disaster!

Rent is very cheap here,take the loss and move on!You will save more money and aggravation than if you stay!

[beer monkey]

Yes move on Henrie..stuff the place you live in now, plenty of other options pack up and ship out, sounds like there maybe a bigger disaster waiting to happen, all the signs are apparent.

[Roy]

I have to agree Henrie, I would high tail it out of there pronto!
If the ex and her family live close by, you will be causing a big loss of face to them by taking in a new woman and this nearly always leads to trouble.
Maybe you won't be affected by it but your new lady almost certainly will.

[RALPHCUSENS]

Henrie.


I have to agree 100% with everything that has been said above, with one addition, it would appear, that this is your 1st experience with a Thai Lady, I admire you for the stance you have taken, =D> =D> =D> most of us would reiterate that which Aardvark said IGNORE THE REQUESTS TO START AGAIN, all she is really saying is "Come back again sucker for more punishment!!!!!

Best of luck with your new lady friend

[jetdoc]

Abusive men and women are same same except men being stronger can inflict more physical damage. I was married to an abusive woman for 10 years, and kept telling myself that she would change. After 8 years it just got worse, so I filed for divorce and moved to Thailand. Best decision I ever made.

[Zidane]

Henrie,
Listen to what these guys are saying.It is very sound advice.
You say you cannot move at the moment.Is that because you have maybe paid upfront for a long term lease and/or have spent a lot of money furbishing the house ?
If you need your furniture and belongings moving to a new place it is pretty easy to get someone with a pickup who will do this for you very cheaply.
Maybe you should speak to your landlord to see if you can get some sort of refund for the money you have paid up front.It might well get you nowhere but nothing ventured nothing gained,as they say.
I would certainly think very seriously about moving to a new home.If you want to stay in Udon there are about five estate agents in town now so you should get fixed up.
I know you like the home but in the future it might not be just your ex who turns up in the middle of the night.It could be her brothers and cousins as well !!
Staying at this house is putting both you and your new girlfriend at risk.Dont think for a moment that because you are a farang that you will be immune from any trouble.

[bn]

Abusive men and women are same same except men being stronger can inflict more physical damage. I was married to an abusive woman for 10 years, and kept telling myself that she would change. After 8 years it just got worse, so I filed for divorce and moved to Thailand. Best decision I ever made.

Women make up for be weaker by being quicker to use a knife, blunt object or other weapon. Plus in the West it is acceptable for a women to resort to violence if their feelings are hurt and is often displayed as cute or funny in popular culture. The man is just supposed to take it and never retaliate because he is a dog and a pig and deserves it.

Back on topic. Henrie you did the right thing by breaking off with her but you must complete the job. As mentioned. you need to move immediately. And please change your cell phone number so she can't find or contact you in any way, shape, or form. She probably needs a solid six months or even better a year without any contact with you to get over the breakup.

[arjay]

Henrie I completely agree with the advice above. Though you may like the house you are in, you really need to move on to another town or city a long way away, or she/they will find you and make problems for you. You must create as much distance as possible, change tel no's and places you frequent.

I had such an experience some years ago in another part of LOS. It started out like temper tantrums, slamming doors, then progressed to smashing plates or dishes, then holding a knife or scissors at me, on one occasion suddenly punching me in the face. This was all when sober (she didn't drink). My friends all said get out and create as much distance as possible. I initially chose not to do so, moving only locally.

She telephoned me and told me to listen to her smashing up things in my old place, (from where I had not yet moved everything out). She had me followed, tracked me down, spied on me at my new place(s), on another occasion (we split more than once) she found out from students where I lived. She came to my new place at night and created disturbances, intercepted new GF's in the street etc etc.

On occasions she told me she could find me, anywhere, could pay to have me killed, whatever she chose to do, and I couldn't do anything about it.

You must physically removed yourself from them, as far as possible, for a long time, before they will realistically give up on you and move their life on. It can take over a year.

[erik1]

Ren voor je leven! Blijf niet waar je nu bent, sinds een nieuwe vriendin het enkel erger maakt met het risico van een escalatie.

Er zijn te veel prettige locaties in Thailand

Sorry for the dutch guys

[Ter]

What dutch guys ? where ? what they done ? sorry could not resist.
Henrie, listen up, so far all iv'e read has been good advice from experienced expats, i think there qualified to give it, Ignore them at your peril.
Ter

[Henrie]

I will wait what happens now, here family punished here for here behaviour, so I have trust they realize that the girl was wrong. I live here in Bang Chiang with a strict social control, so I am not so afraid of revence or something, because I did nothing wrong. So i wait and see, perhaps if I have a new girl that she come back, but in the meantime i stay here with my little dog from Holland. I cannot move everytime you see, I like Udon have a social network here, and want to stay here for a while. We wait and see, I inform you when something happens.

[vlad]

How far is Bang Chiang from udon

[Laan Yaa Mo]

Ban Chiang is not far from Udon Thani...hope that helps.

Actually, it is about a 30-45 minute drive or something like that. I forget. Maybe someone else can give you more precise advice.

However, my very good friend said that if you want to know what Laos is like visit the museum wherein you can view the old stuff. She was joking 'phut len'.

She complains about the drivers from Laos saying that they are careless drivers who are rude and do not know how to park properly, and will block exits and entrances without consideration for anyone else. This was true in Nong Khai on a couple of streets.