your thoughts

Post by **patayapete** » February 28, 2006, 11:23 pm

hi guys and girls,just thought i'd throw my story in as i'd like to hear the forums thoughts,i've been to pataya 5 times in the last ten years or so,i've heard of and seen a few scams.(buy phone so i can phone home and sell back the day you go home simlar to the gold one mentioned in another thread)but i've met a bar girl,no english/german ect dosen't know her way round pataya, not miss world,says she came pataya 3 days before i met her?worked factory bangkok 3 yrs,3 kids,she seems ok??but when i asked about bank acc. didn't seem to know and 2 days later produced a bank book dated nov 2005 20.000 bht deposit!! now am not expecting to meet snow white in a bar but would like to know how a girl in her situation gets that amount of dough,and if its possible for her to get work in udon to look after her kids,i think i know the answer to the first part but would like to hear your thoughts on 2nd. cheers

Post by **Galee** » March 1, 2006, 1:27 am

Pete,

I'm no expert, in fact I'm probably the last bloke to give advice, but from my own past experience and what others on here have said, the best advice is to take things slowly.
There could be a perfectly rational reason for the money. Give her a chance, don't pre-judge but be careful.

Gary

Post by **yorkman** » March 1, 2006, 1:54 am

And I am the second to last bloke to give advice. Although it's true in Thailand or elsewhere, be you a woman or man; if you do not absolutely trust him/her......then walk away IMHO

Post by **banpaeng** » March 1, 2006, 1:58 am

Thank you, thank you thank you Galee. As the relationship threads go, they all boil down to the statement you just made.

Another thread said their are some bargirls that have made excellent, loving wives. This is also very true.

SLOW Pete. Follow Galee advice and you will come out way ahead no matter how the relationship ends up. I wish you all the luck in the world.

Post by **GENTLEY** » March 1, 2006, 3:55 am

Pete, i met my now wife in a very similar way.

Yes ofcourse always a little suspicious initially and rightly so. My wife also had monies that were not immediately 'explainable' but they turned out to be from a previous relationship that hadnt worked out and were a 'rainy day fund'.

I relied alot on my instincts and I think you'll get it right if you take it slowly as the others here recommend.

Good luck.

Adam.

Post by **Buom Pouy** » March 1, 2006, 6:31 am

This may be a bit off track but here goes.

Our niece (one of many) now 25yrs has just met and got engaged with a European bloke while working as a bar girl in Phuket, she only has one child but because her and LW were close growing up we sent here 45k bht last year to help out with things (this was done with my objections noted). When the two first met the money in the bank was explained to an uncertain boyfriend and it wasn't until he had visited Lao, met the family, and spoken to yours truly that he began to come around.

I think that SLOWLY is definitely the best approach as mentioned before but (with the boss sitting beside me as I write this down) there are girls in the bars that are genuinely looking for a good husband even if they are few in numbers (strange science that one).

The Boss adds

Post by **yorkman** » March 1, 2006, 12:52 pm

patayapete wrote:and if its possible for her to get work in udon to look after her kids,i think i know the answer to the first part but would like to hear your thoughts on 2nd. cheers

Just noticed this bit; which was the real question I think

I would guess she is not going to get a good job in Udon, is that right? Maybe at best working in a shop or whatever (I do not know what she is qualified to do) In which case very unlikely with 3 kids without family or your support, income levels are extremely low on average in Udon.

Post by **businessman** » March 1, 2006, 1:37 pm

Shop girls around here get between 3000 and 4000 Baht a month.Huge Laos population means very low wages for unskilled work.

Post by **beer monkey** » March 1, 2006, 4:19 pm

IMO........If you are serious about the girl and her children definatley meet the family as soon as you can, visit the family village and their home,do take it slowly and don't just jump in.
as for work if she is well educated a decent job maybe available or if she has had minimal schooling only the lowest paid jobs may be there too but possibly not enough wages to support her self and children and quite likely the whole family,i put my neice through college and she is finishing soon but even with decent education not sure what type of job and how much she will expect to earn . some girls can earn a small fortune working the bars get a few boyfriends on the go, getting monthly money coming from 3 BF's and still working the bars.
"and good luck to them". so a job back home don't seem like a good idea to some.

as for having 20000B in the bank maybe she is a good saver and not a big spender,would'nt worry to much about that. hope that helps a bit.

Post by **Bump** » March 1, 2006, 4:40 pm

Well no body else wanted to do it so I'll will be the first to give advice

Do what those other guys said.

Udon emplyment yes there I some, people do infact make it on 4 k here how they do it I have no idea but it can be done and raise kids.

That is if she has a place to live, that doesn't cost her anything.

She wasn't working in Bangkok if she didn't have to.

Like they said go slow, really doesn't sound like you are if she has only been in Pattaya few days you couldn't have known her long.

Give her two week there and she will be learning survival quickly. The 20k isn't a lot of money, maybe she sold her motorcycle. I don't know.

You need to get here back to her roots and then you can learn what you really are dealing with. It could be that she has a extended family beyond her children that she is supporting, maybe even a husband.

If you decide to embark on this adventure be prepared to get the wallet out, goes with the territory. If she could make it here, she would be here.

The life for a bar girl in Pattaya isn't hardly paradise, it's just about money.

See nothing to add that the other guys hadn't already said.

Good Luck

Post by **beer monkey** » March 1, 2006, 6:04 pm

just to add, regarding bank account when you asked, maybe there was a communication problem when asked her about it. At least she showed you the bank book . And some girls do struggle on the amount they get paid in bars , a lot find it the only way to find a decent BF or GF !

chok di and be prepared for plenty of communication problems!!!

Post by **Paul** » March 1, 2006, 7:11 pm

patayapete wrote:but when i asked about bank acc. didn't seem to know and 2 days later produced a bank book dated nov 2005 20.000 bht deposit!! now am not expecting to meet snow white in a bar but would like to know how a girl in her situation gets that amount of dough,

Assuming that you did actually ask her where the money came from (you didn't mention it) one assumes you did not get a reply ?
and to say there is a communication problem doesn't wash - if she works in a bar there will be any number of girls who can speak English and all it takes is to ask one of them to ask your girl where the money came from.

If in doubt about something - ask you will get your answer instead of worrying about it and then asking others where it might have come from.

Once you have the given answer - then you can decide if its a plausible answer or not (then you may or may not begin to worry ! )

Post by **arjay** » March 1, 2006, 9:07 pm

There could indeed be so many answers to your question.

If you want a more cynical answer, maybe she came to Pattaya, or wherever , previously (perhaps at the start of high season - November) and found a "good man" who gave or sent her the 20K, but then subsequently sent no more, so she returned 3 days ago looking for the next good-hearted farang.

If you really want to get into the detective work, can you interpret the transaction code in the bank passbook, to determine whether it came from outside Thailand? Though of course it could have been given in cash. Does she still have the 20K, or has it since been withdrawn via ATM?

Whatever, just go very slowly, observe, look and listen, including her friends and the types she mixes with. Incidentally, three children to support is quite a few!

Post by **patayapete** » March 2, 2006, 2:20 am

well firstly thanks for all your advice,i understand the slowly slowly theme,and yes i've only known the girl a month,about the other points,i did ask where the money came from and as we were alone at the time got her hand put over my mouth which i interpreted as she didn't want to talk about it as it was probably a payment from x bf and did not persue the matter?of course this blows the only 3 days in pattaya out of the water!but whenever i gave her money for whatever she allways spent very little and promptly gave back the change.she has told me she is going back to udon and will await my return and that she wants me to travel to udon to see her family for myself.i can probably find out if she quits pattaya as i know quite a few falangs who live there,also as my present finances arn't great i wonder what it will take to make it possible for her to stay in udon if she does quit pattaya.once again thanks for all the advice. cheers

Post by **beer monkey** » March 2, 2006, 2:49 am

well if she is returning to udon without working you may find that she will ask you to support her and her children, that would be entirely up to you but be prepared for around à¸ƒ100-200 per month.

Post by TC » March 2, 2006, 3:47 am

Maybe I am old fashioned but whats wrong with doing a little old fashion courting. My girlfriend here was chaperoned for our first year of courting. we developed a very good relationship over time. I know its a more of a challenge but far more rewarding.

I have seen it so many times, lads wake up next to someone not remembering even her bar nickname or what bar she came from and a week later giving her 500 quid. Then a week after that waving goodbye at the airport with a promise of "lub and mally and money" sending hundreds every month ..The only reason they might know her proper name is because she has given him her bank details.

Now thats something to tell your grandchildren

There are so many ways to meet Thai ladies without waving wads of cash in a bar.

There again maybe I am just a daft old coot.
TC

Post by **beer monkey** » March 2, 2006, 5:05 am

old fashioned values there from TC, sounds like the sought of thing that went on 50 years ago,doe's it still happen, chaperoned for the first year

don't think i could handle that especially if it was the mother-in-law.

Post by **arjay** » March 2, 2006, 10:39 am

Yes, indeed TC. I've had a taste of that. A teacher at the school I used to teach at. She was insistent that she was 95% traditional. Chaperoned for the first month or two, then we travelled on separate motorbikes to the same restaurant. It was only after about 3 months that she would sit behind me on my motorbike, and even then you wouldn't know she was there, - no bodily contact.

She would squeeze my arm, but officially I wasn't allowed to do the same!
Wouldn't allow me to kiss her, apart from on the cheek for many months.

Never asked for money. When I tried to give her an old telephone, was embarrassed and reluctant to take it, but agreed to "borrow" it. (She returned it when we split up). Sometimes paid for meals when we went out. It can be worth the very long wait, if you get a really good one.

The downside was never knowing what she was doing on the evenings when she wasn't out with me, not to mention the feeling that my life was passing quickly, but I was going nowhere slowly. She also seemed to have many secrets.

The relationship progressed as far as meeting her parents (whom she did not live with) and agreeing a wedding date and sin sot.

However, in the end things did not work out, mainly I think from pressures upon her from others and her worries, and we went our separate ways, which at the time was very sad. After we split up she asked to borrow a few thousand baht, until she got paid, which I lent her. It was returned into my bank a/c on the agreed date.

She then left her job, as well as me, and I have never heard from her since. (She returned the phone).

valentine · Post by **valentine** » March 2, 2006, 11:08 am

Well Patayapete, the answer you are seeking will be somewhere within this relationship forum. All the signs for good or bad await your reading. Remember these are actual experiences from a lot of guys that have, so to speak, been through the milll themselves.You will see the most often quoted advise is, take your time, don't spend more than you can afford to lose. A final tip from me, keep your brains where they belong, if that other little guy starts influencing your decisions, take him off for a little R&R and come back with a clear mind.
Personally, in your situation I would check the surname on the 3 kids birth certificates. Do they all have the same father? Just a thought.
But finally it all comes down to you, its your decision.Good luck anyway.

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