The best complaint letter ever?

[papaguido]

Here's a follow up to the story....

Virgin Atlantic Passenger Offered Chance to Be Airline's Food Tester

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

A passenger who wrote a letter of complaint to Virgin Atlantic expressing his dissatisfaction with the food offered in flight is now being offered the chance to be a food tester for the airline, the Daily Telegraph reported.

His complaint, contacting the chief executive of the airline Sir Richard Branson, was written after a flight from Mumbai to Heathrow on December 7 last year and has been widely praised for its humor.

Branson called the passenger and invited him to come to the airline’s catering month to help select the food on future Virgin flights.

“While we investigated his complaint seriously, and following Richard Branson’s phone call we’ve invited him to our catering house to select the next range of meals and wines we serve on board,” said a spokesman for Virgin Atlantic. “Then we can ensure his personal taste is well and truly catered for.”

The passenger has not yet said whether or not he will attend.

http://www.foxnews.com/printer_friendly ... 26,00.html

[beer monkey]

“While we investigated his complaint seriously, and following Richard Branson’s phone call we’ve invited him to our catering house to select the next range of meals and wines we serve on board,” said a spokesman for Virgin Atlantic. “Then we can ensure his personal taste is well and truly catered for.”

Do you think they were being a bit 'funny' with him..?

And what a great opportunity to be a food taster.

[jepp]

Emirates food for 'cattle class' good. 8/10

[Astana]

You could take it that they are being a bit funny with him, I can see that, however. I think that they've missed a real marketing opportunity by not exploiting it in a highly satirical way.

The letter was a classic and the spins that could or might still have been cooked off it, would or could be highly tasty, instead they've gone for the hard-boiled solution to a gastronomic FUBAR.

Without doubt the food looked like shitight.

[UguysRdix]

You could take it that they are being a bit funny with him, I can see that, however. I think that they've missed a real marketing opportunity by not exploiting it in a highly satirical way.

The letter was a classic and the spins that could or might still have been cooked off it, would or could be highly tasty, instead they've gone for the hard-boiled solution to a gastronomic FUBAR.

Without doubt the food looked like shitight.

Well the opportunity may not be totally missed -

I mean the dude could turn up - take the tasterjob - knowing the catering services around the joint I wouldnt be surprised if the food is laced with something - the dude gets sick and gets put into intensive care wth chest pains and breathing difficulties.

The media are in an uproar that there has been an excecution style suppression of dissent ala Russia ...Virgin gets investogated and the company faces a critical share holder meeting ...the dude suddenly recovers and just as the shareholders are going to get rid of Branston and vote for Qantas taking over, the dude (live from his emergency room at some leading well resourced hospital) says breathlessly between gasps ..".Its my fault I have an allergy to raita !!!" and then crowds start cheering - Mr Branston gets a sweeping victory ..the media is happy and every one LIVES happily ever after ......hey theres still hope guys the drama hasnt stopped on this one yet ...anyone have other posible scenarious?? - happy endings ofcourse ....

[westerby]

Well the opportunity may not be totally missed -
I mean the dude could turn up - take the tasterjob - knowing the catering services around the joint I wouldnt be surprised if the food is laced with something - the dude gets sick and gets put into intensive care wth chest pains and breathing difficulties.
The media are in an uproar that there has been an excecution style suppression of dissent ala Russia ...Virgin gets investogated and the company faces a critical share holder meeting ...the dude suddenly recovers and just as the shareholders are going to get rid of Branston and vote for Qantas taking over, the dude (live from his emergency room at some leading well resourced hospital) says breathlessly between gasps ..".Its my fault I have an allergy to raita !!!" and then crowds start cheering - Mr Branston gets a sweeping victory ..the media is happy and every one LIVES happily ever after ......hey theres still hope guys the drama hasnt stopped on this one yet ...anyone have other posible scenarious?? - happy endings ofcourse ....

Sawat dee, URaDick and welcome to the Forum. Now then, what the F*@xx are you on about?

choose life, not drugs.

[UguysRdix]

Hey - Mukt Sawadee Ka ...
Have you tasted that junk on Virgin? Give me drugs anyday ...atleast I will live!

Mate I was on Qantas a few years ago - and after their vegan meal I was so sick I staggered to the toilet and must have looked so bad that the passengers were staring at me like I was some type of terrosist about to blow up the plane .....must have sounded like that when I got to the toilet -that was a looooooong walk.......I think its not just the baggage handlers at Sydney that are dodgy ..the food is so bad too......

Funny story tho - its getting amazing traction - very impressive I should say.

I am just kicking the ball along ....must be those mushrooms I ate ...reading my post again its pretty weird eh ? Ok so my career as a writer is finished - will have to stick to drawing line drawings for a living ! ( busking os definately off !!! )
So whats your happy continuation to the Virgin Fight Caterer saga.?...I dont thnk it will just end ..these stories generally build up to something ...

[beer monkey]

RE: your first post UgoysRdix

Add a bit of sex (nothing to heavy) a few sweet words a kiss a cuddle plenty of tears and you could make it as a Mills and boon writer, what say you westers me old chum...? you must of read a few in your time all those lonely nights in the boys only school dormitory.

[westerby]

RE: your first post UgoysRdix

Add a bit of sex (nothing to heavy) a few sweet words a kiss a cuddle plenty of tears and you could make it as a Mills and boon writer, what say you westers me old chum...? you must of read a few in your time all those lonely nights in the boys only school dormitory.

Westers was never lonely when the sixth formers were around, BM. Mills and Boon was a stop gap for when the big boys were away playing RRRugger.

Moving back on topic, there's talk that this letter was self generated by the airline. Now that idea might be plausible what with the current advert on British TV celebrating 25 years of Virgin and the fact that no one independent has managed to speak to the letter writer yet.

[beer monkey]

there's talk that this letter was self generated by the airline. Now that idea might be plausible what with the current advert on British TV celebrating 25 years of Virgin and the fact that no one independent has managed to speak to the letter writer yet.

Mmmmm.. intersting, but something like that could well backfire...

[westerby]

Agreed BM, like URaDick said, this story hasn't finished yet.

[beer monkey]

Just taken another look....

The photos look genuine enough...taken on a cheap mobile camera phone maybe, also pics taken on board as you can see parts of the plane, even got a drip of food as he opened the containers, also peeled back foil tops..no i reckon its genuine, thousands of people travel on planes everyday , now 1 must of thought about writing such a letter and taking the pics to go with it, and being a Virgin Flight and the letter directed at Ricrad Branson..to which the author knew he would get a good reply from....no its genuine, sure the name will come out soon.

who's callin who a dic..?

[Laan Yaa Mo]

The best complaint letters I ever saw on a consistent basis were those in a column written by Mrs. Mills in The Times. They were hilarious.

And so were the restaurant reviews by A.A. Gill in the same newspaper.

[beer monkey]

The best complaint letters I ever saw on a consistent basis were those in a column written by Mrs. Mills in The Times. They were hilarious.

What not THEE Mrs Mills...the world famous Pianist and the First Lady Of Club Land (Northern UK)...? (Or another one)


Mrs Mills.

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[Laan Yaa Mo]

No, this Mrs. Mills...


From The Sunday TimesDecember 7, 2008

Mrs Mills: Christmas cheer
Every year we receive about a dozen boastagrams from distant relatives and other past contacts. Apparently we are now expected to produce something similar. I initially refused on the grounds of privacy, boringness and so on. My wife suggested a tragedygram, with made-up misfortunes happening to nonexistent people. My brother has offered to create an answerline telephone number with various options. (“For our recent pay rises and holidays, press one . . . ”) What would you do?

IJ, Cambridge

In fact, the photocopied résumé of the family’s year sent out with the Christmas card is dying out. It has been overtaken by the internet. Now boastful types merely direct others to their family website, where the rest of the world can not only read about Jemima’s triumph as a heroin-addicted Holy Virgin in the school’s contemporary urban take on the Nativity, they can also download it, as well as enjoying 734 photographs of the family holiday and the complete text of the speech Jeff made at the end of a marketing conference in Kettering. Isn’t technology wonderful? I, on the other hand, merely send a handful of cards to my closest relatives that say, “Merry Christmas, Mr and Mrs Mills and family”. This is not because I am more effortlessly classy than everyone else (well, not solely), but largely because I am quite lazy.

AN ILL WIND

On any form of public transport, I generally find myself sitting next to an overly rotund man in a suit and tie who constantly elbows me while reading his newspaper. What makes it worse is that the paper I’m forced to share is usually of such poor quality that it should never have been published, and so any joy of being able to read someone else’s paper, without needing to surreptitiously tilt my head and pretend to be sleeping, is lost. What response would you suggest?

SA, Hampshire

I must say, the self-inflating whoopee cushion has been a boon in this respect. I always keep one in my bag for these occasions. Slipping it surreptitiously under my leg, I produce a positive cacophony of troubled bowel sounds, while maintaining a slightly pained yet apologetic expression. I find myself given gratifying amounts of personal space in even the most crowded compartment.

QUEEN OF HEARTS

My best friend has all the boys falling for her. She flirts and wears quite revealing clothes (much to her family’s disapproval). Everyone I talk to about it says she’s not really attractive and I’m better- looking. We are both 16 and hang around with a large group of friends at college, mostly boys. How do I get what she’s got — whatever it is — and win over the hearts of boys?

KW, London

It is not their hearts she is winning over, so I would carry on just as you are, if I were you.

EAR ACHE

Hairs have started growing all over my ears. I’ve tried trimming them, I’ve even tried shaving them, but nothing seems to stem their relentless, ever thickening growth. What can I do?

SR, Maidenhead

Grow your hair over your ears. If you are bald, try a Sherlock Holmes-style deerstalker with the flaps down, or one of those knitted Peruvian numbers if you’re still under 30 and worried about looking slightly old-fashioned.

Send problems to: Mrs Mills, The Sunday Times, 1 Pennington Street, London E98 1ST, or mrs.mills@sunday-times.co.uk. No correspondence can be entered into