mooving on

Post by **designer** » July 2, 2009, 4:08 pm

Hi guys "I am thinking of living in Thailand if i make the moov i can retire now if i stay in south africa i will have to work for two or three years more,my problem is leaving my children from my last marrage ,they are 21 23 30 how do you guys who have children on another continent cope with the situation

Post by **arjay** » July 2, 2009, 4:43 pm

Designer, mainly by keeping in touch by email, the occasional phone call (usually Skype) and periodic visits back home (usually annually).

Whilst it's less than ideal, if they've reached their mid twenties, they tend to have their own lives to lead anyway. It really depends on how close and involved you are with each other.

Post by **Prenders88** » July 2, 2009, 5:12 pm

My wife's two kids from a prevoius marriage, are in their mid twenties.
They only contact her when they WANT something.

Post by **Galee** » July 2, 2009, 6:15 pm

Talk it through with them and I think you will find they are supportive to you moving on. They want you to be happy I assume.
Personally I keep in touch with my 28 year old son via Facebook, phone and a yearly visit which suits us. He has his career/wife to think about, I have my retirement/golf to think about.

Oh yes, nearly forgot, I think about my wife also.

Post by **bumper** » July 2, 2009, 7:31 pm

Arjay nailed it not that hard to stay in touch, they got their own lives that was the idea when yuo were there and getting them ready for that. I will try to bring my daughters here this year. I have no desire to be around the rat race anymore. I and they will have a more pleasant experience here.

Post by **BKKSTAN** » July 2, 2009, 7:46 pm

Letting go is difficult,but they are adults and have there own lives to live.As mentioned,it is easy to stay in touch.
I guess if i was in your situation,I would ask myself what is going to be the difference 3 years later when I leave them and is there a compelling need for me to be there for them now??

Then make a decision based on that!

We are parents and we have responsibilities,but at some point,the nest will empty!

Are you and your family ready for that time?If so,retire!If not,stay until you all feel it is the right time.

My children would love to have me there playing Grandpa and greatgrandpa,but ultimately,I am an adult and have to make choices for myself as they do.If they are matured enough they will want you to be happy.
They don't always come first,only until they have ''wings'' and can fly!

Best of luck in making your decision!

Post by **mortiboy** » July 2, 2009, 8:27 pm

arjay wrote:Designer, mainly by keeping in touch by email, the occasional phone call (usually Skype) and periodic visits back home (usually annually).

Whilst it's less than ideal, if they've reached their mid twenties, they tend to have their own lives to lead anyway. It really depends on how close and involved you are with each other.

Exactly AJ.
My daughters 34,36,40. all happy for me that I am happy.They have their own families but they don't forget their old Dad.
I always have a birthday card, Xmas card, fathers day card.
Emails,and a telephone call at Christmas.I am so happy they don't forget me.
Once they marry, and have a family, they have their own life and family. That's the way life is.

Post by **arjay** » July 2, 2009, 10:32 pm

In fact my second daughter is 30 today!!

So I sent the email yesterday.

Post by **bumper** » July 3, 2009, 5:40 am

Making the decesion to here it was certainly a cionsideration they were teenagers then, the relaity I couldnl ge an appointmwent with them to vist 80% of the time they were busy, school activities and friends. It's not an enjoyable experience. But that is how life is supposed to be.

our work is done fo yuor kids move on let them be happy and do they same for yourself without guilt trips. They need you they can contact you in seconds. It's your turn to enjoy life they know that.

Post by **saint** » July 3, 2009, 6:24 am

all excellent posts above . your job as a parent was to raise them to be independant , well im guessing at thier ages they are . i think any child would want to see thier parents happy , so if they know being here will make you happy , there really should be no problem . we live in a shrinking world , with fantastic communication systems . reasure them of this , let them know that you will always be thier dad no matter what , or no matter where . geography will not change your relationship with them , and most importantly , you will always be there for them as back up !!!!!!!

Post by **rickfarang** » July 3, 2009, 9:43 am

I miss my kids, but email and the occasional Skpe phone call is as much contact as we had when I lived in the same counter, nearly as much as when we lived in the same town. My grand kids, however, in spite of frequent email contact, are growing up without me, and that's a problem for me. If you have grand kids with whom you regularly spend time with, you will probably miss not being a part of their lives.

Post by **designer** » July 3, 2009, 3:10 pm

THanks guys for your responce I am sure most of you went through the same thing as me ,I am sure the kids will handle it better than me ,thanks for the replies it does help having the input when making these decisions as people in my group of friends dont have a clue .

Post by **bumper** » July 3, 2009, 6:47 pm

Don;t worry they will remember on the big holiday and fathers day

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