Your thoughts on this stuation

Post by **goonersh** » July 10, 2009, 5:28 pm

Hello everyone.
I know its a well worn route of questioning but here goes. I have a freind who lives in Samui, in June i visited him there and met this totally awesome girl who comes from non sa at. SHe had only been on Samui for two days.. and was basically brought there under false promises of work, only to learn (we learnt) that she was literally going to be sold to work in a bar by some NASTY piece of work on samui.....

Anyway, we spent the month together and when it became clear to the nasty tart who offered her work that she had no intention of working in ANY bar for anyone at all and... things got a bit heavy... we left the island and spent a week up in non sa at with her family.

During the course of the month i found out that she has NEVER worked in a bar for sex, she actually makes money thai boxing and singing in clubs.... her family (who had no idea of the samui situation) were quite shocked to find out what this nasty bitch had in store for her on samui and were very happy i got her out of there....

Now, i KNOW the stories of farang men and thai girls... Ive had it drummed into me by about a hundred people whilst on Samui but.... in the same breath as saying all this, people were also telling me she seemed totally genuine in my company... and trust me, they have enough experience to make the call..... so.....after a couple of weeks.....with all the advice i got i was in the positon to tell my girl that

1: I am NOT rich
2: i am NOT in a positon to support her family
3: If we even remotly wanted to be together it would be a partnership with us both working to provide for BOTH of our families..

Rather than run away... she actually said "i do not care about money" and then went on to say that she had been single for 3 years and was actually nervous about even being with another man.....She went on to say she has never even taken a man home before.... and that she wanted me... even without money.....she then got on the phone to her parents and said "he is worried you waill all want his money" and the reply i got was "they are not like that and just want me to be happy"

ALL of this rings true in her actions, her families actions, and our time together.... She also, until i met her.. had no concept of ever leaving thailand, so i know she aint after a passport......

She bought things, shared expenses, literally refused money from me... and was simply the sweetest girlie i have ever met.....

I am coming back in four weks to spend another month with her.

I guess my question is, in a country of 65 million people there MUST be some genuine girls out there... right???
and also...

If she knows i aint got $$$ and she still wants me.... am i wrong in running with it.....????

I know no one else can make the call for me but i really want to know if there are genuine girls out there who are not money grabbing bar girls.. cos i seem to have met one!

thanks
Ash

PS... Non Sa at and the villages were an experience i will NEVER forget!!!

Post by **Roy** » July 10, 2009, 6:52 pm

Welcome to the forum Ash.
I would suggest that you have nothing to lose by giving this relationship a go. Yes there are honest, decent Thai girls here, loads of them and if you think you have found one, your not putting up considerable funds and she's making you happy then go for it. You would only spend the rest of your life wondering about it if you did not.

Post by **goonersh** » July 10, 2009, 6:55 pm

I just thought id add there is a bit of an age difference.. but it certainly is not a massive.. in fact, almost the same as my last wife who was an Aussie... same as me.....

Ive read this forum and seen it ful lof relationship despair, but it cant all be like that can it??

oh, and thanks for the barefoot mantle... ive taken my shoes off

Post by **BobHelm** » July 10, 2009, 7:10 pm

Ash, if you have read the forum & seen it full of relationship despair, then I can only suggest that you read it again....carefully.....

Full of advice of caution??? YES, absolutely.
Full of advice of "consider any money spent, money gone"??? Yes, absolutely.
Full of advice of "I have been there, done that, got the tee shirt"?? Yes, absolutely.
Full of despair?? No I think not. Most of the posters are in a long term relationship, some of over 30 years or more - so all Thai ladies are obviously not money grabbing prostitutes - unless they are taking a very,very long term view...
Without having met the lady concerned I think Roy's advice is about as good as it gets..
Do young innocent ladies get taken from the villages & exploited by sex slave gangs??? I have no idea, I have never met anyone who has been, but TG says it happens.....does it happen within Thailand ???? I would doubt that to the extreme - logic says "family" are a phone call away & would undoubtedly help. So, caution is undoubtedly warranted. In my (limited) experience 99.9% of ladies in Samui have been there less than a month...

Post by **DeNuit** » July 10, 2009, 7:13 pm

Welcome Goonersh

Yep, as Roy I would say give it a go. Spend this another month with her and if things still sweet, then I would say try to have her come to live with you for 3 months at your place (Australia if I am not mistaken) on a simple tourist visa. Then, after this 3 more months together, and at your place this time, you should both know better what you want from there.

Post by **goonersh** » July 10, 2009, 7:54 pm

Bobhelm, read carefully no... read though as best i can in a couple of days... yes.... so many threads

We had an absolutly fantastic month together... with the need for an escape from Samui... it was a bit exciting too.. This moll who was going to sell her (she really was) is still apparently getting people to ring kloi up at her parents and she is still threatning her.... not to mention she presented my mate with a "bill" for taking Kloi off the island afer we left.... Apparently this Moll had told the bar owner she had "bought" her off her family for ayear and i had to pay the bar out (the unopen bar!!!) ... but, after chatting to her mum and family.... her family know nothing about this at all....

From what i saw and heard in Samui... (my mate has lived there for 6 years) there is DEF a bit of people trade going on, (this moll stil has Klois ID card).... i have to say i met some bad people in samui... and nothing would shock me after that.....

During the whole experience i was sort of wondering why Kloi was so unfazed by it all, till i leant her grandfather is a cop in Udon Thani.. or nearby... and that once she found out what she was meant to do for work.. she had him up his belt... This person in samui was a real piece of work though... i know for sure she does nasty and violent things to people at the drop of a hat... and that is really why i got Kloi out of there....

Kloi does seem just a bit too mentally cute for her to have had anything to do with the bar scene... i am 100% certain her story of being told she will be a bar manager was true....she did not even know what the moll was talking about when she was told to get "bar fine" from me.... and the bloody bar was not even open yet!!!! I also know for sure she had only been there 2 days before i net her... it was confirmed to me by all the farang "friends" of this moll.. apparently they all offered her money to get into her pants in those two days.. and she was having none of it.

but i digress... It gives me heart to see that some of you are in long term relationships because she really is a gentle kind and loving person... and long may it continue

Denuit.... i think thats what imn going to do.. just come back and see how it goes, but if she is only half (well two thirds) as genuine as she has been so far next time... shes mine.....and im hers....

im here learning and look forwaard to more comments, and to being back up there next month....

thanks

Post by **seymourbutts** » July 10, 2009, 8:22 pm

Good on yer mate!! Good luck and like me i hope you have found a genuine thai girl, and not some little money monster!!! I suppose the real proof in the pudding would be if you asked to marry her, then the question of sin sot would "out" any other motives as it were... e.g. if suddenly the parents want a big amount then you have your answer... If like me they didnt want anything only that i pay for the party etc then you and me hopefully should be ok!!! However it doesnt mean that sin sot is only for parents of bar girls!! But it will highlight any greed involved if involved at all...
Good Luck Ash and hopefully we will hear nothing but happy stories from you on here...

Post by **vlad** » July 10, 2009, 9:08 pm

Hello Ash and welcome to udon map. What ever advice you are given on here take it on-board and listen. You will not be given bull - s t just plain answears to any questions you would like to know. In your particuler problem you said the (i take it mamasan) said her parents have given permission for her to work in samui, do kloi's parents know this woman, and simply change the sim card in her phone then she won't recieve anymore phone calls, also ask her relative ie the police officer to make a call to samui at least she ( the moll ) will know the situation if she carries on threatening. Best of luck and keep us informed.

Post by **goonersh** » July 10, 2009, 9:31 pm

Seymour, ive only just got my head round ths sin sot thing... there is as much chance of me paying that as Tottenham winning the premiership.. IE none and not in my lifetime!!! and if it was demanded, i would beat a hasty retreat...... but having said that, if parents wanted it, and she said its ok not to do pay, i would be even happier with it

Vlad, Nah.. the parents have never spoken to this woman in samui so i know that part is for real at least... u know, i just spoke to Kloi and when i talk to her all my worries vanish...

I think if we get on when i go back ill TRY to get her a tourist visa... but that aint easy either from what ive read,

curse that Aussie government

Post by **DeNuit** » July 10, 2009, 9:52 pm

About the Sin Sod, you should read this : http://www.udonmap.com/udonthaniforum/sin-sod-t579.html

It is a thai thing and if one day you want to marry your thai girlfriend, you should know a bit more about this tradition before you take your stand about it I think.

All the best

Post by **Laan Yaa Mo** » July 10, 2009, 10:13 pm

You indicate that you have spoken to her parents. Consequently, you must be able to speak Thai or Lao or Isaan or they can speak English. Is that true?

There is nothing wrong with living in a village. Just keep an open mind and be willing to adapt.

As far as advice from any of us, or from reading articles on sin soht and past threads, they probably have nothing to do with you and your lady friend. Everyone's circumstances are different and the final call is up to you and her. Don't rely on us to steer you in any direction.

What do you think, and what does she think? This is what matters.

Post by **goonersh** » July 10, 2009, 10:25 pm

Denuit, it was one of the first threads i read as a guest, and i understand the tradition.... but human greed is everywhere... aim not saying i would not pay like a token, 10 or 20k bht or something like that but i simply wont pay in the realms of silly money to honour traditions...

Tilo, i dont speak Thai and her parents do not speak english.. but sometines, and when it came to this "mamasan" thing, no words were needed... Kloi told mewhat they said, and i could see their reactions to the "bar" stuff

your final sentence is the most important thing to me.. and hopefully to her
Cheerz

Post by **DeNuit** » July 10, 2009, 10:27 pm

Knowing more about thai tradition and culture (sin sod, "face", etc) would help him to better understand his girlfriend background and values, therefore help him to make better decisions with her. Being informed doesn't stop you to be yourself... but can help to avoid some mistakes no Tilokarat ?

Post by **Laan Yaa Mo** » July 10, 2009, 10:48 pm

This is what I was afraid of, that you really had not spoken to the parents. I am not sure if you can really understand someone from a shrug of the shoulders and certain body gestures either.

Now I will offer some advice. Go very slow and, if possible, think about marriage and a deeper committment a few years down the road, which will give you both time to know one another better, and it will give you time to learn one of the Thai/Lao/Isaan languages.

You will get many definitions of what sin soht means to you, and how you should respond to it from the honourable members and from reading numerous threads. Try to immerse yourself in Thai culture, read about it...live it.

If you live anywhere near Monash University in Australia or near Thai communities, try and involve yourself in their activities and ask questions, and judge for yourself.

Sure DeNuit getting informed is very useful, but foreigners have such widely different interpretations of their experiences and understanding of Thai culture that you can easily get misled from posted messages, no DeNuit.

It was a short while ago that a poster seems to have been abandoned by his wife, and she took his beloved son with her. He put his problem on here, and many of us, based on the information he gave, advised him to find where the son was, and take him away to a foreign land as quickly as possible. This was not bad advice considering the knowledge that we had about his situation.

Later, it seems, with the aid of Thai friends advising him and acting as go-betweens, a reconciliation may be possible between husband and wife. The OP admitted he was a heavy drinker, had misinterpreted what Thais had told him (I think the girl's father had even struck him). This is a good example of something that could have backfired badly if he had acted on the information given by the udonmap community.

Post by **gulfman** » July 11, 2009, 12:53 am

goonersh wrote: I am coming back in four weeks to spend another month with her.

You have answered your own question. Keep coming back again and again for a while until the initial infatuation wears off a little and you can see things without the rose tinted spectacles. I wish you every success.

Post by **beer monkey** » July 11, 2009, 4:26 am

gulfman wrote:
goonersh wrote: I am coming back in four weeks to spend another month with her.
You have answered your own question. Keep coming back again and again for a while until the initial infatuation wears off a little and you can see things without the rose tinted spectacles. I wish you every success.

Good one gulfman, bang on the money......

Post by **Khun Paul** » July 11, 2009, 7:29 am

Well hi Ash, so much advice and so little time to take it all in. I suppose the real point is that you have been quite clear to the lady in question your situation, as I assume her English is good enough for you to communicate with little or no complications such as misunderstandings.
Thai's are very quick to agree to anything,as saying they do not understand puts them at a disadvantage.
Advice go for it, caution is the byword do not look through rose tinted glasses, never agree to anything concerning money if you do not have it, never give cash, better goods at least you know what is gpoing to whom and why.
Hope it all works out well, you will read many many posts about relationships that have started well and ended up in disaster, due in part to the one thing that can bedevil us all MISUNDERSTANDING, Thai culture is not at all logocal to our way of thinking, their close ties within the family can sometimes be mind-blowing and advice is given to the lady by them which can cause problems, but if the lady is strong as this one sems to be, she will be able to handle pressure from them and some lady have turned their backs on their families to be with their partner no matter what. They still see thefamily but advice is ignored.
I wish you and the young lady the best and repeat what others have said you will only get good advice from us, whether you listen is your decision, but ask away we will reply.

Post by **saint** » July 11, 2009, 8:45 am

good answers , gulfmans advice is spot on in my opinion . so reasuring that no ones told you to cut and run ( yet ) . there are some questions you need to ask yourself though . firstly why did she pick you ? your concept of not being rich , will certainly be differant to her concept !!!!! secondly , now youve taken her back to the village , how will she support herself , let alone contribute to the families budget ? i take it her family are farmers , and not wealthy . how do you both see a long term relationship working out ? you are obviously too young to live in thailand , and i believe the australian authorities are getting harder on thai brides getting visas . so are you both prepared to conduct a long distance relationship , long enough to satisfy the authorities that this is indeed the guenuine article and grant her a visa to live in oz . are you both prepared for a long struggle , because long distance relationships are not easy , ive been there !!!!! but if you are , then i think this will be your answer ..... because all the time your not together , she will be given lots of advise , not only from the family , but also alleged friends , about what she should do , and what you should provide !!! there is a jack for every jill , you believe youve found yours , i wish you well , and luck , but take it nice and slow . if its meant to be , you will have the rest of your lives together , so do not rush it now . i realise that its far easier for me to say , than for you to do , especialy when your all loved up , and chaffing at the bit .

Post by **BKKSTAN** » July 11, 2009, 9:04 am

I always question the viability of long distance relationships,but if one understands the possible pitfalls and uses due caution,I too say go for it!

I do have questions from the info provided though!

1)You don't speak Thai,the family doesn't speak English,Koi is sweet and naieve,but speaks English well enough for you to understand the explanations about what is going on in her life????

2)She refused sex for money props from others,but dated and slept with you?Are you irresistably handsome???

3)Do you believe that she is always truthful with you about her experiences , situations and motives???

4)If she got ''conned'' into going to Samui to work,she must have needed the job or money,what is she going to do for money now and when you are gone????

You are in the position of being ''the knight in shining armor'',saving the poor girl,whether or not it is actually true or not,the feeling you are experiencing promotes the ties towards her in either case!It is a typical ''game scenario'' that one has to be aware of!

So be very cautious,if everything is kosher after plenty of time with no distrustful acts of omissions and blatant lies,you may be OK!Best of luck!

Post by **goonersh** » July 11, 2009, 10:26 am

Wow.. so much advice, i don’t know where to begin.. i really appreciate ALL the words of advice I am getting here.
Al little about me.. I am from the UK, I live in Sydney... I have a ten year old daughter out here, currently i am a student... I gave up my business as I was sick of what i was doing, and i am training to become a counsellor in Australia.. Because of this I am totally broke asset wise... but very happy with my calling. I have been sponsored myself to stay here... a long time ago.. i have also sponsored the mother of my daughter from the UK way back in 2000. I have been married once, to an Aussie girl.. There was a 16 year age difference between us, I am now divorced... I have had experienced of long distance relationships... it was not a good one....

AL L of my partners have been younger than me, its just the way life has worked out... I have been single for 3 years... through choice.....Im not a naive loved up farang who is infatuated by a young Thai babe... I do not think with my dick... I consider ALL options before making informed choices.... Oh, and im 40: D
Here goes.......

saint wrote:good answers , gulfmans advice is spot on in my opinion .

I would have to agree on this one... play it by ear and see how it goes

saint wrote:there are some questions you need to ask yourself though . Firstly why did she pick you ? your concept of not being rich , will certainly be different to her concept !!!!! .

Well, whilst in Samui we did have the benefit of someone who was sort of acting as an interpreter for our language barrier... so she says, she liked me at first because i did not try to get into her pants within seconds of meeting her, in fact i played it pretty cool... she now says she feels safe with me, and that she likes me for me... its sort of the best explanation i have got from her... but the way i see it.. People meet every day... and her reasons seem valid enough to me

saint wrote:Secondly, now you’ve taken her back to the village, how will she support herself, let alone contribute to the family’s budget?

As we left it she was still with her family near non sa at. I do not think she is enjoying it there very much and i have managed to convince her to return to Bangkok next week with her "sister".. Who is actually her aunt. I have told her that she needs to get a place to live and an income as our road ahead will not be finalized by September, to be honest i have absolutely no idea how she intends to support herself... what i do know is that, she has done it before... and i have told her that, although i am happy to send the odd 3k here and there... i have my own family to support over here... and that times are tough... In fact, next week, i am sending her 3k for the first time... its almost the first money she has taken off me full stop... and it was not a demand.. i offered... i dont even think she would have asked for any as she was planning to sell her motorbike to raise some funds to get back to Bangkok.... I have explained to her that everyone has to work, and that she must get into a position for her, for her family AND for us if we want to live here... that she can show she can do exactly that

saint wrote: i take it her family are farmers , and not wealthy . how do you both see a long term relationship working out ?

They are defiantly poor, and i do not know how things will work out.. close distance or long distance... im going with the flow and seeing how it runs

saint wrote: you are obviously too young to live in Thailand ,

Im not, but ATM i cant

saint wrote: because all the time your not together , she will be given lots of advise , not only from the family , but also alleged friends , about what she should do , and what you should provide !!!

I know this to be true BUT.... i have already made it clear to her what i will and will not do.... I have used words, gestures, google translate... and other people to get my message across, so im pretty sure she understands i am not in the position, nor will i ever be.. to provide masses of funds and items for her family... and that anything we do we do together... Its the best i can do ATM

saint wrote: there is a jack for every jill , you believe youve found yours , i wish you well , and luck , but take it nice and slow . if its meant to be , you will have the rest of your lives together , so do not rush it now . i realise that its far easier
for me to say , than for you to do , especially when your all loved up , and chaffing at the bit .

I don’t think im all loved up.... just happy to have met someone who like me (on the surface) for me... and who seems to want what i want... so far... as i said before.. i don’t think with my penis.. EVER

BKKSTAN wrote: 1)You don't speak Thai,the family doesn't speak English,Koi is sweet and naieve,but speaks English well enough for you to understand the explanations about what is going on in her life????

Language IS a barrier... but so far, the internet and friends in samui have helped us along.. we have actually sat and had real conversations, translated by google... and id say they have been 90% successful... having thai people interpret for us in samui helped a lot too... there are some things i am unsure of.. some things we do not understand... but thats all part of the challenge as i see it. Her english is not the best, but the translations have worked well so far.....to a point.. i hope that makes sense...

BKKSTAN wrote: 2)She refused sex for money props from others,but dated and slept with you?Are you irresistably handsome???

I guess i must be....... hah only joking, look... the way im seeing it is why does ANYONE get together... if she wanted money and security she had it on a plate in Samui... but she turned them all down, and then stayed with .. even when i told her i had no money.... Its the million dollar question for any person who meets another... why... and its one i cannot answer apart from what she has told me...

BKKSTAN wrote: 3)Do you believe that she is always truthful with you about her experiences , situations and motives???

Actually, this is the one thing i am pretty sure of... i cant see ANY sign of dishonesty in her whatsoever, (and thats the scary bit!!!) from her body language, to her words, her actions... she SEEMS 100% genuine in everything she has said to me so far, however she has conveyed it.... Im SURE she has never been a bar girl... because if she had, she would not be sitting in non sa sat working in a field..... remember, this is the girl who has turned down my offers of money, and she has actually stuck her hand in her pocket more than once....even though they were pretty empty

BKKSTAN wrote: 4)If she got ''conned'' into going to Samui to work,she must have needed the job or money,what is she going to do for money now and when you are gone????

We all need jobs and money.. even little old me... She really does have a fantastic singing voice (so ive been told by other thais) and she is going to return to bangkok to sing in bars i think.... She was pretty hesitant about it, and the reason she gave was that she gets hassled my men ALL the time... and she does not want it... i told her its ok for men to look look look... but she does not have to allow them to do anything... I have told her to use her singing skills to get settled back in bangkok...now its up to her really

BKKSTAN wrote: You are in the position of being ''the knight in shining armor'',saving the poor girl,whether or not it is actually true or not,the feeling you are experiencing promotes the ties towards her in either case!It is a typical ''game scenario'' that one has to be aware of!

So be very cautious,if everything is kosher after plenty of time with no distrustful acts of omissions and blatant lies,you may be OK!Best of luck!

This is so true... so far i don’t think she sees me as any kind of saviour or knight... just a bloke she has met in a mates hotel...... but only time will tell...

Thank you so much for continuing advice and opinions... Im back in Thailand on 18th, and i will be back up north shortly after that.... the beers are on me.. if anyone wants to meet us id be more than happy to stump up a few rounds... and im still listening people....

PS, if anyone knows anyone who could offer her a PROPER job in Udon.. im all ears

Your thoughts on this stuation

Your thoughts on this stuation

Re: Your thoughts on this stuation

Re: Your thoughts on this stuation

Re: Your thoughts on this stuation

Re: Your thoughts on this stuation

Re: Your thoughts on this stuation

Re: Your thoughts on this stuation

Re: Your thoughts on this stuation

Re: Your thoughts on this stuation

Re: Your thoughts on this stuation

Re: Your thoughts on this stuation

Re: Your thoughts on this stuation

Re: Your thoughts on this stuation

Re: Your thoughts on this stuation

Re: Your thoughts on this stuation

Re: Your thoughts on this stuation

Re: Your thoughts on this stuation

Re: Your thoughts on this stuation

Re: Your thoughts on this stuation

Re: Your thoughts on this stuation