Your thoughts on this stuation

[747man]

That is a little harsh 747...
The girl sings in 3 bars - so that is 18K a month. Could double that (if an excellent flirt & the bars get a good turnover of customers) on drinks & flowers, without being involved in going off with customers for sex. It is possible to live cheap in BKK as well, apartment she would probably not be paying more than 1,000 a month as no doubt would be sharing....
It is a "red flag" (as others have said) not a "red card" offence....

Yep Bob,Thinking about it I guess I jumped in too quickly, Only trying to help Gooner, I'd forgotten he said HIS Lady sang in 3 bars,But surely She can't do this 7days a week for VERY long......

[BobHelm]

Unless hiring a private detective, there's no way to be sure unless here day in and day out.

And I believe that there have been "tales" of them being unscrupulous and extracting money & favours from the person under investigation in order to return a clean bill of health to the payee.
I (personally) think that if I ever thought about contacting a PI to investigate a GF then it is time to save the money & just dump her. Something must awaken suspicion in the first place - it is these "incidents" that you have to beware of. Once they start mounting up it is time for the highway...

[WBU ALUM]

Unless hiring a private detective, there's no way to be sure unless here day in and day out.

And I believe that there have been "tales" of them being unscrupulous and extracting money & favours from the person under investigation in order to return a clean bill of health to the payee.
I (personally) think that if I ever thought about contacting a PI to investigate a GF then it is time to save the money & just dump her. Something must awaken suspicion in the first place - it is these "incidents" that you have to beware of. Once they start mounting up it is time for the highway...

Excellent points.

I guess that's why I run so fast when I spot the red flag. Too many fish in the sea to waste time with doubts.

[trubrit]

That is a little harsh 747...
The girl sings in 3 bars - so that is 18K a month. Could double that (if an excellent flirt & the bars get a good turnover of customers) on drinks & flowers, without being involved in going off with customers for sex. It is possible to live cheap in BKK as well, apartment she would probably not be paying more than 1,000 a month as no doubt would be sharing....
It is a "red flag" (as others have said) not a "red card" offence....

I forgot to mention the money tree.

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[747man]

Val,Can't see many Purple or Grey ones around her neck,Wonder where she has hidden them.....

[trubrit]

Val,Can't see many Purple or Grey ones around her neck,Wonder where she has hidden them.....

You might be interested to know that the Thai guys actually change the higher value notes before they go in. After all a single 1k note wouldn't look so impressive as 10x100bhts. Its all about face you know :-" None of my friends would dream of making a garland of 500 or 1k notes. Its not only us farangs that are cheap charlies.
In any case . She would get them later, after she has delivered. :-"

[747man]

Val,Can't see many Purple or Grey ones around her neck,Wonder where she has hidden them.....

You might be interested to know that the Thai guys actually change the higher value notes before they go in. After all a single 1k note wouldn't look so impressive as 10x100bhts. Its all about face you know :-" None of my friends would dream of making a garland of 500 or 1k notes. Its not only us farangs that are cheap charlies.

Val,You would know more about that than me,Quite honestly I HATE Karaoke,and Pub singers in general,half of them put CATS to shame.....Or am I just a Miserable Fu*ker

[skipper / red]

stop it,

[747man]

stop it,

?????????????????????? Stop Wot !!!!

[goonersh]

Ok gang, ive just spent the past HOUR on the phone to her and here is what i have been told... she is saying that if she DID go back to bangkok to sing.. she WOULD be in one of those bars where she would be flirting with men for money... she is also saying that she was only planning to go there because i told her to go get a job there....and that she was wondering why i had told her to go back to that kind of bar... (she seemed to think i knew how they worked)

I told her that in Australia, when you go sing in a bar... you aint going to pork men for money and that maybe she should have been a bit more honest about what actually happens there and then maybe i would not have said go there

Now.....On her past.... she is saying i misunderstood what she has been sayng to me and that in fact she has NOT been in bangkok for three years........ she is saying that she has NOT been to bangkok for three years... She is saying that she worked indeed in one of those bars.. three years ago.... slept with one man for money, who treated her like ----, and she stopped working there.... she is now saying she has spent the past three years in non sa sat..... with no money and no job... I guess i could have misunderstood what she told me before... and whilst in Bangkok i WAS wondering why someone who had lived there for three years didnt know her way around... and had very few contacts.....

She has now said she will not go to bangkok, and will stay in non sa at,... I JUST GOT AN SMS SAYING SHE CAN SING IN CHORUS WITH ORCHESTRA IN UDON THANI FOR 250 BHT A DAY WITH NO MAN MAN MAN... THIS SEEMS A GENUINE CONTRITION THING ON HER PART... WHERE COULD IT BE?

Im all of a sudden VERY on guard.. and wishing i had a skype interpreter/mentor so i can really see what is/was going on, the language seemsto be a bit of a problem with these long conversations. SHe DID say that she told me all this on google when we were chatting.... and it seems the translation was not so good after all.... I still have heapy of the original text she wrote... cos im clever enough to think i might need it one day

She was totally adamant that the only time she did the sex for money thing was at that bar, once, three years ago............and that that experience made her leave..........SHE IS she ADAMANT THAT SHE HAS NOT BEEN WITH A MAN FOR THREE YEARS

What a bloody nonsense of a night this has been.......... i really do not know what to do now... i wish i talked Thai.... but i guess the 4000k sin sod is WELL out of the window now....HAHAHAHAH

sorry to crap on..... anyone want a paid job for an hour or so translating in Skype im here, and its only 9pm there!!!!!

[WBU ALUM]

Gooner, the bottom line on all of this is that you've got to get this relationship stuff done between you and her. We can all give you advice and such, but there's no substitute for knowing all the boundaries yourself.

I know some guys who went through five women with red flags in five years. I went through the same number in about 5 or 6 weeks. This relationship thing in Thailand is not the easiest thing to do. Having a good time for nights on end? Yes. But you seem to be looking for much more than that, and it's no different here than in any other part of the world when it comes to trust and knowing what's going on.

Time reveals quite a lot, and your phone call tonight revealed quite a bit more to you.

Good luck. Keep a watchful eye and keep your brain above your heart.

[trubrit]

Sorry if my post has caused you unhappiness At least you can now make your own decisions with your eyes wide open I don't think there is anything more we can say to help you. You are obviously shell shocked and still trying to justify things to yourself.Be careful. I can hear the alarm bells from here and they are getting louder with each post. Slowly , slowly mate. [-o<

[BobHelm]

Ah OK now this is starting to sound a lot more sensible.
At the start it looked like we were talking about a 'paragon of virtue'. While this might seem attractive it is not. You need to ask yourself how the hell you (personally) could possibly live up to the expectations of such a person - the answer is not easily.
Now we are talking about a normal Thai young lady. Making the best she can out of her life, education & experiences. Sometimes (OK, she says once, but it probably was more than that) doing things that she did not particularly want to do in order to live. This is life in Thailand...
Now.....is she good or bad??? Who the hell knows, take the advice that was given you at the start (because it absolutely still applies), take things slowly, trust as trust is shown....
Good luck....she is not an angel but neither is she the devil...just take it slowly....

[beer monkey]

"Lost in Translation".....we have had several topics/posts on misunderstandings....we have all come across it i still get it after 21 years, you have much to learn Grasshopper.....you gotta be on your toes at all times, it take years of learning to pass the WBU course, i started with Thailand in 1988.....still learning, mucho wiser though, and i thought it odd she(your GF) has not been home for 3 years.. and even odder that a nice looking girl would be sitting in dusty Issan for 3 years with no money.... not impossible though, and you will learn a lot from this forum and everyones experiances.

[747man]

Goonersh, How do you know 100% that she WON'T go or indeed is NOT already in Bangkok ??There is one CERTAIN way you could find out,BUT it's HIGHLY Unlikely but Do the Parents have a Landline ??,As I say Unlikely BUT IF they do,just give her a ring on THAT Number......

[goonersh]

Goonersh, How do you know 100% that she WON'T go or indeed is NOT already in Bangkok ??There is one CERTAIN way you could find out,BUT it's HIGHLY Unlikely but Do the Parents have a Landline ??,As I say Unlikely BUT IF they do,just give her a ring on THAT Number......

well i know she aint there cos ivespoken to her parents on the mobile... as for the rest.. i dont know at all
im beginning to think ill just dump her to be honest, i cant work out how she has been in non saat for 3 years either

Awesome folow up posts to my rant tonight people.... thank you so much
cheerz

[beer monkey]

I can hear the alarm bells from here and they are getting louder with each post.

They started to clang a little on the very first post Goonersh made...this very topic infact, and i am sure i wasn't the only one to hear the distant ringing.....

And don't be tooo hasty in the dumping bit......you was happy as a pig in ---- yesturday, things ain't that bad i don't think,...take a step back before you do anything like that...after all she has feelings too.

[WBU ALUM]

And don't be tooo hasty in the dumping bit......you was happy as a pig in ---- yesturday, things ain't that bad i don't think,...take a step back before you do anything like that...after all she has feelings too.

Agree.

No more damage can be done over long distance. Might be a good time to set some boundaries and provide some "trust" tests before the next trip over here.

See how things go.

If more red flags begin appearing, then you'll have a decision to make.

[beer monkey]

Yes and wait till you get back to see her face too face, things will seem different then.

[goonersh]

Ah OK now this is starting to sound a lot more sensible.
At the start it looked like we were talking about a 'paragon of virtue'. While this might seem attractive it is not. You need to ask yourself how the hell you (personally) could possibly live up to the expectations of such a person - the answer is not easily.
Now we are talking about a normal Thai young lady. Making the best she can out of her life, education & experiences. Sometimes (OK, she says once, but it probably was more than that) doing things that she did not particularly want to do in order to live. This is life in Thailand...
Now.....is she good or bad??? Who the hell knows, take the advice that was given you at the start (because it absolutely still applies), take things slowly, trust as trust is shown....
Good luck....she is not an angel but neither is she the devil...just take it slowly....

Xtra special thanks for this post Bob.... im gonna sit on it for a day or so