Keylogger to spy on tg/tw - justifiable ?

[rjj04]

Sorry.. "the once trust is lost forget it" idea is probably best... but sometimes people need to learn the hard way in life. Cut and run after the trust is gone, would have been best in my case. Wasted a lot of time, and never was the same afterwards anyway. Good advice.

[BKKSTAN]

I really think it would have alot to do with the relationship stage is,whether you have established ''boundaries'' regarding trust initially.
But generally speaking,I would say it would be a wise thing to do early in the relationship,since it is a 99%chance that security is her main basis for being with you and you need to find out quickly if she is a player or a stayer.

So called ''ethics'' under these important decisions are rediculous,IMO,as you need to protect your assets!

If you find out that she is a liar,deceiver early on,you can move on,but you might be pleasantly surprised to find that you have a,somewhat,''proven'' person in the trust area,therefore a great candidate for a partnership!

[laphanphon]

have to agree with banpaeng, jackspratt, philrjones, as pointed out, if you need to worry about such things you already have problems. also don't understand wanting to keep loved one ignorant, i try to teach Ree everything i can or she asks. also, too easy just to check the history, if she is deleting, then Val is correct, time for a little communication.

these are all issues that should of been answered before living together.

[jimboLV]

I used a keylogger once, with great reluctance. Her mother, on old friend, sent her 14 yr old daughter to stay with me and my wife for the summer as she was involved in a nasty custody dispute with her ex. I've known this kid since she was 6 years old. The kid spent an inordinate amount of time one the computer (mine), and her mom asked me to see what she was up to. Porn? Chatting with older guys? Communicating with her deadbeat Dad who had skipped town and reneged of his child support payments? I first objected, explaining all about trust, but she was very worried, so I agreed and monitored her activities online for about three weeks. Nothing but boring kid stuff, mainly about the latest rock stars, the hottest boys at school, etc. I felt really bad, even embarrassed to be reading this stuff, and after ensuring her mom that nothing was going on (never revealing any details) I disconnected it.

Now, relevant to comments on here. I didn't even password protect my Outlook email program, thinking I didn't care if my wife read them or not, since I wasn't doing anything that she should take offense to. In fact many times I would share a clever joke I got by email with her. Boy, was I wrong. When things started to go south in the marriage, I found out that she had secretly been keeping a file of my emails, and anything even slightly racy that came from a female, she accused me of having multiple affairs with them. On her twisted mind she twisted everything around in a way that was most paranoid. When I found this out, and divorce proceedings began, I put a password on and then found out that she had her gay druggie son have one his friends hack into my ISP and retrieve my emails from the main server before I ever saw them (a violation of US federal wiretap laws). I found this out when her divorce attorney included one of these emails in a court filing and stupidly included the source code which indicated that the email came from the ISP server, not from my computer. Wrong thing to do because when he presented it in court, my attorney calmly informed him that he was in violation of the law, and the judge immediately threw out any email evidence, and my ex lost a lot of face, resulting in a more favorable decision for me.

The bottom line is if you feel you have to snoop on your mates emails or vice versa (other than just plain nosiness) it's all over and you better start talking to a divorce lawyer. Just my humble opinion. Of course this doesn't apply when applied to your kids. Anythings fair game when you're protecting your kids.

[Stantheman]

As an added note from a somewhat computer geek, make sure you disable your security software, if you are using any, and want to install a keylogger programs. As many security programs check for keylogger software and 'disable it' as it is used by hackers to gain info about you, especially user id's and passwords!

[dundidit]

I say yes, it is your responsibility to protect your assets as well as your emotional well being(if you need to know) and if you have gotten to the point of using a keylogger then you have lost trust and there is a reason you have lost that trust. Personally I did that one time a long time ago and to my surprise I was correct on my gut instincts. It normally would be something that is not ethical but in a case to where this is your wife and your heart, it is wise to do.

My wife now is Thai and I have been married 2 years now and I know there is no sense in using a keylogger....and why you might ask. I already know and hear so many storys that change midsteam to fit the circumstances and then if I ask a question that she would have to answer a logical question, she says she can't speak english good enough to explain it...
It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know when someone is lying to you. Anyone can just know it in their gut. I almost bought one two weeks ago but then I thought, why...I already know she lies to me about many many things usually for money etc. Living in Thailand and feeling that you are alone while living with someone that is supposed to be your life partner is not a good feeling. You need a person that is beside you in all ways and the most important part is knowing that person is always caring about you and your best friend. If this is not the case, then it is time to move on.

It has just gotten to the point that I have no idea of what the truth of anything is. I don't know if she has another bf/husband, I don't know if she really has a car payment, I don't know anything except she lies all the time. I just read a sentence from a post that made so much sense. I will post it below....

quote="When it is love that keeps you trusting- then it usually has a bad ending"... or close to that quote. ...The truth should keep you trusting and not love....It's easy to fall in love with that sweet voice and loving look but if it isn't genuine, you're in for a Big hurt down the road...I wish there was no such thing as money!!! I am so tired of talking about money money....ughhhhh.....I'm worn out!....Time for reality

I know it is time to just walk away but it is hard to do but on the other hand, how can a person go on with a lady that can never tell you the truth. Even if she can be the sweetest most sincere sounding at times. I actually feel sorry for her that she does not know that by being honest about anything I am sure I would care that much more for her and do anything for her . And whatever her past may have been ( I only know what she told me) that would not matter, but this need to lie for gain of money is just too much. I suppose in Thai culture some may think that the truth may ruin all her eventual income from me but quite the opposite. I put much faith into an honest person that can say how it really is.

Don't buy the keylogger. just move one. You will find out something that may hurt even more than not knowing does.
There is a coldness in growing up in a poor country while living in a survival mode that I suppose has made her like she is. I think she would never think someone would forgive her for a lie. So she keeps them going no matter how stupid of story it is. Something we westerners will not ever understand that these type of Thai ladys will or can walk away as easy as they came and move on. We, as men, don't move on quite so easily and stick it out to the point of having to have a giant picture drawn to look at so we can see it!!....We will be looked at as being stupid for having a good heart.
Looked at as just a tool to the end means.....I'mnot painting all Thai ladys like this though. I'm sure somewhere there has to be a honest one. I just have not met her yet.....unless it was at a 7-11 telling me the price of something I know is right.....that's as close of the truth I will ever know from most Thai's including my wife's family and extended family,....It's a sad state of affair to have your dreams of a happy life be tarnished by so stupid and shallow lies just for a little Baht....oh well..... :-"

[dundidit]

I suppose it could re-enforce trust too!! What have you been doing on the computer darling. blah blah blah, check and she comes up trumps, happy ending!!!
But ethically i think really she is entitled to her privacy, and snooping doesnt make her a bad person but certainly makes you one..

Just curious, are you the author of that book called "Under the Bleachers"...cheers!

[UdonExpat]

It's possible to justify anything: burning witches, flying airplanes into buildings, raping children, etc. All it takes is a bit of rationalization.

If you have to ask others, you know it's wrong, but are hoping to be convinced otherwise.

[Frankie 1]

....ughhhhh.....I'm worn out!....Time for reality

Ok, reality check...

Who is to blame?
You legally marry a foreign girl of a foreign culture in a foreign country, which you've just met a couple of months earlier. You didn't know anybody who knew her as a reference. Then you find out she is lying and is after your money.
Wow.... and it's all her fault?

Please don't justify what she does, there are lots of poor girls out there who don't go about lying and scamming people.

So this girl is a player (probably an experienced bargirl/con artist).

Get your act together (lawyer and/or tourist police), divorce and move on.

[dll22]

I know it is an old thread, but still an interesting discussion. The biggest problem is the lack of ability to communicate between the two of you. Have you taken time to learn the language? Do you know what she thinks of your responsibilities towards her? Does she feel that she has found the love of her life in you? Are you able to chat about anything and everything? Joke and have fun, be serious, make merit at the temple? sit and chat with her friends?
Or do you treat her as a slave, suspicious of everything that she does, expecting her to wait on you, but do you wait on her in return?
A woman in Thailand is no different from a woman anywhere else in the world. perhaps more stoical than most, but still wanting to be loved and looked after. If you have done everything right she would not want to put your relationship at risk because she would never find a better husband. If she feels she needs to look elsewhere then it may be she doesn't think you are keeping your side of the bargain.
As to checking up on each other using the computer - or reading snail mail -
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-11299524
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/relationship ... texts.html
"Whatever the reason for the monitoring, partner surveillance was wider spread than we initially assumed, with one out of every three couples having at least one partner who monitored the other partner's behaviour using some kind of technological tool.''

Checking up doesn't make them bad people. There is nothing wrong with trying to work out what the situation really is when you cannot communicate in other ways. What you do with that information when you obtain it is what determines what sort of person you are. There are plenty of husbands bringing up a child they know is not theirs because they know that their relationship, and the child's welfare is worth more than the alternative. If you discover a problem with borrowing or lending money, or gambling, can you help her recover from her problems? Or are you looking for an excuse to ditch her?
Many Thai women have a 'senior friend' who they have known for a long time, who they like to chat to, meet up with occasionally, who is also a confidant. It is not a sexual relationship, just part of the rich tapestry of life in Thailand.
So my final question would be - if you do snoop - will you even understand what you find?

[MALC]

i have just read on udon map that i was asking where to buy a keylogger i dont know what they are or where u buy them and i am certainly not intrested or need one so how come that was posted on u map moderaters do ur job please and find out who put it on thank you

[BobHelm]

hi plein whats a key logger. and where does one buy one malc

Are you saying that this post - posted on

Postby MALC » August 30, 2009, 1:39 am

Is not you?? And you now (19 months after it was posted) want someone at UdonMap Administration to find out who did actually post it??

With the best will in the world & the best team in the universe, I think you will be lucky...

[arjay]

Malc you seemed interested enough back in 2009 when you posted this:-

hi plein whats a key logger. and where does one buy one malc

See second post on the thread. If you were interested then, do you not think others maybe interested now?