Are Farangs 'sticky/stingy/tight/kee Neow.....?

[Paul]

In another thread recently there was discussion as to why the Thai girls want a farang man. They get a house, car, clothes, a secure future and the farang always pays for everything...................................but why? and then get accused of being kee neow !

It got me thinking a little about why we 'accept' to be criticised and seen as stingy/sticky etc if, for example, we go to a roadside food stall instead of a plush restaurant, if we take the motorbike (or bus) instead of the car, if we shop in the market instead of the department store.

One thing which is common in all these (and other) cases is that no matter what, where or when - the farang still pays the bill, always pays, and often is accused of being 'economical'

How can a Thai (girl/wife/or otherwise) complain about the restaurant, shop or mode of transport when they are (not once) putting their hand in their pocket. Surely THEY are the sticky/stingy ones ??

I have sometimes felt a tinge of guilt for eating in a 20 baht back-street eatery instead of an air-conditioned restaurant but then realised that no matter where we eat - its always me that pays anyway - and yet I am being accused of being a cheap charlie/stingy/tight/ kee Neow etc

Who is the stingy one here ??? surely its the one who never offers to put their hand in their pocket - just once

I don't want to typecast - sure some guys have an obligation to provide for their wives etc - thats not what this thread is about.

Its about 2 things really - the fact that the farang is expected to pay (even if the other person has a job or maybe even richer than you) and its also about how the heck can the Thais make us feel guilty for eating in a cheap restaurant when they should be the ones feeling guilty for never ever paying anyway - but they seem to overlook that.

I have even been out for a night with a group of (Thai) friends and even if they wanted to help pay - they couldn't - they came out, for a night on the town, with zero money in their pocket.
Its not in our nature to complain but I could I suppose have stood my ground and refused to pay the bill myself or simply left them with the bill and walked out - but they know that we farangs don't do that.

Times have changed - we have let ourselves get taken for a ride for too long and now its common knowledge that we 'dish out the dosh' way too easily - and perhaps thats why in the other thread the number one reason why Thai girls wanted to marry a farang was money ! Its not often you will hear "because I love him"

I guess its our nature/culture or whatever to just pay up or just accept that we 'must be richer' than them so we should pay - but its not always the case. They may well be the stingy/sticky ones but we would never accuse Thais of being stingy or sticky.

Would you ?? (or indeed - do you? )

[trubrit]

I guess its our nature/culture or whatever to just pay up or just accept that we 'must be richer' than them so we should pay - but its not always the case. They may well be the stingy/sticky ones but we would never accuse Thais of being stingy or sticky.
Would you ?? (or indeed - do you? )

Not my experience at all Paul. When I am out with the wife it's her saying why you want to eat there, its expensive . She really prefers the Ud center food . Now that she is a working woman she loves nothing better than to say 'Its my treat" Although she doesn't earn much she enjoys the independence of having her own money. As for going out with Thai male friends. I have to fight for the bill and normally lose ,so now I just take a good bottle of scotch to share and let them pay . Funnily enough though we do get comments from other couples about where we eat . You know the sort of thing, "We always go to blah blah place when we go out ". I normally reply ' We can't afford to eat there "Knowing full well his income is less than mine , but if it makes them feel good , so be it .

[laphanphon]

Are Farangs 'sticky/stingy/tight/kee Neow.....?

i prefer the expression thrifty, and when the little weasle at tops, the katoey with long fingernails doens't give me my 25 satang, i f'g ask him for it. did the same thing at 7-11 while out and about, that's right, a mere 25 satang, but it was mine, and you ain't stealing it. though 100 times a day, and it startes to add up. i might throw it away when i get outside, but that thief ain't getting it.

the fact that the farang is expected to pay

that might be a long wait for some of them.

They may well be the stingy/sticky ones but we would never accuse Thais of being stingy or sticky.
Would you ?? (or indeed - do you? )

i would have no problem leaving them with the bill............separate checks is a wonderful expression.
doesn't matter to me, as i know i would never see them again, and their opinion, is worth about as much as that turd i walked around earlier in the day.

[parrot]

I think it bears remembering that Thais, along with most Asians, subscribe to the idea of showing off, even if they don't have the means to show off. Nicest mobile phones (even though most don't know how to use anything other than the call/answer button), fancy cars, extravagant houses right next to the highway, croc shirts, bottles of Johnnie Walker/Chevas, Amway products, and some of the world's biggest buyers of fancy watches. I came here to escape keeping up with the Jones's.......it seems the biggest users of the term kee-neeo are falangs....maybe their spouses/girlfriends. I've never heard an outside Thai say that to me.....maybe didn't hear it, but wouldn't care if they did.

[Paul]

I've never heard an outside Thai say that to me.....maybe didn't hear it, but wouldn't care if they did.

I too have never been called it, but I have heard many many times the Thais discussing other farangs - be it boyfriends, husbands, or the guy they met in the bar and they most definitely called him 'kee neaw'

So maybe you have been called it - just didn't realise it yet LOL


LA - hmmm, perhaps this thread is not for you LOL

we are well aware of your views (and spending habits), although thinking about it - maybe you were the person they were discussing - ha ha ha ...


The point I was trying to get over is that is it fair to call someone kee neaw, when he pays for everything - all of the time, just because he doesn't go to the best restaurants or buy the most expensive car?

For some girls - without the farang they would be eating som tum at home and riding the bus every day - but even though they eat in restaurants and drive around in a pick-up, they still call their partner kee neow . Is it fair ?

[rjj04]

I am programmed to want to pay, so no matter. My problem is that Thai people, especially the ladies, do not even say a simple "kob khun ka." If they showed their appreciation and respect I might not have a problem with it, but having been brought up with half decent manners, I just do not understand this. Is a simple THANK YOU going to kill them? Low and behold, if I mention it to them, next time they will say thank you, but sooner or later the thought fades away again. Cultural differences I suppose But strangely, when I do mention it to them they do accept it, and make a slight effort, so to me they do see that it is a nice gesture and one farangs appreciate.

[laphanphon]

completely agree and understand the meaning of your post. urks the hell out of me. if me and ree are out, and if with her friends, i expect to pay, i want to pay, but, if when the bill comes, they all look at me, without the slightest effort..........yea, better start opening that purse and ask, how much, what's the deal, then, it's ok, ree has it, as i will give her money before we even arrive at restaurant. but no effort by friends, and i will ask for seperate checks,

couple of her friends have come quite a distance and expense, just to visit her, so i have no problem picking up the check, just don't expect it. they are always gracious and thankful, another thing to add to this post, not only expect you to pay, but don't even offer thanks........that's sad. i'm lucky, Ree's family and friends are a generous, friendly lot. very respectful of each other.

even sprung for a room or two on occasion, as long term, childhood, strong relationships of hers, knowing they really can't afford longer stay or room, and want them to spend time together.

yes, good thread, think we have all experienced it at least once. some just friendly companionship, others order the most expensive things, a couple entrees, with no intent to finish even one.

I'll try to make this one short , met at bar, call next day, let's do lunch, meet and greet. of course 3 friends show up, but Mk, or HotPot, 100 baht all eats each, no problem, check bin, i dig..........no no no, on us, OK , we take you to another place we want to show you . this just after pigging out at all you can eat buffet. so off to expensive seafood bbq, and of course they all order grilled crab/shrimp, with multiple dishes, most half eaten.......................i ordered water, 'im mak mak lao'............all their faces just dropped. bill came, i didn't budge, while they were all digging and hoping they had enough, needless to say, no return call.

[laphanphon]

do not even say a simple "kob khun ka

thinking the same, but i type slower

[rjj04]

I'll try to make this one short , met at bar, call next day, let's do lunch, meet and greet. of course 3 friends show up, but Mk, or HotPot, 100 baht all eats each, no problem, check bin, i dig..........no no no, on us, OK , we take you to another place we want to show you . this just after pigging out at all you can eat buffet. so off to expensive seafood bbq, and of course they all order grilled crab/shrimp, with multiple dishes, most half eaten.......................i ordered water, 'im mak mak lao'............all their faces just dropped. bill came, i didn't budge, while they were all digging and hoping they had enough, needless to say, no return call.

=D> hahaha.. love it. I thought about doing that.. but you beat me to it... BRILLIANT, please video next time... jaws dropping to floor... eyes so sad and confused... what went wrong with the plan. haha

So, is it really true that they've never had KFC before? When they scarf down what looks like enough to feed them for a week... maybe a streak of truth there.

[bumper]

When I knew I was paying way to much " he a good man"

[MALC]

what ever we buy or give our wifes or girlfreinds. be it a new house car moterbike. take children overseas for a good education. its never enough.

[Paul]

I once tried 'educating' a Thai on Farang ways, and whilst I told her that yes we probably do have more money than you and yes we usually do pay - because we are men (and farang men at that) but...........

Once in a while if the other person even made a small gesture, like reaching for the purse, or saying "oh let me help you pay" or something - it would be very nice to know that we were not being taken advantage of - and would almost certainly be met with a "no - its ok , no problem" - because at least they offered.

Those that sit there and do nothing - having just ordered steak, whilst you ate chicken and rice - that's the ones who wind me up.
But as a previous poster said - no matter how much or how many things you give them - its still never enough.
You could date a girl for a year - buy her a phone a gold chain and eat in restaurants every day and she would still call you kee neow to her friends - despite the fact she hasn't offered 1 baht towards any of it.

I have heard it with my own ears !

I ordered a Leo beer in a bar once and the lady serving asked me why I ordered Leo, not Singha or Heiniken - am I kee Neow she asked?

I replied that I had chosen to order the Leo beer I like to drink Leo beer and that if I was Kee Neow - I would not be sitting in her bar boosting her profits but would sit outside 7-11, or at home drinking.

We just can't win - and that's the point I am trying to make.

[mangkhut]

In another thread recently there was discussion as to why the Thai girls want a farang man. They get a house, car, clothes, a secure future and the farang always pays for everything...................................but why? and then get accused of being kee neow !

It got me thinking a little about why we 'accept' to be criticised and seen as stingy/sticky etc if, for example, we go to a roadside food stall instead of a plush restaurant, if we take the motorbike (or bus) instead of the car, if we shop in the market instead of the department store.

One thing which is common in all these (and other) cases is that no matter what, where or when - the farang still pays the bill, always pays, and often is accused of being 'economical'

How can a Thai (girl/wife/or otherwise) complain about the restaurant, shop or mode of transport when they are (not once) putting their hand in their pocket. Surely THEY are the sticky/stingy ones ??

I have sometimes felt a tinge of guilt for eating in a 20 baht back-street eatery instead of an air-conditioned restaurant but then realised that no matter where we eat - its always me that pays anyway - and yet I am being accused of being a cheap charlie/stingy/tight/ kee Neow etc

Who is the stingy one here ??? surely its the one who never offers to put their hand in their pocket - just once

I don't want to typecast - sure some guys have an obligation to provide for their wives etc - thats not what this thread is about.

Its about 2 things really - the fact that the farang is expected to pay (even if the other person has a job or maybe even richer than you) and its also about how the heck can the Thais make us feel guilty for eating in a cheap restaurant when they should be the ones feeling guilty for never ever paying anyway - but they seem to overlook that.

I have even been out for a night with a group of (Thai) friends and even if they wanted to help pay - they couldn't - they came out, for a night on the town, with zero money in their pocket.
Its not in our nature to complain but I could I suppose have stood my ground and refused to pay the bill myself or simply left them with the bill and walked out - but they know that we farangs don't do that.

Times have changed - we have let ourselves get taken for a ride for too long and now its common knowledge that we 'dish out the dosh' way too easily - and perhaps thats why in the other thread the number one reason why Thai girls wanted to marry a farang was money ! Its not often you will hear "because I love him"

I guess its our nature/culture or whatever to just pay up or just accept that we 'must be richer' than them so we should pay - but its not always the case. They may well be the stingy/sticky ones but we would never accuse Thais of being stingy or sticky.

Would you ?? (or indeed - do you? )

There is to some extend a point in what Paul says here. A farang is not seldom called a "khii niaw" if he for some reason end up with buying/choosing an alternative that isnt in the top end of the pricelist.
But we have to blame much of this on ourselves I think. Spending money like drunken sailors ashore for the first time in months, with bellringing all night long in sleazy bars, or buying houses and pickup trucks to some blackhaired little beauty, with rather doubtful moral standards that you havent been acquainted with more than a few weeks/months, not to mention sinsods on several hundred thousands of baht etc. etc. thai people just got to think that money is something that comes out of our rear end when we goes to "hong naam" (and I belive we do quite often when in LOS)
And thus always will judge our spendings with that in their minds.....

Set the standard from the beginning will help. But you will of course often be compared to the idiot that spends most money around......

Myself I always dress down, wear a old and worn watch, use an old cellphone etc. when in Thailand, and almost everytime I spend money I choose amongst the more reasonable alternatives. Even though I could for the economical side of it, afford much more expensive stuff....

Well anyway, there is a saying often said where I come from (and maybe other places too...) that if you want humbleness and obedience, buy a dog....

[Wisdom]

When i went to see tgf family near Nong Hin, it was a holiday time, and about twelve 'family' came to the local restaurant. I thought nothing of it, but was surprised when the bill came to me. Then sort of shocked that after paying bill, no mother/father/brother/sister/nephew/niece/daughter etc, thanked me at all for the meal. Luckily at about 50baht each, it wasn't too costly. Next day, the 'family' had day out in Udon, and we ended up at KFC, where without my input at all, KFC buckets were ordered up for the mob. My tgf lost out with just one piece of chicken, so i got upset. My tgf said "never mind", as i lost my temper a bit, but a niece had the answer, buy more KFC all round! Didn't get a thanks for that either, except from tgf, which i suppose, was enough!

[malc123]

I had the same problem, when giving the family a buffy, they all got up and walked away, without even helping the wife work out the bill, except for 'Papa' not one said thankyou to me, gave then all a lot of stick next day.
Also there were people I had never met eating at my expence..

Now I do not any give free meals to them.

malc123

[dbriggins]

Eh, they do it to each other, too. Thais keep each other down by what we farang would consider downright cruel comments. Given enough time in Farang-land (outside of fellow-thai interference) many Thai's have a hard time dealing with the constant put-downs and trash-talking.

Now, my in-laws are of Chinese decent, and I sometimes have the opposite problem: If I'm not fast enough, someone else pays, to my wife's great displeasure. In Chinese culture, in the right circumstances, whipping the money out faster than others shows you are better, more responsible, whatever.

For either culture, it's a social thing, a way to define what layer of the social cake you're in. Simply being Farang puts you in a higher level socially than most, while at the same time permanently limits you, too. To the Thai, being white means money to the lower classes, and having money means you are responsible for "taking care" of your lower-class relations, whether they are richer than you or not.

Don't try to change culture. It will only wear you out.

[bumper]

My first trip here ended up in big C several shopping carts full of goodies came time to pay they looked at me . I used the magic word NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

One bite of the apple with that family was enough for me.

[Paul]

[

Set the standard from the beginning will help. But you will of course often be compared to the idiot that spends most money around......

Now theres a fair comment !





I dated a girl once. She phoned me up one Saturday to say she was coming to meet me in the city centre and told me "bring your money because we are going to spend it"

Another time we went shopping in a market near her home for food for dinner and her mother and younger brother came too. Apart from the food for dinner, the mother chose some items of clothing for the small kid and then even a few pairs of shorts for herself and all the time the girl I was dating just turned to me and said each time "200 baht" or "100 baht " (whatever it was)

The trouble is its damned hard to say no at the risk of being branded kee neow - even though you have just bought enough food for a huge family feast too.

Needless to say it wasn't a long lasting relationship - which is a pity as she was a real cutie

They don't realise that if things are done in moderation - they will have the 'cash cow' for a very long time, but start taking the P*** and you will be out the door pretty soon.
But it's their number one priority to take care of today - and tomorrow will take care of itself (hopefully)

[Treeg]

It's indeed a bit of a cultural thing, the Chinese (or ex-Chinese) community often pays easily and fast enough, drawing status from it (and, it should be said, they do have the money, lots of them have far, far, more money to spend then me). Problem then is they have an endlessly complicated system of 'I Owe You' dating back ages ago which can bite your back at some later stage.

With the native Thai and Lao is partly also a complete lack of understanding to look any further ahead then this moment. As soon as their payslip has arrived they call you over "let's have a party, I have money!", they bring a bottle of cheap whiskey and a lot of food and for one night it's big fun and it's true they never ask me for money for this. Only the next day all the money of the payslip is gone, and then they come to us "our children need to go to school/eat, and we have no money, please can we borrow?". With 'borrow' meaning 'get' because even if they try (which only a few of them do), they never manage to pay you back. You can try to teach them a hundred times that it's ridiculous to give a party the day the payslip arrives, but it simply doesn't work that way, they like to feel 'rich' for one day and that means spending money to show off to your friends.

Showing off is important, it gives you status, and it seems very difficult to understand that a falang doesn't care for status. I just don't care if they call me Kee Neow, you can't survive here for very long if you don't get your budget straightened out, once you start following the demands to 'show off' then you are on a downward spiral very very fast, just shrug you're shoulders and don't care about it, if you like to stay here longer then one year. If you're wife or tgf lets you down just because you keep your hand on your purse, then she wasn't worth it anyway!

[gulfman]

what ever we buy or give our wifes or girlfreinds. be it a new house car moterbike. take children overseas for a good education. its never enough.

Spot on Malc - like young children. I noticed this early on in my relationship, so stopped giving/paying at the point that suited me. Its still never enough - but it costs me less . I now make a point of being truly 'stingy', and even my wife sees the funny side of it. It's those who haven't got the falang husband who call you 'stingy'. I jsut smile and say, 'yes'.