Sin Sod, marry in udon

[laphanphon]

!!!!!!! L A would of been proud !!!!!

YES HE IS.....................followed my example.......did you ? as i did the same, the bkk run around, translation, paperwork, then amphur, submit, sign, next desk, next desk, who has it now, over here, big stamp.........................BANG.............................you're married. no village voodoo wedding, no sin sot. "sorry honey, until i speak thai, why bother, i won't understand what he is saying, and we are already married, what's the point." though i was always informed when anyone got married and paid the ridiculous or rumored 500k to 2 million baht, truck, motorbikes....................PLEASE, save it, i'm not that stupid, and hopefully nobody else is, , maybe not.

luckily, 1 1/2 yrs later, it was so much easier to get divorced and even cheaper. one form, no translation, on back, is fill in the blank, how much for spouse, --- 0 ----, say what, you get nothing. love this country.

[beer monkey]

Now 2 examples of the way to do it....simple-minimal expense-no fuss-no fancy outfits-no freeloaders-no hotel function room bookings-No flower arches-No Ballroom-No permanent smile and nodding of the head allday to people you never seen before
Excellent....But as always 'Horses for courses'.

[Ter]

Well i'm gonna throw my tuppence in, I have to admit the first i heard of sin sod was on this forum, up until then i was ignorant of the fact that you gave anything. when I spoke to the wife about it she told me she did not want me to think she or her family where after money, which was comforting as i have, (well lets not go there).
I have done the same as some of the above. Three years ago we only did the paperwork side, as we wanted to wait until our joint house was finished. We have some other properties and businesses and the new truck ect ect but it has all been jointly paid for. In a way I count myself lucky for being ignorant of sin sod as I would have felt pressure and would not want to shame her family. My wife has told me that as we jointly went into business and now have more trappings, that is enough for her and her family and they dont get any remarks from the villagers.
Well there I done it. I can go down the pub and have a guinness and a malt.

[beer monkey]

Errrrr Hello earth to rukter come in come in......do you get anything from all the answers kindly given..?

[Irish Alan]

Errrrr Hello earth to rukter come in come in......do you get anything from all the answers kindly given..?

He's a bit slow BM... He's been asking about marriage for over 3 years. Let's get back to him in 2011, maybe he will have decided on something.

P.S. I know a guy that can supply an elephant Rukter.

[beer monkey]

So ruktur way back in 2005 did you go for the....




Or slum it in one of these......

[ruktur]

Hi guys,

It is me again Tommy!! After some couple of months and years we REALLY going to get MARRIED now in 6 februari THIS YEAR 2009!

I was still young at that time 27 and now after 3 years I saved enough to finally get married! My girlfriend already stays for almost 3 years in Holland and she also works now after she had to learned the DUTCH language, even for me this is a difficult language!

I listened to everybody who give me an advise and was planning all these things but this is still not an excuse for I didn't reply anything back to you guys, again sorry for this!

I still going to do the wedding but not in a hotel at her family house! Now for 150 people! Not on a elephant or a car but just normally by food as a parade through the village.

We have a band there in the morning for 5.500 baht, a company who arrange the food, tables and chairs > total 15 tables 1500 baht per table but good food and 7 dishes! Start at 07:00 to give the monks food after that the parade through the village and then the ceremony.

My family also coming so that I also can introduce them to here family.

We have a 40 inch tv where we do the presentation of the photos!

7 monks coming to here house.

For in the evening we just choose a restaurant with around 50 people and later in the night doing some karaoke!

Again sorry for i didn't reply back but I used your advice as you can see!

Thanks again,

Tommy

[beer monkey]

Nice one Tommy....you got there in the end.

[pella]

im sorry mates,,maybe im asking the same things as members before.. ...im new here and i have my GF here for some time now, i love udon and i have read all of you posts in udon map. i hope to get maried here in oktober ,and i hope to get some info about sinsod..and other important matters about things like this,,im sorry if my english is not so good...but i hope i can have some good friends here after...best regards pella

[maaka]

old story, but I will throw in my humble opinion, just in case some other love struck dude comes along searching for answers..women and a marriage cost money wherever you marry. in western culture the brides family paid the bill, in thailand its the reverse..old Thai culture was to pay the wifes parents a small token, 50,000 baht was considered ample, and one should barter over the price..we love each other, shes a virgin, she divorced, shes divorced with 3 kids, shes of low class, shes of high class, or status..these can come into play in bartering over any price..there is a class structure in thailand which can help decide any sin sod costs..

originally it was the gesture that counted not the amount..alas today people have taken to abusing the dowry system for there own gain..I am one for respecting another persons culture, as I expect the same of my indigenous background, so I am willing to pay, but 100,000 would be the maximum I would pay as Sin Sod, and she would have to be single, and have a government job, to give her that higher status..if I was to marry a farm girl then 20,000 to 50,000 would be my price, and I would tell mama and papa that I love her, and that my being in the family and spending money at the local village shop and things, give everyone a better life , and that I will maybe buy a new fridge for then, or new bikes for the kids, or some such thing...

if you go the 1,000,000 baht road you sure as heck wont be helping the next farang to marry, as you just raised the anti, help perpetuate the abuse, and the family will sure as heck keep coming back for more once your married..Nip in in the bud from the beginning, but respect the culture.

[farangano]

Face - call it what you like. It is all about money. The more money the better you will look - for a time until you are expected to pay again and more so. I say you live in 2009 in a modern time where Sin Sod is a thing of the past and anyone who says any different I believe to be a fraudulent con-man/woman.

If you love the poor girl - then marry her and give her family assurance that you can do nicely - show them a copy of your bankbook if must be. But don't pay them a single THB. If you do you and they will loose face 10 fold soon.

Any more advise and I shall be happy to give it.

My advise is this: you go on a single holiday - you - to a resort - a nice High Society one - and take some time out. Get some Sun and cool down. Stay away from Udon Thani 1-2 month and bring your girlfriend but tell her to give you 2 weeks alone at least.

Then you decide. If you don't comprehend this please send a private message and I shall explain to you in detail and I believe you will be forever thankful.

Kindest

[jackspratt]

If you are contemplating taking up farangano's kind offer of advice, it may be worth looking at this thread first:

http://www.udonmap.com/udonthaniforum/m ... 13649.html

[farangano]

Indeed. Read that and be prepared. I am not alone. Pay your sin-sod if you like and don't take any advise from me or anyone else with a good real experience.

Should you or anyone else for that matter need further advise then please send private message and you will be engaged in a new full fledged life of hope and tranquillity in Thailand with no worries what so ever. (More on this topic with website, forum, blogg etc. later which I shall inform of here).

(Note: Read about sid sod on Wikipedia etc. and know that it is an old chinese tradition which therefor is no longer really a requirement neither socially nor legally. Even if Thai women will make you believe anything else). Get the facts and you will be happy - really happy.

Kindest

[LoveDaBlues]

I've been to 3 Thai + Thai weddings in which I was the only farang present. Sinsod was paid in each.

100k
100k
60k

So, do I believe a guy on the internet who obviously married the wrong woman or do I believe my own eyes?

[tongoy]

So, do I believe a guy on the internet who obviously married the wrong woman or do I believe my own eyes?

Better trust your own eyes and experiences... it is very obvious that some of the authors here were or still are facing bad experiences with their partner (gf or wife), but not all are the same.. sin sod is a Thai tradition, even if it comes from china originally.. and if you want to marry a Thai you should respect their tradition too..if you don't do, they will loose their face and you will never get really happy in your marriage. I paid 100 000 Baht sin sod, I'm very happy with my wife.. she is not asking every day for new clothes, creams, gold, etc.. she is not spending lots of money .. I don't regret that I married her and I don't regret that I respect my wife's tradition..

[KHONDAHM]

This subject NEVER fails to tickle me. LOL. Figuring out sinsod is so simple, yet falang INSIST on making it so complex.

Step 1: Imagine yourself in your own western country.
Step 2: Imagine yourself shopping for a wedding ring for your betrothed in your country
Step 3: Write down the price of said ring
Step 4: Wake up from your daydream
Step 5: Convert the price in step 3 to Thai baht and round it up or down to the nearest 10k
Step 6: Forget step 2 because rings are a "western" thing and not required or (usually) not expected in Thailand
Step 7: Forget step 1 because TIT!
Step 8: Go to the bank and take out the amount calculated in Step 5

In summary, change the paradigm to something you understand. Ring not needed. Ring price = sin sod amount. Now, if you are from a country where the ring price is supposed to be the equivalent of 3 months salary, it's a judgment call.

In my case, having gotten well into the good graces of Mae and with her on her deathbed (sad story about that) and Paw eagerly expecting to be able to go on yet another drinking binge, we agreed that I would pay directly to fix up the old house after marriage which I did at a cost of about THB 100k. HAPPILY married 5 years and counting...

[jackspratt]

And when you are contemplating that ring, do you (the farang expert on Thai traditions/expectations) contemplate:

1. whether the lady has a university degree, or flipped burgers in McDonalds, or somewhere in between
2. whether she has been previously married
3. whether she has a child from a previous relationship?

But...but....but.....

[KHONDAHM]

And when you are contemplating that ring, do you (the farang expert on Thai traditions/expectations) contemplate:

1. whether the lady has a university degree, or flipped burgers in McDonalds, or somewhere in between
2. whether she has been previously married
3. whether she has a child from a previous relationship?

But...but....but.....

I think you are missing the point of the post. The point of the post is to shift the paradigm to something you understand, then base your decision on that.

Stacking up a checklist of "value-added" items is a perfect example of over-complexing (my new word) the decision. She's not a car. Are the tires new? Previously owned? Leather or cloth interior?, etc. etc.

Thai people are not martians and Thailand is not some other planet. When one shifts the paradigm, "understanding" and making the right decision is a really simple matter.

[jackspratt]

Maybe not Khondahm.

For a number of posters here who seem to see sinsot as a Thai anachronism (at best) or selling off of the daughter (at the worst), there are two steps to consider.

Firstly, is sinsot real, and does it have a part to play in "modern" society - or is it just a con/trick imposed on farangs by money grubbing Thais.

If you can accept that it is real, the next step seems to be to determine the "value added" (or in this case - value deducted).

OK, if you really have to pay sinsot (buy that ring), mark the value down if.................minus.......... minus.........

ps: we are on the same page on this.

[KHONDAHM]

We may be on the same page - or not. I offer the following examples of what I mean by "shift the paradigm":

We'll use a Brit going to America (pardon the stereotyping). Rather than ask someone for a fag, the Brit should ask for a cigarette. Rather than take someone out for tea, the Brit should take them out for coffee. Rather than suggest going to a football (soccer) game, the Brit should suggest going to a Baseball game. Rather than turn left on red, the Brit should turn right on red. Etc., etc.

Adapting what is known to situations that are unknown by looking at things in one's own more familiar context, then act on it as a native would in the foreign context.