mystery caller

[dougness]

Hi,you all.I recently recieved a voice mail from Thailand,that wasn't from my wife.The female caller with a Issan accent proceeded to tell me that my wife had a Thai man,she claimed to be a customer of my wifes business and that it was "up to me,if I wanted to believe it".I can count the number of people who have my cell phone number in Thailand on one hand.I had a friend whose friendship I cancelled a while back, whos married to a exbar girl.My gut feeling is that they spun this one.I have the telephone number on my cell phone,how can I trace it?Or should I call her back and offer her money if she can provide pictures and other evidence.I don't want to sponser my wife,if shes dicking around on me and offcourse waste anymore money on the relationship.Im coming back soon to Udon.Are there any private dectectives that work out of Udon?I don't want to fly off the handle.

[SanukJoe]

Tracing mobile numbers is (nearly) impossible. I know it can be done in the US but in Thailand I doubt it.

Personally I would go for it and ask the woman to send more info like pics by email, if it works you know enough.

You could also come to Udon a couple of days earlier than your wife thinks and be prepared for a surprise shock, or not, in that way you know at least what's going on without paying a lot for a detective.

Cheers
Joe

[jingjai]

Or should I call her back and offer her money if she can provide pictures and other evidence.

That would be my first step.
Remember the adage: "One picture is worth a thousand words".
Good luck.

[johnty.]

Hi dougness,we don't know each other but here's my 2baht's worth.A short time ago a friend(or so i thought at the time) proceeded to tell me over a few drinks that some of his staff overheard my wife on the phone seemingly they saw her crying and from what they heard they deduced that she had a thai b/f who was finishing with her,i left it for a couple of days but it finally played on my mind too much and i sat her down and calmly discussed with her what had been brought to my attention,having been a victim of my ex-wifes philandering ways you would think that i would have learned to spot the little differences by now but thats just the point THERE WERE NONE.My wife acts the same towards me everyday,she is lovely in every way and she doesn't have to tell me that she loves me i believe she does it because it is true,she never makes any financial requests of me,never spends money stupidly,waits on me hand and foot and puts up with my sometimes lazy ways but in saying all that i have my input into our marriage as well and not only are we married we are best friends too.Back to o/t when i discussed the so called information i had become privy to my wife proceeded to tell me about 2 previous relationships which had both been broken up by rumour mongers before we even met(we have never discussed each others former relationships before,no need to the past is past) she also cried so much as she told me all this and why she loved me velly,velly much(excuse the spelling)what a right T**t i felt,i never really believed what i heard but due to former relationship going sour i just couldn't let it be.the conversation was stopped there and then because i felt that what she told me was the truth.At the end of the day it all comes down to trust,i go back to the uk for 3weeks work and then come home here for 3 weeks leave how does my wife know i don't have a g/f in UK?(by the way,i don't,wouldn't want one) and how can i be sure that she is doing what she says she is doing while i am working,i stupidly had a moment of weakness in listening to others(beer goggles on)but it won't be happening again,same thing could be happening with you?it's just my thoughts for what there worth but i would go with my own feelings,only you know what you feel about your relationship,there are many jealous people out there who are not so safe and secure in there own relationships that for some reason they interefere in others lives.....regards johnty.

[maaka]

I offer my services as a Private Investigator, but sorry I am out of the country at the moment..dont fly off the handle until you have more evidence from a reliable source. tracing the call wont give you much, its the act, if any, that you need to verify. calling this woman back and offering money can be fraught with danger especially to your marriage, if nothing is happening, but moreso if your wife finds out you are having her watched, or checking up on her, and didnt trust her.

it could be a business rival merely trying to upset the apple cart so your marriage fails, and your wife has to chuck in her business..who knows..who knows what the callers intentions were, and more interestingly how she got your number as a mere customer. I would call her back and try and preen as much info from her as possible..how she knows your wife is playing around, and that it is not some distant cousin of your wife, or something, how the caller got your number, what the callers full name is, and why she is concerned for you. has she met you before, or does she just not like women who play around..or is she trying to replace your wife by giving you this so called help..

however I would get an indenpendant third party to check up on your wife, not this caller woman..do you speak thai? I have afew thai friends who would jump at the money to give you an answer.I might be able to arrange things via internet with them but it would take time, and you may be back before then...

If I were you I would return two weeks early than your wife thinks you are arriving, hire a car, and stake out the place yourself from a good distance, and give her and this supposed thai man more than one occassion together, and finally spring them at night if together. I would need to see my partner kissing and cuddling and having it off before I believe anything...dont fly off the handle on a piece of hearsay..sorry I wasnt in town to help

[BobHelm]

When ever anybody offers me unsolicited advice or information my first thought is always what is their motive.
Now this person would not appear to know you, so, unless they have an extra-ordinary highly developed level of moral standards it is difficult to see that they are doing this for your benefit or that they are concerned about your well being.
The most likely scenario is that they wish to cause pain and mischief in the relationship between you and your wife. If that is the case then the woman either knows you &/or your wife or is doing it for some one who knows you &/or your wife.
So I would take what this person said to you wih a very, very large pinch of salt.
However, even someone out to cause mischief can do so by telling the truth. This has,obviously, caused yu some concerns so I do not think you should just ignore it.
Personally I would tell your TW exactly what has happened, making it quite clear that you do not believe the call, you just want your wife's opinion on the call. You can even tell her the telephone number of the caller. Listen to what your wife replies to you, if you give her the number then listen when she comes back & tells you what she has found out about it!!!
If this is the only reason you have to suspect any infidelity then I doubt there is any thing other than malice involved in the phone call..
Personally I would not contact the caller myself. If she had it, she would have offered confirmation evidence in the initial call. You calling her will only give her (them) the satisfaction of knowing that the worm of jealously that they have planted is growing...

[747man]

Doug, IMHO It's all about two things.....Firstly do YOU T-R-U-S-T You Wife ?? Does'nt sound like it in your post !! and Secondly I Would guess the woman who called you, COULD be "A Friend " of YOUR EX-FRIEND...Just trying to " Stir the Sh*t " If I found out for definate the 2nd option was the truth,I WOULD get a couple of " Handy Thai Guys " to Give your Ex Friend a LITTLE bit of a Slapping,when you get back,Don't YOU do it....You might get a RED Stamp in youre passport....Good Luck,Finding out...The TRUTH !!

[dougness]

I will pay to find out before I sponser her.I might even do more than that.Hear that spy people.

[Mr Natural]

I will pay to find out before I sponser her.I might even do more than that.Hear that spy people.

I would bet it was just someone trying to cause trouble. Same thing happened to me, just a jelous friend that didn't want to see my wife happy.

Just ASK you wife! If you don't trust her, then you shouldn't be married to her!

p.s.
And GOD do I hate the way people use the word "sponser" when talking about their g/f or wife. She's you wife man, you support her! You sponser a softball team!

[Ter]

Or SPONSOR for that matter if you want someone to sponsor Dougness try justgiving.com/terry-walsh.
Mr natural is right though I think this has been done to several members and seems commonplace, your relationship should be based on trust so give it a go and talk about it.

[dougness]

I tried calling back the number,no reply.Sponser is the word we use in Canada and if your wife divorces you,you still may have to take care of her basic needs,rent,food,power,ect for up to 7 yrs.So its not something to be taken lightly.I want to meet some members when I get back.I really do need someone to watch my wife.I will pay in Chang.

[maaka]

Doug, all you have at the moment is a mystery caller and a number that wont reply..sounds suspicious, this could all be a hoax, by someone who has it in for you or your wife..you dont seem to trust your wife of how many years? Has there been occassion before for you to suspect her royality? has your relationship been struggling of late that would see your wife seek comfort in the arms of another man? do you have kids? It is hard to see the wife bite the hand that feeds her, all for some thai man..though I have seen it happen before...has she ever gone away for weeks at a time, without you?

no good watching your wife when you are back..if, and it is a big "IF" at this stage,that your wife has been fooling around with a thai dude, he will disappear into the background just before you arrive back, and I doubt if he will surface again until next time you are away, thats if this is not a hoax..

[dougness]

My exfriend who lives in Nong wa sao has mental problems and drinks every day,so I can't rule out the possiblity hes not behind it.His wifes apparently a real coniving bitch.There is also the possibility thta her friend who I met with her the first time I met my wife is jealous.My wifes friend knows that I send that I send my wife a lot of money.In her mind she is probably kicking herself daily for not being more forward with me.When I get back to Canada after this trip,I will her watched.Very sad that its come to this.After a year apart,maybe this is what happens?

[dougness]

We all know the value of life in Thailand,chi mai Kup?Maybe my own,LOL.My life is a lot more exspensive to finish,LOL.Its going to be like the John Lee Hooker song if its true,"Im bad like Jesse James".Im feeling like Pete in Private Dancer at the moment.Got wasted last night and lost my house keys.

[SanukJoe]

Doug, it's important to stay cool and well organised. Make up for yourself what your steps will be and in which order.

To analyse the situation look at the possibilities:

1. The woman caller is a cheat/jealous bitch who just wants to upset you,
2. The woman caller is a friend of your wife, jealous, and wants to upset you,
3. The woman caller tells the truth, no matter who she is,
4. The woman caller tests your belief in your wife, on behalf of your wife.

In all cases the major question is: how she got your number?
If she's a friend of your wife she could have seen it on your wife's mobile, if she's a friend of the guy who had your number she will got it from him, if your wife asked her to call you she gave the number to her.

Numbers 1and 2 mean your wife is not cheating you, number 3 means she cheats you and number 4 means your wife wants to know how you react, she could be cheating you or not.

I don't know when you are coming over, if it's soon or not, but I would first try to get the woman on the phone again and ask her how she got your number and if she has evidence of what she told you.
Secondly, as I wrote before, just come over earlier than your wife expects and try to find the truth.

Telling your wife now about the call takes away the possibility to find out the truth yourself. If she has a thai b/f she will deny it, tell the guy to stay away until you have left again and start the whole thing over again.
Don't listen to guys who say you should trust her and things like that do not happen, I know of several cases of cheating women, the worst I heard from a good friend, it happens in his village, this thai woman has a thai husband with whom she lives together, from time to time he backs off as then her french samee show up and stays for sometime, the thai guy backs off again when her japanese samee is showing up for a holiday... This is going on for years now and it's not the only case.

When people are away from each other for a year, both have no clue about the moves of the other. You don't know if your wife has a b/f, she doesn't know if you have a g/f in Canada. So it is trust that makes a relationship work and unfortunately a call like you received starts you thinking bad things so you have to find out. It's not about the money you spend on her, it's because of your peace of mind as you keep thinking of it until you know the truth.

I wish you the wisdom to do what is necessary and I hope everything will work out ok for you.

Cheers
Joe

[maaka]

I am with Joe on this one Doug. we are both giving you similar advice..get over here early before the date you are supposed to be back, watch the place and get some solid proof..and pull yourself together man for **** sake..you have let yourself fall for this hook, line and sinker without nothing more than a frigging voicemail...

I feel for you mate, and the situation that has unfolded, its a mind game, thats what the callers intention was, but I would hate to see you, or a good marriage fall apart because of some rumour.

[KHONDAHM]

A jealous "friend" of my wife (we were only dating at the time, though) said something similar to me because she wanted to break us up so she could creep in. However, not only did I TRUST my (then) girlfriend, but what the jealous friend said was impossible due to the fact that my wife was with ME during the supposed time the lie happened - but the jealous friend did not know that...

If you don't have trust then F it. Take the pain and skip to the next chapter as quickly as possible because if there is no trust, it won't work. Now or eventually.

Good luck.

[dougness]

I can only get into Thailand by maybe 10 hours earlier and she may already have left for Bangkok.It won't be hard to watch her.She claims to sleep at her shop,six days a week,due to the highway bandits that kick girls off their bikes for their purses.So I just need someone to watch her shop.

[dougness]

I have trusted my wife up to now,but now the seed of doubt has entered my mind.I will make every effort to find truth out.Will post when im in Udon.

[maaka]

keep me uptodate on events as I am following your situation..