Now that the issue of who created this thread is over...
Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, were excessively mischievous.
They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew all about it. If any mischief occurred in their town, the two boys were probably involved.
The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys.
The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually.
So the mother sent the 8 year old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon.
The preacher, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Do you know where God is, son?" The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open.
So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?" Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "Where is God?"
The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"
The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time," (I just LOVE reading this next line)
"GOD is missing, and they think we did it!"
A Little Humor by Pop-Pop's Net & Games
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Farang1
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- Location: Just around the corner...
- Contact:
Re: A Little Humor by Pop-Pop's Net & Games
If you want someone who will eat whatever you put in front of
him and never say its not quite as good as his mother's…..
......then adopt a dog.
If you want someone always willing to go out, at any hour, for as long and wherever you want ...
......then adopt a dog.
If you want someone who will never touch the remote, doesn't care about football,
and can sit next to you as you watch romantic movies….
......then adopt a dog.
If you want someone who is content to get on your bed just to
warm your feet and whom you can push off if he snores….
......then adopt a dog !
If you want someone who never criticizes what you do,
doesn't care if you are pretty or ugly, fat or thin, young or old,
who acts as if every word you say is especially worthy of listening
to, and loves you unconditionally, perpetually ..
.......then adopt a dog.
BUT, on the other hand, if you want someone who will
never come when you call, ignores you totally when
you come home, leaves hair all over the place, walks
all over you, runs around all night and only comes home to eat
and sleep, and acts as if your entire existence is solely to ensure his happiness ….
.......then adopt a cat!
him and never say its not quite as good as his mother's…..
......then adopt a dog.
If you want someone always willing to go out, at any hour, for as long and wherever you want ...
......then adopt a dog.
If you want someone who will never touch the remote, doesn't care about football,
and can sit next to you as you watch romantic movies….
......then adopt a dog.
If you want someone who is content to get on your bed just to
warm your feet and whom you can push off if he snores….
......then adopt a dog !
If you want someone who never criticizes what you do,
doesn't care if you are pretty or ugly, fat or thin, young or old,
who acts as if every word you say is especially worthy of listening
to, and loves you unconditionally, perpetually ..
.......then adopt a dog.
BUT, on the other hand, if you want someone who will
never come when you call, ignores you totally when
you come home, leaves hair all over the place, walks
all over you, runs around all night and only comes home to eat
and sleep, and acts as if your entire existence is solely to ensure his happiness ….
.......then adopt a cat!
-
LoongLee
- udonmap.com
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- Joined: February 15, 2009, 8:54 pm
- Location: Virginia- Sic Semper Tyrannis
Re: A Little Humor by Pop-Pop's Net & Games
The American Medical Association has just finished a news conference.
They have discontinued the use of laboratory rats for experimentation.
They are going to use Personel Injury Lawyers instead. There are 3 reasons why:
1) The lawyers are more abundant then lab rats.
2) The lab assistants don't seem to grow attached to the lawyers and
3) There are just certain things you can't get a RAT to do.
They have discontinued the use of laboratory rats for experimentation.
They are going to use Personel Injury Lawyers instead. There are 3 reasons why:
1) The lawyers are more abundant then lab rats.
2) The lab assistants don't seem to grow attached to the lawyers and
3) There are just certain things you can't get a RAT to do.
Re: A Little Humor by Pop-Pop's Net & Games
"YOU MAY BE A TALIBAN IF..."
1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to liquor.
2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.
3. You have more wives than teeth.
4. You wipe your butt with your bare hand, but consider bacon "unclean."
5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.
6. You can't think of anyone you haven't declared jihad against.
7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.
8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.
9. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least four.
10. You've always had a crush on your neighbor's goat.
11. Your cousin is president of the United States.
1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to liquor.
2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.
3. You have more wives than teeth.
4. You wipe your butt with your bare hand, but consider bacon "unclean."
5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.
6. You can't think of anyone you haven't declared jihad against.
7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.
8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.
9. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least four.
10. You've always had a crush on your neighbor's goat.
11. Your cousin is president of the United States.
Re: A Little Humor by Pop-Pop's Net & Games
A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Enzo, has cheated him out of 10 million bucks.
His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place.
It was assumed that Enzo would hear nothing that he might have to testify about in court.
When the Godfather goes to confront Enzo about his missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language.
The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the 10 million bucks is that he embezzled from me."
The lawyer, using sign language, asks Enzo where the money is..
Enzo signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about."
The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you are talking about."
The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Enzo's temple and says, "Ask him again!"
The lawyer signs to Enzo, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him."
Enzo signs back, "OK. You win!
The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Bruno's backyard in Woodbridge!"
The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?"
The lawyer replies, " He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger..."
His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place.
It was assumed that Enzo would hear nothing that he might have to testify about in court.
When the Godfather goes to confront Enzo about his missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language.
The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the 10 million bucks is that he embezzled from me."
The lawyer, using sign language, asks Enzo where the money is..
Enzo signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about."
The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you are talking about."
The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Enzo's temple and says, "Ask him again!"
The lawyer signs to Enzo, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him."
Enzo signs back, "OK. You win!
The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Bruno's backyard in Woodbridge!"
The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?"
The lawyer replies, " He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger..."
Re: A Little Humor by Pop-Pop's Net & Games
The Pope went on vacation for a few days to visit the rugged mountains of Alaska. He was cruising along the campground in the Pope Mobile when he heard a frantic commotion just at the edge of the woods. He found a helpless Democrat wearing shorts, sandals, a Vote-for-Obama hat and a Save-the-Trees T-shirt. The man was screaming and struggling frantically, thrashing all about and trying to free himself from the grasp of a 10-foot grizzly bear.
As the Pope watched in horror, a group of Republican loggers wearing Go Sarah shirts came racing up. One quickly fired a 44 magnum slug right into the bear's chest. The two other men pulled the semiconscious Democrat from the bear's grasp. Then using baseball bats, the three loggers finished off the bear. Two of the men dragged the dead grizzly onto the bed of their pickup truck while the other tenderly placed the injured Democrat in the back seat.
As they began to leave, the Pope summoned all of the men over to him. "I give you my blessing for your brave actions!" He proudly proclaimed. "I have heard there was bitter hatred between Republican loggers and Democratic environmental activists, but now I've seen with my own eyes that this is not true."
As the Pope drove off, one logger asked his buddies, "Who the heck was that guy?"
"Dude, that was the Pope," another replied. "He's in direct contact with Heaven and has access to all wisdom."
"Well," the logger said, "he may have access to all wisdom, but he doesn't know squat about bear hunting!
By the way, is the bait still alive or do we need to go back to Massachusetts and get another one?"
As the Pope watched in horror, a group of Republican loggers wearing Go Sarah shirts came racing up. One quickly fired a 44 magnum slug right into the bear's chest. The two other men pulled the semiconscious Democrat from the bear's grasp. Then using baseball bats, the three loggers finished off the bear. Two of the men dragged the dead grizzly onto the bed of their pickup truck while the other tenderly placed the injured Democrat in the back seat.
As they began to leave, the Pope summoned all of the men over to him. "I give you my blessing for your brave actions!" He proudly proclaimed. "I have heard there was bitter hatred between Republican loggers and Democratic environmental activists, but now I've seen with my own eyes that this is not true."
As the Pope drove off, one logger asked his buddies, "Who the heck was that guy?"
"Dude, that was the Pope," another replied. "He's in direct contact with Heaven and has access to all wisdom."
"Well," the logger said, "he may have access to all wisdom, but he doesn't know squat about bear hunting!
By the way, is the bait still alive or do we need to go back to Massachusetts and get another one?"
-
stattointhailand
- udonmap.com
- Posts: 19114
- Joined: October 25, 2007, 11:34 pm
- Location: Oiling the locks on my gun case
Re: A Little Humor by Pop-Pop's Net & Games
THE BATTLE OF TRAFALGAR - 2010 version
Nelson: "Order the signal, Hardy."
Hardy: "Aye, aye sir."
Nelson: "Hold on, that's not what I dictated to the signal officer, what's the meaning of this?"
Hardy: "Sorry sir?"
Nelson (reading aloud): " England expects every person to do his duty, regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation, religious persuasion or disability. What gobbledygook is this?"
Hardy: "Admiralty policy, I'm afraid, sir. We're an equal opportunity employer now. We had the devil's own job getting ' England ' past the censors, lest it be considered racist."
Nelson: "Gadzooks, Hardy. Hand me my pipe and tobacco."
Hardy: "Sorry sir. All naval vessels have been designated Smoke- free Working Environments."
Nelson: "In that case, break open the rum ration. Let us splice the main brace to steel the men before battle."
Hardy: "The rum ration has been abolished Admiral. Its part of the Government's policy on binge drinking."
Nelson: "Good heavens, Hardy. I suppose we'd better get on with it. Full speed ahead."
Hardy: "I think you'll find that there's a 4 knot speed limit in this stretch of water."
Nelson: "Damn it man! We are on the eve of the greatest sea battle in history. We must advance with all dispatch. Report from the crow's nest, please."
Hardy: "That won't be possible, sir."
Nelson: "What?"
Hardy: "Health & safety have closed the crow's nest, sir. No harnesses . And, they said that a rope ladder doesn't meet requirements of the Working At Height Regs.They won't let anyone up there until a proper scaffolding can be erected."
Nelson: "Then get me the ship's carpenter without delay.
Hardy: "He's busy knocking up a wheelchair access to the fo'c'sle Admiral."
Nelson: "Wheelchair access? I've never heard anything so absurd."
Hardy: "Disability Discrimination Act , sir. We have to provide a barrier- free environment for the differently abled."
Nelson: "Differently abled? I've only one arm and one eye and I refuse even to hear mention of the word. I didn't rise to the rank of Admiral by playing the disability card."
Hardy: "Actually, sir, you did. The Royal Navy is under-represented in the areas of visual impairment and limb deficiency."
Nelson: "Whatever next? Give me full sail. The salt spray beckons."
Hardy: "A couple of problems there too, sir. Health and safety won't let the crew up the rigging without crash helmets. And Occupational Health and the Food Standards Agency don't want anyone breathing in too much salt - haven't you seen the adverts?"
Nelson: "I've never heard such infamy. Break out the cannon and tell the men to stand by to engage the enemy."
Hardy: "The men are a bit worried about shooting at anyone, Admiral."
Nelson: "What? This is mutiny."
Hardy: "It's not that, sir. It's just that they're afraid of being charged with murder if they actually kill anyone. There's a couple of legal aid lawyers on board, watching everyone like hawks."
Nelson: "Then how are we to sink the Frenchies and the Spanish?"
Hardy: "Actually, sir, we're not."
Nelson: "We're not?"
Hardy: "No, sir. The Frenchies and the Spanish are our European partners now. According to the Common Fisheries Policy, we shouldn't even be in this stretch of water. We could get hit with a claim for compensation."
Nelson: "But you must hate a Frenchman as you hate the devil."
Hardy: "I wouldn't let the ship's Diversity Co-ordinator hear you saying that sir, you'll be up on a disciplinary."
Nelson: "You must consider every man an enemy who speaks ill of your individual."
Hardy: "Not any more, sir. We must be inclusive in this multicultural age. Now put on your Kevlar vest; it's the rules."
Nelson: "Don't tell me - health and safety. Whatever happened to rum, sodomy and the lash?"
Hardy: "As I explained, sir, rum is off the menu! And there's a ban on corporal punishment."
Nelson: "What about sodomy?"
Hardy: "I believe it's to be encouraged, sir."
Nelson: "In that case, kiss me, Hardy."
Nelson: "Order the signal, Hardy."
Hardy: "Aye, aye sir."
Nelson: "Hold on, that's not what I dictated to the signal officer, what's the meaning of this?"
Hardy: "Sorry sir?"
Nelson (reading aloud): " England expects every person to do his duty, regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation, religious persuasion or disability. What gobbledygook is this?"
Hardy: "Admiralty policy, I'm afraid, sir. We're an equal opportunity employer now. We had the devil's own job getting ' England ' past the censors, lest it be considered racist."
Nelson: "Gadzooks, Hardy. Hand me my pipe and tobacco."
Hardy: "Sorry sir. All naval vessels have been designated Smoke- free Working Environments."
Nelson: "In that case, break open the rum ration. Let us splice the main brace to steel the men before battle."
Hardy: "The rum ration has been abolished Admiral. Its part of the Government's policy on binge drinking."
Nelson: "Good heavens, Hardy. I suppose we'd better get on with it. Full speed ahead."
Hardy: "I think you'll find that there's a 4 knot speed limit in this stretch of water."
Nelson: "Damn it man! We are on the eve of the greatest sea battle in history. We must advance with all dispatch. Report from the crow's nest, please."
Hardy: "That won't be possible, sir."
Nelson: "What?"
Hardy: "Health & safety have closed the crow's nest, sir. No harnesses . And, they said that a rope ladder doesn't meet requirements of the Working At Height Regs.They won't let anyone up there until a proper scaffolding can be erected."
Nelson: "Then get me the ship's carpenter without delay.
Hardy: "He's busy knocking up a wheelchair access to the fo'c'sle Admiral."
Nelson: "Wheelchair access? I've never heard anything so absurd."
Hardy: "Disability Discrimination Act , sir. We have to provide a barrier- free environment for the differently abled."
Nelson: "Differently abled? I've only one arm and one eye and I refuse even to hear mention of the word. I didn't rise to the rank of Admiral by playing the disability card."
Hardy: "Actually, sir, you did. The Royal Navy is under-represented in the areas of visual impairment and limb deficiency."
Nelson: "Whatever next? Give me full sail. The salt spray beckons."
Hardy: "A couple of problems there too, sir. Health and safety won't let the crew up the rigging without crash helmets. And Occupational Health and the Food Standards Agency don't want anyone breathing in too much salt - haven't you seen the adverts?"
Nelson: "I've never heard such infamy. Break out the cannon and tell the men to stand by to engage the enemy."
Hardy: "The men are a bit worried about shooting at anyone, Admiral."
Nelson: "What? This is mutiny."
Hardy: "It's not that, sir. It's just that they're afraid of being charged with murder if they actually kill anyone. There's a couple of legal aid lawyers on board, watching everyone like hawks."
Nelson: "Then how are we to sink the Frenchies and the Spanish?"
Hardy: "Actually, sir, we're not."
Nelson: "We're not?"
Hardy: "No, sir. The Frenchies and the Spanish are our European partners now. According to the Common Fisheries Policy, we shouldn't even be in this stretch of water. We could get hit with a claim for compensation."
Nelson: "But you must hate a Frenchman as you hate the devil."
Hardy: "I wouldn't let the ship's Diversity Co-ordinator hear you saying that sir, you'll be up on a disciplinary."
Nelson: "You must consider every man an enemy who speaks ill of your individual."
Hardy: "Not any more, sir. We must be inclusive in this multicultural age. Now put on your Kevlar vest; it's the rules."
Nelson: "Don't tell me - health and safety. Whatever happened to rum, sodomy and the lash?"
Hardy: "As I explained, sir, rum is off the menu! And there's a ban on corporal punishment."
Nelson: "What about sodomy?"
Hardy: "I believe it's to be encouraged, sir."
Nelson: "In that case, kiss me, Hardy."
-
Farang1
- udonmap.com
- Posts: 547
- Joined: September 7, 2006, 8:48 pm
- Location: Just around the corner...
- Contact:
Re: A Little Humor by Pop-Pop's Net & Games
WARNING TO MEN: Female Hormones Found in Beer
APNewsBreak: Beer found to contain female hormones
BOISE, IDAHO January 12, 2010 (AP)
Beer contains female hormones!
Last month, Boise State University and World Health Organization Foundation scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption. The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women.
To test the theory, 100 men each drank eight schooners of beer within a one-hour period.
It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects:
1) Argued over nothing.
2) Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.
3) Gained weight.
4) Talked excessively without making sense.
5) Became overly emotional
6) Could not drive.
7) Failed to think rationally, and
Had to sit down while urinating.
No further testing was considered necessary!!
APNewsBreak: Beer found to contain female hormones
BOISE, IDAHO January 12, 2010 (AP)
Beer contains female hormones!
Last month, Boise State University and World Health Organization Foundation scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption. The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women.
To test the theory, 100 men each drank eight schooners of beer within a one-hour period.
It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects:
1) Argued over nothing.
2) Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.
3) Gained weight.
4) Talked excessively without making sense.
5) Became overly emotional
6) Could not drive.
7) Failed to think rationally, and
Had to sit down while urinating. No further testing was considered necessary!!
Funny sequence of photos .
Sorry didn't know where to post this but found on Stumble Upon without accreditation .
Did Philip fart?
Re: A Little Humor by Pop-Pop's Net & Games
Don't you mean "Daddy" Poooh
Poooh-
Farang1
- udonmap.com
- Posts: 547
- Joined: September 7, 2006, 8:48 pm
- Location: Just around the corner...
- Contact:
The Best Smart Ass Answers of 2009
SMART ASS ANSWER #6
It was mealtime during an airline flight.
'Would you like dinner?', the flight attendant
asked John, seated in front.
'What are my choices?' John asked.
'Yes or no,' she replied.
SMART ASS ANSWER #5
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to
check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand
for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat, she said, 'Sir, I need to see
your ticket, not your stub.'
SMART ASS ANSWER #4
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the
grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for
her family. She asked a stock boy, ' Do these turkeys
get any bigger?'
The stock boy replied, 'No ma'am, they're dead...'
SMART ASS ANSWER #3
The police officer got out of his car as the kid who was
stopped for speeding rolled down his
window. 'I've been waiting for you all day,' the officer said.
The kid replied, Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.'
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on
his way without a ticket.
SMART ASS ANSWER #2
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and noticed
a sign that read: Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knows it, the
bridge is right in front of him and his truck gets wedged
under it. Cars are backed up for miles...
Finally a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car
and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips
and says, 'Got stuck, huh?'
The truck driver says, 'No, I was delivering this
bridge and I ran out of gas.'
SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2009!!
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final
exam. 'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for
you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear
attack or a serious personal injury , illness, or a
death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other
excuses whatsoever!'
A smart-ass student in the back of the room
raised his hand and asked, 'What would you say if
tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter
sexual exhaustion?'
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering.
When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at
the student, shook her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I
guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.'
A BONUS EXTRA
A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror...
She is not happy with what she sees and says to
her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and
ugly... I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
SMART ASS ANSWER #6
It was mealtime during an airline flight.
'Would you like dinner?', the flight attendant
asked John, seated in front.
'What are my choices?' John asked.
'Yes or no,' she replied.
SMART ASS ANSWER #5
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to
check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand
for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat, she said, 'Sir, I need to see
your ticket, not your stub.'
SMART ASS ANSWER #4
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the
grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for
her family. She asked a stock boy, ' Do these turkeys
get any bigger?'
The stock boy replied, 'No ma'am, they're dead...'
SMART ASS ANSWER #3
The police officer got out of his car as the kid who was
stopped for speeding rolled down his
window. 'I've been waiting for you all day,' the officer said.
The kid replied, Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.'
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on
his way without a ticket.
SMART ASS ANSWER #2
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and noticed
a sign that read: Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knows it, the
bridge is right in front of him and his truck gets wedged
under it. Cars are backed up for miles...
Finally a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car
and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips
and says, 'Got stuck, huh?'
The truck driver says, 'No, I was delivering this
bridge and I ran out of gas.'
SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2009!!
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final
exam. 'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for
you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear
attack or a serious personal injury , illness, or a
death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other
excuses whatsoever!'
A smart-ass student in the back of the room
raised his hand and asked, 'What would you say if
tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter
sexual exhaustion?'
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering.
When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at
the student, shook her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I
guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.'
A BONUS EXTRA
A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror...
She is not happy with what she sees and says to
her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and
ugly... I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
-
Pakawala
- udonmap.com
- Posts: 1315
- Joined: August 3, 2006, 9:29 pm
- Location: A golf course when not at home.
Re: A Little Humor by Pop-Pop's Net & Games
One rainy spring night in Dublin, a taxi driver spotted an arm waving from the shadows of an alley.
Even before he rolled to a stop at the curb, a figure leaped into the cab and slammed the door.
Checking his rear view mirror as he pulled away, he was startled to see a dripping wet, naked woman sitting in the back seat.
'"Where to?" he stammered. "Vale Road, "answered the woman",
"OK," he said, taking another long glance in the mirror.
The woman caught him staring at her and asked, "Just what the hell are you looking at?'"
"Well lady, replied the driver, I noticed that you're completely naked, and I was just wondering how you'll pay your fare."
The woman spread her legs, put her feet up on the front seat, smiled at the driver and said, "Does THIS answer your question?"
Still looking in the mirror, the cabbie asked, "Got anything smaller?"
Even before he rolled to a stop at the curb, a figure leaped into the cab and slammed the door.
Checking his rear view mirror as he pulled away, he was startled to see a dripping wet, naked woman sitting in the back seat.
'"Where to?" he stammered. "Vale Road, "answered the woman",
"OK," he said, taking another long glance in the mirror.
The woman caught him staring at her and asked, "Just what the hell are you looking at?'"
"Well lady, replied the driver, I noticed that you're completely naked, and I was just wondering how you'll pay your fare."
The woman spread her legs, put her feet up on the front seat, smiled at the driver and said, "Does THIS answer your question?"
Still looking in the mirror, the cabbie asked, "Got anything smaller?"
Re: A Little Humor by Pop-Pop's Net & Games
A U.S. Marine Colonel was about to start the morning briefing to his staff.
While waiting for the coffee machine to finish its brewing, the colonel
decided to pose a question to all assembled. He explained that his wife had
been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual amount of sound
sleep.
He posed the question of just how much of sex was "work" and how much of it
was "pleasure?" A Major chimed in with 75-25% in favor of work.
A Captain said it was 50-50%. A lieutenant responded with 25-75% in favor
of pleasure, depending upon his state of inebriation at the time.
There being no consensus, the colonel turned to the PFC who was in charge of making the coffee. What was HIS opinion?
Without any hesitation, the young PFC responded, "Sir, it has to be 100% pleasure."
The colonel was surprised and, as you might guess, asked why?
"Well, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me doing it for them."
While waiting for the coffee machine to finish its brewing, the colonel
decided to pose a question to all assembled. He explained that his wife had
been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual amount of sound
sleep.
He posed the question of just how much of sex was "work" and how much of it
was "pleasure?" A Major chimed in with 75-25% in favor of work.
A Captain said it was 50-50%. A lieutenant responded with 25-75% in favor
of pleasure, depending upon his state of inebriation at the time.
There being no consensus, the colonel turned to the PFC who was in charge of making the coffee. What was HIS opinion?
Without any hesitation, the young PFC responded, "Sir, it has to be 100% pleasure."
The colonel was surprised and, as you might guess, asked why?
"Well, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me doing it for them."
Re: A Little Humor by Pop-Pop's Net & Games
A cheeseburger and an omlette walked into a bar.
The bartender said, "Sorry, we don't serve food here."
The bartender said, "Sorry, we don't serve food here."
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Pakawala
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Re: A Little Humor by Pop-Pop's Net & Games
I finally got around to going fishing this morning but after a while I ran out of worms. Then I saw a cottonmouth with a frog in his mouth, and frogs are good bass bait
Knowing the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in his mouth, I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog and put it in my bait bucket.
Now the dilemma was how to release the snake without getting bit.
I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniels and poured a little whiskey in its mouth.
His eyes rolled back, he went limp, I released him into the lake without incident, and carried on my fishing with the frog.
A little later, I felt a nudge on my foot.
There was that same snake, with two frogs in his mouth.
Knowing the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in his mouth, I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog and put it in my bait bucket.
Now the dilemma was how to release the snake without getting bit.
I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniels and poured a little whiskey in its mouth.
His eyes rolled back, he went limp, I released him into the lake without incident, and carried on my fishing with the frog.
A little later, I felt a nudge on my foot.
There was that same snake, with two frogs in his mouth.
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Pakawala
- udonmap.com
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Re: A Little Humor by Pop-Pop's Net & Games
Paddy, an Irishman, is walking home late one night and sees a woman lurking in the shadows.
"Twenty quid," she whispers to him, still hiding in the sahadows.
Paddy realised that she was a hooker, and had never been approached by one before; but, he decides ---- what the hell, it's only twenty quid. So he joins her in the bushes.
They're going at it for a couple of minutes when, all of a sudden, a light flashes on them. It's a police officer.
"'What's going on here, you two?" asks the officer.
Thinking quickly, Paddy replies, "I'm making love to me wife."
"Oh, I'm so sorry," says the cop, "I didn't know it was your wife.''
"Well, neither did I," says Paddy, "until you shined that light in her face!!"
"Twenty quid," she whispers to him, still hiding in the sahadows.
Paddy realised that she was a hooker, and had never been approached by one before; but, he decides ---- what the hell, it's only twenty quid. So he joins her in the bushes.
They're going at it for a couple of minutes when, all of a sudden, a light flashes on them. It's a police officer.
"'What's going on here, you two?" asks the officer.
Thinking quickly, Paddy replies, "I'm making love to me wife."
"Oh, I'm so sorry," says the cop, "I didn't know it was your wife.''
"Well, neither did I," says Paddy, "until you shined that light in her face!!"
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Pakawala
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Re: A Little Humor by Pop-Pop's Net & Games
THIS OUGHT TO MAKE ALL GRANDPAS FEEL WARM & FUZZY....
A six year old goes to the hospital with her grandmother to visit her Grandpa.
When they get to the hospital, she runs ahead of her Grandma and bursts into her Grandpa's room... "Grandpa, Grandpa," she says excitedly, "As soon as Grandma comes into the room, make a noise like a frog!"
"Why?" said her Grandpa.
"Make a noise like a frog…… because Grandma said that as soon as you croak, we're all going to Disneyland "
Kinda brings a tear to your eye doesn't it.?
A six year old goes to the hospital with her grandmother to visit her Grandpa.
When they get to the hospital, she runs ahead of her Grandma and bursts into her Grandpa's room... "Grandpa, Grandpa," she says excitedly, "As soon as Grandma comes into the room, make a noise like a frog!"
"Why?" said her Grandpa.
"Make a noise like a frog…… because Grandma said that as soon as you croak, we're all going to Disneyland "
Kinda brings a tear to your eye doesn't it.?
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Pakawala
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Re: A Little Humor by Pop-Pop's Net & Games
A woman goes to the doctor, beaten black and blue. . . . .
Doctor: "What happened?"
Woman:" Doctor, I don't know what to do Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp...."
Doctor:"I have a real good medicine against that: When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of chamomile tea and start gargling with it. Just gargle and gargle".
2 weeks later she comes back to the doctor and looks reborn and fresh again. Woman:" Doc, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk I gargled repeatedly with chamomile tea and he never touched me.
Doctor:" you see how keeping your mouth shut helps!!!"
Doctor: "What happened?"
Woman:" Doctor, I don't know what to do Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp...."
Doctor:"I have a real good medicine against that: When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of chamomile tea and start gargling with it. Just gargle and gargle".
2 weeks later she comes back to the doctor and looks reborn and fresh again. Woman:" Doc, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk I gargled repeatedly with chamomile tea and he never touched me.
Doctor:" you see how keeping your mouth shut helps!!!"
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jackspratt
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Re: A Little Humor by Pop-Pop's Net & Games
As good as this is," said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow, there's a wee place called McTavish's. The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he'll buy the fifth drink."
"Well, Angus," said the Englishman, “at my local in London, the Red Lion, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two."
"Ahhh, dat's nothin'," said the Irishman, "back home in my favorite pub, the moment you set foot in the place, they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like, actually. Then, when you've had enough drinks, they'll take you upstairs and see dat you gets laid, all on the house!"
The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of the claims. The Irishman swore every word was true.
“Did this actually happen to you?"
"Not meself, personally, no," admitted the Irishman, “but it did happen to me sister quite a few times.”
"Well, Angus," said the Englishman, “at my local in London, the Red Lion, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two."
"Ahhh, dat's nothin'," said the Irishman, "back home in my favorite pub, the moment you set foot in the place, they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like, actually. Then, when you've had enough drinks, they'll take you upstairs and see dat you gets laid, all on the house!"
The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of the claims. The Irishman swore every word was true.
“Did this actually happen to you?"
"Not meself, personally, no," admitted the Irishman, “but it did happen to me sister quite a few times.”
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Farang1
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Re: A Little Humor by Pop-Pop's Net & Games
JUST FRED
A cop stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit,
so he asks the biker his name.
'Fred,' he replies.
'Fred what?' the officer asks.
'Just Fred,' the man responds.
The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give the biker a break and, write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name.
The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it. 'Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?'
The biker replies, 'It's a long story, so stay with me.' I was born Fred Johnson.
I studied hard and got good grades.
When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Johnson, MD. After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school.
Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through School, got my degree, so then I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS.
Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD.
Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS.
Then I was Fred Johnson, MD, with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Johnson with VD.
Then the VD took away my Johnson, so now I am Just Fred.'
The officer walked away in tears, laughing
A cop stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit,
so he asks the biker his name.
'Fred,' he replies.
'Fred what?' the officer asks.
'Just Fred,' the man responds.
The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give the biker a break and, write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name.
The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it. 'Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?'
The biker replies, 'It's a long story, so stay with me.' I was born Fred Johnson.
I studied hard and got good grades.
When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Johnson, MD. After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school.
Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through School, got my degree, so then I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS.
Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD.
Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS.
Then I was Fred Johnson, MD, with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Johnson with VD.
Then the VD took away my Johnson, so now I am Just Fred.'
The officer walked away in tears, laughing