Sin Sodt issue

[Simon-Wat]

Hi all, a well oiled subject,

I have been chatting to a 28 year old lady teacher from North Isan for about a year, we met in June for two weeks, got and on very well, met the family and in fact we fell in Love, and on my last day, she was willing to come to see me Udon for one night tacking a 5 hour bus ride, all the time we were together she was keen on marriage soon a poss.
I retuned to the UK, and we have been chatting very day, as soon a she is home from work sometimes till 2 am, on Skype.

During this time or love has grown, even though we had a few ups and downs, such she telling me a few lies about her past relationship and when it ended, It seems when she met me, and some passed Thai quittance of mine decided to contact her and spew a load of venomous lies claiming I was married and so on when I am single.

This did not help and caused a lot of crying on my good ladies side, and suspicions on mine. However we got through this, now, as we are to marry soon. So here comes the crunch.

Fist I am asked for sin sort of 2.5 Mil, after the shock and some haggling it came down to 500000B, with the father saying that he wants to be sure I can take care of his daughter and as I am 60 years old and farang it should not be a problem.

He wants 1,000,000, returning 500,000 after the wedding. 100,000 for the wedding party and I will obviously have to get a ring that she has requested for some 40,000 and some gold for her (a good few Baht mentioned) security in the future. She cried a lot and said dad says no pay what he wants no marriage. Final.

She said it is custom so and said if I pay she does not and a wedding party or gold if I think it is too much. She knows this is not possible as father is the main man in the village, so will have a wedding and she know gold has to be bought.
After marriage, we have discussed coming back to the UK, for a while and then returning to build a house on her fathers land, as he is well off in the village and has a lot of land and local shop.

We love each other but I can’t come to terms with paying that much money not to mention the honeymoon fights and visa to the UK and back. I am assured that her cousin married an American and he was happy to pay 1,000,000, to the father.

Is this what guys are paying? It seems one hell of a lot of money for having a wife to support. Any thoughts on this ridiculous sum?

I mean pay that much and she walk out as soon as the house is build back to the BF she said could not even support himself and dumped for me, not to mention she told me she did not have initially till I found images of them in Hi5, and some chats while were together claiming he was just a friend now.

But that is passed she says and I must admit she seems to be on the level but who knows?

[Galee]

I suggest you read carefully all the other posts on UM pertaining to this subject. After reading them I think you will be able to make a decision.

[red67]

Simon- Wat,i suggest you RE-READ your own post, especially the last paragraph

[drillpig]

The fact that her father asked for 2.5 million shows that they are trying to gouge every cent they can out of you. Everything you have described about your situation screams RIP OFF.

[trubrit]

Ding dong merrily on high, Christmas bells are ringing. well I can hear something anyway . :-"

[drillpig]

forgot to mention don't fall for the crocodile tears, if she starts crying every time you say no to her its another sign she's not on the level, also thai men who have been dumped do not accept just being friends.

[kopkei]

this is ridiculous, even more close to extortion, you must have found a lady with a golden p*ss*, first i want to clarify my opinion on all this, when i married my wife , her father , family , did not ask any sin sort, maybe against the tradition,
but i think they all saw after a few visits, we where doing ok and i was able to take care of her ( and them) ,
i am also not paying my wife monthly allowance , like 90% of the farangs do here , i would call this stay money for their (much ) to young wife, if not they would be gone quickly..., we have one account and my wife has the atm, and she know how to use it ,without going over our monthly budget, so simon , my advice is look for somebody else as i feel like the farang cow is being milked dry.....
but anyway , good luck .....

[red67]

Ding dong merrily on high, Christmas bells are ringing. well I can hear something anyway . :-"

Would that be the TROLL alarm going off

[tutone]

Stand firm and only do what you can afford. You can better take care of Papa's little girl with the money in your pocket, not his. I simply told my Thai wife that I would not pay and that was the end of discussion. If your fiancee really cares about you and wants to have the financial benefits of being married to a falang (which will inevitably trickle down to her family) then I think they will come around. To me it sounds like extortion on Papa's side. Be careful and good luck.

[Laan Yaa Mo]

A lady from Sukhothai that I know was happy to get 8,000 baht sin soht from her Thai husband.

As another, well, a few Thai ladies have told me, if there is more than a 10-year age gap she is marrying you for something, but not love. It is probably money. In fact, she most likely does not even like you, but will sacrifice herself for her family. This same Sukhothai woman is going out with a farang in Canada, one day a week in the hopes of landing Canadian citizenship through marriage. In the meantime she is living with a Thai boyfriend, and has been doing so for 4 years. She is on a work permit, and due to return to the farming life in Thailand. The Thai boyfriend is her own age, and has a wife and children back in Thailand.

Remember those chilling words, if she is 40, and you are 60, she probably does not like you. Indeed the Sukhothai woman told me that she does not like the Canadian, and only wants the residence paper from him.

[pienmash]

Ive heard this tale so many times now , its painful , listen to all the advice given on this thread and the others on this topic as Galee has said - then if you still go thru with handing over such a large amount of cash then you deserve all the Sh*t that follows sir .
I have seen so many fellas loose their life savings this way you will be expected to hemorage cash in the name of "culture", you are being advised well , if you say no see how long her love for you lasts and how soon the skpe chatting drops off.

wake up and smell the bacon simon

mash

[arjay]

This is such a well-discussed subject, as Galee says, with many previous posts, that my cynical side thinks "troll".

That said, the key points that came to my mind, were:

actually been with her 2 weeks, so have little real knowledge of each other or living together, or cross cultural relationships.

Does Simon have experience of living Thailand and Thai people?

Why the presumption of taking her back to the UK?

Is Simon prepared to throw away 500K baht or approx £10K sterling and by the sounds of it a lot more besides? I wouldn't be.

There may be matters of face involved, - if she is a teacher, and her father a village headman, - but if she really knew and loved Simon??!! there would be ways they could get round that. The father could make a show of money for the ceremony, from his own resources or borrowed, if he/they really wanted the wedding to happen.

My wife's family was happy to accept a very small and modest sin sodt, (after we had lived together for a year) because she loved me and her parents were happy for her to be happy and have someone to take care of her.

It all looks too mercenary to me Simon and neither of you really know each other. An invitation to lose your money.

PS. What's she bringing to the table? (I often point out to Thai ladies that when farangs join together in a relationship, or get married, particularly if they have been married or in relationships previously they each bring something to the table, maybe property, a car, possessions, savings etc). What is the school teacher, with her good job, bringing?

[pienmash]

Shes bringing a CASH HUNGRY family and a Thai " brother" to the relationship . IMO

[Frans]

He wants 1,000,000, returning 500,000 after the wedding

You realy believe this?

Just tell here you pay nothing (except the wedding coast and 2 bath gold), iff she start crying, Dump here or send here back to here "boyfriend"

Frans.

PS: Teacher, chat sometimes till 2AM (when she work? already visit here shool) father is the main man in the village. Sound more as a lucky business to marry daughters to naive foreigners. Now i start to understart why you have so manny datingsite's where you find Thai woman, working as teacher or university degree

[21again]

These Thais do this as a business, get out of it now while you can, 2 weeks is too short a time, soon as you've paid money to family, built house, bye bye you.
Sorry but thats the real world, some guys are very, very lucky and do get a good one who doesn't want money from you.
In Thailand MONEY number 1.
Be careful.

[Tafia]

You haven't mentioned her age or if she has been married before....it may be a factor.
My two Bahts worth ......
My wife was divorced 4yrs before I met her, (shes 42 Im 57) Sin Sodt was never mentioned by her or her family, the familys only wish was that I take care of her.
We married at the Amphur, just ourselves, no party (or as she explained) you pay a lot of money for all the food and drink and everyone in the village will be happy for one day, then they wont remember your name.
She works (owns a small bar) so contributes to the household costs, we don't send monthly cash to the family but help out when the need arises, I guess I can consider myself fortunate but I also know of many who have 'lost the lot'.
...so your situation
It seems the family are only interested in large sums and sees you as the cash cow, why would money in the fathers pocket ensure you can take care of their daughter, as already said, you could take a lot better care with the cash in yours!....
There are ways around this as previously stated..
Please; for your own sake and that of your finances...read all you can on the subject and proceed with extreme caution and only then after working things out in your head, your heart is already taken and should be excluded when it comes to dealing with such large sums of money. If the love is genuine there is no need to rush..take as long as it takes and dont be pressured into making decisions that could break you...live together for a while get the lay of the land and if you do decide to take things further do it on your terms.

[Prenders88]

Four things that would scare me off.

The excesive Sin Sod.
The father using emotional blackmail, as he pours over brochures for pick-up trucks.
The well worn scam of you building a house on the families land.
The (ex) boyfriend still lurking in the background.

[pienmash]

Four things that would scare me off.

The excesive Sin Sod.
The father using emotional blackmail, as he pours over brochures for pick-up trucks.
The well worn scam of you building a house on the families land.
The (ex) boyfriend still lurking in the background.

"scare me off".......... id be out the door quicker than a cumberland sausage out of CC Prenders ,,,,,,,,,,, you forgot the pay 1mil now get 500k back after marry , i do know onw fella who fell for that old chesnut , suffice to say roughly the same time the "brother" got a new pick up and the buffalo needed a heart bypass op he didnt get his money back .

HAVENT WE BEEN HERE B4 PRENDERS ???

MASH

[Tafia]

Four things that would scare me off.

The excesive Sin Sod.
The father using emotional blackmail, as he pours over brochures for pick-up trucks.
The well worn scam of you building a house on the families land.
The (ex) boyfriend still lurking in the background.

Now take all these points...look at what I posted and just put it all together and make the comparisons.... BE AWARE ---Scary Stuff !!!

[DermotC]

The entire post screams of the OP being bent over!

Simon, think about it! I know its hard, and please dont take this the wrong way but your 60 and probably felt you could never feel that kind of love again until you met her. Im almost 40 and until i met 'The One' I thought i was done too. When we return to Udon in a couple weeks Im buying her family a new washing machine and that was my idea!

You are being ripped Simon, please let her go. Sure your going to have a broken heart but better that than a broken heart and all your money gone! They guys on here are giving you great advice. Take it, PLEASE!