What would you do in my situation! Friendly advice needed

[StevieR]

Hello people

I will give you a broad outline then get down to the problem.

I am 40 and my wife is 35 We are married and been together 5 years we have 2 young children.

Over the last year and a half I noticed some family members have turned up at the village with western union freebies.first it was an umberella then a bag then a mug.I never really noticed until one day it just clicked YOU ONLY GET FREEBIES WHEN YOU RECIEVE A WESTERN UNION TRANSFER and I dont do that.

Still more freebies appear over the next year .I decided to confront her and got the typical response "crazy man who got to send me money" then a big laugh.

Still I had a major doubt in my mind so I pressed on with a plan I got to sing in page for her yahoo account put in email address and them basically hacked it got to forgot password and followed the reset etc.

The adrenalin was flowing and in a nutshell was the scam a poor Swedish guy had been sending 40000 baht every month and was so looking forward to his new life in Phuket when he retires in two years they had never met as everytime he arrived in bkk my wife made excuses she was in hong kong Singapore etc

So this was a major scam I felt sorry for the guy so I emailed him and told the truth she was married to me and we had two young children he apologised and thanked me for telling him.

So readers obviously my wife found out I told him and well you can imagine the reaction from her and family.

She has taken her stuff and kids and gone to her mums.

She says she do no wrong "only play email to get money,what problem"

Now I have to make up the money that was coming or else.I thought it would be sorry darling I do wrong I never do again solly.

In a nutshell what do I do should I have let a fool and his money be parted and ignore this

Was I correct to tell him ?

Do I play hardball and risk losing my kids!!!!!

[neeemu]

You were absolutely correct, it's just a shame there's kids involved as she seems to value money more than your moral standards and ultimately you if there's the demand for you to 'make up the money or else'.
Imagine if you were that guy being played for a mug, it is his own fault jumping in and throwing cash at someone he's not even met, but still it's fraud.

[Aardvark]

You did the right thing, let the B@stards work for a living. Your Children can't be kept from you by both Thai and International Law so don't worry too much, besides now Her benefactor has gone she will need you all the more. I would give the Family nothing, keep the Money in your pocket and take the hard line otherwise they have learned nothing !!

[arjay]

StevieR, Where is your village?

I'm also interested to know why you thought to post about your dilemna on this forum? Indeed how did you find out about this forum? Do we have a reputation for helping solve relationship problems?

[wiking]

I have never understand these men who sent money

what is wrong with mens brain


and my advice - never married a thai and never get kids with them

but i can tell you are not alone, there are many stupid men out there, go on a internet a you will see a lot off girls and
ladyboys who sit there and get money from many men, thats there job, and they do good.

not blame the thaigirl but the stupid men -

and I am sure, you are one off them who tell other, MY WIFE is one off the good one !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[StevieR]

Hi All

I'm living in village 10kms outside Khon Kaen and use udon airport regular and often come for day trip.I like the place

I often view site for good info and very little flaming or "I told you so"

Look guys good girl or bad I've got what I've got

Nobody has a crystal ball

But it's just a case of who backs down first

[grozza]

StevieR, Where is your village?

I'm also interested to know why you thought to post about your dilemna on this forum? Indeed how did you find out about this forum? Do we have a reputation for helping solve relationship problems?

arjay are you thinking what im thinking,this story smells of a rat could be wrong and have been before,who in there right mind sends 40000 thousand baht to a girl there never met.i could understand if he had met her and they had some sort of a sexual relationship but just over the net come on mate this has got to be gee up.

[jai yen yen]

This guy is either playing games with us or is seriously lacking some grey matter, I am not buying this story,

[rickfarang]

You did the right thing as far as I can see. Most likely, the the confrontation is the only thing that could have been better -but only by avoiding it. You have children and there is a serious difference between the way you and your wife see the issue of taking money under false pretenses. You can decide to just not talk about it anymore and see if she drifts back, or you can continue to hammer your point and possibly never see any of them again (this conjecture is based on the limited information in your post).

To Jai Yen Yet: Yes, men do send large amounts of money to women they never met. It happens all the time.

[Aardvark]

Settle down guys, my thoughts were the same when I posted, BUT we must give people a chance to explain them selves before we label them, who knows this could be a genuine situation and therefore very important to the poster. If we can help in any way, we should !!

[nkstan]

I guess my question is if you are honest and above board in your relationships,but your partner is not,do you except her as she is,or do you split up?Do you rationalize the situation as it is OK because it is just income for a low income family and if someone is stupid enough to send 40K a month,it is no skin off your nose?

To each his own,but ,for me,I want friends and partners that have empathy,sympathy and integrity toward others and me.I do not accept scamming and blatant lies leading to fraud as OK and I would not live with it,I would not raise my children to accept it as a way of life either and I ask myself ,what kind of father or mother would would?Not anyone,I would associate with,man or woman!

If moral values have no place in their lives,then why not rape ,pillage and kill at will?

If she was my wife,I would be seeing her in a different light and It would not be long before the relationship would end and the children were in my custody!

I know to some ,I might sound a bit black and white,but that is where integrity and self worth come into life!

Plus self preservation is an issue,IMO,it is only a matter of time before you are victimized in some form ,by peoiple that think like that!

[jai yen yen]

You did the right thing as far as I can see. Most likely, the the confrontation is the only thing that could have been better -but only by avoiding it. You have children and there is a serious difference between the way you and your wife see the issue of taking money under false pretenses. You can decide to just not talk about it anymore and see if she drifts back, or you can continue to hammer your point and possibly never see any of them again (this conjecture is based on the limited information in your post).

To Jai Yen Yet: Yes, men do send large amounts of money to women they never met. It happens all the time.

Yes I know many men send money to the girls but what I can't believe is a man could live with a woman for 5 years and not know what she was up to and then put up with her attitude when she was found out and be told to pay the scam money she lost and still want anything to do with her. I stand by my previous statement. IF the story is true it is unfortunate about the kids but anyone who would stay with a low life like her is not playing with a full deck.

[TJ]

"I know to some ,I might sound a bit black and white,but that is where integrity and self worth come into life!"

True. But I am also thinking of western culture and values. How many of us have chosen higher wages through political means. Made more money due to government programs which would never have been created or funded by private means. Do we refuse money because the state coerces and wastes the taxpayer's money? We know it is mostly a fraud and stealing from private enterprises. But it is easy money and more than can be earned by honest work in the normal business workplace. How does this compare to the Issan girls coercing money from westerners?

[nkstan]

"I know to some ,I might sound a bit black and white,but that is where integrity and self worth come into life!"

True. But I am also thinking of western culture and values. How many of us have chosen higher wages through political means. Made more money due to government programs which would never have been created or funded by private means. Do we refuse money because the state coerces and wastes the taxpayer's money? We know it is mostly a fraud and stealing from private enterprises. But it is easy money and more than can be earned by honest work in the normal business workplace. How does this compare to the Issan girls coercing money from westerners?

Maybe you have,I don't relate to your analogy at all!The way you put it,if a company you worked for or your government had a situation where lies,deceit and theft were part of their profits,and you accepted a paycheck from them,you have the same integrity level as this wretch in Isaan!!

That is really reaching to rationalize the behavior of someone that KNOWINGLY initiated,perpetrated a fraudulent transaction which is out and out theft!Please don't tell me these are your moral values!

[MALC]

yes many men send money all the time. ive been married 10yrs if this happened to me she would not even get back in the house.kids or no kids.its sounds like her family are no different.even if she was a falang i would do the same

[cute girl 555+]

It seems that many farangs are stupid to send their money for thai girls without meeting them or meet them and have sexual relationships. Many Thai girls are like a sharks looking for victims (Farangs). All of you should be careful!!!!

[jingjai]

I'm also interested to know why you thought to post about your dilemna on this forum? ...
Do we have a reputation for helping solve relationship problems?

Good point Arjay.

She says she do no wrong "only play email to get money,what problem?"
"Now I have to make up the money that was coming or else.I thought it would be sorry darling I do wrong I never do again solly."

Perhaps, StevieR, you should have a look here:

http://www.udonmap.com/udonthaniforum/w ... 20354.html

They are what they are and they have their own reasons for being that way.

[grozza]

To Jai Yen Yet: Yes, men do send large amounts of money to women they never met. It happens all the time.

rick i understand guys send money to girlfriends and boyfriends,but sending money to someone you have not even met is i think quite rare,does happen but not often also when he comes to bkk to meet her she disappears to hong kong or singapore,come on how stupid is this guy,depending on how long this went on for hes wife would have recieved 480.000 thousand baht in a year.

[Bandung_Dero]

Right now I will sit on the side, other to say that if it were me I'd be on my way. There are/were 2 girls in our village receiving money from overseas Farang, sight unseen, but no where near 40K Baht. Our Western Union office is located in the Post Office and a very crowded place at times but I have never seen 'freebies'?

[Khun Paul]

IF and it is a big IF, this were true, my wife would no longer be my wife.
But this seems to be so far-fetched that if it was true, I would say that the husband ( the OP ) deserves what he got.
But logic dictates that this is complete and utter rubbish and for those that berate anyone sending money to a Thai girl, I have known men send money to girls all over the world it does not just occur farang to Thai but elsewhere as well. Why not if a male perchance finds a girl who convinces him of her honesty and fidelity then we men always fall for it and pay, for a little bit of love, that is our nature being the male of the species, the female does her thing as well. the french have a saying ..Thats life !!