Showing love and feelings in a Thai/farang relationship

Post by **2000VIPERGTS** » April 11, 2011, 8:42 pm

I broke off my engagement yesterday for sure to my Thai fiancée. We were going out since last year and anyhow we got engaged in January. I am 42, she is 26. I never wanted her as just a sex toy or anything and treated her very good, with respect, took care of her and gave her all the love in the world. I am for the purposes of this post in great shape and look good, go to the gym and anyhow not like some (no offense whatsoever) relationships where the looks are way out of whack. I'm an effective communicator in a relationship and openly and honestly discuss my feelings. I never lie about anything, not even some little "white" lie and she trusted me and said in her own words that she never met anyone like me that was so reliable and never lied. The relationship struggled with some lies when we met and I quickly told her they are unacceptable under all circumstances. There was a general lack of feelings not only expressed to me, but also internally. I had a bad past and like her, she has no big family, mother and father were killed and I stayed at her extended family’s house and anyhow traveled back and forth about every 6 weeks to see her. I didn’t get scammed or the like, it was not about money or getting a visa to the USA. I do not want to live in the USA and neither does she and yes, I have money and even offered her 1 Million Baht to walk away before (no strings) and she did not accept and even gave her a 3 Million Baht credit card and she spent about 200-300 Baht a day on food. We Skyped everyday for 8 hours a day too and anyhow, the issue is feelings and hence my post. I understand the culture is different and I am learning the language and can speak some basic Thai and will learn more, but I need to know a few things. For disclosure and to keep on topic, I know to protect myself with my money and know about the scams and say anything to get the farang, so back to feelings please.

We did not meeting in a bar. I am not into the bar girl scene and not into prostitution-in fact I think it kills Thailand to have these bars, but I also understand how it happened before and why it continues. The concrete questions:
A) Do normal Thai girls have as much feelings as a western girl?
B) Do Thai girls cry more, less or the same as a Western girl?
C) Do Thai girls show they care about their boyfriend’s feelings as much as a western girl?
D) Are Thai girls as reliable as a western girl?
E) Do Thai girls communicate as much as a western girl, and I am not talking about the Thai/English language I am talking about general communication.

Thanks folks. It was my wish to go and live in Thailand and I still want to go, but at 42 I can retire there now, but cannot get the retirement visa. I also want to start to talk to another Thai girl to improve my Thai, but I also do not feel ready for another relationship now to clear my head. I was thinking of meeting another Thai girl online to Skype to, but then I think I will only meet a bar girl and would want a friend to meet to talk to practice my Thai. Yes, I just dumped a lot of stuff on the table for being a n00b here, but actually I have nothing to hide and acted honorable in all respects and any Thai even looking deep into my relationship would know I was VERY good to my fiancée always and I am not talking showering her with gold, I mean making sure she always felt good inside, happy, safe and I did do a few nice financial things for her that she never ever asked for but they were of a small nature. Thanks in advance for the input to the questions and GOD bless you all. Gary

Post by **Laan Yaa Mo** » April 11, 2011, 10:23 pm

I would think that in many cases, the answer is yes; however, that might change when there is a 16-year age gap no matter how fit and well versed you are in various matters. Preferably, she would want to meet a Thai her own age, or close to it.

To sum up, Thai females have feelings, cry, express jealousy, anger, happiness, curiousity, are romatic and so on. The ones I have met are also conversant with politics although they might not be willing to speak about certain matters until they really know you. It seems they have no problems speaking the usual gossip with other women either.

Post by **nkstan** » April 12, 2011, 12:21 am

You offered her 1 million baht and you gave her a 3 million baht credit line?You did this with a girl that initially lied about many things,but she stopped the lies after you explained to her that you couldn't except deceit?You fell in love with this girl even though she didn't/doesn't show loving feelings towards you,after a whole year with her ,you broke it off and didn't get scammed,which must mean she gave you back the credit line,right?

If this is reality and if there is a God that blesses,I would say you have already been blessed!!

All this and you say''I know how to take care of my money and not get scammed'',really?

Post by **2000VIPERGTS** » April 12, 2011, 12:28 am

Not what happened, Nkstan but you can bash if that makes you feel better. You think she never showed feeling with me and I feel in love with her from my post? Maybe you just want to bash, but I wanted input to see about feelings and love from Thai to Farang. She never jammed me for a dime and yes, I have the credit card back and she loves me and does not want to let me go. it was my choice to end it, but back to the topic....

Laan Yaa Mo, thanks for the input. I can see the diffence in the age and that explains depth of conversation and such normally attributed to the difference. This was not what I attribute my question to as my experience is always with younger women, but I do admit 16 years is an entirely different level of maturity....

Post by **nkstan** » April 12, 2011, 1:29 am

2000VIPERGTS wrote:Not what happened, Nkstan but you can bash if that makes you feel better. You think she never showed feeling with me and I feel in love with her from my post? Maybe you just want to bash, but I wanted input to see about feelings and love from Thai to Farang. She never jammed me for a dime and yes, I have the credit card back and she loves me and does not want to let me go. it was my choice to end it, but back to the topic....

Laan Yaa Mo, thanks for the input. I can see the diffence in the age and that explains depth of conversation and such normally attributed to the difference. This was not what I attribute my question to as my experience is always with younger women, but I do admit 16 years is an entirely different level of maturity....

She loves you?This is not what happened?What was the reason you broke off the relationship?I'm not bashing,just confused!What is your purpose in presenting this topic,if she loves you?

Post by **2000VIPERGTS** » April 12, 2011, 2:29 am

Yes, she loves me. My objective is to get these questions answered to ascertain the cultural differences if any relative to showing feelings and love in a relationship. It will help me moving forward in the event that I meet another Thai woman to be my perspective mate as well as provide me some closure.

Cliff Notes:

"The concrete questions:
A) Do normal Thai girls have as much feelings as a western girl?
B) Do Thai girls cry more, less or the same as a Western girl?
C) Do Thai girls show they care about their boyfriend’s feelings as much as a western girl?
D) Are Thai girls as reliable as a western girl?
E) Do Thai girls communicate as much as a western girl, and I am not talking about the Thai/English language I am talking about general communication."

Post by **mytluky** » April 12, 2011, 2:48 am

I don't want to bash, however your questions are a bit assinine. All Western women do not react the same way (cry, laugh, love, converse). Every individual is diffrent (Praise Buddha).

Just my thoughts on the subject.

Post by **KHONDAHM** » April 12, 2011, 3:04 am

Qualifications to reply to your post:
Been in Thailand since 1999, married now 7 awesomely happy years to the best wife on the planet with 2 kids.

Reply:
What you posted shows you are determined to view your relationship through a Western relationship lens. You need to get over that hump, first. Afterwards, you will find as you know each other better that there is no "Western" or "Thai" version of a relationship. There are just two people who decide to trust and help each other. Love is a product of those two ingredients, not a prerequisite.

In my experience, Thai women do tend to not wear their deepest emotions on their sleeve. Emotions like anger or apparent apathy mask the deeper emotions. If you want to see the deepest emotions (of anyone, for that matter) get them either really drunk or really angry. The apparent apathy comes across as silence or similar manifestation. It is a mask and nothing more. You need to learn to see through it, my Padawan.

Another thing you probably might want to consider is: Stop meeting Thai women online! Heck, anyone on this board or even you could put out the word that you are available and looking for a [insert description] lady for a serious relationship and you would be inundated with interested women. Online women tend to be working the system/numbers and you will likely be one of many.

If the relationship is truly "over", let it be over. TIT and easy replacements/upgrades are everywhere.

Post by **2000VIPERGTS** » April 12, 2011, 3:09 am

RE: Mytkuly It is a general question that asks for opinions based on experience. Obviously there are differential variables in all individuals, but as a general rule from my experience, Thai people have certain characteristics in their personalities apart from Westerners and vice-versa. For instance, crying in Thailand can be seen quickly as weak, where in America it can be seen as sensitive. My experience as far as intimate relationships is limited to only one, and was asking to learn from those that have experience. BTW, if you are going to use asinine when referring to someone, at least spell it right or it really can turn the tables

Post by **2000VIPERGTS** » April 12, 2011, 3:17 am

[quote="KHONDAHM"]Qualifications to reply to your post:
Been in Thailand since 1999, married now 7 awesomely happy years to the best wife on the planet with 2 kids.

Reply:
What you posted shows you are determined to view your relationship through a Western relationship lens. You need to get over that hump, first. Afterwards, you will find as you know each other better that there is no "Western" or "Thai" version of a relationship. There are just two people who decide to trust and help each other. Love is a product of those two ingredients, not a prerequisite.

In my experience, Thai women do tend to not wear their deepest emotions on their sleeve. Emotions like anger or apparent apathy mask the deeper emotions. If you want to see the deepest emotions (of anyone, for that matter) get them either really drunk or really angry. The apparent apathy comes across as silence or similar manifestation. It is a mask and nothing more. You need to learn to see through it, my Padawan.

Another thing you probably might want to consider is: Stop meeting Thai women online! Heck, anyone on this board or even you could put out the word that you are available and looking for a [insert description] lady for a serious relationship and you would be inundated with interested women. Online women tend to be working the system/numbers and you will likely be one of many.

TY and really, that is what I was looking for on many levels. I concur about the wearing on the sleeve part, this much I have observed. Apathy however, seems to epitomize my experience so much so that I learn to watch actions. The actions in themselves were indicative of something that needed changing and I walked after futile attempts to change some things. I'd love to meet a woman later, but honestly my heart is broken and I need some time to mend and regroup. I want to fly to Thailand this week or next maybe for a few weeks, but to do it alone sucks and the bar scene I can do without. As far as letting it go, well I really loved her and still love her so I have to kill that somhow but it is not easy. I’m 42 and never been married so it was a BIG jump for me…. TY for the online advice too, well taken and if I do that, it will be friends and to practice my Thai.

Post by **grozza** » April 12, 2011, 6:40 am

why dont you try meeting thai women the same way as you would meet them in america,if you know some basic thai you could at least get a dinner date or coffee with someone and go from there,just remember you are 42 so dont go chasing 20 something year olds because most times it doesnt work out and you dont have the same things in common.
thai people show the same love and feelings as western women,the only thing i know is different to western women is they dont like to sit in public and snog each other for everybody to see they are very shy in that respect.

Post by **Galee** » April 12, 2011, 6:48 am

Here's my 2 cents worth.
A.Yes.
B.Same
C.No
D.Same
E.No.
Not having a dig, but have you thought that maybe you have a problem making a commitment. 42 and never married.

Post by **trubrit** » April 12, 2011, 7:47 am

Let me first say. Sorry to hear of your broken relationship but you will get over it. I was still in my first marriage at your age. Now 35 years older and three more marriages later I still couldn't give you a definitive answer to your questions, but I will try, based purely on my own experiences.Taking in the same order as listed .
A)What is normal in a relationship that is conducted mainly on skype for 8 hours a day . In itself this is abnormal. We all know that more is said without words in a relationship than with . The little smile , the squeeze of the hand, the touch of the hair, yes even the little kiss, these are all missing. How can you judge her inner feelings ?
B)Never seen one of my Thai wives cry. Seen them get very angry though .
C)More definitely, but back to A. How do you expect her to show it on skype?
D)Reliability? I think the way you have phrased this question indicates you have had problems with Western women as well.
In my book I can't see why there should be a difference .
E)Communication? Again back to answer A. With me, none of my wives were great conversationalists, verbally , but that's fine with me, I like my solitude sometimes .We communicate through her care for me , which is expressed in many physical ways. Speech? I leave that for her many friends and relations to satisfy . I just pay the telephone bill .
I hope this has answered your questions. If I may be permitted to offer a little advise. Don't expect sparks to fly in any relationship conducted at arms length, get to grips with her . You may be pleasantly surprised .Good luck .

Post by **2000VIPERGTS** » April 12, 2011, 8:13 am

grozza wrote:why dont you try meeting thai women the same way as you would meet them in america,if you know some basic thai you could at least get a dinner date or coffee with someone and go from there,just remember you are 42 so dont go chasing 20 something year olds because most times it doesnt work out and you dont have the same things in common.
thai people show the same love and feelings as western women,the only thing i know is different to western women is they dont like to sit in public and snog each other for everybody to see they are very shy in that respect.

I would my ask in person friend when i am ready to met someone, nad if she is a thai girl I would have to be in Thailand and now I am in America. I know about the snogging too and even I tried to respect Thailand by not doing that much. I am with you on the 20 year olds and I really appreciate the advice =D>

Post by **2000VIPERGTS** » April 12, 2011, 8:15 am

Galee wrote:Here's my 2 cents worth.
A.Yes.
B.Same
C.No
D.Same
E.No.
Not having a dig, but have you thought that maybe you have a problem making a commitment. 42 and never married.

Thanks so much for taking the time to reply. I did not find the right woman before, call it immaturity, not ready, et cetera but I has some long term relaitonshios, just never found "the one" before.

Post by **2000VIPERGTS** » April 12, 2011, 8:22 am

trubrit wrote:Let me first say. Sorry to hear of your broken relationship but you will get over it. I was still in my first marriage at your age. Now 35 years older and three more marriages later I still couldn't give you a definitive answer to your questions, but I will try, based purely on my own experiences.Taking in the same order as listed .
A)What is normal in a relationship that is conducted mainly on skype for 8 hours a day . In itself this is abnormal. We all know that more is said without words in a relationship than with . The little smile , the squeeze of the hand, the touch of the hair, yes even the little kiss, these are all missing. How can you judge her inner feelings ?
B)Never seen one of my Thai wives cry. Seen them get very angry though .
C)More definitely, but back to A. How do you expect her to show it on skype?
D)Reliability? I think the way you have phrased this question indicates you have had problems with Western women as well.
In my book I can't see why there should be a difference .
E)Communication? Again back to answer A. With me, none of my wives were great conversationalists, verbally , but that's fine with me, I like my solitude sometimes .We communicate through her care for me , which is expressed in many physical ways. Speech? I leave that for her many friends and relations to satisfy . I just pay the telephone bill .
I hope this has answered your questions. If I may be permitted to offer a little advise. Don't expect sparks to fly in any relationship conducted at arms length, get to grips with her . You may be pleasantly surprised .Good luck .

Thank you for the reply and I appreciate your kind words too. I was going between Thailand and the USA to see her with the longest wait 6 weeks apart so reasonable in person time to establish in person observations. Between the visits, I talked to her 4 hours before bed and 4 hours in the morning on Skype so lots of time to see, and talk. I do not work much, about 10-15 hours a week so lots of time on my hands. She was not working either as I did not want her to and she liked it that way. I had her ship a few things for me at the post office as I sell some things online and anyhow we talked a lot. If it was just an online relationship, it would be different, but even now only a few weeks back I was rady to go back again.

Anyhow, I think I got the answers on this thread and I THANK ALL OF YOU THAT RESPONDED WITH ANSWERS.

Post by **WhoUrDaddy** » April 12, 2011, 9:09 am

The simply answer is yes to all those questions, though, as I'm sure you know, they won't express physical feelings as much in public. The main difference, is the chance to find someone that yes applies to. I have found people worldwide are basically the same, when cultures are compatible. Though a male chauvinist culture here, woman do take control quite often and are not as repressed as say a Muslim dominated country. All romantic men and women think like yourself, the problem is finding one that you will let in, and they will let in, the rest is easy, once the walls are penetrated, and mutual respect is established. Good luck in future hunting, and if wanting to increase your chance of success, you need to be here, and if wanting to learn Thai fast, move to where nobody speaks English. You'll be pleasantly pleased, as less foreigner corruption and scamming.

Post by **GARYZX6R** » April 12, 2011, 5:53 pm

Don't worry Viper,your only 42, like you said you hav'nt found the right one yet. All I can add is Thailand is a good place to start looking again when your ready. Are Thai girls better than Western girls ? For sure ...

Post by **KHONDAHM** » April 12, 2011, 11:50 pm

grozza wrote:...just remember you are 42 so dont go chasing 20 something year olds because most times it doesnt work out ...

I dunno about that one. The "international rule of thumb" for a happy marriage is 1/2 his age plus 7. So, a 28'ish young lady should be the ticket. As they both age, she will always be young and beautiful to him and he should not want for greener pastures...anyway - works for me.

Post by **2000VIPERGTS** » April 13, 2011, 12:17 am

I think 25-40 is good for me so long as the 40 looks good. The heart is more important to me