Showing love and feelings in a Thai/farang relationship

[cali4995]

i dunno either? there are some elemental differences in culture that you simply "can't change"? little
"fibs" or "white lies" to cover over uncomfortable issues they don't want to confront seems to be the
norm? i mean, you can really see the generational differences between younger thais and the last
generation (and i suppose that's true of most countries) as far as honestly, integrity, behaviour. but
having said that, with your line-of-credit, you should be shooting for the stars. after all, "money" here
seems to be 90% of everything. by that i mean a girl with good family, education, history and thinking
about her future, not just "tomorrow". heck, why just one? you should be dating (3) simultaneously

[maaka]

I might as well stick my oar in here..
from reading the original post I thought this is deep, way deep questions, and obviously from a guy with intellect and deep rooted emtions..and perhaps in there lies the rub. perhaps you questions things to much..you will find plenty of women to love you, but if you expect a 26yrs old girl from a different country, different culture, different language, different everything, is going to be on your wavelength, is going to challenge your intellect on the same level, is going to discuss world politics or buiness, world events, or is going to curl up next to you, and whisper in your ear and tell you how she feels, or thinks, in the way you are use too with western women, then I think you maybe riding for a fall..

maybe you expect to much, maybe you need to lower the bar when it comes to a crosscultural relationship with a younger woman..I am not saying it wont work, a 42yrs old with a 26yrs old, but it will take alot of work to make it successful. it will also take alot of letting go of all norms. Indeed, it is a new kind of relationship, a crosscultural one..I dare say black men with white women, a catholic with a protestant, a christen with a muslim, a thai with a farang, all have mountains to climb, not only together, or between themselves, but in front of society too..

If you have ever strolled the streets or parks of thailand, you wont see thai couples embracing, sucking face, or holding hands.. there are more like sunday baptists on thier way home from church..oh yes your the bar girls of this world have acquired the ready western skills to lure western men, but your average thai girl, is generally shy and quiet, and sleeping in PJs, and will tell afew little lies rather than loose face..

you say your girl loves you, and you love her, well then what all the commotion about...shes only your girlfriend, so get in there and enjoy, and learn by experience, the questions you ask..

[2000VIPERGTS]

Fellow members, I first want to say I appreciate the time for responses on this thread. In addition, a number of members took the time to reach out to me via PM and even email. The generosity exhibited towards me in this time was unexpected and very much appreciated on many levels. I was very hurt and confused on some things and did not really have closure as I have never felt love as strong as that in my life and there are a few details I left out like horrific pasts that ghost into adulthood, albeit at this point it is moot as I have some good news to share. I received a call from my fiancée in quite an emotional state (oh the irony here I realize) and we talked at length and reconciled our relationship. If anything, this has helped us understand each other and even with the messages and posts, I had some enlightenment at that I attribute to a more profound understanding of the situation. I see a little friction on this site in some posts, but as a guy who was hurting hard in the past week, it was very nice to have support even if it was opinions, but I received more than that here from some members and again THANK YOU.

Not sure when I am hitting Thailand, but maybe in the next few weeks and even then not sure where at. Either BKK or North 

Best,

Gary

[trubrit]

Thanks for sharing your re-found happiness Gary. Hope everything works out this time but remember, slowly does it. It will be easy to get carried away in the rekindled euphoria .All the best.

[old-timer]

Hands up who has a TG / TW or WFB that is far more intelligent, generally speaking, than youself. You are unlikely to see many guys raising there hands to that, which in itself gets back to 2000VIPERGTS questionable relationship with his Thai GF. You may find a Thai GF that is intelligent as far as thailand is concerned, but it's doubtful to match your own level. So just on this alone you are working at a relationship at different levels and it's the guy that has to make the adjustment. You've then got to adjust into the thai way of life because living in UT it will never be the other way round.
Hands up who has a TG / TW or WFB that is far more affectionate, caring and romantic than one you would find with a wife or girlfiend from your own country. Now I should think there's greater show of hands - which goes to say that there are fundamental reasons that western guys prefer Thai WFB's.
Thai WFB's are also better looking and on the whole enjoy their life once they found a stable relationship with a falang, although it's inevitable you will have to put up with the odd tantrum from time to time

OT................

[stargate]

OT often portrays himself as the perpetual drunk but his post here should be read and remembered by any expat coming to live in thailand if they want a good life here.

[nkstan]

OT often portrays himself as the perpetual drunk but his post here should be read and remembered by any expat coming to live in thailand if they want a good life here.

He certainly made sense with that one! =D>

[cali4995]

and in fairness to the girl, many of them from simple backgrounds have never held 10K baht in
cash in their hands. dangling these huge carrots from strings, promising them maybe this and
maybe that, they're going to think a) you're foolish b) you're a BS artist because no-one they've
ever met in their life (who has any sense) has ever done that with them before. they are what
they are. with my very limited experience on the ground here, i'm beginning to think maybe 20%
of it is your actually personal relationship together and the necessary cash-flow that entails, and
the other 80% is their peer group, their family and friends, their impressions of foreigners, or
what has been brain-washed into them since they were a child. the deck is so far stacked against
you, i'm always rather amazed to see a happy couple. shows the guy really, really worked for it.

[MALC]

yes for a change ot you are spot on

[Aardvark]

I'm pleasantly surprised

[tutone]

I broke off my engagement yesterday for sure to my Thai fiancée. We were going out since last year and anyhow we got engaged in January. I am 42, she is 26. I never wanted her as just a sex toy or anything and treated her very good, with respect, took care of her and gave her all the love in the world. I am for the purposes of this post in great shape and look good, go to the gym and anyhow not like some (no offense whatsoever) relationships where the looks are way out of whack. I'm an effective communicator in a relationship and openly and honestly discuss my feelings. I never lie about anything, not even some little "white" lie and she trusted me and said in her own words that she never met anyone like me that was so reliable and never lied. The relationship struggled with some lies when we met and I quickly told her they are unacceptable under all circumstances. There was a general lack of feelings not only expressed to me, but also internally. I had a bad past and like her, she has no big family, mother and father were killed and I stayed at her extended family’s house and anyhow traveled back and forth about every 6 weeks to see her. I didn’t get scammed or the like, it was not about money or getting a visa to the USA. I do not want to live in the USA and neither does she and yes, I have money and even offered her 1 Million Baht to walk away before (no strings) and she did not accept and even gave her a 3 Million Baht credit card and she spent about 200-300 Baht a day on food. We Skyped everyday for 8 hours a day too and anyhow, the issue is feelings and hence my post. I understand the culture is different and I am learning the language and can speak some basic Thai and will learn more, but I need to know a few things. For disclosure and to keep on topic, I know to protect myself with my money and know about the scams and say anything to get the farang, so back to feelings please.

We did not meeting in a bar. I am not into the bar girl scene and not into prostitution-in fact I think it kills Thailand to have these bars, but I also understand how it happened before and why it continues. The concrete questions:
A) Do normal Thai girls have as much feelings as a western girl?
B) Do Thai girls cry more, less or the same as a Western girl?
C) Do Thai girls show they care about their boyfriend’s feelings as much as a western girl?
D) Are Thai girls as reliable as a western girl?
E) Do Thai girls communicate as much as a western girl, and I am not talking about the Thai/English language I am talking about general communication.

Thanks folks. It was my wish to go and live in Thailand and I still want to go, but at 42 I can retire there now, but cannot get the retirement visa. I also want to start to talk to another Thai girl to improve my Thai, but I also do not feel ready for another relationship now to clear my head. I was thinking of meeting another Thai girl online to Skype to, but then I think I will only meet a bar girl and would want a friend to meet to talk to practice my Thai. Yes, I just dumped a lot of stuff on the table for being a n00b here, but actually I have nothing to hide and acted honorable in all respects and any Thai even looking deep into my relationship would know I was VERY good to my fiancée always and I am not talking showering her with gold, I mean making sure she always felt good inside, happy, safe and I did do a few nice financial things for her that she never ever asked for but they were of a small nature. Thanks in advance for the input to the questions and GOD bless you all. Gary

I don't know anything about "normal Thai girls" but here are my responses based on my relationship with my Thai wife compared to my past relationships with U.S. women. I am 62 and my wife is 50. We have been together for 4 years.

A. My wife has just as much feelings as any other woman I have known.
B. My wife cries about as much as any other woman I have known, but she is more subdued when she does. Not a sobbing rant that I have seen before.
C. I don't feel my wife shows that she cares about my feelings as much as western women I have known, but showing you care and actually caring are two different things.
D. Reliable? Not sure what you mean. I can't rely on my wife to be on time, always make the bed, clean up after every meal, or remember to do certain things that I think are important. But so what. Her love and devotion to me are very reliable.
E. No, my wife does not communicate with me like a western lady, partly because of language, and partly I think because of the culture thing. I'm not sure, but it seems like a Thai woman's input on certain things is not valued very much by Thai men, so it's kind of in her mind to keep things to herself. But if I start a subject and tell her I want her opinion, that I want to have the conversation, then she usually has plenty to say.

So hang in there. Don't generalize or stereotype all Thai women that you meet. There are differences, no doubt, between Thais and Falang women, but people are people. There's someone out there for you.

[chanthima13]

I usnderstand how do you feel about thai girl coz I got those comment from my american husband its used to be our issues.My husband never married before nor me .. we both were alone for along so it was hard at the beginning for us to live together especially ,, when I first moved to America ,,i think partly our culture ,,,,,,, we were taught to be not to show too much feelings either happy or sad ,,,,,but we can be reliable ,,trustable ka!!