Newly divorced

Post by **Henrie** » June 9, 2011, 9:22 pm

Sorry to hear that after such a long time marriage. Hope you will get a new future in spite of your age.
Dirk (The Netherlands)

Post by **430xc** » June 10, 2011, 12:40 pm

Stan, I echo the best wishes of the other posters. I don't know you well but ALL of the posts you have made contain true words of wisdom. Thank you. Please continue to share your advice and thoughts.

Perhaps when one door closes, another adventure door opens.

My best to you
430xc

Post by **BarnicaleBob** » June 10, 2011, 7:16 pm

Stan, look at it as a new adventure in your life. You now have so many options to choose from, keep moving forward and don't look back.
I'm on my 5th marriage and this one is my second Asian wife, each time it looks like forever but sometimes fate changes all that.
Good luck and enjoy the freedom.

Post by **Laan Yaa Mo** » June 10, 2011, 7:27 pm

Wow!!! The age gap is a killer. All the best to you both.

Post by **nkstan** » June 10, 2011, 9:44 pm

Laan Yaa Mo wrote:Wow!!! The age gap is a killer. All the best to you both.

I surely agree,especially in mixed cultural marriage with a large formal education and experience difference!We are still friendly.I actually took her shopping today for some things she needed,and wound up supplying more things from my place to help her get settled.She cooked dinner for me and we had a meal together in her new digs.

I'm looking to get my stepdaughter settled into an International University program, then more than likely I will return to America to play GreatGrandpa to my 9 GGchildren,that I have never personally met ,with possible visits back here depending how it goes.Anyway,that thinking has been occupying my thoughts a lot.but who knows!I might find an attractive living situation that has a pool and will accept my little dog,that I never intend to leave,and stay here until the dog or my bones have been dealt with!

Thanks BB,this was my 3rd marriage,20,5,11 years,all ending in divorce.Two initiated by me,first and last ones.Don't expect there will be a fourth,as my libido has been diminished for awhile now,not looking for companionship relationship,nor would I be interested in living with a youthful beauty with nothing in common.I am tired of ''idiot conversations''and have absolutely no interest in gossip about anyone else!
I am sorry things didn't work out in a manner where we could have got together in CM!I won't pass up the opportunity,if it presents itself again!

Post by **hangsaboot** » June 10, 2011, 9:48 pm

I control finances regarding large purchases and although she has never lacked for spending money,she feels much better with the cash now rather than the future.So now she can assume responsibilty for herself and hopefully it will work out for her! [quote ]

a very sad situation to be in
you have played your part as a good husband and provider ,
and rightly,. expecting too be looked after in you later years.

so much for, TAKE CARE TOGETHER ,

stan , i hope you can move on in your life
best of luck, you deserve it.

Post by **nkstan** » June 10, 2011, 10:37 pm

hangsaboot wrote:I control finances regarding large purchases and although she has never lacked for spending money,she feels much better with the cash now rather than the future.So now she can assume responsibilty for herself and hopefully it will work out for her!

a very sad situation to be in
you have played your part as a good husband and provider ,
and rightly,. expecting too be looked after in you later years.

so much for, TAKE CARE TOGETHER ,

stan , i hope you can move on in your life
best of luck, you deserve it.
I have never entertained the thought or concept of wanting to be ''taken care of''in any stage of my life.I guess if I was at that stage in life, and was abandoned,I wouldn't take it very well.But that is not the case here,as I see it.
The divorce was something that was good for both of us,in my eyes.The sadness felt by me,was that it came to that end ,but was inevitable as far as I presently see the situation.I am still concerned for her welfare,but there is less conflict now because it is not my responsibilty and her finances are hers to manage! [-o<

Post by **LoongLee** » June 11, 2011, 12:22 am

Nkstan,,,,,,,, I am truly sorry to hear about your breakup and although we've never met, I think the Lady in question has lost out on a good thing..... and pardon me for saying so, but your statement that "it is not my responsibilty and her finances are hers to manage! " will prove to be a pipe dream. I would be astounded if she didn't continue to "go to the well that has the water" everytime she can't "manage". Prepare yourself for some old-fashioned emotional blackmail in the future, especially regarding your step daughter. Best of luck in the future in whatever you choose. LL

Post by **Laan Yaa Mo** » June 11, 2011, 12:36 am

You are a good man nkstan although your Thai political thinking is slightly screwed up. It is great, really great, that you are both remaining close and friendly. This bodes well for your step-daughter. Yes, keep the dog close to your heart too. The dog knows about loyalty, commitment and values.

Post by **nkstan** » June 11, 2011, 12:47 am

Laan Yaa Mo wrote:You are a good man nkstan although your Thai political thinking is slightly screwed up. It is great, really great, that you are both remaining close and friendly. This bodes well for your step-daughter. Yes, keep the dog close to your heart too. The dog knows about loyalty, commitment and values.

=D>

Post by **bubbles** » June 11, 2011, 4:53 am

Dont now you Stan, sorry to hear of any divorce I have had two thai wives two filipinos and an aussie one, life goes on still friends with them all, have to be have children, anyway go to the jukebox and push RESELECT it works, hope all goes well.
Kerry

Post by **maaka** » June 11, 2011, 6:37 am

well there you have it, a dog is a man's best friend, and diamonds are a girls best friend...hahahaha

Post by **Jed** » June 11, 2011, 7:30 am

Sounds right to me.

Keep the girl close, but keep your dog closer.

Take the cannoli.

Post by **BarnicaleBob** » June 11, 2011, 1:55 pm

Stan, this is just a thought for you and I am sure you already know this but maybe now is a good time to remind you and many of our other fellow older falangs.
I’m there yet but there sometimes comes a point in a man’s life where sex may not be the main reason for a good relationship. When that time comes and you find yourself in a position of being single you should consider an older Thai woman.
There are thousands of good hearted Thai women over the age of 50 that would be willing to give an older man much more emotionally than a younger woman would. For one thing older women are at that point in life where they know their prospects are very limited and should they be so lucky to find a good man they would probably be a lot more devoted to their man.
There are many older professional Thai women who are now planning their retirement and want nothing more than to settle down with a good man they can grow old with. These are not former bar girls but generally women from good families that may be home owners and are self supporting. All they seek in good decent companionship and if you have a normal falang retirement income that is enough for you both to have a good retirement together.
Older women are not looking to start a business, buy things to show off to their friends, or asking for money for their father’s sick buffalo. Young women are just too high maintenance for a really older falang, you don’t have that problem with the older ones.

Post by **Aardvark** » June 11, 2011, 3:14 pm

=D> =D> =D> =D> =D>

Post by **Charoensri** » June 11, 2011, 4:13 pm

Sorry to hear about it mate. You seem to be coping well so best wishes to you both in your future.

Post by **rhodie** » June 12, 2011, 7:32 pm

Time is a great healer. I hope it all works out for you. Good Luck!

Post by **wayne747** » June 28, 2011, 8:37 pm

Found this thread via other threads.
Neither do I know you well, but have read your sober posts with interest.
I wish the best for you and hope you can overcome this difficult time. It certainly sounds so, which is promising.

BarnicaleBob above has a good point for farang in general, something to consider for all.

Post by **thrilled** » June 29, 2011, 12:54 am

Why not just live together.Ya don't have to be married to retire in thailand.

Post by **nkstan** » June 29, 2011, 2:32 am

I appreciate the fact that many of you feel sorry for me!I'm sorry that the marriage did not work out as I thought it would for many years.We have different interests and directions in life at the moment and it has been very evident for the last 5 or 6 years.With family responsibilities overriding the issues,we,as many do,stayed together with increasing unhappiness and tension.
Our daughter is 19 and attempting to gain entrance into an International University,also has a fiancee in University.I am old and slow at 72,my ex turned 39 today(we called her and sang Happy Birthday to her)works out daily and has the desire to do younger things.We have grown in different directions and interests,we like to live differently,apart we are doing that and happier.
She has a small job,her own place,calls me 3-4 times a week to check on us on update us on her personal life(she has a couple of falangs pursuing her attention at the moment),took her to Tesco for her weekly shopping yesterday and she spent some time at my place visiting!
IMO ,everything is as it should be,the balance in our lives is comfortable,our divorce was amicable,division of assets was mutually acceptable,we are both happier and we both care about each others welfare!
I have absolutely no interest in a new ''companion''!I was single for 15 years before coming to Thailand and really enjoyed it w/o a sense of lonliness.Like many,I got swept up into the relationship picture with the attention of my young female guide and interpreter after deciding to check Thailand out as a possible semi-retirement and business environment!After deciding that my business ideas were not a viable option,I decided to stay in Thailand as I was involved in a relationship.After a year of it and the somewhat devastating realization that all was not as it was presented,that came to an abrupt halt and I moved out of the family house and felt the emotional vacumn.

My ex-wife filled that and I ''rebounded '' into a new relationship without much thought,other than I liked her.I pressed the issue,she wasn't as attracted to me,but thought I was a nice good person.I reunited the family by bringing the daughter from her father home to us.Everyone was ''happier'',life was wonderful at the time.We developed a project of looking for somewhere else in Thailand to live,Bangkok,seemed be be our only major problem for a couple of years.

My desire to provide security caused me to rush her into a ''legal marriage'',her new found secure life,reunited family situation overrode her feelings about not being that attracted to me physically.We found Nong Khai,moved here and I was happy.Slowly her life became less happy,no intimate friendships or family to talk to etc. etc.,no bonds within the community added to the fact the she was living with someone she cared about ,but was not attracted to.Faithful and dutiful became her life while watching her youth fade.''A bird in a Gilded cage'' comes to mind,especially when she received attention from men that did attract her.Being honest as she is and after much thought,she started to tell me her feelings,but she had conflict between her desire for security and comfort that she had got used to versus her freedom,so we spent a couple of years talking about divorce until we both knew it was the right thing and the right time for both of us.There was no deception ,nor any lies!We are both good people of different generations and different perceived needs.We both gained much from our years together!

The relief is apparent to both of us,we did the right thing.She has already met a guy that she is very attracted to.He is a regular visitor to NK ,stays about a month and then goes back to work,will be leaving in 2 weeks.Since he has been coming to NK regularly for years,many local falang know of him and all say he is a nice guy,but has been financially burnt by a couple of lovely locals,which won't happen with my ex-wife if it gets serious.

I am amazed that I find myself feeling bored at times,now that my mind is not so occupied with trying to figure out the problems and solutions to the marriage.

My only regret is that age has caught up and overcome me.I find myself experiencing ''oldness'',which doesn't settle easily in my mind,especially the physical aspect!OH well,it happens to all of us.I find myself wanting to ''work'',but unable to perform at a level that satisfies me.

I was looking forward to moving back to the USA,doing some stock trading(my passion)and playing Great Grandpa to 9 kids I have never met,but I can't take my dog(Shih Tzu, a breed not transportable),so I will probably stay here!