supporting thai wife

[parrot]

Maybe I'm old school, but if you're married, it's no longer a case of 'my income' versus 'your income'......it's our income (even if only one is working), our savings, our spending. our kids (even if they're not all yours), our home (even if it's in the wife's name), our future, etc.

Any other arrangement would seem to be fraught with problems in the relationship

Having said that, I can see where a lop-sided relationship (one has lots of money, the other none) might opt for a pre-nup.

[pf-flyer]

"Maybe I'm old school, but if you're married, it's no longer a case of 'my income' versus 'your income'......it's our income (even if only one is working), our savings, our spending. our kids (even if they're not all yours), our home (even if it's in the wife's name), our future, etc."

Parrot: I agree with you. I am old School also. My Thai wife and I have been married for 38 years. We do it together. Marriage is a mutual comprehensive effort between a husband and wife and it is more than finances. We are equal partners. I am not minimizing that finances can have a significant impact on a relationship.
We sit down and talk it out.

[Sateev]

I don't want to give the impression that I don't value the 'old school'; it's just that it's relatively rare to find a Thai woman who embraces those same values. I think those of you who have found wives with an understanding and open nature should count yourselves very lucky.

I think, too, that Udon is probably more the exception than the rule, likely due to the exposure to the US military, and the number of ex-military guys who seem to call the area home. Lot's of guys here have been in Thailand for a long time, or at least came here the first time a long time ago. Time smooths things out considerably...

Isaan, however, is littered with horror stories of Western guys, importing their values, failing to learn what makes the locals tick, and then crashing and burning. The 'financial arrangement', as outlined by Henrie above, if you think about it, IS a sort of pre-nuptual, spelling out what both parties can expect, and shielding the more financially sound partner from damage, intentional, or not. It's just not codified and on paper. Most likeky, it buys TIME, which, as I said above, is an essential ingredient. After sufficient time has passed, the arrangement will either fall apart, or be replaced by a more trusting one.

All roads lead to Rome.

[parrot]

A further two satang from the old-school:
When I met my wife (ages 22), we lived paycheck to paycheck......many meals a few days before payday were nothing more than a plate of kowpot. A pig out was a quarter of grilled chicken, some lettuce, and sticky rice. I had no savings and paychecks back then didn't go far. Buying a rice cooker or a small refrigerator was enough to put us in the poor house for the rest of the month.
Had I been in charge of the money, I'd have been borrowing from friends to get by (as I did before I met my wife). But my wife always tucked away a few hundred baht each month. By the time we married and left for Korea, we had a grand total of $200 in the bank.......life savings!.....but it was 200 more than I would have had on my own.
There was no instant house, instant car/truck, or instant coffee for that matter for my wife at that point.......we scrimped together, we saved together, we always lived within our means.....and ended up retiring at age 46 to move back to Thailand. All that saving/scrimping was worth it to be able to retire so young. We tell each other war stories over our morning coffee about our 'tough times' together and how it made us stronger.
I'm not advocating/promoting the old school ways, just telling it like it is from one man's perspective. I often wonder whether our relationship would have been different if I had the ability to heap a new home and radically different lifestyle on my wife overnight. As it was, shortly after we married, we moved to Korea where we had an outdoor bathroom that was nothing more than a hole in the ground. We had better at our $10/month bungalow in Nakhon Phanom.

[wayne747]

Words of wisdom and life experience from all above, thx.
It is a question of comparing apples with apples.
Are you blessed like parrot to have a relationship develop since youth, in together for better or worse, or are you a love struck elderly farang who steps off the plane with 100 grand to spend on his newfound gf.
Or at any point inbetween.

Guess all I am saying is better safe than sorry, and not become another casualty in the statistics.
There is a difference in exploiting your gf, and just being a little prudent in not promising too much :-"

I hope we can share a beer some day in Udon

[Frankie 1]

I don't want to give the impression that I don't value the 'old school'; it's just that it's relatively rare to find a Thai woman who embraces those same values. I think those of you who have found wives with an understanding and open nature should count yourselves very lucky.

I count myself very lucky.

I think it's not relatively rare to find a Thai woman who embraces those same values, ...if you look in the right direction, in the right places and show the right attitude towards women and Thai people.

If you show values and ethics in Thailand and you behave politely and respectfully towards people, then it won't be difficult at all to find a woman who has the same values and respect for people.

[Sateev]

I don't want to give the impression that I don't value the 'old school'; it's just that it's relatively rare to find a Thai woman who embraces those same values. I think those of you who have found wives with an understanding and open nature should count yourselves very lucky.

I count myself very lucky.

I think it's not relatively rare to find a Thai woman who embraces those same values, ...if you look in the right direction, in the right places and show the right attitude towards women and Thai people.

If you show values and ethics in Thailand and you behave politely and respectfully towards people, then it won't be difficult at all to find a woman who has the same values and respect for people.

While we do disagree about how difficult it is to find a GOOD woman here, I definitely agree that it mostly depends on your own attitudes, and your own understanding of Thai society.

By your post here, and by the many you made in the "You can really never tell" thread, I am certain that we don't share the same experience in Thailand, and, more importantly, don't have the same level of understanding of the issues. And that's OK.

[BenZona]

Ben Zona

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.p ... ben%20zona

A Hebrew curse word used in Israel which means "son of a bitch" or "son of a *****". You can also say "zona" which obviously means "bitch or "*****".


I am now starting to comprehend one's issue of supporting a Thai wife He is most certainly a Ben Zona

Actually it does not mean son of a *****, Benzona means son of a bitch and in Israel is used as a lighthearted insult among friends rather than a full on insult to someone, a bit like when your mate wins $500 on the pokies and you say "ooh u bastard"

Ben means "son" or "son of", Zona is "bitch" not "*****" I have never EVER heard anyone say it means son of a *****...and after spending three years there and having LOTS of Israeli friends, i think i should know

either way, a business agreement is NOT a relationship and some daft old man buying love with his wallet IS the sign of no dignity, well to everyone i know anyway, maybe its different in the pensioner world of desperation

and before you come in and say "well look what happened to you Benzona, let me preempt by saying.. yes, look what happened, i would not soak a visa cheating scammer in buffalo and she left after getting her visa but.... in the long run i will be all the better for it........ Money DOES NOT buy you love suckers, especially when u r past your use buy date

cheerz

[bamakmak]

BenZona - You giving relationship advice concerning marriage is akin to me (a self-admitted golf hacker) giving advise to a PGA player as to how to improve his swing.

[Aardvark]

Ben Zona

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.p ... ben%20zona

A Hebrew curse word used in Israel which means "son of a bitch" or "son of a *****". You can also say "zona" which obviously means "bitch or "*****".


I am now starting to comprehend one's issue of supporting a Thai wife He is most certainly a Ben Zona

Actually it does not mean son of a *****, Benzona means son of a bitch and in Israel is used as a lighthearted insult among friends rather than a full on insult to someone, a bit like when your mate wins $500 on the pokies and you say "ooh u bastard"

Ben means "son" or "son of", Zona is "bitch" not "*****" I have never EVER heard anyone say it means son of a *****...and after spending three years there and having LOTS of Israeli friends, i think i should know
way, a business agreement is NOT a relationship and some daft old man buying love with his wallet IS the sign of no dignity, well to everyone i know anyway, maybe its different in the pensioner world of desperation

and before you come in and say "well look what happened to you Benzona, let me preempt by saying.. yes, look what happened, i would not soak a visa cheating scammer in buffalo and she left after getting her visa but.... in the long run i will be all the better for it........ Money DOES NOT buy you love suckers, especially when u r past your use buy date

cheerz

Or even before your use buy date

[Frankie 1]

I don't want to give the impression that I don't value the 'old school'; it's just that it's relatively rare to find a Thai woman who embraces those same values. I think those of you who have found wives with an understanding and open nature should count yourselves very lucky.

I count myself very lucky.

I think it's not relatively rare to find a Thai woman who embraces those same values, ...if you look in the right direction, in the right places and show the right attitude towards women and Thai people.

If you show values and ethics in Thailand and you behave politely and respectfully towards people, then it won't be difficult at all to find a woman who has the same values and respect for people.

While we do disagree about how difficult it is to find a GOOD woman here, I definitely agree that it mostly depends on your own attitudes, and your own understanding of Thai society.

By your post here, and by the many you made in the "You can really never tell" thread, I am certain that we don't share the same experience in Thailand, and, more importantly, don't have the same level of understanding of the issues. And that's OK.

I have promised people not to talk about the past, but I had some experiences with scammers in Thailand years ago. I know the difference and have experience and some understanding of the issues.

I think however that some people get stuck with the issues and don't change their approach or their own ways or perceptions in order to meet a different kind of people and to open themselves for a new and different experience and undersatnding.

If you try something and it isn't working, don't keep trying the same thing again and again. I think it's better to change direction and change your view and perspective. Otherwise you keep doing the same thing and keep meeting the same sort of people.

If you don't meet enough "good" women, then maybe it's time to change your way of looking, look in different places, at different times of the day. And maybe you will meet a good person in a place and time when you least expect it.

[davecryan]

Ben Zona

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.p ... ben%20zona

A Hebrew curse word used in Israel which means "son of a bitch" or "son of a *****". You can also say "zona" which obviously means "bitch or "*****".

I am now starting to comprehend one's issue of supporting a Thai wife He is most certainly a Ben Zona

Actually it does not mean son of a *****, Benzona means son of a bitch and in Israel is used as a lighthearted insult among friends rather than a full on insult to someone, a bit like when your mate wins $500 on the pokies and you say "ooh u bastard"

Ben means "son" or "son of", Zona is "bitch" not "*****" I have never EVER heard anyone say it means son of a *****...and after spending three years there and having LOTS of Israeli friends, i think i should know

either way, a business agreement is NOT a relationship and some daft old man buying love with his wallet IS the sign of no dignity, well to everyone i know anyway, maybe its different in the pensioner world of desperation

and before you come in and say "well look what happened to you Benzona, let me preempt by saying.. yes, look what happened, i would not soak a visa cheating scammer in buffalo and she left after getting her visa but.... in the long run i will be all the better for it........ Money DOES NOT buy you love suckers, especially when u r past your use buy date

"You seem to have a 'down' on old men..............have you thought. of what you may be like when YOU are 70.
With all the unnecessary stress and bitterness that you are imposing on yourself and others, I think it will be highly unlikely that you make it to 60. I do not wish this upon you, but unless you slow down and calm down, you are not going to occupy your mortal coil for long."

[Sateev]

Actually it does not mean son of a *****, Benzona means son of a bitch and in Israel is used as a lighthearted insult among friends rather than a full on insult to someone, a bit like when your mate wins $500 on the pokies and you say "ooh u bastard"

Ben means "son" or "son of", Zona is "bitch" not "*****" I have never EVER heard anyone say it means son of a *****...and after spending three years there and having LOTS of Israeli friends, i think i should know

either way, a business agreement is NOT a relationship and some daft old man buying love with his wallet IS the sign of no dignity, well to everyone i know anyway, maybe its different in the pensioner world of desperation

and before you come in and say "well look what happened to you Benzona, let me preempt by saying.. yes, look what happened, i would not soak a visa cheating scammer in buffalo and she left after getting her visa but.... in the long run i will be all the better for it........ Money DOES NOT buy you love suckers, especially when u r past your use buy date

cheerz

Moronic dribble, from the pot calling the kettle black. Whatever sympathy I had for this dolt in the other thread is now depleted.

Go on, BenZona, give us all some pointers on how to have a successful relationship

[Sateev]

As for you, Frankie, I deliberately keep my own situation out of the discussion. Pedantic, arrogant characterizations of others, in the absence of any knowledge, seems to be your forte.

No one cares about your pseudo-psychological tripe. Take it down the road...

[Aardvark]

ooohh !!

[Frankie 1]

As for you, Frankie, I deliberately keep my own situation out of the discussion. Pedantic, arrogant characterizations of others, in the absence of any knowledge, seems to be your forte.

No one cares about your pseudo-psychological tripe. Take it down the road...

You do mention that it is your experience and your understanding.

But that doesn't mean that your experience and understanding are a universal truth.

To get back on topic:

1. If my "lack of knowledge" is the cause of finding a wonderful woman and perfect wife, than "lack of knowledge" is bliss.

2. I read your story about not enough good women. I hear the same story from good Thai women. They have difficulties with finding a good farang man.

[BenZona]

BenZona - You giving relationship advice concerning marriage is akin to me (a self-admitted golf hacker) giving advise to a PGA player as to how to improve his swing.

Already pre empted

Or even before your use buy date

which, at a mere 45 i am nowhere near..One Thai bird scamming you for a visa does not mean your life is over... it just means i have more choice

Reading stuff like this makes me realise just how lucky i am in being out of a relationship with a Thai woman and how lucky i am to have escaped
Honestly, in 99.9% of the western world people buying love would be laughed at and ridiculed, it is so sad its beyond belief, but not half as sad as actually believing it is normal!

I respect anyone's right to do whatever they like with their life, and if that involves a 65 year old man paying for a business deal to see if it works out into a relationship, then go for it... that does not mean i have to agree that it is "the norm" cos it certainly is not... unless you ARE that pensioner in the lovely LOS

I have never paid a woman for a relationship, and id rather not ta. and Frankie GREAT POST!!!!!! spot on mate

Moronic dribble, from the pot calling the kettle black. Whatever sympathy I had for this dolt in the other thread is now depleted.

Go on, BenZona, give us all some pointers on how to have a successful relationship

Well well now old man, got you a bit peeved have we, calm down or ure daytime pad might get a little damp...... and WTF is a dolt? some 19th century hat???

Look you stupid old man.... yours is a typical reply from a sad old git who, in their own country would be lucky to pull Mrs Brady, old lady and in order to feel loved has to leave their home country and line the pockets of someone half their age.. but... If you wanna know the secret sateev, its simple, dont go for a slag who want monthly payments, wants you to support her parents (who are probably younger than you) and last but not least... make sure you know.. well just watch this

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dTF_RJx8g2w

easy peasy

[Sateev]

Whatever, [benzona].

[merchant seaman]

Some people never learn. Keep coming back for more punishment. Now that I know what BenZona means everything becomes much clearer. Sorry you got took because of your own stupidity, but trying to run down others relationships just because yours didn't work does not hold water. Myself, I've been married to the same woman for 20 years and am very happy. What I do with my money is my business not yours. It works for me so why does that upset you so much? I am happy you are not. Maybe the next Thai woman you fall for will work out, probable not though.

[jackspratt]

but... If you wanna know the secret .......... its simple,

Wow Ben.....coming from you, this is advice that everyone (young and old alike) on UdonMap is likely to sit up and take notice of.

Even on the other forum, where they do suffer fools lightly, they have flagged you.