Female Advice: New Thai Girlfriend/Money

Post by **Frankie 1** » March 31, 2012, 8:26 pm

One extra remark. If she went to the hotel school and has worked in the hotel business for more than 5 years (with a diploma, so as receptionist/secretary/office worker and of course not as room maid), she would be able to show a sense of politeness and formality in her speech, behaviour and dress code (also no big and visible tatoos).

But ... if she behaves/talks/acts/dresses like an uneducated person, then you will also know enough.

Post by **rick** » March 31, 2012, 10:54 pm

If she was hard up for money, and supporting a sick mother, she wouldn't be spending 20,000 baht on hospital bills. Don't know the nature of her hospital needs, but if basic and routine, thai's are covered by the government health scheme (doesn't even cost 30 baht any more). Which would she choose if genuine?

Also, be aware, even a genuine girl can have debts and also when she has a falang has to keep up with the Mia's; they are not cheap to run. I know.

Post by **Perra** » March 31, 2012, 11:11 pm

My wife's granmother died three years ago, cancer. The public health care didn't cover necessery treatment. A privat tretment was over 30,000 B, three years ago...

And we also have a female friend as at 23 years moved to Phuket (and later Samui) to run a business in fashion. She did very good and could come back home 4 years later with well over a million on the bank. she didn't work in a bar...

So, most of the replies is probably correct but I just want to point out that everything is not only back or white...

Post by **CanadianGuy64** » April 1, 2012, 12:22 am

Response:
Profile on website deleted and she told me to cancel the money transfer ( it doesn't go out until Monday morning). She still wants me to visit. Also, if I don't intend onsending money in the future, she wants to continue seeing me.
For those of u so sure she is a prostitute taking me for a ride, I still don't believe that. I suppose if one goes to school for travel and tourism, one goes to a tourist town to find work. Sad that I must be distrustful (seeing what's happened to so many guys), but I hope she proves you all wrong. I understand the cynicism considering the picture I painted, but hopefully I've found one with a good heart.

Post by **maaka** » April 1, 2012, 4:04 am

Rodger that Canadian Guy.
you can send photo later if you wish..

Post by **Laan Yaa Mo** » April 1, 2012, 5:22 am

Another point to note is that with an age difference of 16 years, there is no way she will love you. The lady is looking for security, and if you can supply that she will stay with you until the funds dry up. It is possible that if you do stay together with someone for a long period of time, she may learn to love you a bit.

I know a Canadian guy living in Richmond Hill who has a company making labels and wind-shield wipers with contracts all over the world. He has millions and he met his wife in Pattaya. She is from Wang Thong Daeng in Sukhothai Province. She will stay with him, and be devoted to him forever. His terms are tough. They live together, and he gives her 10,000 baht a month and has bought her a pig farm. They have a legal agreement that if they separate she will continue to receive the monthly allowance, and retain whatever she has in the bank. He gets the kids and whatever he has in the bank.

He has told her that if she ever fools around with another guy and he finds out, she is on the next plane to Thailand. No more chances nothing. Her brother and sister live in poverty, but it is their problem, not his, and he will not give them a dime.

They have been together 9 years, but he will not marry her. They have 2 children...really, really cute, together.

He has no feeling about her past in Pattaya. Basically, he told me, 'what do you expect?. She was brought up in poverty, and this was a way out.'

Post by **maikauzai** » April 1, 2012, 7:26 am

The bottom line is that if you marry up, money won't be an issue; if you marry down, you are always expected to pay, with or without love, scammers or not.

Post by **jai yen yen** » April 1, 2012, 8:06 am

CanadianGuy64 wrote:Response:
Profile on website deleted and she told me to cancel the money transfer ( it doesn't go out until Monday morning). She still wants me to visit. Also, if I don't intend onsending money in the future, she wants to continue seeing me.
For those of u so sure she is a prostitute taking me for a ride, I still don't believe that. I suppose if one goes to school for travel and tourism, one goes to a tourist town to find work. Sad that I must be distrustful (seeing what's happened to so many guys), but I hope she proves you all wrong. I understand the cynicism considering the picture I painted, but hopefully I've found one with a good heart.

Be sure to let us know how it works out, we could be wrong but I doubt it. We have heard the same stories too many times. Good luck to you.

Post by **maaka** » April 1, 2012, 9:02 am

yup Canadian Guy, none of us know her, or have ever met her, so we are just brainstorming with the facts as they come to hand..you can only take on board what is said, and proceed in whatever fashion you wish..I have been where your at, and as a good honest trusting bloke I am, found it difficult to think that someone who said they loved me, could then turn around and pull the wool over my eyes..once was enough, and now I have hardened up..I hope she becomes the love of your life, and everything works out to be a happy ending, but just tread carefully matey, because being at the other end of the spectrum, and finding you have been taken for a ride,and lost the girl you loved, is a big fall which almost puts you off having another go..

Post by **nkstan** » April 1, 2012, 9:17 am

IMO,generally speaking,I don't think Thai women ''fall in love'' with falangs.They may like you initially,but the motivation is absolutely about SECURITY!!!

You didn't mention whether you gave her any money or gold on your visit,or not,but if you can afford holidays and flights to Thailand,you can afford the 20K you sent her!

You can not blame her for ''hedging'',as many of the guys on the dating sites are BS anyway,especially the ones your age or younger,for if you are attractive,you wouldn't be on a website looking for a girl,except a play toy while in Thailand.

There is always a chance that of the guys she has met,she likes you the best,but it is a long shot at best,because whether you like it or not,she is not in love with you,yet!

I think you should look at your age,your economic situation,what your priorities are in life,where you intend to live for the next 20+ years and make a realistic decision about being in a relationship with a girl which you will only see 2-3 times a year at best.Long distance separated relationships are doomed from the start!Effective communication,understanding gigantic differences in cultures and foundations of trust are never established.

You are infatuated and in lust with this girl.If I were you I would enjoy her company when you are here,compensating her for her time and be honest with her.Don't be jealous of others she is talking with because she is looking for security!

Post by **pompui** » April 1, 2012, 9:41 am

PART QUOTE

CanadianGuy64 wrote: She had to go home again to see her mother recently who has cancer (she sends money home to her mother). Last night, she was crying on skype. It seems she is very stressed out about her situation. Her apartment is very small and minimal. She has a lot of stress financially with her mothers sickness, and she doesn't want to be alone anymore. She suggested that I am the one she loves, but doesn't know how long she can live the way she is. Of course I know she wants to find security and someone who loves her.

I am sure that on your next visit that you can check on her mothers serious illness as well,best of luck

Post by **CanadianGuy64** » April 1, 2012, 9:48 am

Thanks all for the posts.
I'm appreciative you took the time to respond.
Frankie: Good advice. I'd like to see the bills for the hospital and meet some people she's associated with and worked with over the past 5 years.
Maaka: Thanks for the advice. Sorry to hear you were treated that way. I'll keep my eyes open.
trubrit: Good advice, thanks. I'm in no rush now and I let her know it.
nkstan: Not sure where to begin. You've made a few assumptions. I work for an airline, so travel is not expensive for me. It's not whether or not I can afford the money I sent her, it's understanding her motivations.
I'm not that bad looking. I've often been told I look more like 40. Of course I understand that she is younger and more attractive and of course she is looking for security. I went on a vacation on my own and thought it would be nice to meet a nice girl while I was in Phuket (had read about the hookers and didn't want to go down that road). Your points about a long distance relationship is a good one though and it's already posing some difficulties.

Thanks all for taking the time to respond!!
You've given me lots to think about and it's much appreciated.
Sorry if I was a little defensive after the first onslaught! I can see now that you're just trying to help me.
It's a whole different world in the land of smiles I see.

Post by **nkstan** » April 1, 2012, 11:09 pm

Don't concern yourself with our cynicism, approval or judgments.Kudos to you for asking for advice.I wish you the best of luck.Just be wary,because the situation is quite common here and I believe the results are mostly very negative.
I would hope you would follow through with her though,it would be a shame if she is genuine and she got away!

Post by **BigBubba** » April 3, 2012, 10:26 am

Without going into great detail I see lots of red flags here. First of all, sinsod (the dowry) is on it's way out here. There are many, many, many blogs and discussions on this subject alone. It's actually a tradition the Thais conveniently borrowed from the Chinese. ESPECIALLY for a woman 31 years old! Do your homework on this one! I married a gal from a middle class family (by Thai standards), I put 200,000 baht on the plate for show during the ceremony and got it all back later that night. Now I'm not saying that I haven't done things to help out her family in the last few years, but it was not because my wife was begging or crying. I saw some things I could easily help with and on my own initiative I did it.

There are plenty of genuine girls, but I venture that they are a little more difficult to find than the ones who looking for a meal ticket, and more. Take your time. Don't let your "little head" do your thinking for you, and good luck!

Post by **wayne747** » April 3, 2012, 1:33 pm

Hi Canadianguy64
I can only echo what all the others say. It feels like we all laugh at you, but we don't, we care and feel for you testing the waters in LOS for the first time.
You asked for a thai lady perspective. You know, you can contact the lady who wrote the thailandfever book and talk with her a bit. She too has seen it all and might give you good advice.

Post by **Dr. James** » April 3, 2012, 4:42 pm

One more way to check it out is hire an agency (I believe there are ones listed with ThaiVisa) to check her out. It might well be money well spent. It might validate everything she has told you and it might not. Best of luck.

Post by **lizlemon** » April 30, 2012, 10:58 am

wow

this guy is going to lose his shirt!

thousands of desperate men just like this with blinders on......could they get this girl back home? no would they lend that kind of money back home to a broad ....no.....with all the research, warnings and the internet to help....like lemmings to the slaughter.

Post by **dezzer** » April 30, 2012, 4:25 pm

Can he see his way clear to lending me a few bob it woluld not go a miss in my bin.

Post by **CanadianGuy64** » June 11, 2012, 1:11 pm

Hello all.
This will be my last post.
First of all, I would like to say that the attitude some of the people show here to someone like me is completely disrespectful. This is my first visit to Thailand, and you all must keep in mind that us foreigners haven't ever encountered such deception and coldhearted treachery. Comments like "desperate", "pathetic"... are a little harsh and uncalled for. Don't assume all who meet a girl here are losers with no other options. It may just be that we are naiive and trusting. I met someone here in Canada today (coincidentally) who is married to a younger Thai girl, and they seemed to be very happy together. They spend half the year here in Canada and the other half back in Bangkok. They seem to be happy together and have a good relationship. Many who post here in my situation assume we have found the same.
As you may now suspect, it did not end well. I am very happy that I was on this site. I received a private message from someone who said the girl I met sounded a lot like his girlfriend. What was her name? Yes, it was the same girl! He was in shock as was I.
Unfortunately for him, he has already sunk over $30,000 into a future with this girl. He was even in the process of getting a visa for her to move to his country. I don't think he is a fool (as many of you do). I feel bad that a woman could be so cold and calculating. I'm sorry he had his heart broken, and feel fortunate to have narrowly escaped the same fate. They were planning on meeting this month and I was supposed to visit with her for the third time in July.
Beware out there people! It's hard to believe that someone would act this way, but they do.
After talking with the Thai girl today who married the Canadian, I would say to any of you out there in a similar situation, if she asks for money or pressures you back off. Even girls who aren't from rich families in Thailand can get work to make enough money (as I was told today).
And if the guy out there (I know his name but won't say it to protect his privacy) who contacted me is reading this, feel free to add to it. Thanks for contacting me and sorry she did what she did. She seemed like a great girl to me too.
Wish you the best in the future as well.
Cheers.

Post by **maaka** » June 11, 2012, 2:14 pm

Thanks CanadianGuy for coming back to the thread and letting us all know what the final outcome was...better luck next time na kap..