How much has you wife significant other had to adjust?

Post by **Bump** » September 26, 2006, 11:29 pm

We have had many threads about our adjustments, how about the ladies in our lives.

Just an example, both the wife and house keeper had to learn to look up, I don't want spider web or spiders in my house.

You have to water the lawn not wait for the rain and yes it has to be mowed.

I don't want lizards in my house

screens are not decorations use them

Doors and windows need to be closed with the aircon on.

No we are no going to watch Thai soaps all the time.

Yes I yell when I'm angry

Some food needs to be refrigerated, canned foods are not included.

No your or my friends make me angry and I will not smile at them.

It's not the entire villages business how much money you get.

That shoud be enough for everyone to get the idea.

I imagine thier lot in life can be very dificult at times, just having the rest of the community assuming they are with you because that makes them rich and they had to of met us as bar girls. Fact or not

Living with a person who has not a clue as to how the real world work here for a very long time. A person who speaks in a language not that well understood and insists on explaining complicated matter to you.

Post by **skipvice** » September 26, 2006, 11:55 pm

I have forgoten how hard it was for me and the wife to adjust to each other,but now my wife is totaly westernised and we both will have to adjust back into the way,s of thailand. I remember or forgoten how fun and not so funnie times. giong to try it again in 2008. (retiring in thailand)

Post by **BKKSTAN** » September 27, 2006, 6:44 am

Ray,you do come up with some ''dozzies''!I love it!

How much they have to adjust is directly proportunate to how much we adjust and the mutual ''groundrules'' of the relationship

Post by **arjay** » September 27, 2006, 9:15 am

I have a sneaking suspicion that many Thai wives have had to adjust a heck of a lot more than their farang husbands have adjusted!

What about some compromise here. Have you adjusted to their Thai ways, particularly if you are living with them in Thailand.

Ok I can understand them having to adjust if they are living in farang land.

Post by **rickfarang** » September 27, 2006, 9:54 am

My wife has done a lot more to accomodate me than I have to accomodate her. For starters, she has learned English, starting from the very basic vocabulary she learned in elementry school, whereas I have gotten away with being very lazy about learning Thai. Though it may not be exactly PC to say this, I suspect that it is a fact women tend to have superior oral communications abilities compared to men, in general. In our specific case, my wife is clearly more adept.

I have become more tolerant of some behaviors, which include several things on Ray's list, but I still have a long way to go. As an example after many years, we have (I think) reached a compromise on the methods for storing Thai food after cooking.

Post by **Bump** » September 27, 2006, 11:35 am

arjay wrote:I have a sneaking suspicion that many Thai wives have had to adjust a heck of a lot more than their farang husbands have adjusted!

What about some compromise here. Have you adjusted to their Thai ways, particularly if you are living with them in Thailand.

Ok I can understand them having to adjust if they are living in farang land.

Oh this thread is all about comprimise, it's easy to find where we adjusted, I hadn't seen much about to our siginificant others adjsutments. So it occurred to me maybe just maybe they are unsung heros.

My household is not the typical Thai household, probably a lot closer to an American home. What created that was not my adjustments but hers.

Do I adjust to my surrondings of course, but my home is my comfort zone and my wife helped me make it that way. So I give the credit to her, if originally left to her we would have a huge trash can and scoop in the bathroom to take showers, does it work oh heck yes, would I be happy with it heck no.

We have a western kitchen oven included, the wife was OK with a two burner stove outside, I was not.

When ew ahve dinners here not unusual to move the pickup adn put a huge mat on the garage floor wher Thai foods flow. But does she cook western foods for me and my friends Yep everytime. They are serves in the dinning room with a table chaiirs and aircon. all toe costs come from her monthly budget, not mine. Is that a comprimise on her part sure it is, she goes out of her way to make our farrang friends welcome and happy in thier visits.

The language as pointed that is a biggy. For that major adaptation she gets to watch my frustration in not undetstanding her. A lot to be said for that one.

Post by **businessman** » September 27, 2006, 12:29 pm

When i first read the post i thought it must be by someone who has taken a Thai wife abroad.I am surprised that it is by someone living here.Why would one expect a Thai wife to adjust her cultural ways in her own country.To come her and expect her to change in her own land is strange to me.I would never ask my wife to adjust her cultural ways,i love them.Why change her into a semi farang?Why not bring an American woman with you to live here?
I came here on my own as i wanted to experience a new culture,not with an English girl.To mold a Thai girl into what you want is sad.Their cultural quirks are one of the things i love about living here.I would never tell my wife to clean like this,cook this,dont do that,shut this,watch this.I am the interloper in this land,it is down to me to adjust.
I think arjay is of the same opinion as i and i think it speaks volumes that we both have made the effort and speak Thai.To live in a country for say five or seven years and not speak the language smacks of arrogance.I think most do not bother to learn Thai and why should they,let the wife learn English.

I would be very interested to know exactly what cultural adjustments you think you have made Ray.

Post by **Bump** » September 27, 2006, 4:06 pm

That is easy enough first I do study Thai

We celebrate and and follow budhist relegion in our home, I'm not budhist or Chrtistian, but I respect her views and wishes in that area.

I really think your misundestanding the drift of the thread. Our is a cross cultered home ,not American not Thai. This is not about the adjutments I made I simply want to recognize her efforts.

As to how the house is cleaned sorry buddy I live here to and I want it clean, got nothing to do with culture. If your choice is to live with spiders in your home and lizards hey! no problem that is a personal preference not a ciutural one.

Business man don't turn this into something it is not, it is not a better then thou topic, it is recognition for all the efforts my wife has done to improve our lives. Now do you really find something wrong with that?

I have seen plenty here on the adjustments we have all made, to live here, But to my knowledge first recognition to the other side of relationship. We are very quick including me, to be recognize all the bad things on the forum about, sin sod, ripoff females ect.ect.

What in the world is wrong with saying something nice about thier efforts to make a home for us.

Yuo have really confused me with this one

Post by **BKKSTAN** » September 27, 2006, 4:23 pm

Luckily,my wife hasn't had to change her cooking,as I eat spicey.She does however cook a lot more at home than most Thais!

She studies English everyday on her on because she wanted improve herself and help in our communications.

She has/is adjusting to my attitude about ''face'',still learning for her though is sometimes it is better to say nothing,than talk ''straight''!

She is learning to be less subservient ,to express her feelings honestly between us.

One of the biggest things is that she has broken the ''bonds'' of the family and puts our interests first!

Bottom line,she spoils me completely by being willing to make the most adjustments!

Post by **arjay** » September 27, 2006, 5:01 pm

Ray wrote:I really think your misundestanding the drift of the thread. Our is a cross cultered home ,not American not Thai. This is not about the adjutments I made I simply want to recognize her efforts.

Sorry, I may have understood the intention of the thread. The title of the topic mislead me into thinking you were talking about all the adjustments that Thai wife's needed to make to fulfil our requirements, and was thinking - well we ought to be making some adjustments here too!! But I understand now that you were wanting to give recognition to the many adjustments made by one's important other half, which as you say, is very significant.

Apologies BM and I were perhaps inadvertently trying to pull you off topic.

Post by **Bump** » September 27, 2006, 5:05 pm

Listen Arjay with my writing abilities more accurately my lack of abilty it is complety understandable and I accept my part in writing porly and not explaing myself correctly. So let hear more about those wonderful women we have in our lives.

Post by **businessman** » September 27, 2006, 9:05 pm

Hmmm,I was thrown by the words "had to" which implies a lack of choice.

Post by **Bump** » September 27, 2006, 9:30 pm

I guess you have to talk to Banpaeng about who wears the pants around this casa and I make sure they are pressed just the way she likes them

You know you find a great realtionship when both parties enjoy giving to the other and that is the relationhip we have her in her ways I in mine.

I'm grateful for all she does for me. I had a hard learnig curve we both did, she spoke no english I spoke no Thai, it took a lot from both of us to have what we have today. I don't really have to demand anything it just happens.

But I didn't want this to be about farrangs, but those who have made it posible to have good lives here. So I left my part out.

Post by **john2005** » September 28, 2006, 10:49 am

I kind of like the GF the way she is,Thai quirks and all.If we went to England adjustments are needed but not here.

Post by **Bump** » September 28, 2006, 11:14 am

Ok guys did I really write this that badly?

First let me say that I doubt very seriuously that your significant other has not adjusted for you. Maybe you don't see it and that what this was about.

Example my wife choose to male tacos last night for dinner. I didn't ask for them it was what she wanted and she ate them as well. Did I enjoy them sure did but he makes great Thai food a well.

She made a cherry cheese cake for desert, not my idea hers something she wanted to do.

There are times that she makes farrang foods me and Thai food for herself. There are Thai food that I don't like I don't like liver either and I don't eat it.

She is the one that wants the cheese burger from TJ's I enjoy them and go with her but as a norm it is not my idea.

She is the one that wants the aircon all night no matter what the temp she loves to cuddle up under the blankets with a chill in the air. Do I say no heck no I will be ironing more pants.

She seldom drink anything maybe a spy once in a great while, were really very similiar in that aspect. Now this was a mjor adaptation, when we first go together my reputation was no woman would last more then three days with me adnd it was pretty much the truth, why I w meetign the wrong women. She would literally rap herself around me and push me down on the bed so I would not go out with friends. She truly believed I would abandon her. She ha learned with time that I will go out and come back, by myself. That if I had to pick the biggest adjustment probably would be very close to being the biggest. Learning to trust me.

So again this is not about changing her, it is about recognizing those things that she does to please you.

Now if you guys are going to tell me your 100% Thai and your wife does nothing differently for you then she would a Thai man I'm willing to except that is how you see things. But it is not waht I have seen here from any farrang Thai realtionship.

One more time it' not about changing her, it's about gee she really tries to make sure I'm happy. In whatever way that is.

Try this thought I'm trying to get some dialog going where the glass is full not half empty. It's looking like I may be defeated in that effort, but so be it.

Post by **Coot** » September 28, 2006, 1:15 pm

Everyone when going from single to married makes adjustments.You cannot go on living like a single when there is another to consider.Ray is right there.

My GF has had to start looking after the cash and not spending every Baht she has when she sees something she likes.

She has had to learn to look at the clock and not always be an hour late.

She has to tell her friends not to come around at midnight for a chat.

The problem with your first post Ray is that,along with normal adjustments in a marriage,it does include some cultural ones and people can read that as changing someones cultural identity.For a lot of people that is a big no no.

Post by **Bump** » September 28, 2006, 1:20 pm

Agreed that was defentley my fault, poor writing skills. But hopefully with your guys help it should be back on track now.

But it did give me an idea and I'll get that one going now.

Thanks for everyones help.

Post by **pikky_bailey** » October 25, 2006, 8:43 pm

just because your wife didn't do the thing that you want. I meant you saying that your wife didn't try as much to please you??? Am I right ??? Is she like that anyway? or Is she just start being like this?? You should know what she like before you married her. If you want that kind of wife who can cook can clean and please you all the time.I'm sure you can find one very easily in Thailand. It sound like to you discribe her like you don't like everything that she does. It isn't about want her to please you ! it is not all about you.what about trying to make both of you happy?? Don't you wanna see your wife happy ?? or R u just wanna be happy alone do not care what your wife gonna feel??

Post by **wickder** » October 25, 2006, 9:19 pm

pikky,it might be best to let sleeping dogs lie mate.

Post by **BKKSTAN** » October 25, 2006, 10:06 pm

wickder wrote:pikky,it might be best to let sleeping dogs lie mate.

Good advice,maybe you should pay more attention to it