What would you do?

Post by **nkped** » January 9, 2007, 8:03 am

I said none of my business. Yeah, you can be pretty certain it's what you think, but what if you're wrong? Or it's a rocky period in their relationship and they patch things up when he gets back--you're not helping. Or he pretty much knows, but doesn't want to be confronted with it.

Post by **Bump** » January 9, 2007, 8:30 am

I voted not my business, haven't really developed those kind of relationships with friends here yet. Not sufficient enough to know there might actually be a reason for her to be with another man as poitned out before.

I have been in that situation in my first semester of Water Buffalo University. Situtation was that my little Pattaya sweety the first I met here, showed up at a firends house wanting him to e-mail me about something, in that e-mail he wrote a Thai guy drove her over on his bike. That was enough coupled with other signs I was seeing such a money usage sorry it doesn't take take 65k a month for a Thai to live in Udon. So in that case that was enough for me to make a decesion.

Keep in mind he said exactly what happened no more. After that it was up my own judgement. He had a reason to write other then I saw your girlfriend, that is really shakey ground.

Post by **rickfarang** » January 9, 2007, 1:31 pm

Turning that question around: Many, many years ago, I was sending money to a woman in Nong Khai while I worked in the U.S., A friend and his wife had seen her in the company of another man at least twice, but they did not mention it to me until after I had sorted out the situation by other means. If my friend had said something, it probably would have saved me a lot of time, money, and heartache.

If I considered myself to be a true friend of someone, and I saw his/her wife/husband consistently in the company of another man/woman, I would mention it to him/her, but I would let him/her draw his/her own conclusions.

Post by **BKKSTAN** » January 9, 2007, 1:51 pm

I guess it makes a difference on how your relationship is defined and what type a friend is involved.What if it was your son,a brother or father?

Post by **jetdoc** » January 9, 2007, 2:13 pm

I originally voted "not my business", I will admit that I shy away from responsibility, not to say that I'm irresponsible, just that I try to avoid taking on additional responsibilities, when I can. My reasons for not inter-fearing are simple.
1. I'm not my brothers/friends keeper.
2. Somewhere in the back of my aged brain an old Percy Sledge (sic?) song keeps resurfacing;o)

Post by **arjay** » January 9, 2007, 2:24 pm

I think I know the song you mean: "When a man loves a woman".

The gist of it, as I recall, was along the lines of: he loses all sense of reason, turns on/abandons/gives up on his friends etc etc.

Post by **jetdoc** » January 9, 2007, 3:17 pm

Thats the one, arjay, for me it's easier to tell the friend if confronted with not reporting the incident, that I just didn't realize it was a big deal.

Post by **aznyron** » February 18, 2007, 8:44 pm

why not walk over to the girl and say hello and let her explain it to you if she is cheating she will stumble on her words if not she will have a good explanation before i spill the beans to a friend I want to make sure the g/f /wife knows I know what she is doing before I go running to my friend and tell him what she is doing now if you see them exiting a hotel room and your in the next room with a floozy then it best to shut your mouth LOL like the old saying go if you live in a glass house do not throw stones LOL

Post by **panick** » February 19, 2007, 12:31 am

[quote="aznyron" if you live in a glass house [/quote]

Pull the curtains or you'll be seen for sure!

Post by **rickus** » February 19, 2007, 4:59 am

I am sitting home in the west trying to make a decision to return to Thai GF or end what I thought was a good relationship, I left thinking my friends in Udon know the truth of my situation, and yes, I would like them to tell me what they know. Thai GF went for holiday mid december, 1 week before I returned to Udon, kept holiday a secret, for a month I put up with a constant stream of lies, said she went to PH with friend from AUA, her boyfriend and friend from WSP. I found a heap of photos, 40 of her, not one with supposed friends, the photos show she went to CHM, CHR, KMS, she said she did not go to these places, new gold chain in photos, she said she bought for her son, photos of her sitting in a car, I was first told car was rented and then belongs to AUAs boyfriend from CB. She deposited money in bank 2 days after returning from holiday. In my western mind all very damning, but in Thailand and with the cultural differences, could be true. She has no concept of lying, to her she has told the truth, in her mind, she does not realize what the loss of trust does to a relationship. Would I like my friends to tell me, yes , I would like the choice to be able to make an informed decision, and not one on suspicion alone.

Post by **BKKSTAN** » February 19, 2007, 12:10 pm

rickus wrote:I am sitting home in the west trying to make a decision to return to Thai GF or end what I thought was a good relationship, I left thinking my friends in Udon know the truth of my situation, and yes, I would like them to tell me what they know. Thai GF went for holiday mid december, 1 week before I returned to Udon, kept holiday a secret, for a month I put up with a constant stream of lies, said she went to PH with friend from AUA, her boyfriend and friend from WSP. I found a heap of photos, 40 of her, not one with supposed friends, the photos show she went to CHM, CHR, KMS, she said she did not go to these places, new gold chain in photos, she said she bought for her son, photos of her sitting in a car, I was first told car was rented and then belongs to AUAs boyfriend from CB. She deposited money in bank 2 days after returning from holiday. In my western mind all very damning, but in Thailand and with the cultural differences, could be true. She has no concept of lying, to her she has told the truth, in her mind, she does not realize what the loss of trust does to a relationship. Would I like my friends to tell me, yes , I would like the choice to be able to make an informed decision, and not one on suspicion alone.

IMO,this is a different situation than this thread has been talking about!You are asking your friends that have any information to inform you so that you can make a decision!

If I was your friend,I would comply with your request!If I didn't know you very well,I would not get involved,other than to ''share'' my experience!Which is what I will do here and now!

The main rule in our marriage is no lying ,under any circumstances,at anytime!Trust being the foundation of our relationship!

Although there are those that think since ''saving face by lying'' is OK(sanctified under ''Thai culture'' in their opinion),IMO is does not work in many cross-cultural marriages!

We came to an understanding about lying and deceit at the beginning of the relationship!Consequently,we ocassionally hurt each others feelings with the truth.Maturity makes this acceptable and ,in our case,it has enhanced independent character building in both of us and eliminates personal questions that one might be tempted give a little ''white lie''!

The situation you have described would be unacceptable to me because ''we'' were very clear about our agreement in the beginning!

I had one other ''fiancee'' before meeting my wife and ''we'' did not discuss or have an ''understanding'' at the beginning of our relationship(I had ''talked'' about it,but the importance and consequences were not thoroughly and mutually discussed!!)!Consequently when I noticed inconsistencies,I rationalized their importance to being unimportant and listened to others about ''Thai culture'' BS,until IMO she either lost respect for my intelligence or considered it accepted!
Finally,the unacceptable lies appear,talking with ''friends'' online that are male,excessive phone calls at different hours of the night,mobil turned off when apart,new GF's she was visiting that I never met,everyone else is a liar situations etc.etc.

When undisputable ''facts'' presented themselves,she got lost and announced through friends that the relationship was over!!

I don't want to sound like I didn't turn her off a little with my naievity about other Thai cultural acceptances! Because in retrospect I see many of my actions and verbalizations were not condusive to a Thai-Falang longterm relationship, that they might have been catalysts to her looking elsewhere while holding on to me!It is hard for anyone to give up a ''valid ATM card''!!

Best of luck in making your decision!Hope you keep in mind that YOU are important and taking care of yourself is your primary function!

What would you do?

Would you tell a friend who is not in the country that you saw his wife with another man on more than one ocassion?