> Allegedly, these are sentences exactly as typed by medical secretaries in NHS Greater Glasgow:
>
>
> 1. The patient has no previous history of suicide.
>
> 2. By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped and he was feeling better.
>
> 3. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
>
> 4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
>
> 5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
>
> 6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.
>
> 7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
>
> 8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
>
> 9. Discharge status:- Alive, but without my permission.
>
> 10. Healthy appearing decrepit 60-year old male, mentally alert, but forgetful.
>
> 11. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
>
> 12. She is numb from her toes down.
>
> 13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
>
> 14. The skin was moist and dry.
>
> 15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
>
> 16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
>
> 17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
>
> 18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.
>
> 19. When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
>
> 20. The patient was in his usual state of good health until his aeroplane ran out of fuel and crashed.
>
> 21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus-sized.
>
> 22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
>
> 23. Skin: somewhat pale, but present.
>
> 24. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
>
Consolidated Joke Thread
Re: Consolidated Joke Thread
A nun was sitting with her Mother Superior chatting. “I used some horrible language this week and feel absolutely terrible about it,” the nun said.
“When did you use this awful language?” the Mother Superior asked.
“Well, I was golfing and hit this fabulous drive that looked like it was going to go 280 yards, but it struck a phone line hanging over the fairway and fell straight down to the ground only 100 yards from the tee,” she explained.
“Is that when you cursed?”
“No, Mother Superior,” said the nun. “After that, a squirrel ran out of the bushes and grabbed my ball in its mouth and began to run away.”
“Is that when you swore?” asked the Mother Superior.
“Well, no,” said the nun. “As the squirrel was running, an eagle came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons and began to fly away!”
“Is that when you swore?” asked the amazed elder nun.
“No, not yet,” she said. “As the eagle carried the squirrel away in its claws, it flew near the green and the squirrel dropped my ball.”
“Did you swear then?” asked Mother Superior, becoming impatient.
“No, because the ball fell on a big rock, bounced over the sand trap, rolled onto the green, and stopped about six inches from the hole.”
The two nuns were silent for a moment.
Then Mother Superior sighed and said, “You missed the f&£@ing putt, didn’t you?”
“When did you use this awful language?” the Mother Superior asked.
“Well, I was golfing and hit this fabulous drive that looked like it was going to go 280 yards, but it struck a phone line hanging over the fairway and fell straight down to the ground only 100 yards from the tee,” she explained.
“Is that when you cursed?”
“No, Mother Superior,” said the nun. “After that, a squirrel ran out of the bushes and grabbed my ball in its mouth and began to run away.”
“Is that when you swore?” asked the Mother Superior.
“Well, no,” said the nun. “As the squirrel was running, an eagle came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons and began to fly away!”
“Is that when you swore?” asked the amazed elder nun.
“No, not yet,” she said. “As the eagle carried the squirrel away in its claws, it flew near the green and the squirrel dropped my ball.”
“Did you swear then?” asked Mother Superior, becoming impatient.
“No, because the ball fell on a big rock, bounced over the sand trap, rolled onto the green, and stopped about six inches from the hole.”
The two nuns were silent for a moment.
Then Mother Superior sighed and said, “You missed the f&£@ing putt, didn’t you?”
Re: Consolidated Joke Thread
A man sees a sign outside a house:
'Talking Dog For Sale'....He rings the bell, the owner appears and tells him the dog can be viewed in the back garden.
The man sees a very nice looking Black Labrador Retriever sitting there.
"Do you really talk?" He asks the dog.
"Yes!" The Labrador replies.
After recovering from the shock of hearing the dog talk, he man asks, "So, tell me your story!"
The Labrador looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the SAS.
"In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one imagined that a dog would be eavesdropping.
I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years, But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at Heathrow to do some undercover security work, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded several medals. I got married, had a few puppies, and now I've just retired!"
The man is amazed. He goes back into the house and asks the owner how much he wants for the dog.
"Ten quid!" The owner says.
"£10? But this dog is absolutely amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheaply?"
"Because he's lying. He's never been out of the garden!"
'Talking Dog For Sale'....He rings the bell, the owner appears and tells him the dog can be viewed in the back garden.
The man sees a very nice looking Black Labrador Retriever sitting there.
"Do you really talk?" He asks the dog.
"Yes!" The Labrador replies.
After recovering from the shock of hearing the dog talk, he man asks, "So, tell me your story!"
The Labrador looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the SAS.
"In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one imagined that a dog would be eavesdropping.
I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years, But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at Heathrow to do some undercover security work, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded several medals. I got married, had a few puppies, and now I've just retired!"
The man is amazed. He goes back into the house and asks the owner how much he wants for the dog.
"Ten quid!" The owner says.
"£10? But this dog is absolutely amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheaply?"
"Because he's lying. He's never been out of the garden!"
May the bridges I burn light the path in front of me
Re: Consolidated Joke Thread
Funny but the punch line isn't true though Niggly. I met that dog disguised as a falang in a bar in Udon
PAN MOTORS
www.panmotorcycle.com
www.panmotorcycle.com
Re: Consolidated Joke Thread
........Nigglyb wrote:A man sees a sign outside a house:
'Talking Dog For Sale'....He rings the bell, the owner appears and tells him the dog can be viewed in the back garden.
The man sees a very nice looking Black Labrador Retriever sitting there.
"Do you really talk?" He asks the dog.
"Yes!" The Labrador replies.
After recovering from the shock of hearing the dog talk, he man asks, "So, tell me your story!"
The Labrador looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the SAS.
"In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one imagined that a dog would be eavesdropping.
I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years, But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at Heathrow to do some undercover security work, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded several medals. I got married, had a few puppies, and now I've just retired!"
The man is amazed. He goes back into the house and asks the owner how much he wants for the dog.
"Ten quid!" The owner says.
"£10? But this dog is absolutely amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheaply?"
"Because he's lying. He's never been out of the garden!"
Re: Consolidated Joke Thread
Absolutely Priceless.
Brilliant Beijing Hotel Brochure - Translated as only they (and online translations)can.
A friend went to Beijing and was given this brochure by the hotel. It is precious.
She is keeping it and reading it whenever she feels depressed.
Obviously, it has been translated directly, word for word from Mandarin to English.
Getting There:
Our representative will make you wait at the airport. The bus to the hotel runs along the lake shore. Soon you will feel pleasure in passing water. You will know that you are getting near the hotel, because you will go round the bend. The manager will await you in the entrance hall. He always tries to have intercourse with all new guests.
The Hotel:
This is a family hotel, so children are very welcome. We of course are always pleased to accept adultery. Highly skilled nurses are available in the evenings to put down your children. Guests are invited to conjugate in the bar and expose themselves to others. But please note that ladies are not allowed to have babies in the bar. We organize social games, so no guest is ever left alone to play with them self.
The Restaurant:
Our menus have been carefully chosen to be ordinary and unexciting. At dinner, our quartet will circulate from table to table, and fiddle with you.
Your Room:
Every room has excellent facilities for your private parts. In winter, every room is on heat. Each room has a balcony offering views of outstanding obscenity! .. You will not be disturbed by traffic noise, since the road between the hotel and the lake is used only by pederasts.
Bed
Your bed has been made in accordance with local tradition. If you have any other ideas please ring for the chambermaid. Please take advantage of her. She will be very pleased to squash your shirts, blouses and underwear. If asked, she will also squeeze your trousers.
Above All:
When you leave us at the end of your holiday, you will have no hope. You will struggle to forget it.
Absolutely Priceless.
Brilliant Beijing Hotel Brochure - Translated as only they (and online translations)can.
A friend went to Beijing and was given this brochure by the hotel. It is precious.
She is keeping it and reading it whenever she feels depressed.
Obviously, it has been translated directly, word for word from Mandarin to English.
Getting There:
Our representative will make you wait at the airport. The bus to the hotel runs along the lake shore. Soon you will feel pleasure in passing water. You will know that you are getting near the hotel, because you will go round the bend. The manager will await you in the entrance hall. He always tries to have intercourse with all new guests.
The Hotel:
This is a family hotel, so children are very welcome. We of course are always pleased to accept adultery. Highly skilled nurses are available in the evenings to put down your children. Guests are invited to conjugate in the bar and expose themselves to others. But please note that ladies are not allowed to have babies in the bar. We organize social games, so no guest is ever left alone to play with them self.
The Restaurant:
Our menus have been carefully chosen to be ordinary and unexciting. At dinner, our quartet will circulate from table to table, and fiddle with you.
Your Room:
Every room has excellent facilities for your private parts. In winter, every room is on heat. Each room has a balcony offering views of outstanding obscenity! .. You will not be disturbed by traffic noise, since the road between the hotel and the lake is used only by pederasts.
Bed
Your bed has been made in accordance with local tradition. If you have any other ideas please ring for the chambermaid. Please take advantage of her. She will be very pleased to squash your shirts, blouses and underwear. If asked, she will also squeeze your trousers.
Above All:
When you leave us at the end of your holiday, you will have no hope. You will struggle to forget it.
Absolutely Priceless.
Re: Consolidated Joke Thread
=D> =D> =D> =D> =D> =D> =D> =D> =D> =D> =D>
I can't stop laughing!
Kind regards from
maxeboy
I can't stop laughing!
Kind regards from
maxeboy
GreatDane born free taxed into slavery
Let's laugh
Chance
A man and his ever-nagging wife went on holiday to Jerusalem.
While they were there, the wife passed away.
The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for £5,000 or you can bury her here in the Holy Land, for £500."
The man thought about his options for a long time, then told the undertaker that he would like to have his wife shipped home.
The undertaker raised his eyebrows and asked, "Why would you spend £5,000 to ship your wife home when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would only spend £500 ?"
The husband replied, "Long ago, Jesus Christ was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead . . . .
I'm sorry, but I simply can't afford to take that chance,"
A man and his ever-nagging wife went on holiday to Jerusalem.
While they were there, the wife passed away.
The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for £5,000 or you can bury her here in the Holy Land, for £500."
The man thought about his options for a long time, then told the undertaker that he would like to have his wife shipped home.
The undertaker raised his eyebrows and asked, "Why would you spend £5,000 to ship your wife home when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would only spend £500 ?"
The husband replied, "Long ago, Jesus Christ was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead . . . .
I'm sorry, but I simply can't afford to take that chance,"
Re: Consolidated Joke Thread
One morning, a man approached the first tee only to find another guy approaching from the other side. They began talking and decided to play 9 holes together.
After teeing off, they started off down the fairway, continuing their chat.
“What do you do?” the first man asked.
“I’m a salesman. What about you?”
“I’m a hitman for the mob,” replied the second man.
The hitman noticed that the first guy started getting a little nervous and continued.
“Yeah. I’m the highest paid guy in the business. I’m the best.” He stopped, sat down his bag of clubs, and pulled out a fancy, high-powered rifle that was loaded with all types of scopes and sights. He then asked the man where he lived.
Still nervous the man replied, “In a subdivision just west of here.”
The hitman placed the gun against his shoulder, faced west, peered into a scope and asked, “What color roof ya’ got?”
“Gray.”
Then he asked “What color siding?”
“Yellow.”
“You got a silver Toyota?”
“Yeah,” replied the first man who was now completely amazed by the accuracy of the hitman’s equipment. “That’s my wife’s car.”
“That your red pickup next to it?”
“No.” the baffled golfer said, then he asked if he could look through the scope.
Looking through the sight, he said “Hell. That’s my buddy Jeff’s truck. What the hell is he doing there if I’m..?”
The hitman looked through the scope once more. “Your wife a blonde?”
“Yeah.”
“Your buddy got black hair?”
“Yeah!”
“Well, I don’t know how to tell you, but I think you’ve got a problem. They’re going at it like a couple of teenagers in there,” said the hitman.
“Problem?! They’re the ones who’ve got the problem! I want you to shoot both of them! Right now!”
The hitman paused and said, “Sure, but it’ll cost you. Like I said, I’m the best. I get paid $5,000 per shot.”
“I don’t care! Just do it! I want you to shoot her right in the head, then shoot him right in the groin!”
The hitman agreed, turned, and took firing position. He carefully stared into the sight, taking careful aim.
Then he said, “You know what buddy? This is your lucky day. I think I can save you $5,000!”
After teeing off, they started off down the fairway, continuing their chat.
“What do you do?” the first man asked.
“I’m a salesman. What about you?”
“I’m a hitman for the mob,” replied the second man.
The hitman noticed that the first guy started getting a little nervous and continued.
“Yeah. I’m the highest paid guy in the business. I’m the best.” He stopped, sat down his bag of clubs, and pulled out a fancy, high-powered rifle that was loaded with all types of scopes and sights. He then asked the man where he lived.
Still nervous the man replied, “In a subdivision just west of here.”
The hitman placed the gun against his shoulder, faced west, peered into a scope and asked, “What color roof ya’ got?”
“Gray.”
Then he asked “What color siding?”
“Yellow.”
“You got a silver Toyota?”
“Yeah,” replied the first man who was now completely amazed by the accuracy of the hitman’s equipment. “That’s my wife’s car.”
“That your red pickup next to it?”
“No.” the baffled golfer said, then he asked if he could look through the scope.
Looking through the sight, he said “Hell. That’s my buddy Jeff’s truck. What the hell is he doing there if I’m..?”
The hitman looked through the scope once more. “Your wife a blonde?”
“Yeah.”
“Your buddy got black hair?”
“Yeah!”
“Well, I don’t know how to tell you, but I think you’ve got a problem. They’re going at it like a couple of teenagers in there,” said the hitman.
“Problem?! They’re the ones who’ve got the problem! I want you to shoot both of them! Right now!”
The hitman paused and said, “Sure, but it’ll cost you. Like I said, I’m the best. I get paid $5,000 per shot.”
“I don’t care! Just do it! I want you to shoot her right in the head, then shoot him right in the groin!”
The hitman agreed, turned, and took firing position. He carefully stared into the sight, taking careful aim.
Then he said, “You know what buddy? This is your lucky day. I think I can save you $5,000!”
Re: Consolidated Joke Thread
A cowboy, who just moved to Wyoming from Texas , walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud. He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.
The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."
The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Arizona , the other is in Colorado . When we all left our home in Texas , we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself."
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.
One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."
The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs.
"Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains, "It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking."
"Hasn't affected my brothers though."
The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."
The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Arizona , the other is in Colorado . When we all left our home in Texas , we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself."
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.
One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."
The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs.
"Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains, "It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking."
"Hasn't affected my brothers though."
Re: Consolidated Joke Thread
Dan and Brandon were playing a spectacular new golf course built on very scenic terrain — cliffsides and gulleys and ravines.
They reached the 6th hole, where Dan sliced a ball into a thickly wooded, deep ravine. Dan was determined not to take a penalty stroke, so he grabbed his 8-iron and descended into the ravine in search of his ball.
The brush was terribly thick and tearing at Dan’s clothes. The sunlight was dimmed by all the overhanging branches and vines. Dan kept searching, and finally spotted something shiny down below.
As he neared the object, he realized it wasn’t a ball, but a golf club. Dan took a closer look only to discover that it was an 8-iron – and it was in the hands of a human skeleton lying near an old golf ball!
Dan yelled out to his partner. “Hey Brandon, get over here, I got trouble down here!”
Brandon hurried over to the edge of the ravine and yelled down, “What’s the matter, Dan?”
Dan replied, “Can you bring me my 7-iron? You can’t get out of this stuff with an 8.”
They reached the 6th hole, where Dan sliced a ball into a thickly wooded, deep ravine. Dan was determined not to take a penalty stroke, so he grabbed his 8-iron and descended into the ravine in search of his ball.
The brush was terribly thick and tearing at Dan’s clothes. The sunlight was dimmed by all the overhanging branches and vines. Dan kept searching, and finally spotted something shiny down below.
As he neared the object, he realized it wasn’t a ball, but a golf club. Dan took a closer look only to discover that it was an 8-iron – and it was in the hands of a human skeleton lying near an old golf ball!
Dan yelled out to his partner. “Hey Brandon, get over here, I got trouble down here!”
Brandon hurried over to the edge of the ravine and yelled down, “What’s the matter, Dan?”
Dan replied, “Can you bring me my 7-iron? You can’t get out of this stuff with an 8.”
-
trekkertony
- udonmap.com
- Posts: 922
- Joined: November 28, 2007, 4:25 am
- Location: Australia
More quintessential Aussie humour
Wazza, we have had a bad week with the Swannies losing against Port, so thought you may need an injection of Aussie humour re the cyclone off Qld.
https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_ ... 7391773265
https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_ ... 7391773265
-
trekkertony
- udonmap.com
- Posts: 922
- Joined: November 28, 2007, 4:25 am
- Location: Australia
-
Barney
- udonmap.com
- Posts: 4585
- Joined: November 1, 2012, 5:51 am
- Location: Outback of Nong Samrong Udon Thani
Re: More quintessential Aussie humour
https://www.facebook.com/garytvcom/vide ... 554459490/
Swans going home to mum after the first game.
Looks like a swan but then again you don't have to have a long neck...
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Swans going home to mum after the first game.
Looks like a swan but then again you don't have to have a long neck...
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
-
wazza
- udonmap.com
- Posts: 9053
- Joined: April 2, 2006, 9:06 pm
- Location: Cuba- Drove around in an Ol 55 Chev - On the Prowl
- Contact:
Re: More quintessential Aussie humour
Shades of last year.... but still got to the GF
-
Barney
- udonmap.com
- Posts: 4585
- Joined: November 1, 2012, 5:51 am
- Location: Outback of Nong Samrong Udon Thani
Re: Consolidated Joke Thread
Brilliant in its simplicity.....
A. Back off and let those men who want to marry men, marry men.
B. Allow those women who want to marry women, marry women.
C. In three generations, there will be no Greens.
Such an unfair world:-
When a man talks dirty to a woman it's considered sexual harassment.
When a woman talks dirty to a man its $10.50/min (charges may vary).
My wife and I had words, but I didn't get to use mine.
Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.
Wife to husband: You told me you'd spend your whole life trying to make me happy.
Husband to wife: I didn't expect to live this long!
As I grow older.... My mind doesn't just wander... Sometimes it buggers off completely.
As I have grown older, I've learned that pleasing everybody is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.
Isn't it weird that in Australia our flag and culture offends so many people, yet our benefits don’t.
A. Back off and let those men who want to marry men, marry men.
B. Allow those women who want to marry women, marry women.
C. In three generations, there will be no Greens.
Such an unfair world:-
When a man talks dirty to a woman it's considered sexual harassment.
When a woman talks dirty to a man its $10.50/min (charges may vary).
My wife and I had words, but I didn't get to use mine.
Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.
Wife to husband: You told me you'd spend your whole life trying to make me happy.
Husband to wife: I didn't expect to live this long!
As I grow older.... My mind doesn't just wander... Sometimes it buggers off completely.
As I have grown older, I've learned that pleasing everybody is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.
Isn't it weird that in Australia our flag and culture offends so many people, yet our benefits don’t.
Re: Consolidated Joke Thread
Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on their holidays
They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses.
The next morning they went to the beach dressed in their 'tourist' garb. They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and t he scenery when a 'drop dead gorgeous' topless blonde came walking straight towards them .............They couldn't help but stare.
As the blonde passed them she smiled and said 'Good Morning, Father ~ Good Morning, Father,' nodding and addressing each of them individually, then she passed on by. They were both stunned. How in the world did she know they were priests?
So the next day, they went back to the store and bought even more outrageous outfits..
Once again, in their new attire, they settled down in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine. After a little while, the same gorgeous topless blonde came walking toward them. Again she nodded at each of them and said 'Good morning, Father ~ Good morning, Father,' and started to walk away.
One of the priests couldn't stand it any longer and said, 'Just a minute, young lady.' 'Yes, Father?' 'We are priests and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world did you know we are priests, dressed as we are?'
She replied, 'Father, it's me, Sister Kathleen.'
They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses.
The next morning they went to the beach dressed in their 'tourist' garb. They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and t he scenery when a 'drop dead gorgeous' topless blonde came walking straight towards them .............They couldn't help but stare.
As the blonde passed them she smiled and said 'Good Morning, Father ~ Good Morning, Father,' nodding and addressing each of them individually, then she passed on by. They were both stunned. How in the world did she know they were priests?
So the next day, they went back to the store and bought even more outrageous outfits..
Once again, in their new attire, they settled down in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine. After a little while, the same gorgeous topless blonde came walking toward them. Again she nodded at each of them and said 'Good morning, Father ~ Good morning, Father,' and started to walk away.
One of the priests couldn't stand it any longer and said, 'Just a minute, young lady.' 'Yes, Father?' 'We are priests and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world did you know we are priests, dressed as we are?'
She replied, 'Father, it's me, Sister Kathleen.'
Re: Consolidated Joke Thread
The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs are not Happy.
Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador. "Blowthat" says Mick, “have you seen how many of their owners go blind?"
Sat opposite an Indian lady on the train today, she shut her eyes and stopped breathing. I thought she was dead, until I saw the red spot on her forehead and realised she was just on standby.
My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that 2:30am?!
Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.
My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £70!!!
Blow this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.
I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a
coffin. 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it.
I thought to myself, they've lost the plot!!
When I was in the pub I heard a couple of plonkers saying that they wouldn't feel safe on an aircraft if they knew the pilot was a woman. What a pair of sexists. I mean, it's not as if she'd have to reverse the bloody thing!
Local Police hunting the 'knitting needle nutter', who has stabbed six people in the rear in the last 48 hours, believe the attacker could be following some kind of pattern.
Just got back from my mate's funeral. He died after being hit on the head with a tennis ball. It was a lovely service.
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs are not Happy.
Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador. "Blowthat" says Mick, “have you seen how many of their owners go blind?"
Sat opposite an Indian lady on the train today, she shut her eyes and stopped breathing. I thought she was dead, until I saw the red spot on her forehead and realised she was just on standby.
My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that 2:30am?!
Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.
My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £70!!!
Blow this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.
I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a
coffin. 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it.
I thought to myself, they've lost the plot!!
When I was in the pub I heard a couple of plonkers saying that they wouldn't feel safe on an aircraft if they knew the pilot was a woman. What a pair of sexists. I mean, it's not as if she'd have to reverse the bloody thing!
Local Police hunting the 'knitting needle nutter', who has stabbed six people in the rear in the last 48 hours, believe the attacker could be following some kind of pattern.
Just got back from my mate's funeral. He died after being hit on the head with a tennis ball. It was a lovely service.