Is it Better to lied than to hurt someone you love or not?

[Bangsean_girl]

Hello everyone,

I have something for you to think about. I have a project to complete at university and I would like some opinions. I'd be interested to hear some great opinions about this topic. So, do you think it is better to lie than to hurt someone you love? or you would tell the truth to them even though you know it would hurt the person you love so bad??
Well I cant wait to hear from you all

Thanks

[johnbarryseven]

Well I've been here before and in the end the truth always comes out. So my advice to you us always tell the truth because if you don't the longer it goes on the harder it is, tell the truth and let the person try and get over it....take care and good luck!

[Frankie 1]

If the other person will find out that you lied, I think it will hurt much more.

I think that in a friendship or a relationship people should be able to trust each other. And then to tell the truth should not be a problem, whatever it is.

I would like to know how you could have a loving relationship if you tell each other lies? Are you able to trust each other?
Will it be a close relationship if it is based on fantasy stories?

And maybe you will always live in fear of the other finding out that you told a lie.

And how would you feel if, after maybe 5 years, you find out that your husband told you a lot of lies? Would you be hurt?

Bangsean_girl, I would like to know your opinion about it too.

[papaguido]

Simple... honesty is the best policy, otherwise it will come back and bite you in the ass.

[nifty]

very hard question.

first of all to lie to someone because you do not want to hurt there feelings, well we all do,, like if you girl says do i look fat in this, if you say yes you know the s**t will hit the fan, she will reply oh you think i am fat then and go on and on and on,, so to lie to not hurt feelings or avoiding confrontation ok in my book.
to lie when there is no need to lie, like to make yourself look big, or to save face, as some thai's do,like if you ask them can you do this,and they do not really know how to but will say yes as they will loose face, why not just tell the truth.

the whole world is built around lies and untruths, but me i tell my tilac i love her, i am telling her the truth as i love her but to lie to her to not hurt her feelings well we all have to at times,as truth hurts, a little white lie is ok in my book from time to time.

hope you can understand my point. nev

[rickus]

Everyone tells lies, or half truths, however in a relationship there has to be honesty and truth, it makes for trusting each other under all circumstances. I am in BKK right now because of lies, lies destroy the trust a couple need in each other to make A RELATIONSHIP WORK. To lie to save face, is wrong, Thais, lie, to avoid conflict, but lies build on lies, if someone is honest with you, even though the truth maybe hurtful, if you love someone enough you will forgive them, if they learn by their mistake or action, you can't forgive a lie because you don't know the truth. Lies eventually will lead to, you don't believe when told the truth, and in that situation any relationship is doomed,

[beer monkey]

Depends on how big a lie it was and how it would affect the person, if it was just a tiddly lie over something trivial then it might not matter so much.
and only you know how big a lie needs to be told, unless you feel like telling us of course. then we could all give our advice as to what you may or may not need/choose to do.

[Frankie 1]

if you girl says do i look fat in this, if you say yes you know the s**t will hit the fan

I think you can find an other way to let her know, maybe with a little joke.

Would you let her go to a party in a dress that makes her look fat? Then the s**t will hit the fan when she comes back from the party: "Why did you let me go to the party in that dress?".

Telling the truth doesn't mean you'll have to be cruel. Maybe you could tell it in a way that doesn't hurt the other person.

[rickfarang]

Generally, a rare "white lie" (A small lie that is told in order to spare somebody's feelings), and if discovered later, the recipient of the lie will understand and not be hurt buy it, is acceptable in most societies that I know of.

[Bangsean_girl]

Reading some nice opinion here thanks for all reply,first of all I'd like to tell you that this topic has nothing to do in my real life hehe ,but it 's a part from my journal that I'd like to know what ppl think, and feel about this topic .Imao, it depends on the situation.However, I think it is better to lie(as long as you are not lying too much as the a crywolf)h.fhere is one situation that i think it wil be good to lied .If u cheated on ur wife, and she didn't know. You know you were stupid, but you still love ur wife, and she still loves you. Now to tell her would hurt her very much, and could destroy her emotionally. To keep it from her may make you feel bad, but to tell her would do more damage than good epsecially if you have had children.However,if your marriage is fine. Nothing is wrong. The affair is over. I see no reason to tell her. I feel it would be worst to tell truth than lie in this situation.Maybe she would never know, and she would grow old and die never knowing, it would be like you never did it from her point of view. I used to think that telling the truth is the best;however,I think what the theory say is nice; to do it in real life is hard to do sometime.So to be real I dont really think we can always tell the truth.or what do you think?

[wokkawombat]

I feel that if you are starting a relationship it is better not to lie as in all probability you will be caught out in the future. If you are ending a relationship maybe it is better to have a few small lies so as not to hurt your soon to be ex's feelings and make the parting less traumatic.

[BKKSTAN]

There are times when the information wanted is not any of that persons business!In that case,you let them know that!
All good relationships are based on trust!If you have to take care of someone else's feelings,you are in the wrong relationship!

My wife and I have a very solid relationship because we never lie to each other about the slightest thing.Therefore we both have someone in the world that we can absolutely trust!Have we gone through some turmoil?Absolutely,but now we know each other absolutely!

[jackspratt]

My philosophy, based on a lot of experience, and a few relationships, is not to tell lies - but that doesn't mean you should also tell the whole truth. Sometimes it is better to say a little, and leave it there.

[Doc]

To withhold information that is not requested is not a lie. The person withholding the information is living a lie - but that is a burden that they have to carry.

If the information is requested: Did you have an affair? - and the person lies - then that will ultimately only lead to more lies. So at that point - the lie is not good.

Some people can handle the truth better than others. In my world however, the truth must prevail. In my ex-wife's world - a lie needed to prevail to avoid a conflict later on. Unfortunately, one lie led to other lies - and then eventually when I did find out the truth, too much damage had been done and she was out the door. In essence, the conflict that she tried to avoid simply got worse - and then it did bite her in the ass much worse than she ever thought it would.

[Frankie 1]

If you cheat and prefer to lie about it, then how real is your relationship?

Then I think when you continue the relationship, and it isn't based on trusting each other, you are feeding the other person an illusion, just to keep the peace.

Then is your love and your relationship as fake as the story you tell to your partner?

In my opinion, you will only lose face when you lie to your loved ones.

[JimboPSM]

Although in appearance this should be simple, IMHO it is actually a real moral maze which is best dealt with on a case by case basis.

I am totally against lying (and corruption generally) which is done to obtain an unfair pecuniary advantage.

However I do believe that it can be right (in some cases) to lie, such as:

• 1. In order to protect the honour of a lady.
  2. In order not to hurt a persons feelings.

There are times when the truth can be brutal and hurtful and avoiding it can be justified unless that avoidance will probably cause a greater hurt later.

Sometimes a

[Frankie 1]

Once a very wise man told me:
"If you want to lie, you need a very good memory"

[JimboPSM]

Once a very wise man told me:
"If you want to lie, you need a very good memory"

• I think that should be modified to:
  
  "If you want to lie and have a chance of getting away with it, you need a very good memory"

[ttom]

Hello everyone,

I have something for you to think about. I have a project to complete at university and I would like some opinions. I'd be interested to hear some great opinions about this topic. So, do you think it is better to lie than to hurt someone you love? or you would tell the truth to them even though you know it would hurt the person you love so bad??
Well I cant wait to hear from you all

Thanks

Very tricky question

Some friends keep telling me, you cannot trust Thai people since all of they are bunch of liars.

I keep answering, that I am not that convince; and I continue, did you listen properly, are you sure that there is no misinterpretation?

The usually answer: No, it was absolutely obvious that he/she was lying to me.

You see. Someone didn’t want to embarrass someone else for some reason. She/he gave some information which was appropriate at the moment for some unknown reason. For someone who where listen properly, it was obvious that something was wrong and therefore alerted.

For someone sensitive, it would have been wise to drop the topic and wait. Changing conversation is a perfect solution. After a while, maybe some days later, the truth would become out and the situation cleared.

If someone is obviously “not telling the truth” just accept it and wait. It’s not “lying” in order to betray someone otherwise it would have been done more discretely, This kind of “openly lying” is just an announcement that something went wrong; results or facts are not clear yet – but “please don’t ask, otherwise I might loose face for some reason” (I don’t know / problem not solved yet / there is more to come) - but you’re warned. That’s it. It’s easy.

The next is just thinking and waiting: Why else should someone tell you something which is clearly obviously not true?

This is sometimes annoying, especially to foreigners who still didn’t have had the time to get used to those habits.

Usually lying is some part of kindness. I don’t mind.
Swindling is something completely different.

This is contrary to all what kids are learning from the beginning onwards: Don’t lie, tell the truth.
But especially in Western societies a wide variety of lying is common, especially amongst politicians and probably clerics.

Here is a clever compendium about lying: www.geocities.com/changes1611//sins22lies5a

[BKKSTAN]

Alot of guys ''cheat'' on those they profess to love!I don't now,but I did in the past for a variety of reasons ,some resons I understand now and some I still don't understand!Although,I believe in an honest relationship,if for some reason I strayed,I would not tell my wife!